I don't own these characters; Disney/ABC does.

A/N: I think I should put a trigger warning here for Emma's drinking and verbal abuse.

2: Frozen Over

Emma was usually good at research. Despite being a poor student, she had no problem with reading, piecing things together, and coming up with plans. When she was younger, it was a skill that helped keep her alive, got her food or shelter, and got her out of bad situations. As an adult, it went with her job and got her paid, but now she had trouble focusing. At first, she thought it was from being at home. Home had too many comforts, too many distractions. So, now she was in the library, a book open in front of her at a table, and surrounded by silence instead of creature comforts, but her eyes were locked on Regina.

Regina had gone to a shelf for a book and had not come back. Instead, she paused to speak with a young woman in thin glasses and a soft sweater. She looked younger than Emma, but it was hard to be certain. They were too far for Emma to hear, but the woman seemed to gush over Regina. She was all smiles and practically sparkled as she made subtle hand gestures. There was even a giggle as Regina kept her eyes on the woman and even smiled a couple of times. Emma wanted to punch her in the face. Where the hell is this coming from?

It was coming from the fact that she was not useful to Regina. But, it's not like that woman's useful to Regina. Why should I care if they talk? It made her teeth itch, though, so it had to be about keeping her word to Regina. She could not find anything to help save Regina. She could not even read a damn book. What good was she? Is that it? I'm actually pissed at myself? I want to punch myself in the face for being a failure? But, then Regina smiled at the woman and Emma was certain of one thing — she was pissed at that woman.

As Emma imagined herself punching the woman in the face, breaking her glasses, and making her spit out a tooth, Regina returned to the table with a couple of books tucked under her arm. She did not even let Regina sit down before she spoke. "What was that about?" She did not mean for it to sound like a demand, but that was the way it came out.

Regina sat down, unbothered, and placed the books in front of her by several open books she had cluttering the table. "What?"

"With that lady and her batting her eyes at you?" The tone still needed work, but Emma could not clean it up for some reason.

Regina's brow wrinkled. "What are you talking about?"

Okay, now, Emma was rightfully pissed. Regina was playing dumb for some reason. "The damn woman over there. Don't play with me."

Regina waved the whole matter off with a sharp flick of her wrist. "She was telling me about her son being here for some weekly children's story circle thing, which I wished we had when Henry was growing up. It sounds nice, a good way to make friends, and get children interested in reading. Although, I probably wouldn't have allowed Henry to go. I could read to him, after all."

Emma scowled. "And I couldn't?" What the hell does that have to do with anything? Calm the hell down. Why are you so on edge, anyway? It was innocent and nothing happened.

Regina sighed. "Did I say that?"

The sound deflated Emma more than the question. "Sorry." She shook her head. "I don't know what's wrong with me." She felt like she was ready to come out of her skin.

Regina smiled at her and that eased a knot in Emma's stomach. "Maybe it's stress. You should go and treat yourself to a good time."

Emma's frown was back. "So, you don't need me?" Not like you're doing much, anyway. But, that was not the point. She could do stuff, but Regina was acting like she was completely useless and therefore not needed.

"Again, I didn't say that."

Emma glared at her. "Then say what the hell you mean."

Regina took a deep breath and folded her hands in front of her, as if she was about to conduct a damn business meeting. She kept her eyes on Emma, staring her directly in the face. "You are obviously stressed, carrying a heavy weight. Perhaps, if you relaxed a little, you'd be able to unwind, unburden yourself, and you wouldn't be upset over random conversations about library activities."

Emma scoffed, rolling her eyes. "That's rich coming from you." She leaned back in her chair and then let it drop to point at Regina. "After all, you're so uptight, you cursed a whole fucking realm because you didn't get your way." Chill. What the fuck are you saying? Putting it that way was a misrepresentation of what happened and the curse thing did not even matter to her, but she could not concede this battle. It would be like admitting she was inept.

Regina's eyes shimmered, but then went hard as she sat back. Her jaw tensed as she inclined her chin slightly. "Is that what happened now?"

