17. The Hearing (Remus)
Remus wasn't sure what he had expected, maybe some kind of interrogation room, but not this claustrophobic office. Bookcases climbed the walls on three sides all the way up to the high ceiling. A small window on the only empty wall let in some natural light. Almost the whole floor space was taken up by a chunky oak desk, the two minister officials sitting behind it.
"So, Mr Lupin," said the man, something in his voice revealing he thought simply uttering Remus' name was below his dignity. In his chair, he shuffled closer to the desk, looking Remus straight in the eyes. "Let's just cut to the chase. I've had a long day, and I really really don't have any patience right now. I'll make this really simple for you: Are you a werewolf?"
Remus almost jerked at the sound of the word. The woman sitting next to the man, casually leaned back in her chair, eyed Remus with narrowed eyes. He hadn't expected them to be so straight forward. He could just deny it. What was the catch?
"Frankly," the man continued. "If it's up to me, and it is, I don't care if I have to lock you up to the next full moon to find out. You can rot in a cell for all I care. So, I'll only ask you this one more time: Are you a werewolf?"
Remus swallowed, his eyes darting between the two officials with a beating heart. "Yes," he got out eventually.
"Okay, good." The man sat up straighter, now sounding more business-like. "We will of course demand the immediate submitting of your wand. You'll be expelled from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry with immediate effect." He flipped through the papers in front of him. "I'm not sure exactly how long sentence in Azkaban you'll get. I'll look into that. Was there something else...? Yes... We'll need you to sign here..." He fished out a paper from his pile and lay in on the desk in front of Remus.
Remus didn't move a muscle, his eyes glued to the man. Expelled from Hogwarts. Banished from the Wizarding World. Azkaban. They couldn't just- "You have to have a trial," he got out.
"No," said the man simply. "Just sign the paper. It's an official admission of your... condition."
Remus glanced at the paper.
"You can't just give me a sentence without a trial," Remus repeated
"Don't you tell us how things work around here," said the woman cooly.
"You know kid, we're trying to fight a war here," sneered the man. "We have more important things to do than to clean up after you werewolf scum. Now sign the paper!" When Remus didn't move he continued. "Do you want to get a longer sentence? I can do that for you. Every second you wait is another year. How about that?"
The office became silent. With all eyes on him, Remus signed the paper with shaky hands.
It had rained when Remus had arrived in London for Christmas break. The snow must have mented away, or maybe there had never been any to begin with. His parents had picked him up from the station. In the car, Remus had gotten the whole backseat to himself. He'd stared out the window as the car drove through London, grey houses and cars swishing by. A few droplets of rain had hit the car window. No one had said anything, the total silence piercing through Remus' skin.
"Is it true?" The question had suddenly slipped out of Remus, surprising even himself.
In the front seat, Lyall had frozen up. It had felt as if though an infinity passed before he answered. "Yes."
Deep down, no matter how much Remus had tried to convince himself otherwise, that was what he had expected. He'd realised that in that moment. But it still changed everything.
"Remus, I'm so-"
"No, don't." Remus had closed his eyes. "Don't. I don't want to hear it."
Lyall went quiet. The soft purr of the car's motor filled the silence. Remus looked out the window again. He kept his gaze at the droplets sliding across the glass, leaving a trail of water behind. The pavement was now sprinkled with dark dottes, and pedestrians had begun to hurry their steps. A woman in a pink coat was taking out her umbrella. Remus felt tears burning behind his eyelids and he had to focus all his energy on not crying. There was something breaking inside of him.
It was true. It was all true. The man he had trusted his whole life had been a fraud all along. How hard had he had to fight the impulse to just not put out five year old Remus in the forest to die? How long had it taken him to get over his disgust? Years? A decade? Maybe he still hadn't. Maybe he still struggled giving Remus a hug. The night of the attack, when Remus had been crying, inconsolable and terrified in his mother's arms, Lyall must have looked down on him and felt really sorry for himself. Remus felt sick.
