4. EPOV of Bella and Masen's wedding
There was an overwhelming request to see the day Bella married Masen through Edward's eyes.
Song:
Someone You Loved, Lewis Capaldi
**Not beta'd. All mistakes are mine.
*Thank you to Pamela for double-checking my typos! Xo
Edward
"I'm so fucking nervous." Mase bounces on his feet, shaking his hands as all his nervous energy flows through him.
I want to be supportive. Really, I do. But I'm having a really hard time giving him any kind of reassurances. So, I settle for being his sounding board, dutifully standing at his side like he asked me to.
His movements come to an abrupt stop as he looks past me. "You get her flowers, Gran?"
I turn around and watch as Carmen drops an armful into her trunk. "I got 'em."
My brother slaps his hands together and smiles. "Then let's get this show on the road."
I grin at his enthusiasm. "Tombstone, here we come."
Masen leads us down the road, the two of us on our bikes and Carmen in her car behind us. The ride gives me time to think, to process what I've agreed to do today. Standing beside my brother as he marries Bella will probably go down as one of the hardest things I'll ever do. I know I need to be here for him ... even if a piece of me will probably wither up and die as I watch them take their vows.
"And I know it's probably a little unconventional, but if you haven't asked anyone to give you away, I can—"
She shakes her head, staring down at the sidewalk. "I haven't. I'm not ... Mase and I are a team, and we need to do this, just the two of us." She looks up and gives me a soft smile. "Besides, I'm not anyone's to give away, Edward."
I nod and force a smile, memories of her being mine flashing through my mind. "I had a feeling you might say that."
Rose chooses that moment to pop her head out and call for us. Bella turns, asking for a few more minutes.
"Just come in when you're ready," Rose says, disappearing back inside.
Bella turns back to me. "I want you to hear it from me before anyone else, but we're ..." She pauses, taking a breath and swallowing hard. "I'm pregnant."
My heart stutters, reluctantly beating its next beat as her words sink in. "You're ..."
She nods, smiling at me with tears in her eyes. "Yeah."
"Wow." I don't know what else to say.
"Yeah, wow."
I grip at my hair and take a step back. My instinct is to grab her, to hold her to me. But instead, I open my mouth and say something maybe not so bright. "That would explain the hurry, I guess."
She squares her shoulders and raises her chin. "Look, I know it seems like we're rushing into this, but we want to make a real family."
I realize my mistake and hurry to fix it. "No, Bella, I get it. Believe me, I do." I swallow past the tightening in my throat and smile, putting on a brave face. "I think it's great. You and Mase ... you both deserve to be happy."
"Thank you," she says softly, reaching for my hand and squeezing. "Today wouldn't be the same without you here ... for Mase ... and for me."
Today will change everything for all of us. The moment Mase puts a ring on her finger, she's his ... forever. And I know that her happiness, my brother's happiness, lies in part in my accepting their marriage. I can't bear the thought of taking that away from either one of them.
The fact that I still love her feels irrelevant.
So, when I speak my next words, I mean them. Seeing her happy is the most important thing to me, even if it's not with me. "I wouldn't miss it."
"I know how much your brother loves having you back in his life. He's going to need you soon, so thank you for being here for him."
I tug her toward me and wrap her in a hug. "You're going to be a great mom," I rasp.
"Thanks."
When she pulls away, she swipes at her cheeks and laughs. "Alice is going to be pissed if I mess up my makeup."
"You still look beautiful."
"Thanks."
"Now, are you ready to go make an honest man out of my brother?"
"Yeah, I am."
I gesture toward the door. "After you."
The girls fuss over her, making sure her hair is right, and Alice makes her displeasure known about Bella's messed up makeup. My sister hands Bella a small bunch of flowers and Mac holds the door open, allowing the girls to walk through first.
When they're out of sight, Mac turns to me. "You gonna be okay?" he murmurs.
I blow out a big breath. "Yeah, I'll be fine. Come on. Mase needs us."
The dappled sunlight shines through the blooms overhead, making Bella look like the angel she is. With her hand in Masen's, her smile is so wide, so fucking beautiful.
But her smile isn't for me ... it's for him, and it's a punch to the gut.
Knowing I've lost her to my brother eats away just a little more at the hole in my heart. A hole I'm not sure I'll ever be able to fill.
