Author's Note: Happy reading x
Buttoning up the front of her coat once John had helped her into it, Anna breathed a sigh of relief at knowing that she had finally given her last performance. In the morning, Lady Mary Crawley would be paying her a visit so that the two of them could sit down and have a discussion about her suitability for the position of her lady's maid and she was feeling cautiously optimistic. She had made sure to have a long talk with Jack and Grace about the idea before arranging the interview, knowing that such a drastic change in career would have as much of an impact on them as it would her, and the two of them had been delighted. It would mean she would be out earlier in the morning, yes, and they wouldn't see her for most of the day, but she would be home with them in the evening for the first time in years.
She would be able to sit with her children in the sitting room before they had to head upstairs to bed, she would be able to read stories to Grace to settle her, she would be able to cuddle with Lily until she fell asleep in her arms, and she was hopeful that some normality would begin to return. The thing that she found she was most relieved about, however, was knowing that she would never have to enter a public house again. She wouldn't have to go home to her children smelling of cigarettes, she wouldn't have to bear witness to grown men brawling with one another over something stupid, and she would no longer have to worry about those same men making advances. She would have a real occupation and a good income, meaning that she would be able to give her children all they needed and desired.
Things were finally beginning to look up for her and it made her happier than she could explain.
The feeling of a hand running across the small of her back after a time made her turn in place after a time, her heart racing within her chest when she looked up at John and saw the pride in his eyes. How she would have gotten through the past couple of weeks without him, she had no clue. He had supported her and her children so much, whether that had been through helping her to find the money to pay for some of Jack's hospital appointments or simply being there for every single one of her performances, and she just couldn't have loved him more if she had tried. 'I…I can't believe I just gave my last performance,' She breathed, her eyes drifting closed for a moment when he brought a hand to her face and caressed her cheek with the back of his palm. 'I thought I was never going to get to this point.'
'You have though, my darling, because you are such a strong woman and you never gave up.' He reminded her in a soft voice.
'Can you take me home, please?' She asked as she reached for his hand after looking at the clock on the wall. 'We have about two hours until you have to head back to Downton and the last thing I want to do is waste that time by standing around here. I highly doubt that the children will be in bed yet either, and Grace has missed you so much. She keeps mithering me about when she can next see you, so why don't you come in for a cup of tea when we get back to the cottage? I also overheard her and Jack talking this morning and I think the two of them have made me a chocolate cake as a bit of a surprise for when I get home, so you're quite welcome to have a slice of it if you like.' She slipped her fingers through the gaps in his when she stopped speaking and her breath hitched at the smile he gave her.
He looked at her in silence for a time, sweeping his thumb across her knuckles, before he eventually sighed and said: 'I love you.'
'I love you too.' She assured him, paying no attention to those around them as she rose onto her tiptoes and left a warm kiss to his lips.
Wordlessly, once their kiss had broken, he tightened his hold of her hand and turned on his heel before guiding her through the public house and out into the night. He closed the door behind them once they were outside and pulled his coat a little further around himself with his free hand, a sigh of happiness escaping him as he dropped her hand before slipping his arm around her waist and drawing her closer to him. She cuddled up to him on instinct, her head falling back onto his shoulder as she curled a gloved hand into his coat, and he was incapable of resisting the urge to kiss her temple while they walked. 'So, tomorrow is the big day,' He said once they had walked together in comfortable silence for a short while. 'Do you know what time your interview is going to be? I can telephone you afterwards.'
'Half-past eleven. Lady Mary agreed to the interview being at the cottage because Mrs. Robins has come down with something and I was unable to find someone to watch the children at such short notice. I am a little nervous because this means so much to me and I need this job. I can't go back to singing in public houses again, I just can't, and there aren't any other jobs that are suitable for me. Working at Downton, I'll be able to be home with the children at night and I'll be able to come home throughout the day to check on them, but I doubt I'd be able to do either of those things working elsewhere. You'll say that I'm worrying about nothing because I have experience and so there's quite a high chance Lady Mary will pick me, but I don't know what I'm going to do if she doesn't feel that I'm right for it.'
