Noah looked at himself in the mirror and adjusted the collar on his shirt. He was wearing a blue striped collar shirt, black jeans with subtle rips, and his hair was parted in the middle and slicked back. Tonight was going to be Cody and Noah's first official date, and for once, he cared about his appearance and wanted how he appeared on the outside to reflect how he felt on the inside. Though he had known Cody for three years of his life, he felt as if Cody only knew the old Noah, the Noah he used for views. This was an opportunity to be with Cody as himself, the person he genuinely wanted to be again, and nobody was going to come in between that.
Because he didn't want to attract any sort of attention from the press or people they knew, they were having the date at his home. He and Nicole were able to convince Joshua and everyone to get out of the house for the night without telling him what was going on. Noah would even get to cook them a meal, which he was very excited about as he had been getting tips from Candice.
Ever since Noah's apology, Noah and Cody had been texting and calling non-stop for a week. Cody became the first and last person he would speak to every night. He felt so relieved that Cody was so accepting of who he is, and for the first time in years, he felt like he actually had something to look forward to. He had spent so much time torturing himself and continuing this act he built for the world to see him as that he made himself to be someone he was not, and for once, he didn't regret being part of the Total Drama series, since it led him to Cody.
As he grabbed a comb sitting on the bathroom counter to adjust his hair, the door swung open, and Noah jumped, dropping his comb in the process. He relaxed as he noticed it was just Nicole.
"You look nice, Noah." She replied.
"God, you scared me. I thought you were Joshua." He said, steadying his breathing.
"He left already with the kids." She said in a hushed tone. He picked up the comb that fell out of his hands and began combing his hair, hoping it would get her to change the subject and give him some slack. "You have to tell him eventually. I don't understand what you're scared of. Do you think he's going to kick you out or something?"
"No." He said, looking over to her, then back to the mirror. "It's… complicated is all."
"You're terrified, aren't you?" He put the comb down, sighing as he faced her, leaning on the countertop.
"Yes, okay? We don't talk about stuff like that. I don't even know who he voted for Prime Minister. For all I know, he could be homophobic." She walked closer to him.
"You don't talk about stuff at all because you shut him out all those years." Noah widened his eyes, putting his hand over his heart.
"Ouch."
"I'm sorry, it's true. And I know you're working through that, so stop worrying so much." Noah began to chuckle hearing her speak like that. "What?"
"Years ago, I used to be the one to tell you to calm down and to stop worrying." As Nicole was about to say something, the doorbell rang, and Noah ran to get it, nearly bumping into Nicole in the process. She began walking away into her room to give him some privacy.
He went up to the door, taking a pause to take a deep breath in and out. He needed this night to be perfect. When he was done, he opened the door to see Trent standing there.
"Oh, come on!" He yelled. Trent began to walk into the house, looking suspiciously over at Noah for his outburst.
"Look man, this is the second time this has happened. If you don't like me, you can just say so."
"Oh, no, I'm sorry Trent, I'm just expecting someone." Trent smiled. He had never heard Noah apologize for anything or be sincere.
"Who's the special lady?" He asked, winking. The doorbell rang a second time, and this time he knew it was Cody. He began to panic knowing Trent was there, but figured this could be an opportunity to practice telling people about his sexuality and Cody, so he opened the door to reveal Cody. Trent's eyes widened as he stood embarrassed by his assumption. Noah smiled as Cody came into the door, waving over at Trent nervously.
"Trent… I'm gay. And Cody and I are dating. But please don't tell anyone."
"Wow. That's really cool, dude. Congrats." Trent smiled as the two stood there, still reeling over his embarrassing assumption. "Do you know if Nicole is ready?" As he said this, Nicole began to speed walk out of her room to see him as she had heard him speaking with Noah.
"Oh my god, hey Cody. What are you doing here?" Nicole asked, pretending like she didn't know he was going to be here.
