Late Night Talks
Hello, hello! It sure has been long and boy have I had the first two chapters of this fic sitting on my laptop for months. Well today I decided to finally put up the first chapter so here it is. This fic is gonna be a series of short oneshots between Lelouch and Kallen, probs four or five chapters long. Most of these oneshots are retelling and additions to scenes I felt or wanted more from in the show, and some will be new stuff completely. Hope you enjoy.
Disclaimer: Code Geass doesn't belong to me.
Chapter 1: Answers
Lelouch had been back for a few weeks. At first Kallen was in complete disbelief but there he was standing right in front of her and the more they met and talked, the less she could deny that this was all some type of dream brought on by her grief. The Zero Requiem had happened, she'd seen him die and through specific circumstances he was brought back. She'd gotten used to it and even looked forward to the next time she could see him.
There was a lot to talk about.
Lelouch and Kallen had developed a habit of meeting each other on the roof of the Club House. They weren't always free but when they were, without even speaking prior, they'd both found themselves up there. And after she'd forced him from the pits of despair after losing Nunnally, she was there with him again.
There were many things about Kallen that Lelouch really admired: she was an excellent fighter, she never backed down from a challenge, even when he was said challenge and she stood up for what she believed in. And more than anything else she called out bs when she was it, never one to sugar-coat anything. But the one thing he probably admired and appreciated most about her was her loyalty. And he never took it lightly or for granted. As someone who trusted very few, the betrayal's he'd gone through in his life left the prince extremely reluctant to hold anyone to their word through faith in them, however Kallen was an exception to this rule, and many others.
She'd made things easy for him, he felt like she was one of the only people who saw him for who he truly was even before she'd found out he was the one behind the mask. She was willing to risk her life for him, constantly.
This thought was one of many on Lelouch's mind as he looked up at the stars, leaning against the stone railing, overlooking the entire campus. A gentle breeze swept through his raven hair.
"You look even more contemplative than usual." Kallen said as she walked over to him and stood next to him, watching her classmate, her leader, the prince before her. How could one person be so complicated? He was calculating, a genius strategist but he was also her friend and classmate who got on her nerves quite often with his smugness and overconfidence. Few of the many traits she'd come to fall for over the time she'd known him. The silence between them was heavy but it wasn't awkward. Kallen could tell just by looking at him that he had something to say and it involved her. The way he'd looked at her with an unreadable look as she approached him said it all. She waited for him to start.
"I don't think I ever thanked you for what you did back in Shinjuku." He began, never looking away from the sky. Memories of that evening flashed through her mind, the way he'd looked so hurt, so broken, so lost. And how could she never unsee him holding that Refrain syringe to his wrist. He was so ready to throw it all away. And then he was ready to have her be his distraction. The way his lifeless eyes looked into hers, his face inched closer, she could feel his breath against her skin, his lips agonisingly close, his hand caressing her cheek. She'd been confused in that moment. She knew of her feelings for him and part of her wanted to numb everything out and just finally kiss him but she stood her ground. It wasn't the right time or situation for that. He was drowning and needed to be saved not pushed down even further.
"You mean slapping you like that?" she said with a weak smile, trying to lighten the mood but could feel her heart beating faster than usual. "Didn't know it warranted a 'thank you.'"
"Well that did seem to do the trick." He played along "But I meant what you said to me, you broadened my perspective in a way that I hadn't thought of. Why did you even bother? After all the horrible things I'd done, you could've just watched me crash and burn."
"And what good would that have been for anyone? We couldn't afford to be half-assed in anything, not after all we'd done, with you at the helm. Truth be told, I was hurt when you considered using me like that. I destroyed your one way out by breaking that vial of Refrain so you tried the next best thing." She could see the guilt on his face when she finished speaking, his shoulders hunched forward. "But, I knew you weren't yourself back then and I couldn't let you stay like that. I was being selfish."
"Selfish, how so?" he turned his body so he was facing her.
"I meant everything I said back then, that backing out wasn't an option and you needed to keep going no matter what but also seeing you like that was hard for me. I needed you back to how you were. You were a far cry from the confident, bold leader I'd been following for so long, you weren't the Lelouch I fell in—" she caught herself before she could reveal too much but, Lelouch wasn't oblivious to it. She could peripherally see his slightly surprised expression before she turned away to hide her flushed cheeks, hoping he hadn't seen it.
