The quiet of the Ice Path was eerie. Surrounded by all sides of still ice, every trembling step I made echoed inside of me. The cave was beautiful, from the shattering light it reflected in its white walls, to the fact that it wasn't crumbly and dirty with the mud that plagued the other caves. I hated it almost immediately.

Not two seconds was I in when a Zubat slammed into my head. The rude creature shrieked into my face before I batted it away.

Cinder commented on the rudeness of the Zubat, then asked for food.

I was at loss for a few moments. Finally I noticed a pale green plant sprouting from the side of a nearby iceberg. (I'm pretty sure it was an iceberg. It was large, and was on top of a puddle.)

I pointed out the plant. "Eat that."

Cinder glared at me. He walked over to the iceberg and nudged the plant with the edge of his foot. The plant vibrated under his foot before suddenly becoming still. Cinder kicked it, and it made the ominous sound of a balloon popping. Cinder then told me he couldn't eat it because it was evil. We moved on.

I thought we were making good progress seeing from the good ten steps I made, but after that I placed my step on a thick coat of ice. Before you judge me, I have to say that the way forward was covered in that ice. There was no other way to go on, and I thought that maybe the ice was secretly snow in disguise. Actually, I don't know what I was thinking, other that it made no sense.

I placed my step on that ice and my life was never the same again. I slid into the wall, my nose making hard contact on the wall. The collision made my world swirl, and I lurched back, dizziness setting a temporary blur around my vision. I clasped my hand over my nose, and when I removed it, I saw splats of blood gushing all over my fingers. Again.

I pulled up the ends of my shirt, dabbed it at my bleeding nose, and kept going. My vision cleared enough for me to see that I wasn't going to go anywhere in the world. The ice radiated coldness around the entire cave, the temperature becoming more cold the further I got in. I slipped around the ice like an injured figure skater. Worse, the Battle Frontier theme song was stuck in my head, reminding me of what a loser I was. The song was about keeping your dreams alive, but my dreams were freezing up somewhere in a cave during the summertime. I was obviously not strong, I literally suffered at least three injuries in the last day. I would probably do awful in the Battle Frontier, too. I would suck too hard to even get to a Frontier Brain. All the decent Pokémon Trainers would be there, and I would never measure up to any of that.

After all of that, I sighed and went on with my life. I was still in a lonely winter wonderland, but I thought about the last Gym Leader and how soon I was to defeating him or her and stuff. Those were nicer thoughts.

The ice filled much of my vision, a glaring white in some spots, a deep slushy navy blue in others. Cold rocks of ice bordered my slippery path. When I reached those slushy blues, those solid pieces of ground, I ran through it despite knowing better. I fled through the ice currents that surrounded and submerged me, and realized as I fled by, that even though it was night outside, the cave remained bright, like something from a dream.

From the fringes of my vision, I came across a lonely old man, with a hollow smile...he left his freaking Poké Ball in a field of ice below. I left him, ran out, went back out to that solid field of ice, slipped across it, took the Poké Ball. He allowed me to keep it; it had a HM in it, Waterfall... I thought nothing of it. I left it in my bag, and returned to that path, to the empty corridors of ice that awaited me, taking myself to vacuous rooms that had nothing but the ruins of ice and stone to sight. It was a boring business and all.

The Golbats and Swab Pokémon made it worse. They made it torture. It was like my early days training Cinder, when all the Pokémon were boring mutant rats. The Pokémon was the part that really killed me. The same Pokémon came for us, over and over again. Oh my God, they came and came and came. Every time we fought and won, but more of their spawn came to take their place. I used repel, but the repel was used up in about seven seconds. The rest of the time I had to endure the useless taunts of the Golbats.

I don't even know how Cinder didn't heat the ice to water or anything. That ice was fucking made to last. But Cinder looked terrified on ice, which I can't blame him for.

You probably understand that I almost went insane from the self-inflicted mental torture, so I'm just going to skip the rest of the Ice Path.


No, wait, never mind.

I'm not going to skip the rest of the Ice Path. I saw another one of those Geisha girls there, towards the end of the path.

I was twirling around on another field of mirroring ice, that last one, when I saw her. She was standing on a quite impossible spot, right in the middle of the field without any rocks for her to have slid from to create her position.

"Me oh my...is that you, Lyra?"

"Who's Lyra?" I asked stupidly. Remember, this was after the yawn inducing Ice Path. Any another time I would've known enough to realize acting dumb wouldn't have worked. I have become visible enough to the Kimono girls.

The woman merely smiled, as though pleased at my little "joke." "Fancy meeting you here!"

"Same to you too," I said blankly. Her position on the ice was impossible for me to make. I noticed it from the start. I kept realizing it.