Running his hand up and down her side through her coat in a comforting fashion, he turned his head towards her when she tilted her head back on his shoulder and looked at him. 'I know how important this is for you and I know how much getting this job would impact your and the children's lives, sweetheart, but if you don't – and I highly doubt that that's going to happen – then it's not the end of the world. You just have to think of it as the end of a road. If things don't turn out the way we're expecting, then you and I will just go back to the drawing board and we'll think of something else that you can do. I promise you though, you won't end up back in a public house. For the time being, however, you don't need to think about that because it hasn't happened and it may never do. You need to have faith.'
'What on earth would I do without you?' She shook her head at him, warmth pooling in her chest when he held her tighter to him.
'You never have to worry about that again,' He reassured her. 'Absolutely never.'
It took quite some time for the two of them to arrive back at the cottage, and Anna felt a wave of calmness wash over her the moment they stepped through the gate and onto the garden path that led to the door. For the first time, since he would soon be thirteen and he had promised her that she could trust him, she had allowed Jack to watch his sisters while she had been working. She had been rather reluctant to agree, but she had truly had no other option since Mrs. Robins was sick and so she had given in when he had asked her for the hundredth time. If she were being honest, she had no idea why she had been so worried. He was a wonderful brother to both of the girls and he had never given her any reason not to trust him, but they had been on her mind all night and she was relieved to be home.
'Are you certain that Jack won't mind if I come in?' John asked as she led him down the path.
'John, I love him and I know that this is a big adjustment for him, but it isn't his place to mind,' She reminded him. 'I'm his mother and I own this house, so I have the right to welcome whoever I please into it. Besides, he gave us his blessing and I don't see why he would do that if he truly had an issue with you being around and with me spending time with you. I don't want you to take it personally if he's a little off with you, okay, because it more than likely has more to do with the fact that he's upset I'm moving on than him disliking you.'
He nodded, taking a deep breath. 'All right, then.'
Giving his hand a reassuring squeeze, she entwined their fingers and went on leading him down the path before reaching into her coat pocket and taking out the spare key to the cottage. Once she had unlocked the door, she opened it carefully and stepped inside before waiting for John to do the same and closing the door behind them once again. Before she had even had the chance to return the key to the hook on the wall, the sound of feet thundering down the landing above them reached her ears and she giggled happily when Grace appeared at the top of the stairs. 'Mummy! Mummy!' The eight-year-old squealed as she all but flew down the staircase, Anna stumbling backwards slightly when she ran into her and buried her face in her stomach while wrapping both arms around her waist. 'You're home!'
'I am home, sweet-pea,' Anna sighed, brushing her fingers through her beautiful black curls. 'And I'll be home every night from now on.'
'Did you have fun tonight? How was your last performance?' Grace asked as she tilted her head back to look up at her.
'It was fine, thank you, darling.' Anna replied.
'Your mummy was wonderful as per usual,' John dropped Anna's hand to run his own up and down her back through her coat, smirking when she gave him a roll of her eyes in response. 'When she finished singing her last song, everyone there gave her a standing ovation.'
Grace gasped. 'Really? Mummy, you must be the best singer in the world.'
'I don't know about that,' Anna laughed, leaning down to kiss her forehead. 'But you are such a sweetheart for saying so.'
'Now, young lady,' John reached out to run a hand over Grace's hair. 'Am I going to get a cuddle?'
Unable to keep herself from giggling, she took her arms from around her mother and moved to stand in front of John before snuggling up to him and slipping her arms around his middle. 'Where have you been? I haven't seen you for such a long time, Mr. Bates.' She said.
'I know, Gracie, and I'm sorry, but I had a lot of things to do at Downton and I haven't had much time to myself recently,' He explained, cradling the back of her head in his hand and brushing his thumb against her curls. 'I have a half-day coming up soon though, so your mummy and I thought that it might be fun for us to go for a little picnic at Mr. Mason's farm if the weather is nice. Would you like that?'
'Yes!' Grace squealed, taking a step back from him so that she could look at both him and her mother. 'Can we, mummy, can we?'
'Of course,' Anna nodded. 'I think Lily would love to see the horses and the piglets, wouldn't she?'
