I ran towards Victory Road, then tossed Kitty out and told him to fly me to the first place he thought of. The first place he apparently thought of was Olivine City, but I wasn't feeling that place at the moment so we went to Cianwood from there instead. The moment my feet landed hard earth I felt this panicky knot in the middle of my chest, because one, sand is not very good hard ground to stand on, and two, I honestly felt like I legit ran from the police. Not that anything that just happened was my fault, of course. It's not my fault that physics decided to screw up due to influence from a UFO or something, and it's not my fault that the door to the Pokémon League was so fucking cheap it fell in like a fucking American football player on homecoming night. Nothing that ever happens is my fault.

It was dark everywhere since it was night. The cute little lamps they hung around randomly were not helping at all. The fire itself of the lamps were just little baby sparks that did absolutely nothing to help you find your way, so you just had to stumble around in the dark for a few moments, guided by the even more prominent darkness that came from the buildings. I eventually had enough of it and started to use one of my Pokémon as a flashlight (don't ask) so I could actually see without tripping into rocks every half millimeter. Even then, I saw nobody and it seemed as though I was in a perpetual ghost town. The small specks of light coming from the houses were too infrequent to make me feel as though I was somewhere where human beings actually lived in.

So nobody was around. This was something of a surprise to me, but it shouldn't have been. I had in my mind that a summer resort place like Cianwood would have a decent enough nightlife (at least during the summer months) but I had failed to account that we were in Johto. Cianwood "City" was depressingly quiet, with the ocean's somber waves accompanied only by the persistent chirping of angry crickets. I sat on a lonely bench near the shore, and watched the waves move ceaselessly in halfhearted motions. The bench was cold and slightly wet, which repulsed me but not enough to make me leave. The cold air chilled my revealed legs.

And I'm sitting here, feel mildly oppressed by everything—the thick ocean air, the knot in my heart.

I know this is the world of Pokémon, where Escape Ropes can teleport and flowers can lay eggs, but I'm still feeling salty about my bad aim earlier. Maybe I'm feeling salty about other things, too, but I don't want to think about those parts too clearly right now. I'm holding a bottle of lemonade in my hands right now, breathing in the salty air. I just want to stare out to the ocean, and think.

Why am I so mopey around the ocean at night? This is starting to get into a habit. Well, anyway...


I'm a pretty "meh" kind of person. I don't try hard at anything. I'm not the top student at school. But my sister Kris used to get high off achievement.

This sounds like an odd thing to say, but this really was her character. This is why she had to try to be a Pokémon Champion. One day, a day I never saw—I was off to my school, of course—she at once sat out on a journey nobody expected her to finish. Naturally, Kris was blind to these expectations, and instead kept to her mind that she wouldn't officially stop her journey until it was done. And it wasn't going to be done, until she became Champion. This was the sort of story many Pokémon Trainers try to fulfill and fail at, but Kris instead left a mess of a legacy that isn't so easy to discard. She trained all her Pokémon, from morning until dusk—I can infer this much, anyway—and left her hometown to embark on her journey from around the winter break. It was an exceptionally cold winter, and my mother had her take several layers of coats along the way. No matter, Kris succumbed to her mother's requests and left with her heavy assortment of winter clothing. She reached Violet City's gym and defeated the Gym leader there easily, just like I did. Then sometime later, she reached more gyms and gained her second, third, fourth Gym badge.

Her diary narrates—

Certainly, I have been defeating the Gym Leaders at a rate almost unheard of...one wouldn't have thought it could be done so easily. Well, I suppose this is the natural result of a few weeks' early hard training, which I had done daily for so long. Still, I can't help myself from lightening at the thought of my success. I feel guilty in the amount I do it at the expense of others, but I feel like the winds of victory are at my feet. I can't lose. Everybody I go against yields to me so easily. I feel so happy every time I win, so I have to keep going and going until finally I have nothing else to lose. There is nothing else I want to do right now besides place myself at the top of the world above all others.

Was she really this good at Pokémon battling? I don't know, but she doesn't sound like how I remembered Kris in my own mind. Either way, my mother was stunned to silence when she flipped to a random page of Kris's notebook, and read thus. Learning that your late perfect daughter was an aspiring autocrat can be troubling news. Confused by her silence, I took the book from her hands, graphite smudging onto my fingers as I read quietly to myself. After I read it, I too was locked into silence. I couldn't believe this was my sister, Kris. I'm the first person to admit that I wasn't close to her, but when it comes down to it, Kris was so nice.

