A/N: I've decided to put my one-shots under the same story from now on, so it's more organized. Not all chapters will be set in canon, I'll always add a summary and rating, so you can decide if you're interested in reading or not.
A/N 2: Lately I realized how my first language influences the way I write, so I wanted to play a bit with the style. Hope you enjoy it!
Summary: Set after 509, in a mix of heartbreak and sadness, Olivia dreams of Fitz. Rated T
"It was his fault, she thought coldly, anticipating a new wave of anger. It was his fault, it was his fault. His presence, and more than his presence: knowing that he existed, took away her freedom. Only rarely now, in a quick escape, was she able to feel. That was it: it was his fault." Lispector, Clarice. Near to the Wild Heart.
The sky was cloudless in the night, still lightning struck and thunder shook the entire atmosphere.
The nearby forest shielded the waterfall, almost a sanctuary, but from where Olivia stood, the view was perfect. Even from afar, she could feel the sound of its collision with the rocks reverberating throughout.
The heat and humidity in the air pierced her lungs. A drop of sweat ran down her back.
Barefoot she walked through the slippery rocks towards the moonlit waterfall.
Breathe, Olivia reminded herself.
There was a heaviness in the air, but it wasn't the heat; Something else lingered in the air, something…wrong.
Olivia felt a shiver run down her spine and every muscle in her body begged her to stop moving.
A tear streamed down her face.
Another one.
In a shift of her gaze, Olivia looked down. Oh.
Of course.
It would never matter how long or how calm her inhales and exhales were. Her lungs were fine. It wasn't physical. The problem was the smell.
The Navy tee shirt on her body is a mix of his cologne and him.
She held it, for a second lost in thought.
They're done.
The reason to carry a piece of him escaped her. There was no need for that anymore. She removed the shirt and dropped it in the shallow water.
With her eyes forward, Olivia resumed her walk, never once looking back. Nevertheless, the problem remained. Dizziness was brought out by the way her body seemed to have internalized his scent.
She was finally free, why wouldn't he let her go?
Leaving the rocks she got in the water.
The temperature felt perfect, a nice contrast to the overwhelming temperature of the summer night, unfortunately, it rested below her knees.
A swim would fix her problems, she was sure. The burn in her muscles would drive her attention somewhere else. Since that option wasn't available, she let the cold water soothe her. At least this way it's an easier walk toward the waterfall.
Birds chirped. Hidden by the darkness, the sound of their singing calmed Olivia.
There isn't another soul in sight.
She looked around and the weight of how alone she was crashed down on her, her legs grew weak and she fell to her knees.
Somehow the rocks were soft on her skin. A nice comfort as her body trembled.
She missed him.
She didn't miss him, she told herself.
A wave of silent, cold rage settled in. She had needs and wants. It wasn't her fault he could not give her what she needed. It was his fault. He did this. This destruction of them, taking things too fast when they weren't ready for it. She warned him and he didn't listen.
The thunder stopped. The only remaining sounds were of animals and the waterfall.
She did this.
Gone too far with the scorched-earth strategy. Too much too fast, and before she knew it, she was doing everything in their power to sabotage what they had.
The rocks beneath her skin were cool, a contrast to her body, ready to burst into flames from inside out.
There was no need to go back to her life. Eternity could be spent here. Everything was in shambles.
The water beneath her was transparent. Olivia sat back on her heels and moved her hand back and forth through the water, her attention on the tension between the two. Water requires effort if you want to move through it. With both of her hands together, Olivia gathers water and washes her face, her shoulders, and her torso. The least she can do is rid herself of his smell.
The water chilled her body, and she regained some of her strength, so she stood to walk once more. However, her feet of their own volition refused to continue the straight path in what remained of her journey.
"No," she whispered, her voice broken.
Immediately something else appeared in the air, causing the rest of her body to freeze. As leaves flew by her face, she knew what was happening. She could not fathom how or why, but although she could not see him, she knew he was here.
Olivia could feel his eyes on her. At the sensation, she closed her own, focused on how it felt, how he circled and watched her. She knew better, yet relief flooded her entire body.
At first, it wasn't corporeal. All the surrounding air was him, a touch on her skin, a whisper on her ear.
The change came in the water, her breath and her heartbeat fastened as she felt him walk toward her, increasingly nearer. Her entire body shook in anticipation.
His breath on her neck is the first thing she feels. Then, a hand was on her shoulder, while the other settled on her hip, bringing her even closer.
Their naked bodies touch, as the water cascades down in front of them.
"Hi," Fitz muttered.
Olivia didn't dare to move an inch. Afraid of what she would do, afraid of what he would do.
"Why are you here?" she asked accusingly.
He smiled and brushed his nose against the side of her head, "Why am I here?"
"I don't want you here."
"But you called," he wrapped his arms around her, "did you miss me?" he breathed on her neck. "Or is life without me everything you've ever dreamed?
"I'm not alone like you."
"That's not what I asked," his embrace tightened. "Since you mentioned, do you let him touch you outside of bed?"
Olivia huffed, refusing to reply.
"Do you even let him stay in your bed after you're done with him?" Fitz pressed.
Olivia remained still and silent.
"That's what I thought," he commented with a grin.
His hands traced her body, and she pressed herself closer.
"Let me look at you," her tone was soft but sure.
"No."
"I always let you look at me,"
"Yes, but you don't let me see you. You hide too much."
"Please."
"Want to go there?" he asked, pointing to the waterfall.
"I'm fine here with you. Please, let go," she begged, wanting to see his face more than anything else.
"Like this?" Fitz detangled his arms from her, freeing her to face him.
The moment he distanced himself from her, Olivia regretted her decision. The places in which their bodies touched were marked with sweat. She was drenched in his fragrance again, but now the feeling brought comfort. As she looked at him, she hoped the yearning in her eyes would be enough for him to understand what she needed. Pride did not allow her to ask for more of his touch.
Fitz nods, "Aren't you tired?"
"Of what?"
"This game. Pushing me away, then summoning me back."
"I didn't summon you. You just showed up here."
His response was both biting and incredulous, "This is your dream," he turned his back to her, focused instead on the dark forest around. "Whatever. You're right, Olivia. You're always right," bitterness in each of his words.
Olivia felt the familiar weariness that had accompanied her these last months. Memories of their last time in the same room together slipped back to the forefront of her mind.
"You want to know who wouldn't run? Someone capable of being in a relationship. Someone capable of being normal."
"How are you?" she managed to ask, too aware that the opportunity wouldn't come again soon.
But he was gone.
There was a shift in the air.
The birds stopped singing.
The waterfall disappeared.
A sudden wave of energy launched Olivia's body forward. Sweat covered her sheets, and she hyperventilated, as she got accustomed to the darkness of her room. In her four-poster bed, an homage to him, a rue laugh escaped her lips. The world she knew had collapsed by her own doing.
All she was left with were empty attempts to recreate his presence in her life.