Hey guys, it's update time again. I'm sorry for the long waits between each chapter, honestly if I could I would drop out of high school right now and just write. Seriously, I'm not even exaggerating right now. Anyways, sorry for how annoying it is to have to wait, but I hope you guys still like it and enjoy reading it.
Author's Note: For everyone who's been saying that Stella should get the upper hand for once you've obviously never seen Itazura Na Kiss. Lol, while I watched it and Irie was always tormenting Kotoko and she would just laugh it off I was literally screaming at my screen, "Freaking yell bad you idiot! Don't just stand there and let him do that!" Sometimes it really gets aggravating but that's just what the story is. How does a girl who's always at the bottom get the guy who's always at the top? Through her determination to succeed. So that's the whole thing I'm going for.
Chapter 18:
I'd memorized every crevice of Brandon's room by then….or at least the left side of Brandon's room. I couldn't fall asleep, so I just lay there. I felt rooted to place, not a word escaping my mouth. I felt humiliated, confused, angry and even a hint- just a hint- of flattered. My heart wouldn't stop beating. I kept checking the clock on the bedside table, 4am, 5am, only a few more hours then hopefully I can get home.
What Brandon did was totally uncalled for. He didn't have to make me start thinking these thoughts again. Only a few hours ago my thoughts were around Casey and now….Brandon's all I can think about. The way he pushed my hair back, the way his words- though meant to be teasing and harsh- made me feel tingly and excited. The way he kissed me so roughly, but touched me so gently. I don't know what to feel. It's like he cant make up his mind- hard or soft, rough or gentle, nice or mean- I honestly don't understand him. But I guess it's always been like this, hasn't it? Where he teases me and kisses me but refuses to do anything further. I wish I could give myself another kick ass speech about how I won't think about him anymore, like how I gave myself that speech back when he kissed me after graduation but I know that it won't happen. He's taken it too far this time. Not only is he confused now, but I am too. It's infuriating.
Suddenly I felt Brandon turn over. My heart stopped at the sudden movement. My heart quickened- if that was even possible.
He sat up in the bed, stretching his arms out. My eyes squeezed shut. I don't want him to know I'm awake, he might try to pull something on me again.
He leaned over my head to check if I was still asleep, then pulled back.
"Finally" He breathed, shaking his head.
Then, he got up out of the bed and walked toward his desk. I opened my eye a crack to see what he was doing.
He opened a draw and pulled out a book, though I'm not sure what subject, and put it on the desk. He sat down, got a pen, opened the book, and started reading. Was he…..studying? At 5am?
I watched him as he studied- his eyes so serious, and face deep in concentration. Every now and then he would write something down. I guess this should be expected from someone like him, but come on, 5am? Isn't that a bit much? I wonder if he gets up like this everyday. Or maybe….did he even go to sleep? Was he waiting for me to fall asleep or something? I know I call Brandon a lot of things but this is what I call devotion.
Suddenly, he put his pen down. He sighed, running his fingers through his hair. He looked tired and kind of aggravated. He stood up, stretching. My eyes squeezed shut again as he approached the bed. My side of the bed. As he came up closer to me my body began to shake. Stop it Stella! He's not scary! Don't make yourself vulnerable!
Brandon went to his knees on the floor, leveling himself with me. He sighed again leaning his head up against the side of the bed. Then, hesitantly, he lifted his hand to my face, brushing back some of my hair. Don't scream Stella, don't scream!
"I'm sorry" He whispered
I started to hold my breath, knowing that if I let myself breath normally I would be hyperventilating.
He stood up, returning to his desk. I felt a blush start to make it's way onto my face. He's sorry. He feels bad for what he did.
Why did he have to apologize while I was…"sleeping" though? Why cant he just say it to my face? Makes me wonder how many times he's apologized without me knowing.
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooo
The next morning Brandon and I "woke up". Why am I putting quotation marks you ask? Well that would be because in order to wake up you have to have been asleep…which we were not. I pretty much stayed up the whole night. Brandon was studying from 5 to like 8am then got back in bed and just laid there. He thought I was asleep the whole time.
Brandon got out of bed first at around 10am and took a shower. I sat up in bed, suddenly feeling less tense with him out of the room. I stood and went to the living room, the apartment dead quiet except for the shower and my feet against the floor. I went to the window to see if the snow storm was as bad as we'd expected. It was pretty high but the sun was out so hopefully it'll melt fast. I need to get out of here. This place is not good for my heart.
Suddenly my phone started ringing which made me jump. I picked it up off the table and answered it.
"Hello?" I said
"Hey Stell" I heard Musa at the other end.
"How was your night with mr. genius?" She asked
"Horrible, how was yours?"
"Don't change the subject, we want to know!" Musa said. She sounded pretty awake to me which meant she'd had more sleep than I had.
"We?" I asked
"Everyone's at my house" Musa said, everyone meaning Bloom, Flora, Tecna, and Layla.
"Oh"
"Oh? Is that all you have to say? Come on, we want details" Musa said
"Fine, hold on," I went back toward Brandon's room, shutting the door behind me.
"Oh my god he made us sleep in the same bed!" I said really fast
"WHAT?!" I heard on the other end.
"Why? Did anything happen?!" Musa asked
"No…not like that at least. He kissed me though!" I screamed
"WHAT?! Okay wait, he kissed you or you kissed him?" Musa asked
"He kissed me!" I screamed. We weren't excited screaming, oh no, we were screaming like, "what have I done?" screaming.
