Author's Note
Just a reminder!
Silver, the rival, is known as Pikachu in the parody. I don't want anyone to forget that and get confused. I know it's been a while since I last updated.
I woke up in the bottom floor of the tower. The sages told me that since there isn't a human hospital in Violet City, they did the next best thing—sprayed green tea all over me. They claim it's the best way for someone to stay awake. I can't understand their logic, and my only clean clothes (I only brought two sets of clothes) were stained and smelled of green tea.
I really do need to become the Champion soon.
I looked at Cinder, and Cinder was in a mess. Awkward adolescence, indeed. His body seemingly doubled in size, and now he looks like a stretched out version of what he once was. Also, there was fire on his head now, to add along with the whole burning butt thing. Now his head is on fire, too. What's going to come next? A burning heart? Well, that does sound kind of cool, actually...
I'm looking at Cinder now. Cinder's got a look on his face, like, "Screw you, what the hell are you looking at? It's you who has green tea spilled all over their shirt."
It's so cute, it almost brings tears to my light sensitive eyes.
You pass this time, Cinder. But I swear, if you get me on fire, I will release you on the spot and have Joey's Rattata take your place. The inevitable, horrible shame would douse all of your flames in a second.
Anyway.
So I walked on. And there was Pikachu. The red haired stalking criminal variant, I mean, not the cute lightning mouse kind that you see on television. He was talking to one of the sages, who was probably a bad battler. All the sages at the tower are.
The elder said, "You showed us what you've got, and it is indeed good..." He took something out of a little wooden book. "Take this...Technical Machine."
I was so certain that he was going to ask Pikachu to join the priesthood. Then I remembered about the prize waiting for all those who get to the top of the tower, and my insides quivered with excitement. Cinder also quivered, but probably because he was about to burp.
"However, you should care more about your Pokémon," the elder continued. "The way you treat your Pokémon can be too harsh... Remember, Pokémon are not tools of war..."
Pikachu, Pikachu, Pikachu. I shook my head. Whenever people say something like that, it usually means that the other person is so bad at battling, their Pokémon are dying in dire red all over the place. They win by using throwaway Pokémon and brute force, and you can't win using brute force all the time. It's really annoying when you go against people like that, even if you're decent and going to win. They think they're so great, they didn't pack potions and stuff, and they end up showing their real colors in battle—they don't bother to care about their Pokémon and know what type comes with what and beats what, and they can't make up a strategy to save their planet from being destroyed by baby plants. Their Pokémon are under leveled and full of bad moves, because instead of doing things the right way, these bad Pikachu Trainers choose moves based on how awesome they'll look saying it. Their Pokémon are chosen the same way, because they're vain that way. Also, they're too lazy to train, or train efficiently.
By the way, for the rest of those diary, I will refer to trainers like that as a "Pikachu Trainer," just because Pikachu is such a great example of it. A great indicator if someone is a Pikachu Trainer is when the trainer is given advice, then says something like this:
"Humph! He calls himself the Elder, but he was no match for me. Sure enough, those who lecture how you should be "nice" to Pokémon... They cannot defeat me! I am too brilliant. All I care about is strong Pokémon that win every time! Everything else doesn't mean a shit to me!"
There are so many things wrong with that comment, I don't know what to say. I guess I'll just make a list.
One, he was so loud, you probably could have heard him gloating from the Pokémon League. I'm not even sure who he was talking to. Me? His imaginary friend? Nobody knows.
Second, the old guy was a random guy in a random town with no solid Pokémon trainer connections at all. We weren't expecting an expert trainer here. In fact, we were probably expecting some of the worse trainers in the entire world, but that's besides the point.
For another thing, Pikachu has only battled youngsters, lasses, and old sages, and we all know how bad they are. So Pikachu shouldn't get all high about beating everyone he meets, because they all pretty much suck.
Also, Pikachu's Pokémon are puny weaklings. He's only calling them strong because everyone he went against were even weaker than he was.
So yeah, there was so much idiocy going on in that little room I was happy when Pikachu started to twirl and magically disappeared. I wasn't sure how he did it, but I suppose it's an art. An art you get from years of pestering people. Now, when they say that they want you to go away, you do so magically!
It's a lame superpower, but meh, it's his.
I wish the sage gave me special advice, but he didn't. There isn't really much time to study a trainer's technique when they crush you in three turns. He mentioned that I battle elegantly, but I owe it all to Cinder. It's those soda pops I gave him, I know. He always tries his hardest when I use snarky bribery to motivate him.
I got the TM Flash. It would have been terrific, if I actually have plans to revisit that dark cave again. However, I do not. I ended up wasting all my time to get a stupid TM Flash, but you need to be optimistic, right? Let's start by saying that Pikachu got one, too.
After that mess, I found an escape rope. Tangled with the rope were instructions to do disappearing magic tricks. Now that I realized Pikachu has used a escape rope, I realized that Pikachu didn't have a power at all and is just overall lame.
Poor guy, really. There's nothing good about himself, so he keeps beating him and his Pokémon up so he'll look cool. That's so sad in so many levels, but I still don't like him. He's still a jerk.
