Azalea Town was just as bad as I thought it would be. And I had very low expectations, too.
Now, the trip there was nothing to write home about. Trainer battles, blah blah blah, cave with mutated rats, blah blah blah. The most shocking thing about the trip there was seeing how bad Cherry really was. I mean, he knew no offensive move to speak of, the uneducated brute. He only knew how to look cute, and then heal himself after the opponent attacked him, then look cute again. I am not kidding. However, he could heal himself only five times in a row, so I suppose the match would've ended soon, but still...
He eventually learned how to whip his tail so affectionately that the aggression of his opponent would slightly decrease, but that's hardly a worthy move, either. I had to work very hard with Cherry the Hoppip here, in order to make something useful out of himself. I somehow got him to learn how to tackle...but to be honest, I don't really see that much potential in him. He's not very good at attacking. I really want my Dragonite soon. It'll be so freaking OP, the rest of my Pokémon won't matter.
As I went on in the Union Cave (the previously mentioned boring cave), I battled against a guy with one of the cutest Pokémon ever, a Vulpix.
Now, here's when I face palm—why couldn't I find that?
Also, my damn repellant didn't work. It was the weak version, sure, but it didn't even work for ten steps, much less a hundred. When I reread the back of the used container, I noticed something I missed—the Pokémon I was walking with had to be a higher level than the Pokémon you're trying to avoid.
I'm not entirely sure what this abstract term "level" means, but I think it meant how high up your Pokémon is in the Pokémon hierarchy.
I look at Cherry regretfully and face palm again.
Not that there was too many things wrong with Cherry—he was pitiful, pathetic at battling, at the bottom of the Pokémon hierarchy (below even the Rattatas), thought flopping around was a valid battling option, but he was also...cute? Maybe...? Almost as cute as Vulpix...?
You know what, forget it. If I look back on that, I'm just going to regret everything. So I'm simply going to have a smile on my face and encourage Cherry, like I'm the parent of a five year old losing in a game. "You can do it! I believe in you! As long as you have heart, you can achieve anything!"
I hope Cherry can't magically read, because otherwise, some tender hearts are probably going to get broken here.
I did walk on, with Cherry by my...well, not my side, but he was behind me the whole time. I turned around one time, only to find Cherry was nipping at my feet. I kind of shouted at him, and then I walked on. Two minutes later he bumped into me.
"Behave, Cherry!" I scolded, but I doubt he knew I was saying. He just started biting my feet again.
I decided to ignore him. So I turned, only to have a magenta rat bounce into my face. Cinder, awesome Cinder, got the Rattata done with, but Cherry still needed a professional lecture. I turned to him again, ready to give him a piece of my mind, when he started wandering around the place. Well, you can imagine how I felt about that.
Before long, Cherry was looking steadily down, in shame I suppose, and that was all the trouble I got from him today.
I wish that was the end of my troubles, period, but I haven't even gotten to the subject of Azalea Town yet.
After all that crap at Union Cave, I was ready to have a no BS weekend and get the gym done with, but sadly, that was not what happened.
First off, once I've left the cave, it was raining. Not there's anything wrong with rain, but having it raining when you're entering a new place is a bad omen. That's just how all the tragic stories start.
I entered Azalea Town, and it magically stopped raining. Which was weird, but get this—there was this teenager in a black cap speaking threateningly to an old man.
The boy was face to face with the man. He was so close to him, the boy's cap was touching the old man's forehead.
"Who are you?" the old man croaked, frowning.
The teenager laughed. "'Who are you?' You don't know us? We are...Team Rocket!" He had emphasize on the "we," even though I didn't see anyone else around.
What the hell, where's the police? If this boy goes everywhere like that, it's a wonder how he hadn't been arrested already. Still...
"Team Rocket broke up a long time ago," I said. If he was going to pretend to be a member of a gang, he should probably know its history before he mindlessly goes threatening people for no reason.
The boy didn't bother to look at me, but he sure answered me. "What? We broke up a while ago? Give me a break! We have not broken up!"
"Give me a break," I said.
He paused, then amended his mistake. "Actually we did, once. But we have come back to pursue Giovanni's ambition."
"You are all evil, evil people," the old man rasped. "Let me be—"
"Enough talking!" the boy cut in. "Shut up and just beat it!"
He shoved the old man back. Cowering in fear, the man ran away into the heart of the town.
