Chapter Nine
Moving Forward
Grumbling to herself, Kay waited for Cynthia to get around to her side of the car. She had already protested needing help walking earlier in the day, which lead her to nearly falling face-first into the hospital pavement. Had it not been for the nurse who caught her, she might have ended up there a few days extra.
Despite how much she hated being handled like she was made of glass, the sooner she got better, the sooner it would all be over.
Never before had Kay hated how low to the ground Cynthia's car was until she was having to get help to just get out of the vehicle. Holding on tightly to her, the short steps from the parking lot to her apartment had never felt more difficult. Everything about holding onto her older sister because just taking a few steps was draining, and left her feeling humiliated.
"Living room or your bed?" Cynthia asked her.
"Bedroom." The less Cynthia had to help her move from place to place, the better. Surly getting around her room, and to her own bathroom wouldn't be much of a struggle.
Looking around, she took note that her apartment was cleaner than the morning before she had been admitted into the hospital. Something about it made her feel guilty.
After Cynthia helped her get as comfortable as possible in her room, she stood at the foot of her bed. "I'm planning on staying here for this whole coming week. I'll make sure Avery still gets to and from school, and you wont have to worry about cooking or anything. But the week after I'm definitely going to have to get back to work."
"Yeah, yeah, sounds good."
Cynthia frowned. "You're extra crabby today."
She grumbled. "Being completely off those painkillers sucks. Everything still fucking hurts. My bad."
Cynthia sighed, not sure what to say in response.
She wasn't looking forward to sleeping on a couch for a week, and Kay wasn't looking forward to being doted on for the next week…
Sitting in her car for a few extra seconds, Cynthia looked over her reflection in the rearview mirror. Normally, she would put her hair back, but getting back in the swing of things, and accounting for an extra hour to commute from Easton, had left her feeling like a mess.
Briefly, she considered just telling Steven that she was no longer coming into work, but with how long she had already been away, she willed herself to get heading towards the museum.
After a quick turnaround to make sure her car had been locked, she entered the building, set on making her way to Steven's office to clock in.
"Cynthia!"
However, a side trip to talk to Skyla couldn't hurt. Especially with how rare it was to see her in the working weekday morning shifts. "Morning, Skyla," She greeted, heading for the reception desk. Already the sense of normalcy was helping take her mind off of everything.
"You've been gone for forever! How are you? How's your sister and niece? Steven just told us all you've had a family emergency, but since I've only ever heard you talk about your sister and your niece, I figured it had to do with them!" She asked, speaking a mile a minute.
The prying might have otherwise annoyed her coming from anyone else, but there was something incredibly endearing about it. It was a pleasant change to how down she had been the last time she saw her. "I've only been gone for what, three weeks?"
Her blue eyes stayed wide. "And considering I've never heard of you missing a day of work before? I've been super worried about you!"
She smiled at her. "I appreciate the concern, Skyla, but don't worry. Things have settled down quite a bit. I should be here regularly now."
She sat back down on her chair, crossing her hands on her lap. "Okay. It's good to have you back."
The simple notion warmed her. "It's good to be back." Dealing with potential crabby guests might just be more preferable to dealing with a definitely crabby sister.
With that, she headed for Steven's office, eager to know what she needed to do for the day. She greeted him with a quick "Good morning," upon entering his office.
When he looked up at her, his shoulders fell in relief. "You don't know how happy I am to see you."
She fought the temptation to laugh. "Man, if I knew I would get this kind of reception, I would stay away for long periods more often," she joked, taking a seat in front of him. "How much do I need to get caught up on?"
He covered his face with his hands. "Thankfully, not too much." He ran his hands down his face, exemplifying how tired he was. "I made sure that you would have as little to worry about when you got back as possible. The new traveling exhibit is in, so I just want you to familiarize yourself with it, make a few calls today, and maybe take a few evening tours if you're up for it."
"I appreciate it, Steven, but you don't have to ease me back into this. I know this place like the back of my hand," she told him.
He leaned back in his chair. "Do you remember what this visiting exhibit is?"
She went to answer him, but stopped short. For the life of her, she couldn't remember what the exhibit was supposed to be. She would blame it on not being archaeology, and therefore, not as exciting to her…But if it was archaeology-related, then she definitely had no excuse. "Okay, fine, I don't remember," She conceded.