"Remus," Lyall said again. Remus kept staring out the window. He wanted to tell his father to shut up, but he was sure if he spoke he wouldn't be able to stop the tears. "I meant what I said about Greyback. I meant it. Back then. But I don't anymore. I was wrong. I realised that the moment you were bitten." He made a slight pause. "I promise you I've never thought that about you, or about any other werewolf ever since. I love you."
Remus breathed in, trying to take in what he was saying. "You lied to me."
"I know and I'm sorry."
"I've gone my entire life thinking you were some kind of hero. But you didn't save me. It was your fault!"
"I know."
'I know'. Was that all he had to say? If it wasn't for him, Remus would never have had to suffer.
"Were you ever going to tell me the truth?"
"Yes."
"When?"
Lyall didn't seem to have an answer.
"Did you tell Hope?"
There was another pause. In the front seat, Hope shifted uncomfortably. She turned to look at Remus. "He told me."
Remus looked away. It felt degrading. Both of his parents had known the truth about him while he had been completely oblivious. Another thought struk Remus. "Does Dumbledore know?"
Lyall was silent for a moment. "I don't know."
"I think he does," Remus decided.
Dumbledore had told Remus his spies had overheard Greyback bragging. Why would Greyback not have been telling the whole truth? Of course he would have wanted to impress everyone with his clever revenge plan. Remus felt so betrayed. Everyone he'd trusted seemed to stab him in the back. Sirius. His father, mother. Dumbledore.
"I didn't tell you because I was afraid what you would think of me," said Lyall.
"Don't you think you at least owed me the truth?"
"... yes"
"But you didn't tell me - just so you didn't have to suffer. I suffer every day." Remus drew a sharp breath, silent tears spilling from his eyes. "You are selfish. You will never have to be a werewolf."
"I would take your place if I could." Lyall's words weren't more than a whisper. Remus couldn't see his face, but it sounded like he was crying.
Remus swallowed. Was that supposed to make him feel better? It was just empty words. His father could never take his place.
But he does care about you, a little voice said inside his head. He doesn't hate you - he loves you. Yes, he did, but that wasn't enough - that didn't excuse the years and years of pain and isolation and humiliation. It was just like Sirius all over again - Lyall couldn't just wawe around with his promise of good intentions and think it was all okay. Good intentions weren't enough. He had damaged Remus beyond repair and he could never make up for that.
The rest of the car ride was spent in total silence. When they got home, Remus locked himself in his room, not leaving it if he could hear the muffled voices of his parents coming from somewhere inside the house. Early mornings he would sometimes sneak outside, just to walk around aimlessly for hours. He never dared to go into the kitchen and his mother kept leaving food by his door.
The day after the letter had arrived, Remus had gone to James' house. That's when he had found Sirius with a cup of tea in the Potter's kitchen, making Remus stop dead in the doorway. Sirius hadn't even looked startled, he had just eyed Remus with a tired gaze.
"Remus..." James had begun behind Remus, at least having the decency to sound embarrassed.
Remus had swung around. "What is he doing here?"
"It's… he-"
"Are you two friends again?"
"Yes," said James hesitantly. "But that's-"
"He ruined my life," Remus snapped.
"Ruined your life…" Sirius had huffed.
Remus had turned back around to look at Sirius. "Excuse me?"
"Aren't you exaggerating a little bit?" said Sirius, his eyes fastened on the tea bag he kept dipping into his already too well brewed tea. "Yeah, maybe you have problems," he continued, looking up just then. "But it's not the fucking end of the world."
Wide eyed, Remus stared at Sirius.
"He didn't mean that," James cut in.
Remus held up his hand to silence him, his gaze glued on Sirius. "I think he did." For a moment they just stood like that, eyes locked together, then Remus turned around on the spot and hurried towards the front door.
"Remus!" He could hear James coming after him.
"Leave me alone," Remus mumbled, trying to find his shoes in the dark hall.
"Remus, look- I know what you think, but… It's not like that."
Remus turned to James. "Yeah?"
"Sirius… he's not being himself."
"I can't believe you're taking his side."
"I'm not taking his side."
"Then what is he doing here? He was going to make me a murderer, it's his fault everyone knows I'm a werewolf... And I'm actually going to Azkaban! But you've got your best friend back so who cares?"