But we thought she was nice. After all, would a nice person really write, "Everybody I go against yields to me so easily?" "There is nothing else I want to do right now besides place myself at the top of the world above all others?" It gets worse later on, when she talks about the aforementioned "high" and how her strength makes her feel like everybody else is inferior and whatnot. At first my mother and I thought it was a creative writing project, but when we noticed how well the dates matched to what we believed was Kris's progress with her challenge at the time, we realized this was starting to get too meta for Kris's poor imagination. Kris was good at many things, but never would she become so creative that she could write an alternate universe version of her own Pokémon journey while she was living it. She couldn't even draw a sun without feeling the unspeakable urge to draw dashing "rays" across the paper. So in conclusion, everybody thought I was the kooky one in the family, but apparently I had a sister as well with the same jackass genes.

I guess that just shows you can't trust sisters.

Also—it's really uncomfortable how wet this bench is. I thought it looked dry before I sat down, but then again you can't see a damn thing through this dark. Benches just can't be trusted either.


By the way, I lied earlier. It's true I don't work hard at all, but I said in a way that would make one think I don't care about achievements. That's not true. Even if I wasn't as arrogant as my sister about them, I'm obsessed with achievements. I like my little stickers on book reports, my gold medals, the smiley faces at the top of my math tests. Is it bad that I kept counting all my achievements as they came by? One gym medal, two gym medals. I have eight now, new additions to my mental collection of achievements. I have one prize for an essay I wrote, another medal for some contest I won. I had to win scholarships, after all, to get into my fancy boarding school. I barely remember them all. All I know is that I liked chasing after them, and I liked the reward for chasing even better.

Let me win another award, then. I'll become this old man's heir by winning yet another contest. I will forget it in two, three years time, but I will never forgot the satisfaction of winning, which will sink into my consciousness and lay in there since.

I went back the path to the Safari Zone in a dreamlike mental state. I was aware that I could have asked Kitty, my precious Togetic, to fly me there but the dramatization of my soul couldn't stand for that. I had to walk like in the days before...before Pokémon were invented. That's what people do when they wish to feel themselves more mature: go on a leisurely walk. Yeah!

So I went on my leisurely walk across the cliffs of 47, its domineering path striking a good enough challenge for the tremors of my heart. I tore my gaze away from the rockiness of the path in front of me and regarded the shimmering surface of the sea, just as I had done before...I felt a tinge of nostalgia for that experience which had just barely passed me. I passed the rushing waters, pausing occasionally as I stuffed the remains of a turkey sandwich into my mouth. Lorcan followed, his eyes almost appearing steely as he obeyed all my motions relentlessly. He seemed to appreciate a solemnity in the moment. The thundering of my heartbeat didn't waver, and exhaustion hit me despite the fact that I hadn't walked for long. With a deep sigh, I thought about my journey in a more reflective way, as probably ordained by every biographer, ever. What's a book about a famous person without a complete, hypothetical, and (probably) inaccurate psychological analysis? You tell me.

So here was my conclusion: this was going to be a distant, vague instance in a life full of them. One day I will grow older, and will have so much in my life I will forget this journey, and the moment I am referring to here. I will forget the caress of the moonlight against my skin, Lorcan wandering by as a young Dragonair. I will forget the tightening in my chest and the desperate, yet anxious, apprehension I had for the future. It occurred to me as I crossed the bridge that this moment will never come again, and although perhaps in time I will learn to miss it, for the time being I felt nothing but the bitter retrains of reality and the harshness of my situation. This was still a moment that stood out, however; I felt almost tranquility towards my journey—an ordeal that, as a whole, was a tangle of aching feet and mistakes. An ordeal that I'm still not sure was worth it or not.

I don't believe I did one thing right my entire journey. I battled some, won some, but overall, I think I made little progress in both my life and as a person in general. Although I believed firmly in the value of the future, in eventually having a better day, I believed I had done little from ensuring that good time will happen. I instead had lived my life in a typical dreamlike state, and went through everything expected of me on a one-on-one basis. In the meantime, I accomplished nothing. I did nothing extraordinary. It was all a meaningless daze to me at that moment.

But at that cliff, I thought I could see the positivity of my future human experience from the waters splashing against the rocks, different from everything else I have known. I looked down and with my newfound calmness, I reflected on the openness of the future that was exposed to me. I could still do anything and be anything. There could still be good things coming, if only I could work hard enough to make them happen. Yet there was a hint of melancholy in those words even then. The world was drifting by, and I wasn't not sure if I could catch it.

Still there was some desperation in the thought that made me willing enough to believe it, if only for that second. I am going to do things, I thought to myself. I will live the rest of my life...