I stared at the boy as he took his place in front of a well, then I glanced at the sign next to him:
Slowpoke Well
Also known as the Rainmaker Well.
Locals believe that a Slowpoke's yawn summons the rain.
Records show that a Slowpoke's yawn ended a drought years ago.
Well, more baseless superstition. And I thought I thought I left all that behind at Violet City.
"What is going?" I demanded of the boy. He was obviously acting as a guard, blocking the way to the Slowpoke Well.
"Nothing is going on," he lied smoothly, when only moments before he declared himself a member of Team Rocket. "It's unsafe to go in there, so I'm standing guard to make sure people don't wander in. Am I not a good Samaritan?"
I narrowed my eyes and walked away.
The sign for Azalea Town said: "Living Happily with Pokémon."
Yeah, right. Isn't this the town where they cut off Pokémon tails and make gross snacks? "Happily with Pokémon," my donkey. They should change the sign to something less predated.
My suspicions were confirmed once I came to the gym. I was blocked by a shameless advertiser from Team Rocket who was telling me how tasty Slowpoke tails are. I politely asked him to move, but he blatantly ignored me, the jerk. Seriously, those Team Rocket people have no subtlety, none at all. It's a wonder how the police wasn't done with the lot before that ten year old child from Pallet Town was. If anything, that simply shows how unspeakably lazy our police force is.
Last night, I snuck out of the Pokémon Center, hoping that by then the man have moved away from the gym, but...no. He actually stayed out there, the whole, entire night! How does he do that?! There wasn't even a tent...! Does he have a doppelgänger?
Overall, Azalea Town is a disappointment. It has none of Goldenrod's flash and neon lights. Instead, it's a regular town out in the countryside, hardly significant in the slightest, expect that it has a Pokémon gym in it. It's so old school a town, it even has some kind of...log company for charcoal or whatever.
It might have been worth it if the place was home to a wonderful accomplishment or whatever, but I hadn't heard anything about that. To be honest with you, I don't count fried Slowpoke tails as a serious achievement.
I gathered from the residents that besides Slowpoke tails, Apricorn Poké Balls are a tourist attraction—well, as much of a tourist attraction as they can get. A longtime ago, apricorn Poké Balls were everywhere, but they have fallen into obscurity due to the mass produced plastic Poké Balls. Azalea Town still has one Apricorn Poké Ball maker. By having a man by the name of Kurt take your apricorns, you can come back the next day and find them turned into homemade Poké Balls. That seemed pretty enticing to me, considering that the rest of the town was so blah.
I got inside Kurt's house. He looked like Professor Oak, so wise and grandfatherly. Kurt even had his young granddaughter with him for the creditability.
I greeted him, and we were introduced.
Kurt was pretty pissed off, not at me thankfully. It was at Team Rocket, and I can't say I blame him. Cutting off a Pokémon's tails, closing off a well, closing off the gym, it's enough to drive off tourists and ruin the old man's business.
I sympathized with him, and told him he had to take things into his own hands.
"I'm going to go give them a lesson in pain!" Kurt agreed, pushing up his sleeves. "Hang on, Slowpoke! Old Grandpa Kurt is on his way!"
He sped out of there, just like that. He seemed pretty eager, but I ran to go after him. If the old man got hurt, I would know who's fault it was. And I don't have enough money in the case of suing.
I bet my mother doesn't either, actually. I think the cocktail parties are starting to become a regular thing out house, ever since I left.
I was guessing that old man Kurt tackled the guard at Slowpoke Well, because by the time I was there the entrance was empty and I was able to get in. As I walked on the twisting path around the well, I got a phone call from Anthony, who was telling me how easy Hoppip are to beat—I sure hope Cherry didn't understand that. I climbed down the rickety ladder down, and I saw Kurt lying on the ground, staring at his reflection.
"Hey there, Lyra!"
"Man—no, Kurt! What happened...?"
"The guard up top took off when I shouted at him," Kurt replied calmly—he's so awesome, even more considering his age and all that. "But then I took a tumble down the wall. I slammed down hard on my back, so I can't move..."
"Do you need to go to the hospital?" I asked nervously. I wasn't even sure what to do if he had to.
I mean, we were out at the bloody countryside! If there wasn't a hospital at Violet City, there certainly wouldn't be one out there.
