Ram: What doesn't kill me should run, because now I'm fucking pissed.

Louis: *transforms to look like Ram*
Ram: Okay, are you like BLIND? You look nothing like my most perfect self. First off, I'm way cuter. Secondly, I DO NOT look so sleep deprived and lastly, if you could drag comb through that hair you're like a 7 on a good day and I Know I'm a constant 10.

Ram: With great power comes great need to take a nap. Wake me up later.

Subaruu: .. .-. - / ... - .-. .-. -.- [translation: I'M SORRY]
Ram: What's that?
Subaruu: Remorse code.
Ram: I'm even angrier now.

Subaru: Date someone who will drag you outside at 3am to look at the stars.
Ram: If anyone, and I mean anyone, wakes me up at 3am to go look at the damn sky they will be removed indefinitely from my life.

Subaru: Oh just so you know, it's very muggy outside
Ram:
Ram: Subaru, I swear, if I step outside and all of our mugs are on the front lawn...
Subaru: *Sips coffee from bowl*

Garf: What if the 'g' in 'gif' is silent?
Ram: Go the fuck to sleep
Garf: What gif I don't want to?
Ram: *muffled sounds of Violence*

Subaru: Must be hard not being able to laugh
Ram: I do have a sense of humor you know
Subaru: I've never heard you laugh before
Ram: I've never heard you say anything funny

Ram: Can you please be serious for five minutes?
Subaru: My record is four, but I think I can do it.

Ram: I want to wake up with you every day for the rest of our lives
Roswaal: I wake up at 4:30 AM
Ram:
Ram: I want to see you at some point every day for the rest of our lives.

Ram: I prevented a murder today.
Rem: Really? How'd you do that?
Rem: self-control.

Otto: Bad things keep happening to me, like I have bad luck or something.
Ram: You don't have bad luck. The reason bad things happen to you is because you're an idiot.

Subaru: Top 30 reasons why I am sorry... Number 5 will surprise you!
Ram: Top 30 anime deaths. Number One: YOUR FUCKING ASS RIGHT NOW!

Roswaal: You love me, right, Ram?
Ram: Normally, I'd say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere and I don't like it.

Ram: God, give me patience.
Subaru: I think you mean 'give me strength'.
Ram: If God gave me strength, you'd be dead.

Subaru: I was thinking I'd do some magic-
Ram: You? Magic? Subaru, it says talent show.

Rem, holding back Ram from Subaru: Violence isn't the answer, nee-sama!
Ram: You're right.
Rem: *sighs in relief*
Ram: Violence is the question.
Rem: What?
Ram, bolting away: And the answer is yes.
Rem, running after them: NO-

Subaru: Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming
Ram: Does anyone in this godforsaken camp ever think before they speak

Ram, addressing the squad: And if you have any suggestions feel free to put them in the suggestion box.
Otto: But – that's just a trash can.
Ram: It sure is!

Subaru,Otto and Garf: We were arrested for being too cool.
Ram: The charges were dropped due to a lack of supporting evidence.

Subaru: I'm incredibly fast at math.
Ram: Alright, what's 30x17?
Subaru: 47
Ram: That's not even close.
Subaru: But it was fast.

Garf: Am I in trouble?
Ram: Take a guess.
Garf: No?
Ram: Take another guess.

Ram: It's dark in here
Subaru: Don't worry dude I got this
Subaru: *Stomps their feet*
Subaru: *Skechers light up*

Ram: In light of what you did for me, you can hug me for four to five seconds.
Garf: FORTY FIVE SECONDS?!
Ram: No! Four to five seconds!
Garf: Too late!