Author's Note

Hi, readers :) I keep forgetting to apologize to you guys for all the horrible waits. I'll just release a new chapter, and suddenly I'll think, wait...I should've said something on that chapter... Well, we're almost at the end now, and I'll try to use that fact to power myself on.

I'm planning to release the next chapter in less than a week. It shouldn't be overly difficult, and I'm still looking forward to update this story until it finishes. I have a lot planned for the future chapters.


First off, I was nearing deafness. When I approached Lugia, the surface of my clothes becoming sprayed with water, the roaring of the waterfall in my ears made them ring. I couldn't concentrate on anything at all, and this made me cross. Second of all, I had just nearly recovered from a random ass (panic attack?) hallucination, because two minutes before I was convinced I was going to die with no reason whatsoever. Also, I had a sore throat, because I was partially trying to recover from a cold. Plus, Lugia was exerting "Pressure" or some shit, and I don't like feeling pressure. All these combined made a disastrous poor first experience at Legendary Pokémon hunting.

So forgive me if all I did was give one glance at Lugia and impulsively throw out the Master Ball Oak gave me literally hours before.

I was sleepy after the "battle" (probably a side effect of the rest of my life), so I went back to the shore and stood there, stunned, for a few crucial moments. The only thing I've done with Lugia was change its name so it would no longer be uppercase in the gross default Johto style, so maybe the Kimono girls weren't impressed. Either way, they didn't look like happy campers once I've returned to the rock.

"You've done a great job," one of them even had the sass to sarcastically say.

I ignored her and carried on in my way out of the cave. I used my magic escape rope to get out of my crappy situation, then flew to New Bark Town to discuss the details with Professor Elm. After that I took a nap, since Elm had nothing particular to say. It was just another regular day.


"Follow Route 27 to reach Route 26. Once you get there, go straight north..."

Lugia was mine, and only mine. She was just big enough that she couldn't fit indoors, so I had to keep her in her Poké Ball whenever I went inside. She seemed surprisingly chill about being captured by me and all, which I feel is unusual because the Internet claimed that Legendary Pokémon have a history of killing their Trainers.

Anyway, if Lugia's plan is that, either she's trying to bring my guard down or she just sincerely doesn't care for anything. She flies around the sky over my head and usually does this without any comment from me, her white wings pounding against the air in large strokes. She was exceptionally quiet, but that's only to be expected, since everybody in my team including myself is too stupid for her centuries old brain. We can never reach her level, so we usually don't try and instead stay clear of her—Lorcan included, so I guess he has enough humility to not compare himself to a thing of a literal legend. Also, Miranda the Eevee is constantly scared of stepping on Lugia's wings, so even the most spaced out individual of us all doesn't dare get into Lugia's way.

I don't really know what to expect, honestly. It's probably the first time I've captured a Pokémon older than me, and a Legendary to boot. If she does anything unfamiliar, I most likely will end up freaking out and releasing her on the spot. So far, three moments like that have came by, but I haven't done anything out of laziness.

So those are my observations about Lugia so far. Kind of boring, but that's all the comments I can say of her so far. I'm sure there'll be more to add later when Lorcan tries to ask her out, but all he's been doing so far is being quiet and looking haunted. I think Twister said something mean to him.

According to Elm (whom I do not trust, but know he's right in this regard because he wants me to be famous in the way Harvard wants to associate with Bill Gates), the route I had to find was Route 27 in order to reach the Indigo Plateau. This was as hard as finding America in the heart of Trump Tower. Route 29 was the road between Cherrygrove and New Bark, and from there the number of the routes only went higher. I couldn't think of anywhere to go besides east from New Bark, and the only way to do that was go by the river Ethan yelled at me over a few days ago. So I went over there while Ethan was eating dinner (Ramen, he tried to invite me over but I don't like eating the food I ate three times a day last week), and navigated the smooth blue waters.

There was a brush of excitement through me as I surfed over the river, and it was kind of like being high, except not really. The sky still showed it being early afternoon, the sunlight baking on my back. And it must've been the right path, because Kitty didn't complain. I sprayed on Max Repel, to significantly decrease the boredom of my trip, and from there it was smooth sailing. For about five yards.

(By the way, I got a call from "Tim", who has yet to defeat the Goldenrod Gym. What a loser.)

After I touched land again, I felt exhilaration hit me. A man came to me from that stretch of land we were on, his eyes faintly smiling.

"You know what you've just done?"

"Nothing illegal," I said immediately. Kitty looked alarmed, his white feathers sticking up.