"To tell the truth...my sandals are frozen on the ice, and I am stuck here. In other words, my flip-flops are quick-frozen to the ground."

My shoes had never frozen to the ground, but suppose it was different with her shoes? Perhaps that was why her position was so weird? I looked down to her shoes, trying to figure shit out.

She giggled, and my head whipped back up.

"Well, it's no laughing matter," she amended. "Would you come around and push my back?"

I don't know, I thought. Are you going to come around my house and stab my back if I don't?

"Sure!" I said cheerfully.

I hate the ice, and I hate sliding around. I figured out a way to slide around to her back, and outwardly looked happy doing everything. Irwin called me twice while I was doing it.

"Is that your boyfriend?" the woman asked during the second call. She was standing right next to me during the call.

"You rock so hard! I just wanted to make sure you knew that you're awesome!" Irwin was saying.

"He sounds very supportive," the Kimono girl said.

"Call you later!" Irwin said, and hung up.

"Yes," I said. "He's my best friend."

"That's sweet," the woman said, smiling.

I putted my Pokégear away and looked at her dead in the eye and said, "He's a clown."

Her smile wavered.

"But don't worry," I said. "We have a healthy relationship...so far. He already calls me too much."

I continued on my work on the ice puzzle as she stood there in silence.


The second I got to Blackthorn City, I went straight to the Poké Mart to buy ten Max Repels because I never want to see another Golbat in my life.

After I pushed the Kimono girl away, she thanked me and left quickly. I didn't see her running around Blackthorn City later, but then again, I was focused. The Indigo Plateau was within my grasp, and there within was the Pokémon League. Those twits of Kimono girls weren't worth my notice. I only needed to beat Clair, the eighth Gym Leader, to have beaten all the current Gym Leaders of Johto.

I knew she was the eighth Gym Leader because the sign in front of the Gym said: "Leader: Clair, The Blessed User of Dragon Pokémon."

There was a guy next to the Gym staring at me accusingly. I smiled to him, but his face remained stern.

"Clair, our Gym leader, is waiting for you," he said seriously. "However, it would be impossible for a run-of-the-mill Trainer to win."

" 'Kay," I said.

I went training in the long grass for a few hours. After a conversation like that, you have to win. In fact, I was so into training, I actually hopped through most of the ditches that went by way and hopped back to New Bark Town. I didn't realize anything was wrong until I started facing Rattatas that were akin to toddler rats.

I really didn't want to meet my mother, so I turned around and went around the long way. I was already leaving Cherrygrove City when I realized that Kitty knew how to fly to Blackthorn and that I was wasting my time.


I started training Miranda after that.

We were training on this bridge, which overlooked a tame waterfall and a lame river.

"One," I said, "two, three, four..."

Miranda ran in laps over the bridge, sandy brown hair tousled with sweat.

"Sixth lap, Miranda, four more to go," I called out as she ran to and fro.

Miranda ran faster for that end sprint—seven, eight, nine laps coming back and forth. She stopped a few moments in anticipation for that last one, then she got going—run across the bridge, run across again. The water ran in idle currents below her, the waterfall in its steady ease of lightly gushing water. It was a warm summer afternoon with all the appropriate breezes that accompany it. Not the worst day to train Miranda.

I leaned down and gave a high five to my panting Eevee, her eyes bright and shining.

"Good job, sweetheart," I whispered into her satiny fur. "Good job. Now, it's time for the real training to begin."

We started running in the tall grass, the grass tickling my ankles through my socks. Miranda followed me—the wind was blowing through her long fur, and I made a mental note to get it cut later. I raced down steps carved from stone, jumping off a ditch. Miranda followed me, a curve of content flashing through her face.

Suddenly a man with black hair, all standing up, came forward to me. His face was of a sullen, serious variety. He stared at me intently.

"What are your thoughts on raising Pokémon?" he asked seriously, as though this was big news.

"Uh..." I sweated, a mental countdown erupting in my head.

I mindlessly gestured Miranda in front of me.

"A Pokémon battle?" He scowled, and took out a Pidgeot. Ace Trainer Ryan, his Pokémon Trainer card sang out.

"Tail whip, Miranda," I said.

Pidgeot swopped to Miranda and hit her with its wings, batting at her fiercely as she tried to keep away. She managed to get out, looking generally unharmed, yet startled.

"Remember what I said, Miranda," I told her, trying to keep the panic out of my voice. When Miranda battled, it always went badly. "Tail whip?"

Relieved, Miranda brought her tail up and whipped it. It was supposed to unhinge our opponent with our absurdly good dance moves, but the Pidgeot didn't look impressed.

"Bite," I said.

"Sand-attack," he said.

