I stood at the front of the Cianwood City Gym, squinting at the sign (it was hard to see because the sun was in my face).

So Cianwood's Gym leader's title is apparently this:

His Roaring Fists Do the Talking

Well, dammit, let's just get this Gym over with.


Chuck's Gym

Safety: 10/10

It's pretty safe, by nearly any means. The sides of the Gym must be crossed, and they appear to be the side of a cliff, with staircases and floors carved out of it. That's it. No cracking stone, no hidden dangers. Just regular old stupid stone that should sustain even the fattest Pokémon in the world, if it can fit on it. Underneath is water, but it's generally shallow and should have no complaint besides wet shoes. Only...beware of daydreaming. There are no railings to separate you from the fall down in case you accidentally...tumble down...

You know what, I'll change this to a 9/10.

Design: 9/10

There is a great implementation of cool colors. I especially enjoy the waterfall and cliff feature, since it was giving the Gym a more natural feel that hints at Cianwood being a tourism spot near the beach. However, one point must be taken off, because the Gym leader seems entirely too distracted by the waterfall feature. I mean, we get that it's cool, but that doesn't mean that you can just launch your big butt right at it and sit there and call it "training".

Gym trainers/Gym leader: 5/10

They sucked. The Gym trainers were stupid and had to improve their catchphrases. The Gym leader doesn't know how to do his job.

Average score: 7.7/10


So I arrived at the Gym. Of course, the Gym guide wasn't there, because he was too busy watching television at the pharmacy.

Immediately I was faced with the Gym leader, who viewed the aforementioned waterfall feature as some kind of Jacuzzi hot tub. He sat there, blinking his eyes through the hot steam, and did nothing. At that point I was already in a bad mood because my shoes got wet—I was forced to walk on the wet, stony ground, and the water reached up to my ankle at the very least.

I went to Mr. Chuck, the stupid Gym leader, and gently pushed back his naked shoulder. No response. He chose to ignore me. He was so into his "training," he didn't seem to notice me.

I can't believe it, I honestly can't believe it. It's summertime, the kids are out of school, the people come here for vacation, and they want their Gym badges. And this guy doesn't give a shit. I bet he spends practically the whole year being paid to do nothing, because for the rest of the year visitors to Cianwood are all inexistent.

So I thought, "Screw you," and went ahead to stop the waterfall that was raining on his head.

I defeated the Gym trainers that were in my path (which was all of them) and once that task was done, I found myself at the top of one of the cliffs, facing the machine that operated the water that cascaded down to the Gym leader. There was one large, red winch on it.

Well, screw all of you, I'm just gonna turn it, I thought.

I turned it, with pure might. 'Cause you know, anger issues and all of that shit.

There was a slide, from the machine to the Gym leader. The water that made up the "waterfall" came down on that slide. So when I turned the winch, and the slide came up, the water was gone. The Gym leader paused, dumbfounded, before a furious crease showed up between his eyes. He looked flat out weird down there, sitting shirtless and wet on a soaking floor. Without the waterfall obscuring the awkwardness, his foolishness was fully revealed. Nothing was going on but the roaming of a self-satisfied Lyra and perhaps quite a few bewildered black belts.

I ran back down to him, trying to keep a smirk out of my face and sadly failing at the task.

Gym leader Chuck spoke some incomprehensible nonsense to me, before finally uttering, "Why did you stop the waterfall from pouring on me!"

"Because you weren't doing your job. And I wanted to spite you."

"I have to warn you, I'm a strong trainer! I train every day under this waterfall!"

"Sitting in a waterfall doesn't count as training," I spat back. "Your Pokémon weren't even out. I bet they're at your mother's house."

"So you think sitting in a waterfall all day has nothing to do with Pokémon?"

"Yah."

The silence that came afterwards was overbearing. It was composed of me glaring at Chuck and him glaring at me. Cinder was also glaring, at the water that loomed underneath our feet.

"Well," Chuck finally said, "that's true. Come on. We shall do battle!"

I tossed Kitty's Poké Ball forward.

Kitty, please don't make me lose in front of this idiot.