Too far, too far, too far. Are you trying to make her throw you away faster? "I'm sorry. I don't know why I said that." Emma took a deep breath and ran her hand through her hair. "I don't know why I'm so upset." She blew out the breath and then balled her hands into tight fists against her jeans. Her insides shook. She was out of sorts.

Regina's face softened and her body relaxed. "Because you're doing too much. You need to take time for yourself, like Henry and Neal."

"I promised to help you." And she could do that. She could save Regina, as she had done in the past. She was not useless. There was a reason for her to stay. She just needed Regina to see it.

"But, you won't be able to help anyone, especially not yourself if you burn out. You have to take care of yourself. Henry keeps telling you that and he's not making it up. You should've gone to that puppet show with him and Neal. If only just to catch your breath and turn off for a second. It would've given you a chance to recharge."

"I'm fine." But, she was not and it was obvious. Henry had tried to take her on a couple of his "field trips," insisting she needed to relax and explore the city with him. She did not go, wanting to be the one to find the big breakthrough to keep Regina's demigod magic at bay, and there was no way she could do that while checking out an off-broadway play. And Regina obviously did not know what Avenue Q was about, trusting her brother to be responsible. She'll learn better eventually.

Regina did not look moved. "Emma, you just snapped and you don't know why."

Emma bit her tongue. She knew why. She was annoyed Regina spoke to that woman for some reason. Underneath that, she felt like a little kid on her umpteen forever family. She knew how this would end. "I'm just…"

Regina held up her hand to stop her. "It's fine. No one can do this forever without a break in between. You know, I even take breaks." She liked to take walks around the city and chat with people when she could, like she just did. There was a fission of excitement in this new environment and something about connecting with people struck her in places she could not name. "So, maybe go get some junk food you like, sit and enjoy it before coming back here to do some reading. Okay?"

Emma did not want to feel run off, but it was hard not to. Regina was obviously not going to let this go until she left. Of course, the fact that she wanted to blow up at Regina only proved Regina's point. She needed to relax. It was just hard to do so when it felt like there was a time bomb ticking in her chest, ready to destroy her and everyone around her.

"I'm gonna go get a slice. You want something?" Emma asked. Food always helped make her feel better and no food had that power on the same level as pizza, except maybe grilled cheese or cheese burgers. Okay, maybe it was just cheese.

Regina smiled. "Garlic knots."

Emma had to laugh. It was funny how quickly Regina got addicted to garlic knots. They had them one of the first nights in New York and now Regina had to have them whenever pizza was involved. She learned not all garlic knots were equal, but she was willing to try any and everywhere to judge the ones she liked. Emma would bring back a bag as a peace offering.

"You got it." Emma made her way out of the library, rushing out onto the busy New York street. She moved like a New Yorker, like she had to be somewhere that very minute and was already late, even though she did not have anywhere to be, which she suspected was true of most people in the city.

What the hell is even wrong with me? Emma rubbed her forehead with one hand as she found a nearby pizza shop. It was small, but there was an open table by the wall, so she could stay there for a moment and gather herself. Ordering her slice, she seasoned her pizza, got a can of soda, sat down to eat it, and sort herself out. She would get the garlic knots to go when she was done.

The abandonment of her parents and her being replaced with a new baby by her parents rubbed her raw obviously, but that did not explain her anger at Regina chatting people up. Maybe her anger was just misplaced out of fear. Regina could get rid of her just as easily as her parents, easier actually. Regina had no ties to her really. No, we have Henry and she seems willing to let me be there for Henry. Of course, Henry could drop her as well. Two mothers might be too many with his father around.

No, Henry wouldn't do that to you. Henry wanted her around. He invited her to Avenue Q for crying out loud. But, then again, he probably thought he could get over on her, like he used to. She could be there when he was trying to put one over on Regina and eventually he would be old enough where he would not have to do that, so he would not even need her for that.

"Hey, this isn't sorting yourself out," Emma said and she shoved her pizza in her mouth, hoping melting cheese would change her outlook on life. Cheese was a powerful entity, especially when paired with pepperoni.