He chuckled lightly. "Biolumi—"
It clicked. "Bioluminescence! In nature! That's right! They were supposed to start taking down the visiting ocean exhibit the night I left."
He continued laughing. "You really should check it out before we open. It's really stunning! The blacklight and how everything just glows is quite something." He began looking through his desk drawers. Pulling out a large packet of papers, he handed it to her. "Here's the information packet on it. You'll want to read through that before giving any tours."
She took it from his hands, flipping through it. Lots of small text and many diagrams. "Might wanna not put me on tours until tomorrow, but everything else I can definitely handle." She stood up, ready to get to work. "Also…thank you for being so patient with me these past few weeks."
"I know how important Kay and Avery are to you. Don't worry about it. If you need any extra time off, just let me know, okay?" He told her.
She smiled at him before turning to leave. The packet was heavy in her hands.
"Oh! One thing before you go!"
She stopped in the doorway, looking at him expectantly.
He put his hands together atop his desk. "I was thinking…During the expansion for adding on a new building—" That meant his appeal to the city had been approved "—How does an office all of your own sound?" He asked it so plainly it took her a moment to process.
"Like, an office-office? Like your office?" She asked. She already had a desk of her own, but it was shared in a space with others. The thought of having a whole room for herself left her feeling giddy.
He nodded. "Yes, much like my own. Probably same size and everything." He spoke so casually.
She blinked a few times, still processing. "What made you decide I finally deserve an office of my own?"
He shrugged. "The second I realized that Wallace was right. This place does descend into something akin to madness without you. You're an integral member of this team, and it's passed time for me to express that to you…"
Walking in the apartment still riding the excitement of eventually having her own office —her office! A place where she could put her things! A place to do her work!— Cynthia called out to her sister, hearing a muffled "shit" in response. The excitement was immediately gone.
Rounding the corner of the half-wall, she looked around for Kay. Towards the kitchen, slumped against the wall, Kay sat. "Kay!"
"I'm fine!" She responded, wiping her bangs from her face.
Cynthia dropped her bag, rushing to her side. The second she leaned down, Kay swatted at her.
"I'm fine!" She restated, finding it too hard to control her anger. She was already in enough pain as it was. Cynthia doting on her was the last thing she wanted.
"What happened?" Cynthia asked, ignoring her swatting.
She grabbed the hand Cynthia extended to her again. "I'm fine. Leave me alone."
Cynthia's expression hardened. Irritation was quickly replacing worry. "You're literally sitting on the ground from, I'm assuming, falling."
Kay rolled her eyes, letting go of her. "I lost my balance is all. I'm fine. Quit babying me."
Cynthia felt lost for a response. Yet one seemed to come anyways. "Quit babying you? Quit babying you?" She restated. Maybe it wasn't the response she was looking for. Maybe it was a response that she wanted to say, rather than something she would have tiptoed around otherwise. "Do I need to remind you that you just had a huge surgery, with complications that might have been able to kill you?"
"Yeah! I was there! It fuckin' sucked, Cynthia!"
"I'm not babying you! I'm trying to take care of you!" Now they were just in a yelling match.
Leaning forward despite the pain, she got in Cynthia's face. "Maybe I don't want you to fucking take care of me like this. Maybe I want to sit here on the floor, seconds away from crying because I'm in so much fucking pain that I can barely see straight."
"Well maybe I can't handle losing you again, Kay!" The outburst caught both of them off-guard. Cynthia, because it wasn't something she ever planned to admit out-loud. Kay, because finally she allowed herself to see just how much Cynthia was also hurting. While all of her own pain was physical, Cynthia's pain was emotional, and much easier to hide.
Or maybe she wasn't even hiding it, Kay had been choosing to not see her sister's pain.
Cynthia fell back on her knees, digging her fingers in her hair, the sting of tears at the corners of her eyes. "Kay," she continued, voice shaky. "You don't understand how much it destroyed me when you stopped talking to me. Not only did we lose Grandma, but it felt like losing you and Avery, too."
Kay said nothing in response, leaning back against the wall.
"I'm sorry I'm being so obnoxious and basically in your face all the time. I'm sorry, but it's just…I can't lose you again. I can't lose you and Avery. I just got you back, a-and…I just can't." She wiped away the threat of tears. She wouldn't cry, no matter how much she wanted to.