Pidgeot shot a layer of sand at Miranda's eyes. She fell back, wincing. Last minute, just before I thought she wouldn't do anything, Miranda lunged forward, holding out for the Pidgeot's throat. Her fangs came down, blood trickling down her jaw's grip as the Pidgeot struggled in a horrible fidget.

"Enough, now," I said quietly. "Let go."

Miranda letted go, blood dripping down her muzzle...I think she pressed too hard there. I regretted letting her do that move. Pidgeot cried out shrilly, blood still leaking from its throat and dripping down to the grass. The other Trainer gritted his teeth hard, glaring at me.

"You think that's acceptable?" he demanded.

"She bit too hard on accident. Wasn't supposed to turn out like that." And then, almost as an afterthought: "I truly am sorry."

The Trainer muttered something to his Pidgeot. Seconds later, Pidgeot came and batted Miranda with its wings with unbelievable speed and savagery, banging her against the ground as she screamed in shock. I bit my lip hard enough that I could taste blood—Miranda, get up, Miranda, Miranda!—and sucked in a breath as the Trainer gave me a knowing look, a lock of black hair falling to his eyes. Miranda got up, obviously wounded, though I couldn't tell where exactly she had been hurt. The Pidgeot had fell into Miranda with the swoop of those dangerous wings, tearing at her like the wings were razors.

"Quick, attack—" I gasped—

—Pidgeot shot forward, like an arrow from a bow, and stabbed at Miranda.

Miranda passed out.


"If I'm the worst Trainer, just tell me," I told Lorcan. "Just tell me if I'm the worst Trainer."

Lorcan drank from his berry juice silently.

"If I'm the best Trainer, just tell me," I added. "Tell me if I'm the best Trainer."

Lorcan continued to drink silently.

"Am I any bad as a Trainer?"

Silence.

"Okay, so am I a good Trainer, then?"

Silence.

"You people suck."

Lorcan looked like he wanted to point out otherwise, but thought better of it.

"Also, stop drinking so much berry juice," I said. "You're going to get diabetes, and that's not something you want on your record."

Lorcan gazed at his juice box critically for a few moments.


Fuck it, I decided. I was going to go straight to Clair, and if I lost, too bad. My Pokémon would at least gain experience from it. I could always go against her again if I lost. I'll probably forfeit before my Pokémon could get into actual pain.

When I entered the Gym, I noticed that there was a lake of lava in front of me and moving, steel paths to navigate the Gym with. I was instructed by the Gym guide to keep my Pokémon in their Poké Balls because of safety issues. So right off the bat, I knew these people weren't playing.

I got into the first steel railing thing and it jerked violently to the left when I stepped on a button. I held my hand to the railing, trying to catch my breath. Motion sickness swirled around my head. It was the horrible start to a horrible Gym.


Clair's Gym

Safety: 7/10

Oh, how these people tried. There were actual rules, and steel railings. Everything supposed to prevent the chance of dying by lava. Well, if you were suicidal, there was still a way to jump off into lava and burn to death, but I assume most people are going to try to survive this. So I'm giving this a 7, at least for the safety measures. Most Gyms don't try.

Design: 5/10

Ehhh...halfway decent, I could give it that. It's like they ran out of ideas, so they decided to just recreate Bowser's Castle. I don't know where they even got the lava from.

Gym Trainers/Leader: 6/10

Everyone was pretentious and weak. The first boy I went against said he would show me how hard my first battles with the dragons would be. I then proceeded to defeat all his Pokémon in one hit. It was definitely an omen, all right. And then after that, I told him I'd already met Lance, and you know what he said? "I DON'T BELIEVE YOU." Well, I DID meet Lance, you little boy, and guess what? He was a jackass.

Anyway, enough about that random dude. Some of the Gym Trainers were actually encouraging, and showed maturity—after all, they were all Ace Trainers. Clair herself showed little maturity, and ultimately soured my opinion of the Gym.

Overall Score: 6/10

Right around the average. Oh, joy.


When I saw Clair, at the end of the Gym, she was standing on what appeared to be a little ring, sort of like the ones for wrestling. A picture of what appeared to be a wolf or bull or whatever was on the black wall behind her and the ring. Clair herself had wavy blue hair put into a ponytail, the kind of hair that lacks a normal looking root color yet everyone is suspicious about anyway. She wore a flashy black cape and tall blue boots. I didn't really pay attention to anything else.

I believed she was Clair and stepped forward.

"I am Clair," Clair said. "The world's best Dragon-type master."

"Then why are you only a Gym Leader?" I asked.

Clair's mouth turned into this straight, angry line, and continued. "I've stayed here at my hometown for various reasons, though I can hold my own against even the Pokémon League's Elite Four. And before you ask more questions, I would like to inform you that Kanto and Johto have the strongest Pokémon League in the world. The other Pokémon Leagues are mere copies of the original."