Emma focused on eating. She had two slices with some root beer and felt better now that she had a full belly. I feel human again. She got a bag of garlic knots and then made her way back to the library. Regina was right where Emma left her, but she was not alone. That damn woman was there, chatting Regina up and motioning to the books littering the table. There was a spark in Emma's belly, a flash of something, but it was quickly snuffed out by fear before she could figure out what the flare was. Watching Regina with that woman was like looking at an interview for her replacement. She beat a hasty retreat, throwing the garlic knots in the nearest garbage on the way out.

-8-8-8-8-

Regina wanted to take some books out, but Emma had not returned yet. She was about to call Emma, but that might be rude in a library. She sent a quick text to Emma instead, which was Emma's preferred method of communication anyway. Where are you? When there was no immediate response, she also texted Henry and Neal. Have you heard from Emma? She had lost track of time in the library, but it had been a few hours since she told Emma to take a break. Maybe Emma was still on break. That might not be a bad thing, but she would like to know Emma was all right. After all, they were in the big city.

Henry texted back. Haven't heard from her. Everything ok?

Regina was not sure, but did not want to worry him. Yes, everything's fine. I've lost her in the library, it seems. She looked around, just in case that was true. Maybe Emma came back in and did not say anything. She did not see anyone she could even mistake for Emma, though.

Neal chimed in. I'll call her. He just wanted an excuse to talk to Emma. It was bothersome that he could not take a hint, like so many other men. With luck, they could teach Henry that no meant no on every level. Trying to wear a woman down was pathetic.

Regina tried to spare Emma the annoyance. You don't have to call her. It's fine. She got up with the books she wanted. Well, with the ones she could carry anyway. She already wrote down the names of all of them, so whatever she could not manage, she could come back for later or maybe even find them online.

Not surprising, Neal texted back as Regina was checking out. She's not picking up. It probably did not occur to him Emma never picked up for him because Emma did not want to talk to him, ever. He did not seem to notice Emma actively ignored him unless absolutely necessary.

It's fine. Thank you. If Regina asked, Neal would drop everything to come get her. But, she had insisted Neal spend the day with Henry while she and Emma did some outside research. Henry enjoyed time with his father. She would not cut into that.

Once Regina had her books, tucked into a lovely library tote that was surprisingly cheap, Regina stepped outside. Bag in one hand, phone in the other, she called Emma. There was no answer. She was tempted to leave a message, but Emma did not listen to voicemail according to Henry, which might be where he got it from because he did not either.

Regina walked back to where they parked, but that yellow death trap was gone. She left me. What the hell? Yes, Emma was angry and raw, but to leave Regina to get home on her own was too much. She had not done anything to warrant such treatment. Except cast the Curse, which cost her everything. Even this endeavor cost Emma. Instead of staying in Storybrooke to work on her relationship with her parents, she was in New York, trying to save Regina. I do deserve her ire. She walked home, not quite familiar with the subway system yet to try to brave the train on her own.

No one was at the apartment. Regina put the books down and took a shower. Once she was comfortable inside, she texted Emma. Just let me know you're all right. She started dinner, checking her phone every few minutes.

"Mom!" Henry burst into the apartment with Neal mumbling something after him.

"Take your shoes off," Regina said. They always forgot.

"Mom, we rode the ferry and went to the Statue of Liberty!" Henry said this as if she did not send him off with his father that morning fully aware of the game plan. He appeared in the kitchen, holding up bags of souvenirs.

Regina squinted. "I thought you saw a puppet show."

Henry scoffed. "Yeah, but that was over early in the afternoon. There was still so much day left! So, we got some lunch and then took the train to the ferry and saw the Statue of Liberty."

"Sounds like you two had an adventure." She was glad Henry was having such a good time and not worried over her. He was so confident that everything would work out. I hope we can make that happen for him.

"This kid's gonna have me do every tourist thing in New York. I'll never be able to consider myself a real New Yorker again," Neal said with a sigh.

Regina scoffed. "You considered yourself a real New Yorker? You're not even from this realm let alone this city."

