Hi everyone. I apologize for how long it's taken me to update- a lot has been on my mind, and I was going to leave this story and never update. But then you all told me you loved the story! And wanted an update! You all care about this story, and I do, too. So, without further ado, Chapter 11.
JJ badgers every nurse who enters her room. When can she leave, when can she see Emily, she feels just fine. If it weren't for Hotch insisting on her staying and receiving treatment, she would have already left the room to see Emily.
JJ brushes her lips with her fingers, remembering what it felt like to kiss her. Her entire body had melted. The perpetual tension in her shoulders had relaxed into nothing. The terrifying thoughts of the case had left her mind. The pain had disappeared. All of it. Kissing Emily made everything feel better. Like no matter what happened, she would be okay.
"You did really well out there, JJ." Hotch gently places a hand on her shoulder. He gives her one of his ever-so-slight smiles. She grins back at him, unusually happy given the circumstances, but she can't help it. She just kissed a woman she's been in love with for years. Consciously or unconsciously in love.
"Under the circumstances, you handled the pressure quite well," Hotch says. "I know the team was very stressed, but you were able to handle it. That may have saved Emily's life."
JJ sighs. "I wasn't handling it. I was scared out of my mind." She picks at a thread on her pants, not making eye contact. "I made stupid decisions. I let Reid split up from me, again. I let him get hurt, again. I didn't even open the door right, Hotch. I learned how to swing a door open years ago in FBI training, and I couldn't even do that right. Because of my bad decisions, I had to fight the unsub, and-"
"That's enough."
JJ raises her eyes to Hotch's again.
"You were in a crisis. Your friend was in danger. And you still saved her. With a head wound, no less. You did well, JJ. Don't be so hard on yourself. I'm proud of you, and you should be too."
Just before JJ can express her gratitude, a doctor enters and finally gives JJ the go-ahead to visit Emily. She gives Hotch a quick look, and when he nods, she races out of the room.
Doctors, nurses, and other staff tell her not to run, so she walks as quickly as humanly possible. She watches doors on her right, the even numbers increasing as she approaches Emily's room. 200, 202. What will she say to me? 204, 206. What will I say? 208, 210. Is it bad that I already want to kiss her again?
She pauses in front of the room number the doctor gave her. Inside, Emily waits. One of her closest friends. The first person who knew she is gay. The shoulder she's cried on, the arms she's been held in, and, as of quite recently, the lips she's kissed. Emily. The swell in her heart. The golden hue of the air she breathes. The sunshine warmth JJ feels when she's near. She is everything. And this moment will determine what comes next.
She knocks on the door. A soft "come in," travels through the wood, and JJ gently turns the knob and walks in.
Emily sits on the edge of the hospital bed, fully clothed. She doesn't appear injured at all. Her face is smooth, her clothes aren't bloody, she has no visible bruises. Unlike JJ. JJ's face is badly beaten. She has four stitches in her forehead from when Virginia hit her with the door. And she has even more injuries covered by her clothing.
"JJ," Emily says, standing up. "God, what happened to you? They told me you fought her, but-" she stops. Her eyes furrow with worry. "The doctors told me you saved my life. I can't begin to tell you how thankful-"
"The doctors told you," JJ echoes, but it comes out like a question.
"Well, yes. I don't remember anything. It's a side effect from the anesthesia the unsub used."
JJ's heart squeezes in despair. She doesn't remember. She doesn't know they kissed. Did she even mean to kiss me, or was it just the drugs? She wonders, then feels a pang of guilt for thinking about the kiss instead of the fact that they're in the hospital.
"You're okay, right Em?" She can barely suffer through a whisper, tears threatening to drop from her eyes.
"I'm not hurt at all. I'm more worried about you," she says, and places a soft finger on JJ's cheek. JJ flinches. "It's okay, you're okay," Emily whispers, and pulls her into a hug.
JJ leans into Emily, her body nearly collapsing. She holds on, the hope and anguish pouring out of her heart. She doesn't remember. She probably didn't even mean it. How could I ever think she feels that way about me?
Tears creep down JJ's cheeks, but she quickly wipes them away. Emily holds her tighter. JJ takes a deep breath, releases Emily, and exhales. She decides she has to move on. Emily will never feel that way about her. No one has ever loved me enough, JJ thinks, so why would she?
