Author's Note

I enjoy reading your reviews, and I want to thank all of you guys for reading.

A reminder: I've really taken my liberties in aging up the kiddos. Lyra's sixteen, Silver is around that age, and Ethan is about a few years older than both of them. I just can't find it plausible that many ten-year-olds randomly walking around would manage to beat a gang while keeping their shit together.


When I woke up on the wet floor of the Pokémon Center, my first thought was that I needed more coffee.

"Dammit kid, I just swept this morning," a mop complained to me as I wearily blinked open my eyes. As my eyes adjusted to the bright light, I managed to see that the mop didn't speak, it was the random guy holding it that did. I apologized to that random guy, but he didn't seem to be convinced.

I looked at the nurse behind the counter. Then I looked at the name tag on her dress.

HI, MY NAME IS: Nurse Joy.

I stupidly wondered if Nurse was her first name or just the title.


I left the Pokémon Center, realizing that the morning had already risen. The ships were setting off for the sea, and the dreaded Pokémon Gym, saturated in the morning light, had no lights inside its drab interior. It was closed.

Frowning, I headed north to train my Pokémon out in the fields. I walked pretty far up, next to Morty's city, because I didn't want Jasmine to come by and see what a loser I am. My plan was to go to her first and show what a loser she was after I've trained up all my Pokémon.

The plan failed almost right away. In the end, I didn't train my Pokémon. We ended up sitting in the grass with cats, eating cookies. This occurred for only ten minutes, not because I ran out of cookies but because FUCKING ENTEI inconveniently jumped out of the grass and scared us like hell. One minute Lorcan was paralyzing a cat (it volunteered) and we were all clapping with mouths full of cookies, next minute we were running with our cookies spilled all over the grassland while Entei leered at us. I almost choked from all the chewed up food in my mouth. Lorcan managed to paralyze Entei for a moment, but there was no real use into doing so. Entei left us almost immediately—probably to eat all the cookies we dropped.

So. We had a bad night, and a bad morning. I figured that everyone needed a break, so we began to head to the Safari Zone.


I was almost by Cianwood when the very last Tentacool came my way. I swore, Lorcan gleed in delight that was completely foreign to me. I give Lorcan a surprised look, but he was already coming toward our opponent.

"Lorcan—"

Lorcan blew blue fire on the Tentacool while I was still was on his back. Then I wasn't.

I became utterly submerged in water, my entire body being salted like I was an expensive meal. My hat almost floated away—I seized it, the fabric crushing under my hands as water oozed out of it. Lorcan surfed on the water, not to me, but to the Tentacool to splash water on its face. Another current came by following his own, splashing my face.

I felt pretty stupid, you know. The sea itself practically spat on my face.

I clung onto Lorcan, who had by now beaten the Tentacool. My fingers were pale and so cold they were almost numb. He looked sorry, but I wasn't having any of this. Getting on his uncomfortable, scaly body, I ordered him to take me to Cianwood immediately before I die of pneumonia.

Look. I trained Lorcan, I fed him, I named him, I taught him how to tie my shoes. And you know what the grateful bastard did in return?

He threw me off his back again and began to evolve.

DAMMIT LORCAN, WE'RE NOT FINISHED YET.


Being a Dragonair suited him much better. As a Dragonair he seemed more adult like, more graceful as his body lengthened and his head became better defined from the rest of his body. I was still kind of pissed, though, so I just got on his back and ordered him to take me to Cianwood again, no questions.

Then Ethan called.

I have no idea why my Pokégear still worked perfectly and not my own fingers, but that's life...I guess.

"Hello? This is Ethan...how are you?"

"I may die today, but I don't know. It depends how the rest of the day turns out," I answered as Lorcan happily surfed me back to Cianwood.

"Oh," Ethan said, evidently believing I was being sarcastic. "Azalea's Gym is really awesome, don't you think?"

"Isn't that the one run by an eight year old?"

"It's the one with the Spinarak rides..."