Neal waved that off. "New York's a state of mind." He glanced in the living room. "I see you got new books. I'll get started." He went right to the tote bag.

Regina nodded. "Food will be done soon."

Neal did not respond and Henry monopolized Regina's time with excited talk of his outing. She smiled, overjoyed he wanted to let her in on his day. The things he said about the puppet show did not make a lot of sense to her, but it was probably because she did not have a keen understanding of off-broadway plays. He was still going when she let the food simmer and went to the living room. Neal was on the couch, one of the books she just took out from the library tucked neatly in his hand.

"Where's Emma?" Henry asked.

Regina shook her head. "I told her to go have some alone time. She's been distracted."

Neal scoffed. "That's putting it mildly. I invited her to come with us today and she practically cursed me out over it."

"Because she doesn't want to be around you," Regina said. It was truly amazing how he did not get that. Not to mention, he did it after Henry invited Emma. If Emma turned down Henry, she did not understand why Neal thought he stood a chance just because he had a boyish pout. Henry had one, too, and it did not work.

"If she'd just give me a chance, she'd remember the fun we used to have," he replied with a smile.

Regina rolled her eyes. "From what she's told me, I think she's grown past that and I hope you have, too." She meant it. He was a good brother and father, so far. She would hate for immaturity to ruin that.

Neal pouted, and there were bits of Henry in the expression. "I have. I only meant she could've relaxed and been a tourist with Henry." Still failing to accept that Emma did not want to be around him.

"Well, she went to relax on her own. Hopefully, she's fine," Regina said, even though she had a sinking suspicion that Emma sought solace at the bottom of a bottle. She has to know that won't fix anything. Of course, sometimes it was not about fixing the problem, but simply feeling some other emotion rather than broken and beat up. "Perhaps, you could take Henry for the night since you two had such a good day."

Neal and Henry both lit up. "Are you sure?" Neal asked.

"If you want to. You seem to be enjoying each other's company." Regina replied.

"Yes, I want to!" Neal was eager to be a father, a good father, better than his own. He should have the chance.

Regina turned to her son. "Henry?"

He gawked at her. "Are you really sure?"

He was so incredulous because Regina never let go this easily. But, she understood. She wanted a relationship with this brother, who stuck by her even though she almost killed him. If she could have a relationship, then Henry could have one, especially since Neal was genuinely trying. She just hoped it did not cost them Emma. She was already hurting so much. It could not help that she was forced to be around someone who wounded her so deeply.

"Cool. We can watch movies together. There's a bunch that're classics that everybody has to see and I know you haven't seem 'em," Neal said, focused on Henry. Then, he turned to Regina. "I'll take a couple of books, too. See if I can find anything."

She smiled her thanks. By the time dinner was done, Emma was not back. Henry tried to call her, not wanting to eat without her. She did not pick up. Regina tried to fight back a sinking feeling in her gut, but it was hard. She moved things along, using the food getting cold as an excuse for them to sit down.

"It feels weird to eat without Emma now," Henry said.

"It does. I'm sure she'll be back soon," Regina replied. Or so she hoped. They ate and Regina helped Henry pack a bag. She went through his drawers, taking out clothes, while he went through his games and toys, things to keep him and his father occupied.

Henry hugged his book bag to his chest. "Maybe I can keep some stuff at Dad's place?" It was a hope.

Regina expected a twinge of fear, but it did not come. There was something about this, what the four of them were doing that felt right. Regina was at ease. So, please, Emma work it out, so it can be the four of us.

"That's up to Neal, dear. If he doesn't mind, I don't," Regina replied as she put clothes in a carry on-sized suitcase for him.

Henry's breath caught. "Really?"

Regina sighed. "Yes, really. I know I haven't shared you in the past and I only recently learned that was my mistake, but it feels right for all of us to spend time together. So, yes, spend the night with your father. I think Emma and I need time to get on the same page again." They needed to talk. She needed to ease Emma into this thing they could build and maybe even thrive. They could all stop being tools and be people, be a family.

He nodded. "Is she upset with you?"

