This one takes place at the end of chapter 10 of Shift.

**Not beta'd. All mistakes are mine. 2brown-eyes and BitterHarpy gave this a once over, so thank you, my dears. Xo


Shift Outtake: The one where Edward heard Bella meet Seth.


Edward

A loud bang wakes me up, and Seth's cries start up all over again. I groan and bury my face deeper into the pillow under my head. I just put him down like twenty minutes ago, and I'm not ready to get up yet.

When his fussing only gets louder, I turn over onto my back and stare at the ceiling, taking deep breaths. I love my kid, but I need more than a few catnaps to be able to function. His colic hasn't exactly been a picnic to deal with.

This parenting shit isn't for the weak.

I reach for my sweats, standing and slipping them on. I need to get up and figure out if it's an empty stomach, a shitty diaper, or a gas bubble that has him screaming his head off. But before I can leave the room, a voice I haven't heard in months floats through the baby monitor, and my heart fucking stops.

"Hello, Seth."

My gut twists, and her softly spoken words cut through me. My ass hits the edge of my mattress and my hand flies to my hair, griping it so tightly I'm afraid I'm going to pull it out.

I never imagined this is how she'd meet my son. For some reason I'd imagined me making the introductions someday, long after the hurt had subsided and our wounds weren't so raw.

But she's here now, in my home, and I have to resist the urge to run to her and beg her to take me back, to tell her I made a horrible mistake in pushing her away and I want to try to make it work. I know it wouldn't be fair to her, no matter how badly I wish it were possible, so I'm rendered immobile, unable to decide if I should face her or not. Seth's cries get louder, and I know he's got to be red-faced and flailing. I'm torn between rescuing him and avoiding her ... begging her.

But Bella makes the decision for me.

Her shushes are followed by murmured reassurances, and he starts to calm. I sit up then, reaching for the monitor, begging her to speak again, just so I can hear her voice, but it's my sister's I hear next.

I smile at her disbelief that Bella was able to calm him so fast.

The front door slams closed, and Alice bolts. I'm not surprised. She says she comes over to help me out, but I know her ulterior motive is to spend more time with Jazz. And as much as it hurts to watch the two of them together, I can't begrudge her happiness.

"Sounds like Auntie Alice has some explaining to do," Bella finally says.

I reach for the monitor and bring it closer. The damn thing is so sensitive that sometimes I can hear my kid fucking breathing, so her voice is crystal clear. And I need to feel closer to her, even if it's through a tiny speaker.

"But I'm not exactly normal," she continues, no doubt answering her own thoughts. The sound of Seth gulping down his formula is as loud as if I were in the room with him. "You're really cute, you know that?"

A moment passes, and I lean forward, silently begging she'll say something else, just so I can hear her voice.

"And you do smell good. I always thought that was made up to sell more baby shampoo, but that's some good stuff."

Seth exhales a soft grunt, and I can almost imagine him drifting off to sleep, cradled in Bella's arms.

"Are you going to go back to sleep for me? Hmm?"

Unwilling to just sit here and listen and needing to be closer to her, I stand, my feet carrying me from my room and down the short, darkened hallway. With the monitor still clutched in my hand, I come to a stop outside Seth's cracked-open door. I lean closer, aching to hear her voice and see her, but I resort to eavesdropping, holding the monitor to my ear and hanging on her every word.

"You know, I wanted to hate you," Bella says softly. "I wanted someone to blame for what happened, and you would have been an easy target. But I know that's not fair. You didn't ask to be born. I know your dad is going to do his best to be a good father to you, and I won't get in the way of that. As cute as you are, your daddy was right; I'm not ready to help raise you."

My stomach churns and my eyes sting as I splay my hand out on the wall beside the door. I rest my forehead next to my hand and squeeze my eyes closed. Her selflessness, as beautiful as it is, fucking breaks me. It hurts to know she really has no hope for us. I'd hoped that one day ... somehow ... we'd find our way back to each other, but her whispered words to my son feel final.

And a part of me dies inside.

"I want you to be his focus right now. You deserve that much. I know how it feels to not have a dad, and it sucks. I don't want to take your dad's attention away from you. I would never do anything to come between you two."

Moments pass, and I resist the urge to push the door open and drop to my knees to beg her forgiveness. I settle for nudging the door open a fraction of an inch. It's just enough to see her, and when I do, it is enough to bring me to my knees—literally.

With my son cradled in her arms, she's rocking him, smiling down at Seth as she speaks. "I know he already loves you, Seth. You're a lucky little boy."

Tears I've kept at bay slide down my cheeks as I stare at them, and I have to stifle a sob. Everything I wanted, everything I'd hoped to have with her someday, is sitting there in living color. But the boy in her arms isn't ours. The house we're in isn't one we share. The rueful smile she gives Seth isn't for me.

And I'm the one who did that. I'm the one who killed the last hope we had to have this life. It's a regret I'll carry with me for the rest of my existence.

When Bella stands and walks toward the crib, I scramble to my feet, my heart pounding. The last thing she needs is to see me right now, a crying, crumbling mess.

Or maybe I'm just a coward.

I back into the open door of the bathroom, hiding like the pussy I am as she leaves Seth's room. When she pauses, I know she can sense me. I think for a moment she's going to turn around, to look for me, but she doesn't. Instead, she continues on, down the hallway and out the front door, leaving me to live with my regrets.