"He knows." Noah told her. She stopped herself in the act of 'not knowing', and began to relax her shoulders.
"Wow, I'm impressed. Now Joshua is next." Noah looked up, groaning. He knew Nicole meant well, but he's not nearly as ready to tell Joshua. Trent held her by her waist.
"Come on, we're gonna be late." He told her.
"Right." She looked over to Noah and Cody as they headed out. "Bye, have fun!"
"See you!" As they closed the door, it was increasingly apparent that they were now alone, which deeply scared Noah.
"Was it okay that I told Trent? I'm so sorry." Noah said.
"I had been talking with Trent about everything, I just didn't tell him it was you. He must have been really shocked when he put all the pieces together." Noah chuckled, making him feel better at the whole situation. As they walked into the living room, Van Doggo came over to Cody and licked his ankle. The two of them went down to Van Doggo's level and his tail began to wag back and forth as the two of them pet Van Doggo.
"How old were you when you first got him?" Cody asked.
"I was ten. I begged my parents to get me a dog, and they figured since I began helping my dad with the taxes when I was seven, I must have been responsible enough to take care of a dog." Cody chuckled.
"My parents never let me have a pet. We had a goldfish once that I won from a roadside carnival when I was fourteen, but it died immediately. They gave me an earful after that." Cody said. "But anyway, I'm starving. What do you want to do for food?" He began getting up from the floor, looking at Noah.
"Oh, don't you worry about that. I already handled dinner." Noah held his hand out for him, and Cody took it. The two boys began to walk into the kitchen, where Noah had prepared the two of them dinner.
Noah and Cody sat in front of each other, staring into each other's eyes in between the flame of a candle as they finished the last bite of their dessert.
"I'm having a great time tonight." Cody told him. "And I had no idea what a great cook you were."
"There's a lot that people don't know about me." Noah said. He was definitely not as experienced as Cody thought, as Candice had only just started helping him with his cooking skills, though he took the compliment anyway. "Why don't we… take this to the couch? Watch some TV?"
As he began standing up, he poured himself another glass of wine from the table, then the two moved their night into the living, worrying about dishes later. They sat together on the couch, with Cody wrapping himself into Noah.
"Are you cold, do you want a blanket?" Noah asked. He got up to the other side of the living room to grab a blanket, one that his mother hand-knitted as a wedding present to Joshua and Bethany. His mother had made everyone a special blanket at one point, when each child was born, the grandchildren included. Noah's baby blanket had been somewhere in storage, as he couldn't bear to look at it again after her death. He pondered if he should bring it back over to the couch with them, as he had refused to touch it all these years since moving in, but now, he felt like it could give him a calming edge he so desperately needed. He moved back toward Cody as he pulled the blanket over their bodies.
Noah took the remote in his hand and began scrolling through channels to find just the right movie for them to watch. He found The Fault in our Stars had just started thirty minutes beforehand and turned the channel on before placing the remote on the end channel in front of them. He put his arm around Cody.
"You like this movie?" Cody asked, surprised.
"I can change it if you don't want to watch." Noah felt embarrassed and began to go for the remote to change it. Before he could touch the remote, Cody stopped him by placing his hand on his back to bring him back to the couch with him.
"The movie is fine, I just never thought you'd be into this kind of stuff." He smiled.
"It was on demand right when I came home from Ridonculous Race. My sister wanted to watch it one night." He tried to act nonchalant, and his face turned beet red.
"Oh, the classic 'my sister wanted me to watch it' line. Don't lie, you love it." Cody chuckled. "Did you cry too when Gus told her his cancer came back?"
Noah began to do his best Augustus Waters impression.
"It lit up like a Christmas tree, Hazel Grace." He said as he made a firework motion with his hands. Cody began to laugh at his impression, which relaxed Noah again and left him more confident in how their night was going. They began to stare into each other's eyes for a moment, forgetting about the movie and focusing more on each other. They leaned in for a kiss, with Noah growing closer and closer to him, eventually towering over them with their blanket leaning over the two of them like a fort of safety.