"I think she's upset in general."

"Because of Grams and Gramps?"

"Well, this has always been a lot, Henry. And it just piles on. That puts a lot of stress on Emma."

He pursed his lips. "Emma's not the best with stress."

"She is not."

"You'll get her to stop stressing out?"

"I'll try."

His face lit up, like he had the utmost faith in her and that warmed her. This was new and welcomed, so she had to make sure she came through for him. "Well, have fun with her."

"I'll try." To be patient.

Once Henry was squared away, she sent Neal and Henry off. Neal took some books and some leftovers, but made sure there was enough for Emma when she came in. Regina sighed as the apartment was instantly silent and empty when the door shut behind them. In the past, she would have felt abandoned by Henry and angered, but she was fine with them leaving. She could focus on her research and try to get a hold of Emma without any distractions.

Regina stayed up reading and occasionally texting Emma to find out where she was, if she was all right, if she was coming home, but there was nothing. Eventually, she went to bed. Emma can take care of herself. She lived on the streets as a teenager and managed to stay alive. She'll be fine… physically. And Regina could not help her mentally, spiritually, or emotionally until she was physically there.

A loud noise took Regina from her sleep and she shot up from her pillow ready for war. Her hands were posed for fireballs, even though none appeared, not even sparks. Still, she could feel the magic that ignited her flames buzz under her skin. But, now was not the time to worry about that. There were noises in the living room and she needed to find out what was going on.

Regina grabbed a heavy bookend from her shelf and exiled the room. I have to remember to invest in an actual weapon. At least Emma made sure she had and could use pepper spray, but that was in her purse, which was in the living room. As soon as she stepped outside the room, she relaxed. All the lights were on and Emma was grumbling in the kitchen. She put the bookend down, even though she might need protection if Emma was loaded with burning vitriol again. She could smell the alcohol from the living room, so there was already fuel to the fire.

-8-8-8-8-

Emma could feel Regina's eyes on her and turned to glare at her. Just the sight of Regina filled her with intense loathing, so intense it hurt her stomach. But, it was not loathing at Regina. It was loathing at herself, burning her up like a lit match, about to destroy her. Why was she not enough? What more could she do to keep Regina from replacing her? You could start with not abandoning her at the library and maybe reading a damn book all the way through without turning into a crazy person.

"I'm glad you're home safe. I wish you returned a phone call," Regina said.

Emma scoffed, staring off at the wall. "Like you care." No, why the hell are you starting a fight with her? Apologize for the dumb shit, you dumb shit. But, part of her felt like it did not matter. No matter what she did, Regina would throw her away. Regina did not care. No one cared, and even if they did care, they would eventually stop caring. No one cared for long, not Neal, not her parents, and soon enough not Regina or Henry.

"Of course I care."

"You got a funny way of showing it." She folded her arms across her chest and leaned against the counter. She dipped, but caught herself before she fell on her face.

Regina had the nerve to look confused, like she did not know what Emma meant. "How so?"

"You couldn't tell me Henry was with Neal. He had to text me. He thinks something's wrong with you."

Regina's brow wrinkled. "Neal?"

Emma gawked at her like she was an idiot. Why the fuck would I care about Neal? "Henry. Why the fuck would I talk to Neal? But, I guess since he gets to be all Baby Daddy with my Baby Mama, there's no reason to let me know what the fuck's going on. Not like I gave birth to the kid or anything." Yeah, you have a right to be angry. She's doing sneaky shit behind your back. She'd literally roast you it you did this to her.

Regina held her hands up in surrender and stepped closer. "Emma, it wasn't like that."

"Oh, I'm so sure. If I left Henry with Neal, you'd burn the place down with me in it."

"You left Henry with Neal a week ago, surprising all of us."

Did I? Emma could not recall. She searched her brain for that information, but everything was fuzzy, so she came up short. No, why would I do that? Fuck Neal. Fuck Regina. Emma laughed. "You're a goddamn liar, you know? Just like you lied to Henry about the Curse. Now, you're lying to me."