James stared at him. "What are you talking about?"
Remus tried to catch his breath. "I got a letter. From the Ministry. They want to interrogate me. Because of Skeeter's article. Because of Sirius."
"Shit."
"Why is he here?"
"It's a long story."
Remus raised an eyebrow, waiting.
"It's…" James said sheepishly. "It's just a long story..."
"You said that already. What happened? He got bored of his family?" When James didn't answer he added: "Is that all it takes? Sirius wiggles his finger and you come running? I thought- " His voice failed him "I thought you cared."
"I care!"
"Then what is Sirius doing here?"
James had no answer.
"You sure know how to pick your friends," Remus had told him before he'd stepped out of the house, letting the door slam shut behind him.
"Mr Lupin, after you."
The woman was waiting by the open door, gesturing. Like in a dream, Remus stood up.
He had told his parents to stay at home. Now he regretted that.
"This way," said the woman.
Remus stood still. "Where are we going?"
"Come with me."
"Where are we going?"
"I said-"
"Remus!" A clear voice interrupted them. Remus head shot up, laying eyes on no other than Albus Dumbledore standing in the open doorway. Dumbledore, dressen in light blue robes, gave Remus a huge smile. "Just who I was looking for."
"Mr Dumbledore," the woman said immediately.
"Magel," Dumbledore answered politely. The woman, whose name must have been Magel, looked surprised. "I wanted to speak with Remus."
"Not at the moment, sir-" said Magle.
"Why not?" Dumbledore tilted his head to the side.
"We were just on our way."
"I'm sure you have time for a small chat."
"No we do not," the man called out loudly from the desk.
Dumbledore ignored him. "How do you do, Remus?"
"I'm sorry, sir-" Magle began again.
"I was speaking to Remus," Dumbledore interrupted mildly.
It felt as though Remus' tongue was glued in his mouth. "They're not giving me a trial," he eventually got out, the words merely more than a whisper.
Something seemed to flash behind Dumbledore's half moon spectacles. "Are they now?" he said quietly.
Despite the women's protests, Dumbledore walked into the room and sat down in a pink puffy armchair he just conjured. Remus sank down in his own seat again.
"It's already been settled," said the man in a measured tone.
"I'm sure with all the time you've saved by not having a trial, you won't mind if I take a look," said Dumbledore cheerfully.
After eying Dumbledore for a long time, the man roughly pushed a paper across the desk. Remus watched Dumbledore's eyes go from side to side as he silently read it. The man tapped his nails against the hard surface of the desk. Dumbledore brought down the paper.
"The Ministry does not hold the power to expel a student from Hogwarts " said Dumbledore.
Remus let out a shaky breath.
The man let his hand fall still. "Lupin is a threat to Hogwarts."
"No," said Dumbledore simply.
"I heard two boys were attacked."
"I heard differently," said Dumbledore calmly. "I assume you wouldn't base anything in Remus' sentence on a rumour. Of course, you are very welcome to investigate."
The man and woman shared a glance. Baffled, Remus stared at his headmaster flat out lying. What if they questioned Snape? If they forced James to show his scars… Was Dumbledore counting on them not wanting to waste that much time on him?
With a forced smile on his lips, the man then leaned closer in his seat. "You know, now that you are here, Dumbledore, why don't we talk about how you allowed a werewolf into your school, and put all of your students in danger?"
"Firstly, as we just discussed Remus is not a danger." Dumbledore gave them a polite smile. "Secondly," he then went on as that settled the matter. "I was wondering where it states an unregistered werewolf shall be banished from the Wizarding World?" The man stared at Dumbledore in silence. "The absolute worst thing you can do is to exile Remus," Dumbledore continued.
"Is that so?"
"Maybe you have noticed minorities like werewolves are turning to Voldemort."
Remus, the man and the woman all jerked at the sound of the name.
"And that's why we shouldn't ban your werewolf?" the man asked ironically.