After the tower, I headed to the Pokémon Gym. It was the first time I would be at a Pokémon Gym, and I got to admit, I was hyped up.
When I got inside, I found myself disappointed. There were some random trainers and there was some small little sidelines that we had to walk on. If we fell, we fell to our deaths.
Dying young in risky accidents is for losers, so I went around the gym. There were some transparent blocks that led to Falkner and went around the pits of death, so I went that way. It kind of took away the point of the trainers, though. Falkner really didn't plan out his gym properly.
Falkner was all angry and hyped up when he saw me. I'm guessing that an Electric type user came by and rained on his parade, so then he got thirsty for some victory when I came along. He really had to get his pride to heal, I can tell that. He was practically yelling at me that insults to flying Pokémon are unacceptable even though I hadn't done or said a damn thing to him. Okay, fine, I'm lying. I said, "Hi."
I shrugged and told Cinder to go screw all of his Pokémon up. Cinder burned up his first Pokémon in one flaming shot.
Falkner stared at me in horror. "How many rare candies have you used on that...on that poor thing?"
"None, I'm just way better than you."
Falkner's face turned red, and he took out Pidgeotto—his second Pokémon, his last Pokémon.
"The wind is finally with us!" he shouted, as if that actually made sense in context. The Pidgeotto dwarfed in Cinder's strength. Also, we were indoors, so there was no wind.
Cinder tossed out some flames. He was starting to get tired, I could tell that.
"Just one more battle," I comforted him. "Then we'll heal you up." I hadn't taken him to the Pokémon Center after the tower experience, and now I thought about it, I should have. I realized that breathing fire nonstop for a while would be a little hard to pull off, even if you're Cinder and practically live inside flames.
"We can still fly!" Falkner yelled at me. Now, his Pidgeotto was spamming Roost and kept trying to heal the damage Cinder caused. It was boring as heck, and Falkner isn't as hot as people said he was. Well, he kind of is, but I was also kind of distracted from it because of his obnoxious personality. Shouting at me for no reason all the time, a daddy's boy gym leader who doesn't give a good Pokémon battle when you want one? He could've been the hottest guy in the world, and I would have still been annoyed. He's just that kind of person.
"Ember," I ordered Cinder.
"ROOST!" Falkner shrieked at his Pidgeotto.
"Ember!" I told Cinder louder.
"ROOST!" Falkner yelled louder at his Pokémon. Funny thing was, it almost seemed like he was yelling at me.
"Ember!"
"ROOST!"
"EMBER!"
"ROOST!"
"MUST YOU SHOUT IN MY FACE!" I shouted at Falkner. He was not an arm's length away from me. He cowered, thankfully. Shouting seemed like the prime way to communicate with him, and I can only shout so much before I get a sore throat and wish I've never met him.
Finally, Cinder defeated the thing. If you don't include my skirmishes with wild Pokémon, it was the longest Pokémon battle of my life. It was like, maybe five turns.
"I understand," Falkner said, finally realizing how irritating he had been acting for the last ten minutes or so. "I will bow out gracefully..."
He got his Pokémon back into its Pokéball, and stared at the floor for a few moments. I think he was going to cry, so I reached forward and patted his shoulder awkwardly.
Falkner sniffed. "For pity's sake! My dad's cherished bird Pokémon..."
"Don't worry," I assured him. "Your father will forgive you for ruining the family name."
Falkner looked at me. For a few precious moments, we stared deeply into each others' eyes. Falkner looked at me in love, you can only imagine how romantic he must have been feeling at the moment. However, all I could think about was how awkward it was. I placed my arm back at my sides, wondering if I should back up a little bit. We were very close to each other. In fact, my stupid hat was touching his hair. How did we even get so close? All I did was walk up to him, I'm bloody honest. Do I really speak so quietly that people need to be squashed right into me?
It's really frustrating, you know, being me.
"But a defeat is a defeat," Falkner said softly. "All right." He reached into his pockets. I didn't even think his clothes had pockets. "Take this official Pokémon League Badge. This one is the Zephyr badge."
I took the badge from his hand. His fingers tightened on mine when I reached to get it. I stiffened at the sight of our interlocked fingers.
"I'm sorry," he said. "Were my fingers too firm? Did I hurt you?" He strained his neck to get a better look of my hand. I shoved the badge into my bag, behind me to hide my fingers from Falkner.
"Just tell me what the badge does," I growled.
"With that badge, Pokémon, including traded Pokémon up to Lv. 20, will obey you without question. It also, uh...it also..." The practicing it took for him to remember his lines failed. He made strangled eye contact with me and blushed.
"You know what? I don't really care what it helps out with," I said, trying to help him along so I could leave sooner and become the Champion before Pikachu does. "Just...I don't know. Do you have a TM to give me?" That last part just blurted out of my mouth. I was just thinking about what a failure Flash would be in battles.
He reached out in his bag and presented to me a Pokéball. "In here is the move Roost," he said. I nodded. Right. The move that prolonged our battle.