Cody began drawing his hands to Noah's hips while making out with him as he slowly took off Noah's shirt. He shimmied his arms in the air to help his shirt come off, and eventually he began to take Cody's shirt off as well, not missing a beat as they continuously made out. Their passion became a little spicier as their hands began to go down to each other's wasists, but Noah stopped suddenly, looking visibly worried. Something clicked in his brain that made him feel like they needed to stop, but he wasn't sure what it was.
"You okay?" Cody asked. Noah looked around the dim living room. Nobody was around. It was just them.
"I thought I heard someone. Probably just the TV." Noah said. He began to tower over Cody once more.
"Now, where were we?" He went back to kissing Cody as his hands went to Cody's hips and behind Cody's back. As The Fault in Our Stars ran in the background, Noah heard a door opening, and stopped to see Bethany, Joshua, and the kids arriving home early. The kids took their shoes off to see Noah towering over Cody, both shirtless, no longer kissing but the blanket still over them.
"Daddy! Who's that with Uncle Noah?" Hannah asked genuinely. Noah's heart rate rose as he got off of Cody, with Cody confused about what was happening.
"Noah?" At this point, Joshua had obviously not known anything was happening with Noah's love life behind the scenes, and he certainly didn't know he was gay, so this threw him off. Bethany quickly hurried the kids to their rooms, knowing Noah was embarrassed.
"I thought you were at the movies." Noah stated.
"The movie ended." Joshua said, looking at his watch. "It's 10:30." Noah looked down, and Cody, not knowing what to do, began to sit up, distancing himself from Noah.
"Maybe I should go." Cody began to put his shirt on in a rush, but Noah put his hand on his shoulder while Joshua stood in shock over what he had just seen.
"No. You can stay. I want you to." Joshua took that as a sign to take his shoes off and join the two on the opposite end of the couch, with Noah taking the blanket off of them and hanging it on an armrest. Noah began to take a deep breath as he picked his shirt off the ground and put it back on. He couldn't bear looking at Joshua in the eye at this moment, as he knew he was about to confess something he hid from the majority of his family for years. It truly was a secret that his parents took to the grave.
"I'm gay." Joshua was still in deep denial of what he just saw.
"Clearly." He said, trying to lighten up the mood with a joke. He went back to serious mode. "I'm just surprised because you were with Emma for a bit."
"Once they got the new crew for Ridonculous Race, they pushed the scripted reality show agenda. They thought it would clear the rumors that I was gay, so I went with it."
"I see." Joshua looked over at Cody, who was clearly uncomfortable in this position. "How long have you been seeing each other?" Joshua was trying his best to understand what was going on, but it came off as a concerned guardian-slash-brother rather than genuinely curious.
"We started dating last week after he came over that one night. Only Nicole knew about it."
"Who else has known about you being gay?" He asked.
"Only Nicole, mom, and dad. And Trent, which was an accident."
"You could have told me about this. I'm happy for you, Noah, whether you're into girls or boys." Noah looked down and he tried to hide the tears that came through trying to hide tears that were popping up. There was a moment of silence between the brothers, and neither of them looked at each other. They looked up when Cody broke the tension.
"I really should be going."
"I'll walk you out." Noah said, not fighting him to stay.
"It was good seeing you again, Cody. Sorry for barging in." Joshua told him. Cody smiled at him, and the two boys walked to the front door. He opened the door for him and closed it behind him, trailing behind him as he walked to his car.
"Well… that didn't end the way I wanted it to." He stated. "I'm sorry. I tried so hard to make this night perfect for us, it still feels like we're still getting to know each other, you know? And we were having such a good time until Joshua came in. I get it if I'm too much to handle, I just hope we-" Cody stopped him in his tracks, kissing him as he put his hands on his shoulders, letting go to see Noah calm down.