Regina sighed, shoulders dropping in her camisole. "Do you want something to eat? We saved you dinner."

"Of course, I want something to eat. I'm in the damn kitchen for a reason." Emma scowled as the second part of Regina's statement hit her ears. "Who is 'we'? You and Henry?"

Regina moved to the fridge. "Me, Henry, and Neal of course."

Emma growled and moved, pinning Regina against the fridge as she shut it. Regina jumped and gasped, clutching three glass containers to her chest. Emma leaned in and swore she could smell Regina's fear. Her heart clenched and got caught in her throat. Her insides crumbled to dust as Regina stared at her with wide eyes. What the fuck do you think you're doing? Do you think she looked at your grandfather that way? You're such trash. Emma stumbled back, trying to retreat, but gravity had a hold of her. She was going down. A chair helped her break her fall, but she ended up on her knees, trying to catch her breath. Panting filled the air as they watched each other.

"I'm tired," Emma said and she rushed out of the room.

She had plans to go to her room, but did not make it that far as it felt like the Earth tilted right under her feet. She fell on the sofa. Before she realized it, she was lying on the sofa. The ceiling was blurry and then everything was black.

-8-8-8-8-

Emma woke up to the traffic noise of New York. Her head thumped with each honked horn, screeching bird, and all-around din. Sitting up, a blanket fell down to her lap. A blanket she did not remember getting, but then again, she did not recall falling asleep on the couch either.

There was water and headache pills waiting for her. She downed them without thought. She looked around the quiet apartment.

"Regina? Henry?" The normal volume of her own voice made her wince as her head throbbed.

Regina stepped out of her bedroom, a robe tied tight around her. "Henry's not here."

Emma rubbed her eye with the heel of her hand, hoping to somehow rub her brain awake. "No? Where is he?"

Regina tugged on her robe. It was weird for her to wear one when Henry was not around. "You don't remember? You said he texted you last night. He spent the night with Neal."

It was like taking a hammer to the heart, which then shattered in her chest. Henry left them to stay with Neal. "And you just let him?" It was one thing to have their little touristy field trips, but sleepovers were another matter.

"Yes, I let him. We agreed to let Neal try and be his father," Regina replied.

Emma sucked her teeth. They had agreed to that. Henry wanted that and Regina seemed into giving her brother the benefit of doubt. Emma wanted to believe in Neal for their sakes, but could not find it in her to trust him. There was too much there and she did not think Regina should put so much faith in him.

"Maybe we should ease them into overnights. Neal needs adult supervision," Emma said.

Regina chuckled. "Funny, you trust him out in the city with Henry, but not at home."

Emma curled her lip. "I don't trust him at all. I just get we can't be in two places at once and we shouldn't force Henry to sit in a library all day."

"I understand that, but we agreed."

"And we might be setting you both up for disappointment. Neal's a flake." Or maybe she hoped that. And what does that say about me? She did not care. She did not want Neal to worm his way in and take away the only family she had. Regina and Henry could not replace her.

Regina gave a soft smile. "I understand that and I know he hurt you so much Emma, but we want to try. I don't want you to suffer because of him."

Emma scoffed. "I'm over him." Liar.

"Emma, your pain matters, especially to me. You don't have to deal with Neal. I'll handle any fallout."

Emma sighed. "I don't want you to experience fallout to deal with it. You and Henry have been through enough." And Regina seemed like she wanted a brother so damn much. Emma could not stand in the way of that, knowing what it was like to crave family like a person in the desert craved water.

Regina stepped closer, eyes shimmering. "The same could be said of you. Unfortunately, we've all been dealt bad hands. We have to make the most of what we're given. Yes, this could be awful, but if we play our cards right, it could be incredible."

Emma swallowed down a scoff. Nothing ever turned out incredible. It might start off nice, but it always ended badly for her. She found her home, but it was sold. She found her parents, who did not seem to want her. Now, she found her family, but she would be forced out. Forever alone. Forever unwanted. Forever lonely. Her insides had already felt like dust, but she could have been blown away by a breeze.

-8-8-8-8-

Next time: Neal steps in.