Kurt ignored me. He just went on about "punishment," then decided that I had to be the one to punish them. I didn't even have much say in the matter. I didn't really want to join in with his "revenge" business, but I thought the training might be good for Cherry, so I had to nod and suck it. Besides, I figured that if I took them down, the advertiser at the gym would leave and I can beat the gym and get this place over with. If that happened, everyone would win, expect for the Team Rockets. But goddammit, I don't care for them much.
I called the police, since I'm a responsible citizen and that. I told the police on everything that was happening with Team Rocket so far in sharp details. After that there was a pause.
Then, "How does a little kid know our phone number?"
"Is the police going to help me out or not?"
"Can I speak with your parents, dear? You've been watching the Ash Ketchum show too much."
"The Ash Ketchum show—!" I swore silently at this. "No, sir, this is real life, and I'm on my Pokémon journey. As I have previously mentioned."
Shuffling on the other end. "Team Rocket has been disbanded."
"I told you, they teamed back up again."
"That's not an issue," the person on the other end said lazily.
"Tell that to the kind, elderly man who got his back hurt," I shot back.
Below me, Kurt groaned.
Another pause. Then, "Can I speak with your parents?"
"I'm on my Pokémon journey."
"You're too young for a Pokémon journey," said the voice on the other end, annoyed. "You need to be ten years old, little girl."
"I'm sixteen years old," I said, throughly infuriated. "I'm sorry, but this is an emergency. I don't have time."
Pause. I waited anxiously. The phone on the other line shifted around again. This time, a woman spoke, and she had a stern voice.
"Who is this?"
"Lyra. Lyra—"
She cut me off before I could say my last name.
"Where are your parents?"
Kurt grasped one my socks in a tight fist. "Punish them yourself, Lyra! Punish them! Revenge. Revenge!"
I hanged up on the police. I don't think they cared, really.
I went into the well, even though I hate caves. I was walking, and the guard from earlier jumped out at me from the shadows.
I gasped. "The hell, man!"
"Humph! I was standing guard up top when some old coot yelled at me. He startled me so much that I fell down here."
"That's not my bloody problem." I was so startled, I didn't bother to filter my language. "I'm not even with that 'old coot.' "
Clearly I was lying with that last part, but I just wanted to go through the cave with no worries.
"I don't care. How about I vent my anger and take it out on you!"
Which actually resembled what Kurt said before...
See, I told you I didn't want to get involved in this "revenge" business.
The guard took out a Rattata. For a moment I didn't think he was for real, but Cherry was itching for the exercise. So I thought, why not?
Of course, I won. The guard wasn't the type to think things through.
After the battle, I inquired about the Slowpoke.
"Sure, we've been hacking the tails off Slowpokes and selling them. Team Rocket will do anything for money."
"That's...utterly repulsing."
The guard shrugged. "Gotta do what you gotta do."
I doubt that they "gotta do" that, but it made me feel interested about it. Like, who the hell would actually buy it? That's what I'm wondering.
Then Joey called.
"Lyra, howdy!"
"Ah, Joey..."
"I saw a wild Pidgey! I thought about going for it, but I failed."
"Oh...okay..."
"Oh, well...I guess that's just the way it goes. I'm not very good at catching Pokémon yet..."
That was the end of our conversation (which I was kind of glad was over), and then I had to continue the doom of heading forward.
Another Rocket saw me, and she came towards me. I think the guard from before warned her about me, but she was too lazy to pass on the message.
I sighed. "Can you please stop taking Slowpoke tails? It's just revolting."
"What? You want us to disobey a direct order from Executive Proton?"
"Yes," I said.
I didn't even know who that Executive Proton guy was, but I didn't really care, either.
"Well, if you wish to stop us, you must defeat us all. Go ahead and try!"
I thought she said, "Catch us all," so for a moment I stared at her with wide eyes. I ain't a cop!
She took out her Zubat. We battled. I won. Hooray. Really, this is way too easy. I'm not even having that much fun anymore.
"You rotten brat!" the lady said. "Slowpoke tails grow fast. Besides, it was an order from Proton."
"Proton?"
She spent the next few minutes talking about how sexy he is, and it was enough to make me feel embarrassed. I walked away while she was still talking, and I don't even think she cared.
Two minutes later, another guy comes up. It was so irritating. I was going to stop and find a good place for a lunch break.
"Just stop taking Slowpoke tails," I said.
The guy started blabbing about Team Rockets' rep. Strange, isn't it? Though to be honest with you, I was barely paying attention by then. My Pokédex was more interesting than them.