I walked on, realized the impracticality of my own thoughts, and decided they were useless. In case you were wondering, this all happened in the span of roughly fourteen thoughtful seconds. I think fast.


"Hello, Lyra," Baoba said, warmness seeping into his resonant voice. "It's been so long. Why, I thought you got lost in some cave, or was challenging the Elite Four!"

"Of course not," I said. "I'm a mere tool for Professor Oak and nothing more. All I've been doing was toiling away at filling the Pokédex."

"I thought so," Baoba said with satisfaction. "It must be difficult to capture 256 Pokémon, not to mention the other ones. Anyway, capturing Pokémon for me would only help you collect more Pokémon."

"Naturally."

With that start, I returned to my quest of capturing Pokémon that I had no intention of ever using in battle or getting close with.

I wonder what Clair is doing now? I understand what she meant now when she acted like this whole Pokémon battling thing is pointless. At the time I hated Clair, and I was mostly amused by her departure. But if she spent her entire life surrounded by Pokémon and judging her strength from hers, it was bound to mess her up. To lose to a person like me must have broke her. She has spent her life training and still she lost, which encouraged her to abandon the Pokémon League to find her path in life. So much for waiting for her midlife crisis.

Still, though, I wonder if she meant it when she said she was going to get a degree on something unrelated to Pokémon. Maybe it was a morality crisis. After all, there are plenty of people out there who question if capturing intelligent beings like Pokémon and forcing them to fight each other is morally sound. We don't even give them bandages or anything when they get scratches, we just force them to fight until one of them passes out. Plus in the case of one of them needing healing in the middle of battling, we simply load up a bunch of chemical potions and force it down their bloodstreams so they can get well and fight again. Then there's shit like the Safari Zone, which manipulates these aspects of our society by creating an entire business plan based off it. There's plenty of things to hate about modern society, and I hadn't even hit the subject of technological inequality. You have people who spend all their days taking selfies with high-resolution phone camera, and then there's me, who can't even make a crappy selfie. Completely unfair.

So there I was, at the Safari Zone. Actually, I didn't like the idea of going Pokémon catching in the dark, so I waited until the next afternoon to proceed on my adventure. I was then told that my next test is to capture a Sandshrew after customizing the Safari Zone so it would show up.

"Why Sandshrew?" I asked.

Baoba immediately went on an explanation. I'm so used to dealing with ignorant people, I didn't realize that Baoba knew how his own amusement park worked.

"It's a good way to introduce area customization to you, Sandshrew can be caught at all times of day, and it's relatively easy to find."

For a second, I had new respect for the guy for thinking stuff out so much. The next second, I no longer had as much respect because then I was expected to pay the standard 500 Poké Dollar fee. I'm doing errands for the guy, and his staff still charges me? It was almost so bad I could've complained.

The Safari Zone is kind of fun, and I'm not just saying that because I was paid to. I don't know if I advertised their services before, but I'm going to now anyway. When you head to the Safari Zone, you immediately find the whole world basically open to you. You can go around and catch Pokémon to your heart's content. This may not sound like a big deal, but if you're a tiny Trainer from a place like NEW BARK TOWN and the only Pokémon you have ever seen was a Rattata and possibly a Pidgey, this thing is a big deal. It exposes little Trainers to bigger Pokémon, like the kind the rich Trainers at Blackthorn regularly see in their everyday lives. I even found a Skiploom that looked like it was forced to evolve from its base form. It was so rare I almost took out my camera, except I didn't because my phone doesn't have a camera.

While at the Safari Zone, I decided to catch a few other Pokémon as well because I wanted to get my money's worth. I caught a Cubone who I nicknamed "Cutter" because it looked like it was going to cut someone, and a Jigglypuff I got only by accident. I didn't really get anything I wanted, but I guess that's okay because it's not like I was particularly excited to get anything specific. All I felt was a large and bottomless emptiness at the thought of stuffing my PC boxes with so many Pokémon I would never use.

Once I showed Baoba the Sandshrew, he became incredibly excited at the conclusion of the small task he gave me. He smiled and walked aside, exclaiming, "I've always wanted to see young people playing at the safari! I thought I might get some new ideas. That should help you complete your Pokédex."

"That's true, sir," I said. "I'm excited at the opportunity."

Baoba continued to beam. "You are now the Safari Zone owner."

"That's great," I said. "I no longer want to pay admission."

The beaming faded somewhat. "Oh...actually, can you still pay admission? We have our reasons."

"Um..."

There was an awkward silence for a few moments.

"Anyway," Baoba cut in, "don't be upset. I'll keep thinking about how I can create new fun ways to help you complete your Pokédex."