Grace nodded.
'Actually, that being said, where are Lily and Jack?' Anna asked, glancing up the staircase for a second.
'Um…' Grace shuffled on her feet. 'Lily wanted to help me and Jack with your surprise, so we put the flour on the floor so that she could put it in the bowl and she…she ended up tipping most of the bag over her head instead. It was funny for a while, but then Jack told me to clean all of the flour up because he had to go upstairs and give Lily a bath before you got back. He didn't want to ruin your night.'
Anna shook her head as her heart swelled before turning to John and resting a hand on his arm. 'Would you mind taking Grace through to the sitting room and keeping her entertained for a little while? I just want to go and see if Jack needs any help because Lily can be a handful at the best of times,' She told him before he nodded and she rose onto her tiptoes to press her lips to his cheek, she and Grace sharing a smile as she smoothed a hand over her hair before ascending the staircase. Walking into the bathroom once she was upstairs, her brow creased when she realised that Jack and Lily were no longer in there, but then she heard the sound of faint humming and she left the bathroom and walked down the landing to her bedroom. 'Oh, Jack…' She whispered after opening the door to the dimmed room.
Shh…' He hushed her as he continued to sway from side to side with Lily snuggled into his chest, her sweet baby girl almost fast asleep as her head rested on his shoulder and she sucked at her pacifier while holding onto his jumper. He was a natural with his little sisters. 'There was a bit of an accident when we were working on your surprise, she wanted to help, and Grace and I thought she would be okay with the bag of flour if we watched her, but the fact that she turned white proved otherwise,' He told her in a soft voice as she ventured further into the room, the two of them chuckling together while she approached the bed before she sat down and watched him kiss Lily on the back of her head. 'Grace mopped the kitchen while I bathed Lily though, and I think I got all the flour out of her hair in the end.'
'Do you have any idea how proud of you I am?' She inquired, making herself a little more comfortable on the bed.
'But I haven't done anything,' He frowned. 'I only did what you would have done if you were here.'
'Yes, my love, but I wasn't here,' She pointed out. 'I would have given Lily a bath and asked you and Grace to clean the kitchen for me if this little mishap had happened while I was home, that much is true, but I wasn't home and you handled the situation without any help from me. You aren't a little boy anymore, Jack, and I know that because you wouldn't have had Grace clean the kitchen or bathed Lily if you were. You would have left it for me to deal with when I came home, but you didn't do that. You were so mature about the situation and that proves to me that you're becoming a man. I tell you this a lot, I know, and you're probably tired of hearing it from me now, but I think it's important to remind you of how proud your dad would be of you at times like this. He would be just as proud of you as I am.'
He was unable to keep the smile from crossing his lips as he stopped swaying with Lily once he was sure that she had fallen asleep, his gaze fixed on his mother as he walked over to the bed before sitting down in front of her and settling his sister in his lap. The gentlest whine escaped her at the movement, but he hushed her and drew her close before she had the chance to stir and she drifted off again in seconds. 'She can be so frustrating sometimes, especially when she takes my model trains from the shelf and tries to play with them, but I have to admit she's pretty great,' He lifted his gaze from Lily to his mother once she had taken hold of the front of his jumper, his hold of her tightening as he brushed his thumb against her arm through the sleeve of her nightgown. 'What was I like as a baby, mum?'
'You were quite laid back when you were around this age,' She replied, shuffling closer to him on the bed to brush the back of her hand against her daughter's chubby cheek. 'You were never a mummy or a daddy's boy for too long, you were constantly going back and forth between the two of us, but you always had to be settled on my chest to fall asleep. It didn't matter what mood you were in or what kind of day you'd had, you would be asleep in minutes flat if you had your blanket and I was holding you. As you got older, however, you and your dad spent more time together and you definitely became a daddy's boy. You were like his little shadow whenever he was home, you refused to let him go anywhere without you, and he adored you. I think you were the best thing that ever happened to him, sweetheart.'