"Why on earth would you punish Remus for something someone else did?" Dumbledore's tone was innocent, giving the impression he thought it was nothing more than a simple misunderstanding. "Werewolves turn to Voldemort because you have given them no other choice. You have alienated them. They are poor, starving. They have no homes, no jobs, no education. What are they supposed to do when you won't help them? Remus is a part of our world. He has family and friends, he goes to school - a talented student, I might add. He'll be a productive member of society." Dumbledore made a slight pause. "I advise you not to give Voldemort another soldier.
"Okay… that's-"
"Also," Dumbledore continued, talking over the man. "Remus was four years old when he was bitten. Was he expected to have the knowledge or means to get into the city and report himself?
"No, but it has been more than 10 years since-"
"What about when he was five?" Dumbledore interrupted.
"What?"
"Do you expect him to have reported himself when he was five?"
"No."
"Six?"
"No…"
"Seven?"
The man leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest.
"Eight? Nine? Ten?"
"I get your point," the man cut in. "But he's not ten anymore, is he?"
"When Remus was old enough he had been unregistered for years. Imagine the welcome he had gotten if he'd walked into the ministry and tried to explain the situation. With the treatment he got today, I'm not surprised he was hesitant to do it."
"But he wasn't hesitant, was he? He never did register. He is almost of age."
"He is 16."
"Basically 17."
"I think if you look in his files, you will find that he is 16."
"Are you saying a 16-year old can't take responsibility?" the man sneered.
"Remus Lupin is underage and should be treated as such. I have never heard of any underage wizard who was put in Azkaban. Have you?"
"There's always a first," the man scoffed.
"I would be careful if I were you," Dumbledore cut in mildly. "That's not a reason you want to cite."
The man pursed his lip, staring at Dumbledore long and hard. He began looking through the papers in front of him again, holding a whispering conversation with his colleague.
"His parents," the man eventually said, when he and the woman parted heads. "They had a responsibility to register Lupin, which they failed to do."
"Remus' mother is muggle," said Dumbledore. "She is not a citizen. She belongs to the muggle society. You can't hold her to our laws when she doesn't even get the right to vote."
"The father is a wizard."
"Yes."
"He was obliged to register his son," said the man as he began to scribble something down. The woman gave Dumbledore a challenging look as if she dared him to talk himself out of that one. "He broke the law when he didn't."
"Yes he did." Dumbledore crossed his hands in his lap and gave the man a patient look. "The law states an unregistration of a werewolf is punished with a limited time in Azkaban."
Frozen, Remus stared as Dumbledore handed over his father without further ado, listening with half an ear to Dumbledore and the two minister officials sorting out the details. Lyall would get 2 years in Azkaban. Two years. Eventually they all stopped talking and Dumbledore guided Remus out of the office, down a bunch of stairs and out the Ministry with a light hand on his back. He didn't stop until they were quite a few streets away.
"I'm sorry, Remus," said Dumbledore quietly when they did stop. "I wouldn't have been able to save your father."
It had begun raining and the two of them were standing close together under a hugh, bright yellow umbrella Dumbledore had taken out.
With a lump in his throat, Remus gave a stiff nod.
"This is what he wants," Dumbledore continued.
"Have you talked to him?"
"Yes. Above all else he wanted you and your mother safe. He was very clear on that."
Remus met Dumbledore's piercing blue gaze. "Will I be able to see him?"
"In Azkaban? I'm afraid not. They don't let visitors out there."
"I meant before. Before they take him," Remus mumbled.
"I don't know."
"Why didn't they give me a trial? Can they do that?"
"Not really. But no one will stop them. The orders come from high up. Barty Crouch," Dumbledore added when Remus gave him an uncomprehending look. "He's hardening laws in his eagerness to catch Death Eaters. Hardening or disregarding. Your father is not the only one he will be putting in Azkaban without a trial."
Remus bit on his bottom lip, his eyes studying the grey dirty pavement. Lyall was going to Azkaban. Two years of constant torture - because that's what the prison was. Punished for trying to protect Remus, voluntarily taking the blame to protect him and Hope.
And still, a part of Remus felt he deserved it.
Above their heads, rain smattered against the yellow fabric.