"I had a great time." Noah smiled after hearing Cody validate him. "You have a nice smile. I've seen that smile of yours more in the past week than I have in the three years of knowing you." Cody smiled back at him as he walked with him to his car, opening the front door and sitting down at the driver's side.
"This didn't push me away, by the way. I don't blame you for not telling them. It's a lot, and you're still working on yourself. If it makes you feel better, I haven't told anyone but you about my sexuality. Well, I guess Trent knows, too." He took his keys from his pocket, put them into the ignition, and started the car. "I'll text you when I get home."
Noah closed the door for him, and he watched as Cody began reversing out of the driveway and left the neighborhood. Once he knew Cody was gone, he walked back into the house where Joshua was waiting for him. He sat close to Joshua and began to speak.
"Is this mom's quilt?" Joshua asked as he held it in his hands.
"Yes." He said, not wanting to make a big deal of it.
"I never thought you'd touch it again. I'm proud of you." Noah gave a light smile at him.
"I'm sorry I never told you." Joshua leaned closer into Noah, giving a nod. "And I'm sorry Hannah and Spencer had to see that."
"Don't apologize. I would have had the same reaction if you were sitting there making out with a girl." Joshua paused, trying to figure out how to word his next statement.
"I'm happy for you, Noah, I really am…" It was at that moment Noah began to see Joshua begin to do something he had never once in his life seen him do; not at the birth of his own children, or at his wedding, or at his parents' funeral - cry.
"I wish you knew I miss mom and dad, too. Sometimes it feels like you don't think that."
Noah began to feel confused. "Why wouldn't I know that?"
"I couldn't let anyone know I was grieving because I knew I had to be strong for you and Nicole. I was left with you for a reason, they could have chosen Nathan or any of the quints - though, let's be honest, thank God they didn't choose the quints - but they chose me, even if their will hadn't been updated in the past five years." He looked down, wiping his eyes. "I thought that if I made it seem like everything was going to be okay, you would think that, too, but obviously, me not empathizing with you made you the way you were."
Noah began tearing up too, which made both of the boys cry harder.
"I'm not the way I am because of you. If anything, I'm not dead in the bottom of the lake because I had you and Bethany to take Nicole and I in. I should be the one apologizing, I'm sure it was a slap in the face when I left six months later to compete in Total Drama Island."
"No. No, Noah. Not at all."
As the two hugged, Spencer and Hannah came out in their pajamas, going over to the couch and sitting next to Noah and Joshua.
"Daddy, why are you crying?" Hannah asked. Joshua began to sniffle as he brought Hannah into his lap.
"Your uncle Noah and I were just having a discussion."
"Did Uncle Noah hurt your feelings?" Spencer asked.
"No, no… Sometimes grown-ups think about something that makes them sad, but happy, and it makes us cry. Does that make sense?" Hannah laughed, not understanding.
"Can I have some water?" She asked with a smile.
"No, no drinks before bed. I don't want you going to the bathroom in your bed." Joshua looked over to Noah. "How about uncle Noah goes to read you and your brother a story?" The kids' eyes lit up, and they immediately ran to their room. Noah gave a smile to Joshua as he began to walk to their room, and looked back at him.
"I love you, Joshua."
"I love you too, little bro." He gave his brother a hug, which just made Joshua and Noah cry harder. Noah let go and took a moment before hearing the kids arguing to try and get Noah to pick their book. He began to reflect on his talk with Joshua as he walked in to help resolve their fight. He had a good feeling about the steps he was taking to be more of his true self.
A/N: Thank you all for sticking around while I wrote more chapters! I've been really busy with school. I have this story all mapped out, and I've even written a few chapters in advance, but it's just finding the time to put it all down. Some of these chapters can take me a few days to write just because I don't want to overexert the point I'm trying to make.
Anyway, thank you all for sticking around and I hope you liked this chapter! I already have the next chapter ready, so stick around, and I would love to hear a review from you!
~Sami