"We've…both been avoiding this, haven't we?" Kay said, looking away from her. Watching her resist crying was making her want to cry. The last thing she wanted was for Avery to come home and see them both in a fit of tears.
Cynthia nodded in response. "It's…not going to be a fun conversation. I've been avoiding it because I don't want you to think I'm blaming you."
"I mean…I'm probably not blameless in all of this. I did cut you out because of the dumb man I was with," She admitted. Taking a deep breath to center herself, she motioned for Cynthia to sit by her. "Let's get this out of the way already."
Sitting next to her would at least allow her to stare at the table instead of having to make direct eye contact. "Was it just Oliver keeping you from talking to me?"
She shrugged. "Kind of. He was a big part of it at first, but…after about a year, I just felt too guilty to talk to you. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to apologize for telling you to fuck off and stay out of mine and my daughter's life, and then it just went on for however many years."
"If it wasn't for Steven, Kay…" She pulled her knees up to her, wrapping her arms around them. "I don't think I'd be here right now. He was basically the only thing holding me together for the longest time. Like I said, losing you and Avery devastated me."
"I'm sorry," Kay said, trying not to imagine a world without her sister. Despite how much she had been getting on her never as of late, the thought of never seeing her again was enough to leave her feeling choked up.
"You could have called," Cynthia said, barely above a whisper.
"I mean…I did…just…I should have years ago. I was scared you hated me, and wanted nothing to do with me."
Despite herself, Cynthia let out an amused laugh. "Are you kidding? All I wanted was my sister and niece back. Even if I had ever been mad at you, I don't think I could ever hate you."
Kay's shoulders slumped. Lolling her head to the side, she looked at her sister. "I'm sorry," She said again, finding her voice starting to waver. "I'm sorry for telling you to fuck off. I'm sorry for forcing you out of my life. I'm sorry I let Oliver convince me that you were a bad sister. I'm sorry I let him convince me you only hurt yourself for attention. I'm sorry I left you when you needed me the most…when we needed each other the most." As she continued, tears spilled over her cheeks. She told herself it was mostly a result from all the pain she was feeling; not that years of guilt were finally surfacing.
"What did Oliver have against me?"
She shrugged, wiping away her tears. "You hated him. He hated you. He wanted it to be just me and him, and he basically had it that way by always convincing me that everyone outside of us was out to get me. I don't know why I didn't see it for so long. I should have seen the writing on the wall when Avery refused to call him dad." Among other things.
Which reminded Cynthia. "Why is Avery scared to tell you she likes girls?"
To her surprise, Kay laughed. "I mean, it's not like I don't know. I figured from the day she came home in first grade telling me all about how she was going to marry her best friend Tawny."
Cynthia allowed herself to laugh a little as well. "But why won't she tell you? I mean…It's not like she's coming from a family without any gay women."
She withheld a snarky comment. "The last few years of our relationship, anytime I would just in passing mention that I found some woman pretty, Oliver would take it as 'Oh hey fuck off I'm gonna go marry her now', and take it all way too personally."
"I'm glad you got away from him," She said.
In a quick, albeit painful motion, Kay leaned over, resting her head on Cynthia's shoulder. "Me too." It wasn't until that moment that it really sunk in that she was away from her ex husband. For the past few months she had forced herself to not think too much on it; to work on setting herself and Avery up on a better path forward.
"The girl with curly brown hair, right?" Kay asked, breaking the silence.
Cynthia laughed a bit, not needing any clarification on what she was talking about. "Color guard."
"A year ahead of Avery?"
"Yeah."
She nodded. "Told you, it's not like I don't know. She and uh…Maggie, right?" She waited for confirmation before continuing. "They were super fast friends. Half the time when she tells me she's texting her section leader, I'm pretty sure she's actually talking to her. I just don't want to pressure her or anything. She can tell me when she's ready. All I can do in the meantime is just…try to make sure I give her an environment where she feels comfortable."
Cynthia couldn't argue with it. "I mean, hell, she's doing a thousand times better than you were at her age," she joked, laughing as Kay weakly smacked her.
"I mean, you're not wrong, but also: jerk." Her tone was light, leaving no room for any actual anger. It was a true statement, and the fact that her child was doing better than her was only able to leave her feeling prideful. At least there was one thing in her life she hadn't completely messed up.