"God, I hate that Gym. It is literally one of the worst Gyms I have ever been to. The design is a piece of crap, the rides are a clunky mess, the Gym Trainers are all a bunch of kids who—"

"—I wonder what would happen if you took a real Spinarak to that Gym? I think it'd be interesting!"

"I think it's something I'll rather not try. I bet the Spinarak would crawl off to the Gym's deep pit and never come out again. You'll waste your money on its Poké Ball."

"Yeah, you're probably right." Cianwood began to loom on the surface. "Hey, Lyra, can you do something for me?"

"Depends. How much do I get paid?"

"Ten bucks an hour. I need you to babysit Marill."

I froze.

"Can you do this for me?" he asked. "Please?"

I slowly considered it, like a good business person should. I decided that there was one question that ought to be asked, and I should ask it. My final answer would lay entirely with Ethan's answer to this question:

"Can I keep it in its Poké Ball?"

"Sure, sure," he said hurriedly, "whatever you want. Just remember to feed it—you'll be keeping it for a few hours. I need you to stop by Olivine later today, okay? Around five o'clock. You'll keep Marill until nine this same day."

"Uhh..."

"I'm sorry for the late notice." His voice cracked. "But a relative is visiting, and they're allergic to Marill. I have to go to a few places with them on top of everything else. I can't leave Marill alone."

To be honest with you, the relative was probably afraid of rapid blue monsters that cut open people's backs while playing. And also to be honest with you, I can't blame them.

"All right," I said, and hung up before I could say something else.

For example, I was very tempted to say: "What bullshit is this?"

But I didn't, because I try to be a nice person. Sometimes.


Entrance to the road for the Safari Zone.

Experience thrilling encounters with wild Pokémon for heart-to-heart contact!

The Safari Zone is just around the corner from this entrance!

No wonder Baoba ran out of business. That was the vaguest description of a paid service I have ever read.

I got inside, anyway, into the cavern in which the Safari Zone was held. The inside was like a caveman's version of an amusement park. The ground and the walls were distinctly of a cave's. There was even a small cave lake that are common in places such as these.

Despite this unflattering interior, Lorcan seemed excited all the same, his new long tail twisting here and fro.

"We're not looking for a girlfriend for you here," I reminded him. He considerably darkened.

To the left, I saw a cardboard sign that had what should've been outside:

Everything Is Thrilling!

Explore to Find Wild Pokémon!

"Did you know?" the clerk at the counter said. "There's a Safari Zone just around the corner."

"I understand that—"

"It's really fun! You will see many different kinds of Pokémon, and it's all you can catch!"

"The cost—?"

"There is no reason not to go, right? Just around the corner."

"I understand that, but what's the cost—"

It won't take too long. Why don't you drop by? Won't you?"

"What is the cost—?"

"It's such a good deal, you know."

"No, I don't know. You're not telling me what the deal is."

In an effort to feign defiance, I turned my back to her and ran up the stairs that were lazily carved onto the stone. I was going to have a discussion about Baoba on this atrocious marketing strategy. Getting prospecting customers annoyed with stupid catch phases like "just around the corner" is going to get us nowhere.

Annoying them with these roundabout stairs isn't such a great idea, either.

I left the cave only to enter a side of a cliff, a road carved out on it. Under the cliffs a light layer of golden sand remained. The cliff's orange rock and labyrinth like paths rose above not only that but a glittering blue sea. At the angle of the cliffs, I could not see Cianwood—the small place was way below me, somewhere. Instead there was only the sea and the horizon that preceded it. The water itself was a limitless presence, serving not only as the sea's gently rising surface but as the waterfalls that trickled down the cliffs.

I looked out into the distance, over the ocean, over the horizon, not really looking at anything at all. This was addicting to me, but I still urged myself to move on.

All those detours and everything was really getting into my nerves. Path after path rushed under my feet.

This was NOT just around the corner. This was fucking just around the country.

Lorcan did like the exercise, though. I mean, I think he did. He practically went into battle waltzing.