"That's...nice, I guess. Are we going to start talking about how we'll distribute the profits of the Safari Zone?" As an owner of the Safari Zone, I think I'm entitled to something.

Baoba smiled. "We can talk about that later."

"Later...?"

"Maybe when you get a lot more experience in the world and start trying to make the business your own. For today, however, go have fun at the Safari Zone."

"Er...thanks," I said.

This wasn't what I had in mind by far, but there was nothing really to do at this point. At least I wasn't that invested in this as I could have been. I left the Safari Zone with a smile on my face for Baoba, since I was planning to help him out later. Baoba promised me that whenever he gets another idea, he'll call me as well. He doesn't seem like a bad person, but it appears that he believes I could be taken for granted, as a bored, otherwise useless teenager roaming the region during the months of summer vacation. I don't want to go out on a limb and say he's wrong, but he's also not right either. I guess it comes down to the fact that the Safari Zone is still a business. They're out there to make a profit, and if they're trying to do that by cheating a sixteen-year-old girl, who's out there to get them? Let's be real here: they lied to a sixteen-year-old girl, told her she was going to be an owner, and demanded her to contribute her time and money to that goal, which actually will never happen. If the point of this entire experience was to create a loyal young assistant that is always unpaid, I guess they succeeded.

I mean, seriously. They can try to cheat me as much as they like. At least I don't have any monetary contribution to Baoba's disaster because, frankly, I don't think this idea is going to be a hit anytime soon. It's probably a good thing I'm not a real owner.


It's been a few days since my last entry. I hate my life. I'm definitely going to continue my Pokémon League struggles, because I don't feel content on what's been happening so far.

For example, just yesterday I came across a disagreeable Safari Zone customer. I hope he has many unlucky days to make up for the bad one he gave me.

When I met him at first it went fine enough. He was about my age, an Ace Trainer, and we were talking about I don't even know what. Eventually it became established that we were both aspiring Pokémon champions, and that we both took Pokémon training seriously because we never like to lose. Then when I told him about my training routine—which is composed of attacking as many Pokémon as possible—he stared at me, clueless.

"But how do you EV train?"

"Sorry?"

When he realized how "amateur" I was, he sneered.

"Do you realize," he said in a haughty tone, "that you are damaging your Pokémon's fighting potential?"

"Get real."

"You get real. You are abusing your Pokémon by ruining them through careless techniques. To fully reach a Pokémon's potential, you must evaluate IVs and establish a proper plan for EVs, as well as create group harmony and move setups."

"Little do you know," I said, "my team has perfect group harmony. One Pokémon flies while another smashes rocks. I don't know what else you want. Furthermore, nobody talks about EVs and IVs, or even care."

He shook his head at me. "If you want to be another mediocre trainer in the middle of nowhere, go ahead. God knows there's so many. But if you want to be great, if you want to be in the Pokémon League one day, you have to do it in a certain way. You're just a sad waste of potential. To think that I saw your Dragonair, and thought you tried."

Said Dragonair coughed in the background.

"It's funny how you keep saying these things while I'm apparently still in the dark about what an EV is," I said. "You want to keep feeling better than me. Frankly, I don't care. Just leave me alone, and know this, if my Pokémon are trained more than yours, than it does't matter what anyone planned. They're still dead."

"In competitive—"

"But who said anything about going competitive? Maybe that's what you want, but it's not what I want. People care too much about stuff like that these days."

Scrambling with anger, I almost forgot myself.

"Have a terrible day," I said, motioning him to exit.

"I'm complaining to your manager."

"I'm complaining to your mother."


"Lyra," Baoba said, "I heard you were fighting with a customer earlier."

"I wasn't fighting, he was. Anyhow, I collected myself and marched him out. He was concerned with the ethics of catching Pokémon," I added.

"Those damn Team Plasma activists. They're ruining business," he mumbled. "Next time, though, behave more nicely, all right? What if other customers would be watching?"

"Of course, sir."

So that was diverted, but the blow to myself was not. I just can't stay here anymore and do nothing. This is a meh way to spend my precious summer vacation. I may as well had stayed home and read my assigned reading instead. By staying here I'm feeling restless, and horribly tired. I think that's what you do when you've been traveling around so long, and now you've been kind of forced to settle down. Lorcan has read this entry, and has told me straight out that he agrees with me throughly. He's bored with the lack of eligible girlfriends around here, which I don't care about, but at least we both feel sentiments towards the same thing.

So I'm back on the road to the Pokémon League. Let's just hope they don't remember my face, from uh, before. Then again, this organization can get so cheap with things, maybe they don't even have video cameras for me to worry about?