"Where? Mouth, neck…?"
"Both!" I screamed
"Ahhhhh!"
"Ahhhhh!"
"Did he ask you out?!"
"Musa, this is Brandon we're talking about. Of course he didn't ask me out" I said
"That son of a….why wont you hit him or something. He cant just kiss you then blow you off" Musa said
"I know! Oh my god Musa you guys have to help me, I don't know what to do!" I cried
"Okay, okay, calm down. Layla suggests hitting him" Musa said
"I tried but whenever I hit him it's like he doesn't feel it or something" I said
"Okay, okay….where is he now?" Musa asked
"The shower" I said
"And where are you?" Musa asked
"In his room" I said
"Well get out of there!" Musa screamed
"Why?!" I asked
"Because in a few minutes he'll come out of the shower and walk in to that room dressed only in a towel. Do you want to see that?" Musa asked
"Well…."
"Stella! Snap out of it! The more you fall for him the more he likes it. Don't play by his rules, conquer him" Musa said
Suddenly, the door opened, and just as Musa predicted, half naked Brandon walked in. He had a towel around his waist, just like Musa predicted. My eyes scanned his body then snapped back up to his face. By the way he didn't look at me I could tell he didn't notice me in the corner. As he was about to remove the towel I coughed. He jumped, startled.
"Yeah Musa, I'm gonna have to call you back" I said
"What? Wait, Stella! We're not done talking! Wait a second….tell me he didn't just walk in-" I hung up the phone.
"Stella, I didn't see you there" Brandon said holding his heart.
"Uhh…I…I…yeah, sorry. I'll get out" I said quickly heading toward the door.
"Whatever" Brandon said uncaringly shrugging.
I quickly shut the door behind me. I shut my eyes, trying to shake my head of all thoughts. This is so overwhelming!
Brandon came out of his room dressed for the day. That's when I realized I had no clothes here except for my dress that was still drying off. Oh great, I'm walking back to my dorm dressed in Brandon's clothes.
"I talked to my mom this morning and she said the trains are open again" He said
"T..they are? Oh that's g…good" I said, still feeling shaky
"Why are you stuttering?" He asked going to the kitchen
"I'm n..not! Not! I'm not!" I said, correcting myself after I stuttered on not.
Brandon rolled his eyes going into the kitchen to make breakfast. When I saw his eyes roll I suddenly remembered Musa telling me to stand up for myself. Maybe if I…
"I want you to know that..." I tried to say, but I lost my train of thought. I had this whole thing I wanted to say and then I just lost my confidence.
"What?" Brandon asked cracking eggs into a pot.
"Nothing, never mind" I said
"You obviously have something to say so just say it" Brandon said
I breathed.
"I want you to know that what you did last night was," I cleared my throat, "dumb and inappropriate and…completely uncalled for. It's not fair to you or me for you to do that because then it leaves us with confusing thoughts" I said
He stayed silent, no respond.
"I did say us you know. I'm not as stupid as you take me for, okay? I may not be book smart but I am street smart. You're just as confused as I am and you can't even deny it" I said
"What would you like me to do?" He asked, not facing me
"I…there's nothing to do I guess. You have Mackenzie, I have Casey….I think it's time we just…stop" I said
"Stella, there's nothing to stop. We're not dating, I never said you cant go date Casey" He said
"Yes you did, or…you implied. And when I say stop I mean…this. This back and forth, flirt now, hate later thing. I don't like it. It's not right. Okay? You either like me or you don't its plain as that" I said
"If it was plain as that we wouldn't be in this situation" Brandon said
"What situation?" I asked
"You stuck at my apartment. You obviously still like me, so what would you like me to do about it?" He asked
"Woah, woah, woah. Are you for real? Still turning this on me?" I asked
"Well I don't like you so who else is there?" He asked
That's when I got angry.
"Oh yeah? Oh yeah? You don't like me? Then why do you kiss me? Why?" I waited a few seconds but didn't get an answer
"Ha, no answer. Which means that you either really don't know why, or really like me. I don't care if you do either though because I am out of here. You are the most annoying more complicated person I've ever met and I wish whatever sucker that decides to marry you good luck!" I screamed angrily
I went to his room and slammed the door behind me. Yeah okay, I know it's his room. But I think a door slamming was needed right about now.
That's how our fights always end, with me angry and him content with making me angry. It's always been like this. Never different. I cant believe I ever thought, even for a second, we could act like regular adults and have a mature conversation. God I'm an idiot.
Later that day after most of the snow melted I was able to leave and get on the train, finally. When I got back home it felt so good to be home. I met up with Casey for dinner. I was tired but I needed to be with him, to remind myself where my head was supposed to be at. We ate and talked, and things went really good. He kissed me on the cheek again when he dropped me off. It was so weird, when he kissed me I heard Brandon's voice saying, "a kiss from me means a lot more than a kiss from him, doesn't it?". It kind of felt like a nightmare. It's not fair that he always gets the upper hand. Just totally not fair.
Sorry that it's short you guys. I just want to announce that I'm expecting there to be another 3 or 4 chapters to this. I know it's sad, it's sad for me too but guess what that means, our story is about to pick up. It's going to get really interesting and a lot is going to happen. So get excited, I know I am. Seriously, I can't wait to write it. If you've watched Itazura Na Kiss you'll understand why I'm especially excited for these last 3-4 chapters.