Finally I came across the Safari Zone gate. It was set up like a mini-festival or something. Some people sold things at booths, and others were so desperate they actually camped out there to be the first to enter the Safari Zone. There was a full out Pokémon Center built there, for goodness' sakes.

I went on until I got into the Safari Zone's office. It was a nice, comfortable place, with wooden flooring and a yellow table with yellow chairs to match. Baoba had been sitting on one with them until he spotted me enter.

"Hi, I've been waiting for you!" Baoba said breathlessly. "What do you think?"

I then told him everything I thought about it, and more.

"...Also, there wasn't any fences around the roads. What if somebody forgot to tie their shoe and they slipped there?" I paused. "Death, obviously. And there isn't any good sign around here. People could get lost at the fork in the roads." Another pause. "Okay, that's it."

"It's a new Safari Zone," he said somewhat apologetically. "By the way...I just had an idea."

"Yeah?" I took a glance at the clock. This new idea better not take long—I had to get to Ethan in about an hour.

"Would you like to take the Owner Aptitude Test?"

Okay, that would probably take a long time.

"Sure," I said. "Just not this minute." I decided not to address the fact that I was only sixteen years old, and my moral character was more than partially questionable.

"First, let me explain how the test works. It's very easy."

"All right."

"All you have to do is catch one Geodude at the Safari and show it to me."

"One...Geodude?"

"They're in the grass closet to the entrance. It shouldn't take too long."

That really wouldn't take so long. So I decided to try it, just then and there. Ethan was a few years older than me, anyway. I felt like he could muster up a few minutes of patience.

The Safari Zone, I found out, worked like this—you take Safari Balls, then throw them at Pokémon. Pretty simple. If you really can't catch it, then throw sand at it and then try to catch it. It's weird, but yeah. Your Pokémon don't even have to get involved or anything, since this is actually a game of crafty, underhanded tactics.

I explored the place for a while, having caught a Geodude easily at my first try. Apparently there are several different environments. Each one was the home of different Pokémon. It was a relatively simple concept, considering that I've once literally taken rocket science before.

After I showed the Geodude to Baoba, he declared that there were two more tests for me to take. At that point I was ready to leave. And that's pretty much what I did.


From a scale of one to ten, ten being the highest, I would rate my maturity as 0.4.

I found Ethan at the corner of the Pokémon Center, standing somewhat stiffly. He was staring at the wall with his hands curved around a Poké Ball—Marill's probably. Miranda followed me as I walked up to him.

"Hey," I said.

Ethan blinked and smiled slightly as he regarded me. "Hi, Lyra. Thanks for coming." He awkwardly straightened his hat, blushing. "Marill's in my hand right now...thanks for doing this for me, by the way. Really, thanks. I don't know what I'll do without you." Everything he said sounded extremely clumsy and fake.

The he held out the Poké Ball to me, holding back his head considerably and wincing like I was going to slap him silly.

Now, I don't know about you, but for me, frankly, that was pretty awkward. I gingerly took peeled the Poké Ball out of his sweating hands and carefully placed it in a case. All this was accomplished while I was painstakingly staring at it to make sure that Marill wouldn't suddenly burst out of it and physically assault me under the pretense of a hug, or something. Or worse, do that to Miranda.

Miranda would probably eat Marill if that happens.

"It's no problem," I said with equal awkwardness. "I'll take...the best care of Marill that I could."

We stood in silence for a few unnecessary seconds. Time ticked by. It occurred to me that I haven't seen Ethan in such a long time—he was almost not very scrawny. Almost. He was still skinner than me, no matter how much bodybuilding he did.

I began to itch my wrinkled hat, and discovered that there was the remains of a chocolate bar on my forehead. Ethan scratched the beginnings of his mustache. However, it quickly became aware to him that it ought to be shaved. I'll make a guess and say that the Pokémon journey made many interruptions into his regular hygiene schedule. After all, it did the same to me.

"Marill will probably get hungry in an hour or so," Ethan added, trying to cover up his thin mustache in the most natural way possible.

"Can he drink tea and eat sushi?"

"Anything with no alcohol."