I said nothing.

"Do you want to take me on?"

Okay, so far, so good, right? She's arrogant, short-tempered, but she's not bad. She seems mature enough right now, all steady and high-minded. It seemed okay. It seemed fine.

"Sure," I said. "I'll take you on."

"Fine," Clair said, her lips curling to a grim smile. "Let's do this!"

She took out her Poké Ball and tossed it into the air once. "As a Gym Leader, I will use my full power against any opponent!"

I nodded, because at that moment, I couldn't think of any decent catchphrase to beat hers.

"Hamako, let's go," I said in a low voice. Hamako came forward, as Clair tossed out her huge Gyarados, the Pokémon towering over all of us with a scowl on its face.

Well, that Gyarados got down pretty fast and well.

"Ice Beam!" I shouted out to Hamako, as she directed her attention to Clair's Dragonair.

"Ice Beam!" I ordered again, when Dragonair became frozen solid. Clair looked ill.

"Ice Beam," I said again, yawn caught in my mouth, as Hamako was looking at Clair's second Dragonair.

Clair became paler and paler, until she took out her fourth and last Pokémon, the flush coming back to her face.

"Last Pokémon!" she yelled out. "This is where the real battle begins!"

I looked at Hamako dubiously. She shrugged.

Ten minutes later, Clair lashed out. "You're kidding, right? I'm supposed to win. I've already decided."

We both stared sullenly at her Kingdra, paralyzed, wounded, the works, on Clair's little ring.

Just keep everything together, Lyra, I told myself. You're going to win...maybe.

Clair used a Full Restore. I felt my confidence waning.

It'sokayit'sokayit'sokayit'sokay, I thought, those words coming down my throat like huge gulps of water.

I could feel myself getting breathless, as I watched Pokémon after Pokémon fade away. Miranda, Cinder, Kitty... Maybe I should've forfeited, but I was so close. Clair's face kept changing from triumph to anxiety on every turn.

Paralyze the Kingdra again...

I was getting antsy; my heels keep clicking against each other, like a weird kind of dance.

Paralyze the Kingdra again, use Dragon Rage.

Lorcan drowned the Kingdra in his flames, and the Kingdra fainted on the floor, gone. Clair and I both watched the Kingdra as it writhed in pain, before she slowly brought up her Poké Ball, and soon, the Kingdra was gone, disappearing in a flash of violet light.

"I lost...?" Clair said, speaking finally.

My lips felt glued together. I couldn't speak. Clair and I slowly regarded each other in the silence of her Gym. Her blue eyes radiated fury.

"I won't concede this," she said, her voice sharp. "I might have lost, but you're still not ready for the Pokémon League. You didn't even use six Pokémon."

"Neither did you."

"It's different for me. I'm a Gym Leader; I choose the amount of Pokémon needed for each Trainer at their individual stage. I use six Pokémon for serious battles. This was a serious battle for you, so where were your six?"

"That's not relevant."

"I think it is," she said coldly.

I couldn't believe this. Did she find a way to bother every challenger like this? How was she not fired?

"Well, who the hell cares? If I had one more, it would've been easier for me to win anyway. What are you trying to prove? I didn't come all the way here and fight your Pokémon just to argue with you about it afterwards. Now give me the badge, or I'll go to Kanto and get my eighth badge there. I don't need you."

I didn't even know if it's legal to get another region's badge and use it as your eighth for the Johto Elite Four, but I was willing to try.

"I know," Clair said. "You should take the Dragon-master challenge."

"I'm not sure about this."

"Behind this Gym is a place called Dragon's Den. There is a small shrine at its heart."

This sounded like the beginning of a prank.

Clair continued, "Go there. If you can prove that you've lost your lazy ideals, I will admit you are a Trainer worthy of my badge."

"I don't like this," I said. "Give me the badge now, and rid yourself of me."

"What's that? Is what I asked too much to expect of you?" she snapped.

"How are you a Gym Leader if you aren't strong enough to accept defeat?"

"How are you ready for the League if you're too lazy to do what I ask of you? I know people like you, Lyra. You are unwilling to do work, you are a rotten brat who hasn't worked hard one day in your life...you can't even make yourself act civil for a few minutes. I'll be damned if I let you continue your Pokémon journey."

"So you don't think I'll pass this Dragon-master challenge. Well, I'll prove it to you, a thousand times over if I have to—I defeated you, I won, I'm capable of this goddamn Elite Four that you're making such a big ass deal about, and I don't have to have an award winning personality, either."

I kind of left from there, since I couldn't think of anything else insulting to say at the top of my head. I need to get more smart.