RE: The Legend of [SATOU] / Emergence of the Hero, Prologue/Genesis
By: Boringbone
Summary: What If Kazuma Chose A Power Instead Of The Useless Aqua? Will He Finally Show His True Potential? Kazuma/Harem Except For Aqua I Hate Her. Might Be OOC. There Are Some OCs And SI.
A/N # 1: ohayo all minna-sans. Its me bb. Im still sort of recovering from the emotional amd physical trauma lingering from the plane crash but aside from that im doing genki. Right now im crashing, no pun intended, at my uncles place in account of my parents having died in the plane crash. My older sister is living somewhere else as we were distributed among our family members, I to my uncle and my older sister to a sort of but not really estranged cousin who my mother had once cautioned of us never to associate ourselves with in account of his being a college dropout, the fear of hers being that his habit for deleterious life decisions or lack thereof would somehow influence us to follow his example.
Like i said i am feeling verygenki. My uncle's name is Moe Lester and he is very nice and has been very welcoming of me. Hes very kind and goes out of his way to provide comfort. He even massages me every night and helps me bathe. Hes also very photogenic and likes taking pictures of me. he has been very hospitable and gracious since he took me in and for that i am very grateful. He seems quite lonely after he lost his family, wife and two daughters three years ago. The daughters were around my age when they went missing and his wife had mysteriously died, shortly after their disappearance, in a house fire in which he was the sole survivor. I really pity him and even if they dont fit me that well i did as he requested and wore some of the old clothes his daughters used to wear.
My bf Newman is also doing well. It took him a while to receive clearance from the hospital but he has permission to leave the facility now. We dont go on as much dates as before since Uncle Moe doesnt like it when i go outside too much and i dont think he likes Newman very much. I still talk to Newman at school but with the talks Uncle Moe brings forth during mealtimes about having me homeschooled instead of publicly schooled i start fearing that my time with Newman might dwindle as a result, though im assured that uncle moe means well. Newman once sent me a text which read 'I think your Uncle Moe is a molester', and i told him he was mistaken. Uncle Moe's full name is spelled 'Moe Lester' not 'molester'. I scolded Newman and asked him to work on his spelling, which was, quite frankly, atroshoes.
Chapter 12: The Destiny of this Awesome Party!
After gaining levels sufficiently Kazuma and co felt it was an appropriate time to leave the town of noobs and scrubs, Axel. Kazuma hugged and kissed and maybe even touched the girls in his harem like luna wiz and lean and a bunch of other cuties like the girl in the second ova. They didnt want him to leave but understood that he had a higher calling. They bid him farewell as kazuma and his party departed for the city of Lexa. The city of lexa was where intermediate level adventurers journeyed and in most cases permanently resided for a life of retired comfort.
They went by way of carriage and on the way they encountered some bandits. This may be a good opportunity as ever to go over Kazuma's new abilities so lets do just that minnasans.
Satou Kazuma abilities:
Thief stuff (learned from chris)
Explosion (learned from Megumin (formerly theo))
Magic stuff (learned from Lynn, magician from Dust's party)
Crusader stuff (learned from darkness)
Lich stuff (learned from wiz)
Cooking stuff (learned from a chef)
How to file taxes and make difficult financial decisions (leaned from Luna the guild receptionist)
How to have a neroid make a louder 'nyaa' sound than usual (learned from kids who play in the streets)
How to die peacefully (with pictures) (learned from Wikihow)
How to kiss and hug and maybe even touch a little (learned with his harem wink wink)
The bandits had completely underestimated Kazuma's party. They were arrogant in their mannerism and in their approach, as they believed that overt displays of bravado and faux-confidence would prove sufficient to alter the combat odds in their favor. They staggered menacingly, or at least that was the attempt, with an affected swagger that was made all the more pathetic and ridiculous by the barbaric, ill-maintained equipment they used, and the tattered clothing they wore. The bandits were incredibly hairy, but only in the unflattering places such as the nostril, where a corkscrew strand of black and greasy nasal hair spiraled out, the tip of the hair fraying out into wiry loose-ends, which would tickle the upper lip on occasion.
They looked at the pretty girls and got all horny. "Say, pal, if you let us play with those cute girls, we'll think about letting you all walk away with your lives… After you service all of my men here."
The others sneered and chuckled after the bandit's leader made his offer. The bandit leader looked a lot like Hulk Hogan but more dirty and rapey.
"Curse you demons. Don't look at my party members with those lewd eyes," Kazuma said.
One of the bandits reported to the boss with a bundle of rope in his hands. "Sir, I have the rope. Let's start tying those girls up."
This is a real life example of toxic masculinity and rape culture. The men drooled at the prospect of violating these young girls. By chance, they were all wearing MBGA (Make Belzerg Great Again) hats at that moment. And on closer inspection, the bandit leader who shared a resemblance to Hulk Hogan actually looked a lot more like the President of the United States of America, Donald J. Trump.
The bandits encircled the party with lewd smiles on their faces.
"I want the small one. She looks feisty. I like feisty girls who fight back," said a bandit who shared a resemblance with Nickelodeon producer and foot enthusiast, Dan Schneider.
"I like the silver haired thief girl. I like girls with slim, toned bodies. I want to run my hands all over those toned, supple thighs of hers," said a bandit who didn't resemble a famous public figure, specifically, but he still came across as a real sleazeball.
Some bandits were interested in Darkness, too.
"Enough," said Kazuma. "Everyone, attack these criminal scum!"
At Kazuma's command, the party followed their practised attack pattern. Darkness acted as the vanguard and drew the attention to herself. Chris used her speed and sneak skills to take down enemies with hit and run tactics, Megumin charged her Explosion, and Kazuma supported everyone with his various skills.
"Lightning Chain!" Kazuma yelled, as streams of electricity assaulted the bandits who had previously formed an encirclement around the party.
Chris finished off the ones who had not fallen, and as for the ones who abandoned their post and ran away, Megumin pointed her staff at them.
"Explosion!"
The bandits all died.
The rest of the trip was uneventful, and soon, the gang arrived in the city of Lexa, but I think ill leave that for another time since Uncle Moe wants to take a bath with him now so all minnasans i aisheteru you very much i wish all of you a good day or night and as always everyone bonefist -BB
Oh and i didnt hear from sonicfan98 in the last chapter. Good, maybe he died or something.
