Subaru: Listen, I can explain...
Felix: You're making $500,000 and you're only gonna pay me $30,000?
Julius: You're getting 30 grand? I'm getting $1,000!
Reinahrd: You guys are getting paid?

Felix, Subaru, and Reinhard are sitting on a bench
Julius: Why do you guys look so sad?
Felix: Sit down with us so we can tell you.
*Julius sits down*
Subaru: The bench is freshly painted.

(Pride IF)
Felix: Have you seen a person named 'Subaru' around here?
Julius: Ugh, yes. H made a horrible mess of the blood fountain.
Reinhard: It looks fine to me?
Julius: IT USED TO BE WATER!

Felix: Reinhard, I'm sad.
Reinhard: *Holds out arms for a hug* It's going to be okay.
Julius: Subaru, I'm sad.
Subaru, nodding: mood.

Felix: *Screams*
Subaru: *Screams louder to assert dominance*
Reinhard: Should we do something?!
Julius, observing: No, I want to see who wins this.

Subaru: There is no future. there is no past. do you see? Time is simultaneous, an intricately structured jewel that humans insist on viewing one edge at a time, when the whole design is visible in every facet.
Felix:
Reinhard:
Julius:
Everyone Else At Felix's Surprise Birthday Party:
Julius: All I asked was if you wanted to cut your birthday cake first.

Reinhard, setting down a card: Ace of spades
Felix, pulling out an Uno card: +4
Subaru, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you
Julius, trembling: What are we playing

Felix: Why is Subaru so sad?
Reinhard: He took one of those "Which Character Are You?" quizzes
Felix: And...?
Reinhard: He got Julius.

Felix: Why are your tongues purple?
Subaru: We had slushies. I had a blue one.
Julius: I had a red one.
Felix: oh
Felix:
Felix: OH
Reinhard: You drank each other's slushies?

Felix: You are now one day closer to eating your next plate of nachos.
Julius: That's the most hopeful thing I've ever heard.
Reinhard: But what if I die tomorrow and never eat any nachos?
Subaru: Then tomorrow is nacho lucky day.

[The group is a prison cell that was just hit by an earthquake]
Felix: Uh, I'm gonna roll a perception check of... 4, and see if our cell is, uh, in any way damaged by this quake
Subaru: You're in a prison cell :)
Reinhard: You did great. Well, I got a 10-
Subaru: You're in a prison cell with bars on it :3
Julius: I got a 1!
Subaru: You're in... a cube-shaped place.

Julius: *Gently taps table*
Subaru: *Taps back*
Felix: What are they doing?
Reinhard: Morse code.
Julius: *Aggressively taps table*
Subaru: *Slams hands down* YOU TAKE THAT BACK-

Felix: I think Julius was right.
Subaru: I'm surprised they haven't marched in here to say 'I told you so.'
Reinhard: They wouldn't do that.
Julius: You're right, Reinhard. For once in your life, you're 100% right. I would never say that.
Julius: *turns around, the shirt they're wearing says 'Julius Told You So' on the back*

Julius: I currently have 7 empty notebooks and I have no clue what to put in them. Suggestions?
Subaru: Put spaghetti in it.
Julius: I'm currently taking suggestions from literally anyone but you.
Felix: Put spaghetti in it.
Julius: I'm currently taking suggestions from anyone but you two.
Reinhard: Put spaghetti in it.
Julius: I'm no longer taking suggestions.

*Subaru is cooking*
Julius: Any chance that's for me?
Subaru: It's for Reinhard. I'm planning on making some bad choices tonight, and I need them on my side.
Felix: I never realized the forethought that went into being a disappointment.

Subaru: You lying, cheating, piece of shit!
Julius: Oh yeah? You're the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD
Julius: I'm leaving you, and I'M TAKING REINHARD WITH ME
Felix, picking up the monopoly board: I think we're gonna stop playing now.

Cop: You're receiving a ticket for having three people on one motorcycle.
Felix: Shit.
Julius: Wait, three?
Cop: Yeah?
Reinhard: OH MY GOD Subaru FELL OFF!

Felix: Isn't it weird that we pay money to see other people?
Julius: Plane tickets?
Reinhard: Concert tickets?
Subaru: Prostitution?
Felix, holding their broken frames: Glasses.

Subaru: Truth or dare?
Felix: Dare
Subaru: I dare you to kiss the hottest person in the room
Felix: Hey Julis
Reinhard, Smug: While I understand your reasoning I must politely decli-
Felix: Could you move? I'm trying to get to Reinhard