"There are Pokémon gyms in cities and towns ahead of here. I hope you take the time to visit them all..." He studied me, getting bored of his own speech. "As for your next move..."
His voice trailed off and he had a far off look in his eyes. I cleared my throat. He leaned back in shock, startled.
"As for your next move...I would suggest my house."
I stared at him.
He stared at me, in a different way.
"What?" I said.
Falkner looked confused, then he realized what he said and his entire face turned red again. "I—I can't believe I actually said that out loud!" he sputtered, his voice hoarse. "Miss...miss..."
"Just repeat what you meant again, and pretend that never happened," I said.
"As for your next move...I would suggest Azalea Town," Falkner said slowly. "I'm going to train harder here, to become the greatest bird keeper of all!"
"Okay," I said. "See you." I turned to leave.
"Wait!" Falkner shouted out.
I glanced over my shoulder. "Yeah?"
"MY NUMBER!"
I tried to give him a genuine look. "I, well, really need to use the bathroom right now. I'm sorry, I'll have to get it another time..."
I ran the hell out of there. What else is new?
I have no idea how Professor Elm keeps doing this. He's such a master at it. Most of the time, he calls me the second I have my foot out of the door and I'm ready to leave the building behind. It's so weird how impeccable his timing is. Does he have psychic powers...?
No, that can't be it. If he had psychic powers, he would know how unwilling I am to go on a Pokémon journey and how negative I am. I'm so negative, putting me in the company of Pokémon would have unpredictable results. Really, I was close to giving up Cinder, at least a couple of times. You know I was.
Anyways.
This time, he wanted me to know that I'll be getting the Pokémon egg that Mr. Pokémon gave him. I feel like that's ungrateful to Mr. Pokémon to give away a gift like that, but I don't mind, to be honest. It's lonely with just me and Cinder around.
I headed to the Violet City Pokémart (Elm explained that's where the drop off is). I saw the orange clothed delivery person, but I got a Super Potion instead of an egg. He said it was from my mom. Did my mom order a Super Potion? My mind has been so fuzzy lately. Did my mom actually use the money from my college savings and bought a random Super Potion instead? Without any input from me? That's so irresponsible, I don't know where to begin. I never spend her money without asking like this (pretend like I actually have access to my mother's money).
Well, it was already bought, and there's not much to say about it now. I called my mom up to tell her not to do it again, but when I was about to get around the subject she hanged up on me. Our conversation lasted nine seconds, max. I suspect that the reason why my mom was perfectly okay with me leaving home is because she's been inviting all her friends to cocktail parties at our house. I heard things from the other line that confirmed my thoughts.
I looked around the 'mart, and apparently I went to the wrong person to get the egg. Eh...
The right person was the one in the scientist attire. You're probably going to question my intelligence now, but let me just remind you that I recently had a Pokémon battle with an irritable guy that had the need to continually shout in my face, despite us being squished into each other for ten minutes. In fact, now I think about, Falkner must have been sliding closer and closer to me while I was being distracted by the Pokémon battle. That could also be why I thought he was yelling in my face at the end and why I thought he was getting louder.
I just reread what I wrote in the last paragraph. It disgusts me so much, I never want to see Falkner again. Thank goodness I won and don't have to. I think I would be deaf from all the noise that goes on between us when we battle.
I am also feeling sick from writing so many exclamation marks over and over again. I rarely spend time with such loud people. I know that I also contributed, but I swear that I wouldn't have yelled if it wasn't because of Falkner. Now I've got a headache just from reimagining the noise that was going on in there. So I'm going to limit the exclamation marks for the rest of this diary entry, because I'm plain not having it.
After I left the Pokémart, I was approached by a geisha. I'm not really a good fan of the geisha performances and stuff, so I tried to avoid her eyes to show that I'm not interested in her advertisements.
But instead she was talking about something else.
"Me oh my...that egg, it has to be..."
My eyes widened. What the hell, how can she had seen through my bag? It was scary. Also, "Me oh my?" That was so unfamiliar, it was also scary. Was that possibly a geisha's magical spell, to keep me cursed with bad luck forever?
She took a step closer to me. I was paralyzed with fear and clutched my bag tightly with one hand. The other hand I used to finger my Pokégear.
The geisha muttered in a daze, stating correctly where the Pokémon egg has gone (from Mr. Pokémon to Professor Elm, from him to me). This was some creepy stalker business going on here. I was trembling, the hand holding the Pokégear shaking.
"I understand," she said.
I blinked and looked at the geisha. She backed away from me. I took a deep breath and felt like I could breathe again.
"That egg...truly, it is an important egg. Please do take good care of it for me."
I stared at her, beginning to get breathless again.
"Is that understood?" she added firmly.
I nodded, my shoulders sinking and rising like waves in the sea.
The geisha twirled. What was the point of that, I don't know. Her final words were—actually, I forgot. But she walked away and left after that. I wasn't about to stop her from leaving.
I'm now at the Violet City Pokémon Center, getting ready to head out again. I've got Cinder healed up, and he's good to go. Me, I'm not sure.
I'm still kind of freaked out, so I'm just going to freak out here and not on the road.