Another moment of silence between them, Lelouch was digesting her words. He'd had his suspicions for a while and stopped assuming it was blind loyalty keeping her by his side, she was smarter than that and as good as he was at doing what he did, he had made some very clear mistakes.
"I couldn't just leave you like that." She said instead.
Another moment of silence between them as they looked up at the stars. Now it was Kallen's turn to get some things off her chest. Now was as good a time as any, she decided.
"I've never really been good at being vulnerable, in fact I try to avoid it as much as I can but," she started and turned to face him. "I don't know what it is about you, about us, that makes it feel easy even if the subject itself is difficult to talk about."
"You're not the only who avoids it. The fact that we've been through so much together in such a short time plays a part in us being able to open up."
"All this time and I never knew where I stood with you and to be honest I still don't." her voice was low, almost a whisper. Lelouch only looked on waiting for her to continue.
"Were any of our moments real?" she finally asked
"Of course they were, every single one of them."
"I really wonder about that. On the Ikaruga and the last time I talked to you back at Ashford, you were lying to me the entire time. I guess I'm the fool for assuming I was anything more than a means to an end." her vision was blurred by tears.
"That's not true."
"Then what is the truth? Did that kiss mean nothing to you, Lelouch?"
"It meant everything to me, it reminded me why I was doing all that."
"I wanted you to say something, anything to me but you didn't! I wanted you to give me a reason and I would've joined you in a heartbeat! I was prepared to die for you but you didn't trust me—
"That's exactly why I lied to you and pushed you away, Kallen. Because I trusted you and I cared about you too much and I still do. I couldn't let you be punished for crimes I committed. On the Ikaruga before I came clean to everyone, you asked me for an answer. You said if you could stay with me you would. I couldn't let you do that, siding with me would've been a death sentence. That's why I told you to live." his voice trailed off
"You think my hands are clean? I've done my fair share of terrible things." she stated, her voice cracking with emotion.
"Under my command, as my ace! I knew about your feelings for me but after Shirley…" his voice faded off "I couldn't let anyone else die because of me. I was afraid to open up again. I couldn't let you lose your life when your only mistake was having feelings for someone who never deserved them. I needed to face the consequences and face them alone."
"Lelouch…" she put her hand over his
"Watching you walk away after you kissed me was excruciating but, I needed you to hate me like everyone else so that I could die knowing you'd live on. I needed you to be safe. And not kissing you back when I knew it was my last time seeing you, I wish I had but, that would've given you your answer."
"And what about now?" she took a step closer to him, standing right in front of him. "Do you still want to kiss me?" she asked him point blank, her eyes still a bit red from the tears she'd just shed were now filled with a fire. Her heart was hammering in her chest but she was tired of not knowing anymore. She felt a shiver down her spine when his hand cupped her cheek.
"I never stopped wanting to." His voice was soft but certain. They looked into each other's eyes before Lelouch closed the gap between them and pressed his lips to hers. His one hand went around her waist and held her right against him while the other cupped her face while her hands went around his neck as she deepened the kiss. His soft lips passionately yet tenderly kissing her own, returning her affections filled her with sheer bliss.
After their kiss they remained in each other's embrace. Kallen's chin rested on his shoulder, her arms around his neck and his around her waist.
"Kallen," he started. She could feel his breath against her neck. "I never told you this but, back when The Chinese Federation captured you, after your radio went dead, I was ready to risk everything to get you back that very second…even if it meant losing the battle."
Kallen's eyes widened in surprise, she pulled back slightly to look him in the eyes.
"I was tired of losing people important to me so when I saw them carry you away, I didn't want to accept that it was happening again, I had to rescue you."
She'd had no idea about that moment, and hearing it from him made her rethink her rescue. All that time he'd been trying to get her back. Kallen pressed her lips to his in a long soft kiss which he immediately returned.
"And you did. It took longer than expected but I got out."
She felt content in his arms, nothing could stop her from loving him as much as she did. As they held on to each other and continued to look up into the sky in comfortable silence, they were both glad that they'd had each other.
And that is the first chapter done! Hope you enjoyed it, please a review if you can, I'd really appreciate it. This idea of Kallen asking Lelouch about their moments together has been sitting with me for a while so I decided to write a little something about it.
Well that's it from me-
Until the next chapter:
Ketsui Tasogare :-)