'Mum, I think I'm going to stop hating him for not coming home,' He admitted. 'I'll always be mad at him for making those promises to me and Grace, he was such an idiot for doing that, but I know now that it came from a good place. He was just trying to keep our hopes up while he was away, he couldn't have known for certain that things were going to turn out the way they did and I don't feel as though I have the right to criticize him for that. I think I was so mad at him because he died right at the end. He was so close to coming home.'
She nodded while swallowing the lump that came to her throat. 'He was, and I think that knowing that was what made it harder for the two of us. If he had been killed at the beginning of the war or even halfway through it, it would have been hard for us to have come to terms with, but it wouldn't have been as awful as knowing that he had only had such a short time left at the front. I think you're doing the right thing, choosing not to hate him any longer, because holding onto that hate isn't going to be doing you any good and I believe that all of that anger is what led to you getting into that fight a couple of weeks ago. It just built and built until it just had to come out.'
'I've never thought of it like that before, but I think you may be right,' He huffed. 'Do you think I'll ever start to get past this?'
When she heard the emotion in his voice and saw the sadness in his eyes, she felt her heart sink in her chest and focused her attention on Lily for a second. 'Let me take Lily, darling,' She told him before he took his arm from around her and allowed her to lift her from his lap, her lips finding her forehead before she kissed her there and let out quiet shushes against her skin to settle her as she whimpered. Once she had felt her relax in her arms and cuddle against her, she got up from the bed and walked around to the other side of her cot before easing her down into it and smiling when she made herself comfortable. 'Night-night, Lils.' She whispered, brushing several curls behind her ear before moving to sit back down next to her son on the bed and putting her arm around him so she could pull him close.
'When your dad died, I wanted to die too. That was how much the news destroyed me and how much I missed him,' Her voice trembled as she spoke. 'Every time I fell asleep, part of me hoped I wouldn't wake up in the morning because I would be waking up to an empty bed. Some time passed though, and I began to realise how selfish I was being. I had three children depending on me, three devastated children who had just lost their father in one of the most horrific ways imaginable, and the only thing on my mind was how desperately I didn't want to be here. I had to fight to keep those thoughts from coming back and it was hard, but one thing that made it easier was thinking about how much I adored you and the girls and how much you all relied on me. I'm getting a little carried away from the point.'
She took a moment to collect her thoughts and take a deep breath before continuing. 'What I suppose I'm trying to say is that, at first, I thought I was never going to get past your dad's death. I thought I was going to be heartbroken forever and that I would never be able to care for you and your sisters the way you deserved to be cared for. Then…then I met Mr. Bates. I know you still aren't too fond of the idea of us being together, but he's helped all of us in unimaginable ways, Jack. Whenever I need him, he's here, and he cares about you and your sisters just as much as I do. Being with him doesn't make your dad's death any easier on me and it still hurts to think about it, but the pain has been easier for me to cope with since meeting him. I don't doubt that the same will happen for you, my love, honestly.'
'You think I'm going to fall in love? That's how I'm going to get past this?' He inquired.
'That's not quite what I'm saying,' She smoothed a hand over his cropped hair. 'What I'm saying is that, somewhere down the line, you're going to find something or someone that's going to help you get past this and to cope with your grief. That could be a very special and very lucky young lady, but it could also be something as simple as a friend who's experienced the same thing as you and knows exactly what you're dealing with. I can't tell you who or what it's going to be, but what I can tell you is that you'll know when that something or someone comes into your life just like I did. It might take some time, but we're all going to get past this stage and we're all going to be happy again at some point, and I mean that. Your dad wouldn't want the three of us to sit around mourning him all our lives, would he?'
Jack shook his head. 'No, I think he'd hate that.'
'He would, so we need to live our lives as he would want us to live them. However hard that might be at the moment.' She sighed.
'I love you, mum.' He offered her a small smile when he looked her in the eye.
'I love you just as much, my sweet boy,' She reassured him, hooking her finger beneath his chin and kissing him on the forehead. 'Now, Mr. Bates has been on his own downstairs with Grace for a good twenty minutes. We'll be lucky if he hasn't been forced to put on a tiara and attend one of her tea-parties, so we should probably go downstairs and relieve him. What do you say? Are you going to come down?'
He chuckled. 'All right.'