I gazed over to the next part of the cave, and there was two Slowpokes and one man. One of the Slowpokes had a letter attached to it, and it said this:
Be good and look after the house with Grandpa and Slowpoke.
Love, Dad
So Team Rocket was stealing Pokémon. That made everything make more sense. I wonder why nobody freaking bothered to mention it to the police. That's a legit crime, in my book. I'm not sure about the law books though. I'll have to check.
If stealing is a crime, then I have the whole thing made.
If stealing is crime, then stealing Pokémon is a crime. If stealing Pokémon is a crime, then what Team Rocket is doing is a crime. If what they're doing is a crime, they're supposed to be arrested by the police. If they're supposed to be arrested by the police, and they're not arrested by the police despite being reported, then I should every right to sue the freaking police department for an old man's back injuries, and, uh...verbal harassment. And I should have every right to get a good amount of money from that case.
My God, I should be a lawyer. Then I won't have to pay for one.
Although my mind was distracted, I went to the man standing in the corner, and the man, get this, was pretty hot.
"What do we have here?" he said, and I guessed that I was looking at Proton—the lady from earlier had described him throughly enough that I wouldn't have missed him on a busy city street.
He had silky aqua green hair that curled up to frame the sides of his handsome face. It was an eccentric hairstyle, though it suited him well. The black Team Rocket cap he wore settled nicely onto his hair, and his eyes were almost the same color of his hair. Almost, for his eyes appeared to be some shades darker. He had flawless skin.
"I am often labeled as the scariest and cruelest guy in Team Rocket..." he drawled, and, upon looking at his angelic features, I couldn't figure out why.
"Do you have a relationship with the Team Rocket woman here?" I bursted out. I really hope he doesn't.
Proton scowled. "I strongly urge you not to interfere with our business!"
He even took out his Pokémon, touchy man! If I had known he was so touchy, I would've responded in a different way, that's for sure. Proton took out a Zubat, which was hardly news to me. I had Cherry fight it, and I must say, Cherry responded fiercely at the time, and so we had the Zubat done with fairly quickly.
I turned to Proton. "Are you going to reconsider?"
Proton shook his head. He took out his last Pokémon, a Koffiing, and commented that no matter where Team Rocket goes, there's always someone who disagrees with them.
"Maybe you should stop doing stupid things." I was getting heated up, and no matter how touchy he was, I still wanted to get my words out. "Why did any of you even join Team Rocket, anyway? There's better and easier ways to make money."
Proton didn't say anything.
I turned back to Cherry, furious. Fine, let our Pokémon speak for us...which was really a dumb thing to do, anyway. Cherry couldn't take the Koffing well, so I took out Cinder, and Cinder barfed on the floor after the battle was done. I think he was nauseated just looking at the Koffing.
Proton started ranting after the battle was done, and even though he was an "Executive" and very good looking, I was sick of him too. I let him leave even though my heart wanted me to marry him and when Kurt came (at great timing; one minute after Proton left, too) I left the well with him. I didn't see Proton on my way out. Some part of me was sad, because I kind of have a crush on him. Some parts of me were yelling at that other part, noting how bad-tempered and greedy that man was, with the Slowpoke business and touchy business and whatnot.
And the rest of me, which was most of me, was internally yelling at everyone to shut up.
That was the most wisest part of them all, and it resolved the issue almost instantly.
Back at Kurt's house, he mentioned I was like a real hero.
"As I mentioned before, Team Rocket was disbanded by a boy called Red three years ago. Now that they have come back...well, I have a bad feeling about it."
I nodded. By then, thoughts of Proton were generally out of my head, but some...small things got in. I swallowed, willing myself to internally shut up again.
"In any case," Kurt continued, "I will make you Poké Balls, Lyra."
He gave me a Fast Ball.
"Thanks," I said. I pulled my bag open and shoved the Fast Ball in—I'll get the lecture on organization later.
Kurt noticed the Apricorn box, and mentioned it.
"Um..." I glanced back at him. "You can make them into Poké Balls, right?"
"Fine! I'll turn them into Poké Balls."
I gave him four green Apricorns, and he inspected them with a wary eye. Finally he said that'll take him a day to make, and I thanked him again as his little granddaughter gave me his number.
I left the house, and you know what? It was evening by then. I spent the entire afternoon chasing after Team Rocket. Those were full, complete hours that Team Rocket took from my life, and I will never forgive them.
I'll have to be lucky if that red-haired Pikachu boy isn't Champion before me.