After sitting in silence for awhile longer, Cynthia found herself ready to move. "You ready to let me help you stand?" She asked.
Kay leaned over, taking her head off her shoulder and responding with a quiet, "Yeah," before finally accepting her help. Cynthia helped her up, careful to not bring her up too fast. Once on her feet, her first thought was to let go. To be stubborn and go back to insisting that she could do things on her own. Instead, she just looked at her before bringing her into a hug. "I'm so glad you're here," she admitted.
But before Cynthia could say anything in response, Kay was just as quick to pull away. "Alright. That's enough sibling affection for the month," she grumbled, putting a hand on the wall to steady herself.
Cynthia could only laugh. It was so much like Kay, and the fact alone couldn't have made her happier. A few minutes of a heart-to-heart didn't make up for years of being shut out, but it was a step in the right direction. Something she couldn't be more thankful for.
"So, what we're you going for before you fell?" She asked, derailing the conversation.
She groaned in response, leaning towards the wall. "I just wanted some juice. Teach me to get sick of water."
Cynthia laughed, wholeheartedly. "If you can get to the couch, I'll bring you some juice. Do you wanna snack to go with that?"
She rolled her eyes, working on making her way towards the couch. Thankfully with the apartment not being huge, it wasn't much of a walk. "Shut up." A few seconds after settling down, Cynthia joined her in the living room, handing her a glass.
"I just want to ask one more thing. Its one of those things I've been avoiding as well," Cynthia said.
"Fine," Kay answered, sipping the orange juice.
"So…" she tried to figure out how to best say it. Every iteration of this conversation in her head always lead to an argument. "Diantha showed up after Grandma passed, and tried to like…give her condolences or whatever?"
It didn't even take a second for her to remember it. "Oh, yeah, and I basically told her to fuck off. Probably called her a hoe, too?"
"Wanna say you threatened bodily harm to her as well." She kept her tone even.
Kay shrugged, setting her glass on the coffee table. "Look, just because we were at each others throats every other hour, didn't mean I was gonna let her back into your life. Not after you had a meltdown days before because of her."
"Do you remember your reasoning?"
She gave her a pointed look. "Oh, yeah, seeing her show up out of nowhere with that ugly-ass rock on her fuckin' hand. That would have made you feel so much better."
It at least got a laugh from Cynthia…
Sitting at her desk, the final bell having rung fifteen minutes ago, Diantha stayed behind to get a start on grading papers. Nothing too difficult had been assigned, so it was work she could finish before going home. The less work she had to finish up over the weekend the better. She had gotten behind in her weekly planning.
"Hey, Miss Gardner~"
She looked up, a smile breaking across her face at the tall young woman in her doorway. "Elesa! So good to see you!"
Elesa had been one of her students, both in her literature class as well as in her very first group of homeroom freshmen. The entire time she was in school, she had never once made any indication that she knew of who Diantha had been. Only on the very last day of classes, just as she was walking out the door for the final time did she give away that she knew about her film career. Her ability to keep a secret was nothing short of impressive.
She was also one of a handful of students who would come back to visit her now and then. Once out of high school, Diantha would mentor her when possible as she made her way into a modeling career. While modeling wasn't something she herself had done much of, the territory was similar enough to being a film star. Elesa was always greatful for it, anyways.
"I see you went through with dying your hair black," Diantha commented, watching her take a seat in the closest desk.
She ran her fingers through her dark hair, pulling some of it forward. "Yeah, I'm happy with the change, and— wait, first, is it cool that I'm here? I don't wanna get you in trouble or take away from you grading."
Diantha nodded. "You're fine. I always have time for you, Elesa." So long as alumni were allowed on the school's campus, she never had a problem with it.
"Rad. Anyways, Skyla was more than happy to help me dye it, so I didn't even have to worry about a salon not doing it how I wanted."
As she fiddled with the strands, Diantha noticed a slight blue sheen to it when in just the right lighting. "How are things with Skyla?" She asked. It was something Elesa had also been coming to her about as of late.
She shrugged, not making eye contact. "Haven't seen her too much lately. When she's not in class, she's usually at work. Something about her boss being out for family stuff, and now the place is just in chaos. I dunno."
"Sounds like you wish you knew," Diantha observed, leaning back in her chair. Briefly, she wondered where her friend worked.