We both looked kind of high, but I prayed the man wouldn't notice. We weren't even high; we were just high off constant irritation.

"You've taken your first step into Kanto, that's what you've just done," the man continued, acting almost as though I've said nothing. As you can probably figure, I get that response a lot.

For a moment I paused, trying to deduce why my geography is so bad I couldn't even figure that much out. Considering that my hometown was less than a mile away, you would've thought I knew something like this already, but no.

"Check your Pokégear Map and see," the man insisted, mistaking my silence for disbelief. He turned and walked away, perhaps to act the part of a tourist for another clueless Johto inhabitant.

Praying that I didn't need to show my nonexistent passport to border control, I checked my Pokégear Map. It certainly did show myself as located at Tohjo Falls, and there was a cave entrance for the place right in front of me. That cave entrance seemed like the perfect place for border security to take place, so I tried to find other routes into Kanto—in vain. The land beyond the cave entrance was blocked by a ditch, and the small river that led away from the land came to a dead end. Realization of the whole thing struck me that I was too uncreative to evade border security, so I may as well go through it anyway.

Figuring that I could just show my Trainer Card, I reluctantly entered the premises. It included waterfalls that made my stomach turned when I attempted to ride on them with Lugia, and I smelled like uselessness and mosquito spray merged together. Once I managed to get through the other side, I came out only to be approached by a scary looking woman with an evil smile. She wore something clean and semi-professional, so I assumed she was from the government. How was I supposed to any better?

"FINE!" I screamed, after she suspiciously asked why I was there. "FINE! I'M A TOURIST! HERE'S MY TRAINER ID—"

"WE BATTLE THEN!" she screamed back, and took out a powerful Bulbasaur that has yet to evolve.

"Kitty, extrasensory!" I ordered.

Kitty, who was casually chewing on a leaf, stared at me in shock before spitting the leaf out and initiating his attack. Sizzles of psychic energy surrounded the Bulbasaur, which died in one hit. That's the moment I realized this woman was not from the government, and the absurdity of the situation took me by surprise—I thought a Bulbasaur and his master was from the government? Seriously? The government would never hire someone like that. It's probably a violation to own a Pokémon for combat in the government and not evolve it.

Plus, I also realized that it may as well be that, because it was stupid for me to fight against the government. They may be useless, but they won't let me inside the Pokémon League if I'm convicted of random felonies, no matter how stupid they were (as you can probably guess, people in Johto and Kanto get arrested for the most idiotic things like drinking carbonated drinks and walking at the same time, which is a legitimate rule in several counties). Elm would kill me if I never even made it inside the Pokémon League. The chances of me entering the League was the only reason he still kept me around.

After that battle, which was actually challenged by an Ace Trainer who wanted to win something random for fun, I moved on. It occurred to me, as I floated on the bright blue waters again, that this might be the last stretch of my journey. After this, I would explore Kanto if I'm lucky, but other than that I've seen everything I was going to see this summer.

And you know what? This was likely the first time in my entire life that I was productive, because I know other Trainers who'd been traveling for years and never quite finished their journey. I honestly look like a Pokémon Trainer prodigy next to those idiots.

Everybody's wondering right now, I bet, how I managed to go so far in so small a stretch of time, how I managed to beat all of the Gym Leaders, etc. Well, it's really simple. Here, I'll write a list right now of why I'm better than those other people, and how you can be better, too.

1. Travel in places with basically no hotels.

This is maybe the most important step. When you're not comfortable, you don't want to stay on your journey for too long. It's as simple as that. After a few weeks of camping outdoors with your Pokémon pissing all over you a few times you will be determined to go on with your life and stop this madness. Another option is going with no money, so you can't afford hotels. It will really give you a feel for the Pokémon Trainer lifestyle.

2. Don't be a noob.

Also very important. Try to choose Pokémon based on how strong they are, and avoid bringing around Magi-crap and similar creatures on your journey. When you face a Water-type Gym Leader, don't go in with a team full of Fire Pokémon because "they look cool." This is not the time either to make the case for a Seaking only team.

3. Hate your household.

Because then you'll never want to return home.

...And that's pretty much it.

And if you're still not confident in how to survive, you should train your Pokémon more. You have little excuse to be nearing forty with three school-age children and still be on your Pokémon journey after starting at age ten. If by the end of traveling through all regions you're still not a Pokémon Master, I don't know what to tell you. You either rushed through your journey too much, or you don't know what the fuck you are even doing—

But I have to ask myself here, why am I even writing this?