Hello again.

I know I know. Where have I been? I said a new chapter is coming but that was back on. 10/7/2020.

There is no easy way for me to say this, but I have been stuck trying to write chapter 30 for this fic for quite literally months. I have rewritten it a few times, and there is definitely something there, there is a story to finish, I haven't written myself into a corner like last time. I am also finding time to write little bits here and there despite the new job and D&D, so time is not the problem. I don't have writer's block either, my motivation to write is still there, and the subject and story still interest me more than enough to keep bringing me back.

The problem is me.

When I started writing this fic all those years back, I was in a VERY bad place mentally, physically and emotionally. Depression is something that I will likely have to deal with for the rest of my life, and I took up writing as a way to try and help deal with the unwelcome thoughts that invaded my head, instead of dealing with them in a healthier manner. When you're not planning on living for much longer, finding a dark head space to write from was the easiest thing in the world, and writing heart wrenching or incredibly cruel and dark scenes are less emotional and more cathartic.

Over time, I found solace in the characters that I had created. I have no shame in admitting that while the story, indeed the idea of this fic, and everything about its start and creation is true, the life blood of it was my own fight against depression.

The problem is I am no longer in that place. The dark and lonely headspace which fueled this twisted story is something I am not sure I can or even WANT to fall back into. The life blood of this story is no longer there, and I don't want to try and recapture it.

The other more sentimental reason for ending things here is because this story was never going to have a happy ending. This was the story of failure, a homage to all the XCOM play throughs that ended badly, of all the times we saved scummed to protect our favorite squads/characters. My story didn't end badly, and so I don't think I can bring myself to end this one.

This is not a pity party. I do not want sympathy or pity. If anything I want everyone who is going through similar things to see this as proof that things do get better and you CAN do it.

So that's it. This is where I am going to choose to end things.

As a final note, no this, won't be up for adoption. There is only one writer I would trust to finish this story, Xabiar, my trusted beta reader, who I can not thank enough for their help over the years. Go check out their stuff, they are a WAY better writer than me.

Thank you to everyone who stuck around. Who read through thick and thin, and who has been a part of this. You all are amazing and I wish you all the best in your future, whatever that may be.

This has been your humble writer, Alex Lee

Good bye for now