"The night we dyed my hair was pretty much the only time I've seen her over the past few weeks. I mean, I've had a few photoshoots to keep me occupied, and I've finally settled on a major, so I'm mentally prepping for the next classes I'm going to be taking."
Diantha smiled. "Before we delve into things with Skyla, what major have you decided on?"
She crossed her legs, finally looking at her. "I'm sure it comes as no surprise, but I'm going with fashion design."
"Very nice. Definitely something I think you will excel in. Though," she began, her tone shifting to something more joking. "I still think you should go for a literature degree. You write such fabulous papers." She began laughing as Elesa groaned in response.
She stopped playing with her hair. "I've written more than enough papers for one lifetime, thank you. Half of them for your class," She jabbed.
Diantha laughed once more. "I'm joking of course. I am proud of you for finally deciding on something."
"Thanks." She said it almost shyly, but Diantha could feel how genuine it was. She always wondered if she got enough praise in her daily life with how she tended to react to it.
"So, Elesa, are you here because you have modeling questions, or because you are having trouble with Skyla?" Diantha asked, already sure of the answer. Not that she minded. She saw a lot of herself in the young woman.
She sighed. "It's Skyla. Sorry," she quickly apologized. "I just don't really have anybody to talk to about this. Dad's so mentally checked out when it comes to relationship stuff."
"No need to apologize. I know what that's like."
She continued. "I think I messed up. I openly flirted with her, and I know she was flirting with me!" She talked with her hands, and it was something Diantha found endearing. "I thought I was finally going to just get the courage and kiss her! But just before I could like…get that courage, she basically just got up and left."
Diantha hummed in response. "Did something happen?" She asked.
She shrugged, crossing her arms. "I had just finished drying my hair. She was sitting on my couch, I was on the floor in front of her, so she could style my hair. She stopped, and so I looked up at her to see if something was wrong, but then we just…looked at one another. I was like…'Hey', and then she laughed. Just as I was turning around to face her better, she just got up and said something about the time and just…left. So…I don't know. I've honestly been too scared to talk to her since. "
Not knowing every minute detail, Diantha felt as lost as she figured Elesa was. "I…I can't say that I have any advice other than talk to her. Getting your feelings out there is your best bet, and be sure to use 'I' statements. Otherwise it might come across as blaming her."
She grumbled. "I know, I know. It's like, I'm almost one-hundred percent positive she feels the same. It's like we're just avoiding talking about it because we're both just losers who are scared we're wrong."
"Don't talk so negatively about yourself. It's perfectly fine to fear rejection. Even now I still have a healthy fear of it. But is just the fear of being wrong the only thing holding you back?" She asked. She had an idea of what the real problem was, but she wanted Elesa to come to it on her own. She didn't want to risk projecting anything onto her.
She thought over her answer for a moment, looking intently at the whiteboard in front of her. "I think we're both scared of my modeling career getting in the way. I'm scared she thinks I'm above her in some way, and I'm…I don't know. It's not like I'm even somebody right now, but if I ever was? Aim high, sure, but its not like I'm going to become Cordova's Sweetheart overnight or anything…But if I do?"
Just like that, she had come to the exact conclusion Diantha had. She had to pick her next words carefully. "I completely understand where you're coming from. I had the same worries when I was starting to become somebody." She had Elesa's full attention by then. "The thing that got me in the end— well, one of many things— was that I never communicated my fears to the woman I was dating. Things that were bothering me, I just kept to myself. Be open with one another. I know it's easier said than done, but being upfront as possible is honestly the best thing you can do."
Elesa said nothing, only humming in thought. The sound was a bit distressed.
"Besides, with you? I'm honestly not too worried. From everything you've told me, your agent is very good. She guides you well, but doesn't overstep." As an aside, she added. "If she ever does, find yourself a good lawyer and drop her before she can attempt to ruin your life."
That garnered Elesa's attention once more. "Oh, sweet!" She was finally smiling again, and her tone was amused. "Am I finally gonna get the real backstory to what happened with you and your manager? I've read articles, sure, but I'd love to hear the real story." She put her chin in her palm, looking expectantly at Diantha.
She laughed, shaking her head. "I'm afraid not, dear Elesa…"
My sincerest apologies for the delay. Took an extra semester to graduate and taking care of my mental health has consumed a lot of time.
Hopefully things will be more regular from here on out.
Thank you for your continued support!
~Tori