"I can work with that."

I began trying to eat the chocolate on my forehead in the most subtle way I could. Ethan started searching for a razor in his bag, but the problem is, he wasn't very stealthy about it. I try not to notice that he was going through random threads of dental wax, undergarments, and combs.

"Marill likes long walks," Ethan mentioned, trying to cover up his bag with one flap.

"Can he go unsupervised?" I asked hopefully.

"No," Ethan said flatly. "He might get lost."

"That's unfortunate—I mean, yeah, you're right. I won't let him get lost."

I decided that it was a bad idea to eat chocolate from my forehead, and besides, it was bloody difficult to try without getting caught anyway. Ethan realized that the flap he used to hide his stuff from me was actually falling apart every time he wasn't looking, so basically, I knew everything that was going on in that jungle of his. I tried to preserve his privacy, but it was difficult to do that when I had to look into his face since he had placed his head right next to that damn bag. As for Ethan, he tried to hide what was going on with his fists, but when he did that the whole bag spilt apart and everything got dumped into the floor. His deodorant, dirty laundry, and crude attempts at drawing a certain young Pokémon Trainer (himself) were displayed onto the floor for everyone to see. And so was everything else he had in that bag.

The whole thing was quite embarrassing.

I tried to help out, but the first thing I picked up was a dirty cloth that soon seemed to resemble a boy's boxers. (It was actually a tank top, but that was something I found out only later.)

Well, we've confirmed by now that I'm not the most mature of teenagers.

I screamed, and I ran to go to the bathroom before remembering there was no bathroom at the Pokémon Center. So after that I blindly ran outside, thrusted my clean hand inside of my bag, and I impulsively threw Marill's Poké Ball.

"Marill, I choose you! Use bubble beam. Wash my hands!"

Marill made a high pitched shriek out of the tremendous amount of pressure leveled at him now. Miranda was looking at him expectantly, I was looking at him expectantly, and Ethan would have been looking at him too had it not been for the fragile threads of the messenger bag commanding him to go clean up his mess inside. Marill shrunk down and began shaking, like it was going to explode. Its bright blue fur puffed out from its body.

"Marill," I cooed, trying desperately to console it, "Marill—"

Marill exploded.


A torrent of spit came from Marill's mouth and splatted me against the Pokémon Center. My nose hit the glass first and bled all over my shirt. An anxious Miranda bit into my shirt and caused great tears into it, and my bag was watered like the rest of me with Marill's saliva. I hit against the Pokémon Center multiple times as I spun in the mass flood of saliva that began to surround it. The glass of the Pokémon Center cracked and everyone inside screamed their heads off, running to the basement. Nurse Joy was the most vicious—she knocked down three people who came her way and they were all kids. Then once she was down the stairs, she screamed, "EVERYONE FOR THEMSELVES!" and slammed the door behind her. Someone tested the doorknob; it was locked.

Once this occurred, everyone else who hadn't been able to themselves down there frantically looked around, searching for the bathroom that didn't even exist. I couldn't see Ethan himself, but I spotted several Pokémon related products floating by that seemed suspiciously like his (for instance, a mug that said, "I LOVE MY MARILL!").

The Marill itself was trying to come inside the Center, to apologize or something, but people screamed when it came close. Honestly, I was impressed with it. I had no idea that such a tiny thing had so much water inside of it. I might have even considered allowing an acceptably shy Marill to join my team.

However, that idea lasted for a very short period. For immediately afterwards everyone booed me for being the "owner" of Marill.

And that was just not right. People, this is not my fault. It's the Pokémon Center people's fault. They never add a bathroom, and this is proof that they need to.


And now, for the sake of mocking Divergent:

A BATHROOM

becomes a luxury

A LUXURY

becomes an awesome thing

AN AWESOME THING

becomes life changing

BEING LIFE CHANGING

can save the world

ONE BATHROOM CAN CHANGE THE WORLD

JOIN LYRA'S PETITION TODAY!

Lyra wrote it herself, of course. For whatever reason, she is pleased with it.