After giving him one last squeeze, she took her arm from around him and the two of them rose from the bed before walking over to the door and stepping out onto the landing. They then made their way to the stairs and descended them in comfortable silence, but as soon as they reached the door to the sitting room, Anna clasped a hand over her mouth as she giggled. Just as she had expected, Grace had laid out a blanket on the floor and she and John were sitting together in the middle of the room, her little tea-set spread out in front of them as they pretended to drink from the teacups and eat sandwiches from the plates. 'I think we should leave them be,' She whispered as she turned to Jack, her son smirking at her as he fought to keep himself from laughing. 'Why don't you let me see my little surprise?'
'Don't you think Grace will be upset if she isn't there to see your face?' He asked.
'I don't want to bother them,' She shook her head. 'We just won't eat any tonight and I'll act surprised if you show me in the morning.'
'Okay then,' He agreed before turning on his heel and beginning to walk down to the kitchen with his mother just behind him, a wave of excitement washing over him as he reached for the cake tin once they had reached the counter and pulled it close. 'I think Grace would want me to mention that there was writing on the cake at first, but Lily got her hands on it and so now it doesn't say much of anything.'
She snorted a little at that. 'I don't mind, just show me.'
Doing as she had said, he took the lid from the tin and set it down on the counter before turning his head in her direction at the sound of her gasp and grinning when he saw the happiness on her face. When he looked down at the cake once again, he realised that it was still relatively possible to read the words Well Done, Mummy! that he had managed to write with icing once the cake had cooled, and he was pleased with that. 'It isn't the greatest cake in the world and it's a bit lop-sided when it's out of the tin, but we did try our best with it.'
'Jack, it's the most beautiful cake I've ever seen,' She breathed with a shake of her head. 'I love it.'
'We're so proud of you mum,' He turned to face her, wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his head on her shoulder once she had turned to him. 'We know that it hasn't been easy for you, singing most nights, but you never complained and we're so proud of you.'
'Thank you, darling,' She sniffed, turning her head to nuzzle a kiss into his hair. 'Thank you so much…'
'Okay, that's the fifth time you've yawned in the space of ten minutes,' John chuckled into Anna's hair when the two of them were sat on the settee together and he had an arm wrapped around her shoulders, her sleepy giggle making him smile. 'I think I'm going to set off so that you can head up to bed and try to get some sleep. You have your interview in the morning and you need to be well-rested for it.'
'I love having you here, but for once I'm not going to argue with you on that,' She pushed a curl out of her face as she turned her head on his chest, nuzzling beneath his chin for a moment. 'The thing is, I'm not sure if you've noticed, we appear to have a bit of a problem.'
'Which is?' He hummed.
'There's an eight-year-old girl keeping us prisoner here,' She gestured to Grace who was still sound asleep, her head in her lap while her legs were draped over his, and she smiled when she tilted her head back on his chest so that she could meet his gaze. 'Truly, if it were any other night then I would leave her there because it would mean you can't leave, but I'm just so exhausted and I know I'm going to fail this interview in the morning if I don't get a couple of hours in. I don't suppose you could help me get her to bed, could you? I'll be fine carrying her, I just need you to get the quilt for me so that I can actually get her into bed. She's not quite as light as she once was.'
He leaned in to brush a tender kiss against her lips. 'Come on, the sooner she's in bed the sooner you'll be able to get some rest.'
'Gracie…' She said in a soft voice as she swept a hand through her little girl's dark curls in an attempt to rouse her, the love she had for her deepening when her eyelids fluttered when she called her name a second time and she slowly opened her eyes. 'Mummy's heading to bed now, princess, so it's time for us to go upstairs. I'm going to carry you, but I need you to stand up for me so that I can get up, is that okay?' She watched her little girl nod in response before she sat up and slipped from the sofa, a sigh escaping her when John gave her a squeeze before the two of them stood up and she lifted Grace from the floor and onto her hip so that she could cuddle up to her.