When the officiant starts the ceremony, I stand on the sidelines, listening to two of the most important people in my life make vows to each other. It simultaneously crushes a part inside me and makes me so fucking happy. To know they have each other, to know they have love, loosens the stranglehold grief and regret have on my heart.
I know my chance with Bella is over. We had our time, and I wouldn't trade it for anything, but I know she'll have love ... be loved.
Seeing her so happy, I almost forget how much this hurts. And looking at my brother ... I'd give anything to be in his shoes. and the thought of them having each other gives me just a little bit of peace.
I'm pulled from my thoughts when Masen turns to me, asking for Bella's ring. I pull it from my pocket and hand it over, and as I do, Bella's eyes meet mine over Masen's shoulder. Her eyes are full of thanks and an emotion I can't quite identify.
And when I watch my brother push that small band of gold onto her finger, kiss her lips, and tell her he loves her ... it's over.
He's hers.
We walk through town, looking through shops and hitting the few tourist traps that dot the small town. But the highlight of the day is seeing the wide smile on Bella's face. It matches her husband's when Masen makes a big production of calling her his wife in front of everyone who crosses our path.
The restaurant where their tiny reception is held is crowded. But when we pull apart the tables so they can dance, it's like the rest of the room disappears. Seeing their heads tilted together, the way they whisper to each other and smile, I have to excuse myself.
Jazz finds me in the men's room, standing over the sink, trying to get myself together. "You okay?"
I turn on the tap and wash my hands, splashing some water on my face. "I'm fine. Why does everyone keep asking me that?" I pull a paper towel from the dispenser and dry my face and hands.
"Because you look like you'd rather be anywhere but here."
"I'll be fine." I toss the wadded paper in the wastebasket and head for the door.
But Jazz grabs my arm as I try to pass. "He's going to need his brother, E."
"I know that."
"Then act like it."
After the table has been cleared and hugs have been passed around when it's time to head home, I pull Masen to the side.
"What's up?" Happiness is radiating from him, and I can't remember ever seeing him this way.
"I just wanted to tell you congratulations without an audience."
He looks over at Bella where she's standing with Rose. "I'm a lucky guy, ain't I?"
"You are." I wait for him to turn back to me. "Just ... take care of them, okay? Bella ... we both know she's had it rough. I know I don't need to tell you to take care of her."
His bright smile dims just a little, and a flicker of indignation burns in his eyes. "You don't."
"Good. And having a kid is a huge responsibility, Mase."
"I know that."
I nod. "So, if you need anything ... ask me. If you need advice about diaper rash or teething, whatever. I've got this dad thing down, I think, so if you need me, I'm just a phone call away."
"Good, because I'm actually kinda scared shitless." He chuckles and rubs the back of his neck, looking over at Bella.
"Hey." He turns back to me. "You're gonna be fine, okay?"
He nods. "Okay." He reaches out and wraps me in a tight hug. "Thanks, man. I don't know what I'd do without you."
Without me. Would we be here if she hadn't been mine first? Would he be the one congratulating me if things had been different? Without me maybe he wouldn't have everything I wanted ... want, and the realization slices through my soul, hot and sharp.
I squeeze him a little tighter before loosening my grip. "Love you, man." I pull back and meet his eyes. "Congratulations."
"Thanks." He turns toward Bella and smiles as she approaches, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and kissing the side of her head. "You ready to go, babe?"
"Yeah." She looks my way, and so much feels left unspoken between us. "Thanks for coming today, Edward. It means a lot to both of us that you were here."
"I wouldn't have missed it." I lean in and press a kiss to her cheek, closing my eyes and breathing her in. My lips linger on her skin for just a moment longer than they should. That same spark that's always been between us is still there, only now it's dimmed, barely an ember of what it once was.
And I know I'll carry that ember with me the rest of my days.
When I pull back, I can see in her eyes she feels it too. But when Masen squeezes her to his side, kisses her, her wide smile returns, and whatever passed between us is gone.
As they say their final goodbyes, I allow myself one brief moment to mourn what I've lost. But I quickly tuck it away.
Spending the rest of my life loving her from a distance will have to be my penance for what I did to her ... to us.
"You ready to get back on the road?" Jazz asks from beside me.
I glance toward the empty doorway Bella and Masen disappeared through and back to Jazz. "Yeah, I'm ready."