'When we get upstairs, the door directly in front of you is the one to her bedroom,' She whispered as she started following John out of the sitting room and down the hall to the staircase, her hand running up and down Grace's spine through her nightgown when he gave her a nod and she began to ascend the stairs behind him. It didn't take long for the two of them to reach her little girl's bedroom, and once he had opened the door for her she carried her into the room and over to the bed near the window. Swaying in place with Grace in the hope that it would keep her asleep, she watched him pull back the covers and fluff the pillow up a little before she laid her down on the bed and watched her curl up. She then pulled the covers over her, warmth pooling in her chest as she left a gentle kiss to her brow.
'Mr. Bates, can you give me a goodnight kiss too? Daddy used to do it all the time.' Grace mumbled as she opened her eyes for a second.
'I told you she loves you,' Anna gave John's arm a squeeze when he looked at her with happiness in his eyes. 'Go on.'
Taking a step closer to the bed, John leaned down and rested his hand beside her head on the pillow before brushing a kiss against her temple and stroking her cheek when he pulled back. 'Night-night, Gracie,' He smiled as he stepped back. 'I'll see you on Thursday, okay?'
'Promise?' She replied, though she was already quickly succumbing to the clutches of slumber once again.
'I promise.' He assured her.
Once he and Anna were certain that she was comfortable and would be able to sleep through the night, he took her hand in his and let her lace their fingers before she blew out the candle on Grace's nightstand and the two of them began to leave the bedroom in silence. 'I think you might have found a little best friend in her,' Anna teased once she had closed the bedroom door and they were standing on the landing again. 'I couldn't be happier with how well she's taken to you. She already sees you as a father figure and I…I just love that.'
'She means the world to me,' He ran his thumb across the back of her palm. 'You all mean the world to me.'
'And you mean just as much to us,' She lowered her voice as she stepped closer to him and dropped his hand so that she could slip her arms around his waist, the two of them sharing a smile when she curled her fingers into his jacket and he grazed his nose against hers. 'I'd try and guilt you into spending the night again, but the last thing I want is for you to get into trouble with Mr. Carson because of it.'
He chuckled, his hand finding the small of her back and pulling her close. 'He would actually kill me and I'm not exaggerating.'
'I suppose we can't have that,' She pouted. 'It just means I'll have to freeze tonight and, I guess, every night after tonight as well.'
'You can be so cruel when you want to be, you know that?' He shook his head.
'I do, but you can't deny that you love me.'
'No…no, that's one thing I can't do.'
She was just about to rise onto her tiptoes and press her lips against his, but she was overtaken by a yawn before she had even had the chance to move and she clasped a hand over her mouth to stifle it. 'Okay, I think it really may be time for you to go so I can get to bed.'
'You think?' He jested. 'Come on, come and see me off and then you can lock the door behind me.'
At that, the two of them turned and began to make their way down the stairs to the front door and she opened it while he took his coat from the hook and pulled it on. She then waited for him to put on his hat, the lovely bowler hat that she was sure she would never tire of seeing him in, and she allowed him to pull her close with no hesitation when he approached her again. 'You are going to sail through this interview in the morning, I assure you. Lady Mary would have to be insane not to hire you, so just be yourself and you'll be all right.'
'You always have so much faith in me,' She reached up and brushed a strand of dark hair out of his face. 'You really think I can do this?'
'I think you're capable of doing whatever you set your mind to,' He pecked at her lips. 'Now, I'm going to go and you're going to bed.'
'I get the message,' She smirked. 'Goodnight, John.'
'Goodnight, sweetheart.'
Once he had brushed one last kiss against her lips, he stepped out into the night and she closed the door behind him before taking the key from the hook on the wall and locking the door behind him as he had earlier instructed. She then pressed her back up against the door and allowed her eyes to fall closed as she smiled to herself, curling her fingers around the key in her hand as a powerful surge of happiness coursed through her veins.
This was her life.
This was actually her life.
In the space of a month, she had gone from being a complete shell of her former self to being happier than she had ever been and she had no doubt that that was all because of John. He had taken her broken heart and with time, patience, and love, he had pieced it back together and made her whole again. She had no idea what she'd done to deserve him, but she would do it again in an instant if she had to.
In an instant…
Author's Note: Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this chapter and I hope that you liked it! I would love to know what you thought with a review x
