DAY 10 – Insight
Chapter 14 – One Quiet Night
There had been a banquet, politicians, small talk, and other boring stuff that had seemingly gone well. After Woolsey and Lorne's team had headed back to Atlantis, there'd been a nice relaxed evening of Athosian tea and chat with Teyla's family around the family dining table.
It had been a very successful day all round, with no one trying to kidnap him even once, but this was what it had all really been about.
As it turned out, the bed that was their wedding gift was super comfy. The mattress was soft but supportive under John's back, the pillows full, the bedding had a lovely fresh flowery smell to it, and the bed-frame barely creaked at all.
Of course it was naked Teyla that truly made it the best place to be.
"So, do you approve of the bed?" She asked softly against his skin, her cheek on his chest and her fingers sliding across his collarbones.
"Oh yeah," John confirmed as he ran both his hands up and down her warm smooth back.
She chuckled against him.
"Of course," he added as he trailed his fingers up the line of her spine, "it'll need real thorough testing."
"I am sure that we can undertake the necessary research," she agreed.
He was the one to chuckle now as he dipped his chin to press his lips to her hair.
She smelt so good.
She felt just right.
He'd been stupidly worried on the way up from the Gate that maybe she might have changed her mind about being back together, but the second he'd spotted her in the lobby of the Governing Complex, her eyes and smile all warm and inviting, he'd been nothing but happy. All those politicians had been easy to talk to, the banquet had been great, and he'd been able to just enjoy the day knowing what was waiting this evening.
When it was just them alone together again.
He drew in her smell again, sliding his hands over her soft skin, and let his eyes drift shut to just enjoy the moment. Her fingers were drawing lazy circles on his chest, her body all up and close, lying partly over him.
This had to be what heaven felt like.
A few memories shifted with that thought. He remembered thinking the same in those moments he'd thought he was dying under Todd's hand, thinking he was on the way out. He'd imagined being back in bed with Teyla, holding her, feeling like he was home. Except with those memories also came the remembered pain and the deep tearing sensation in his chest, right where she was softly caressing him.
The nightmares threatening, he quickly snapped his eyes open again to the soft light of Teyla's bedroom. There was just one sole lamp on beside the bed, and another shining in from his fake bedroom on the other side of the open adjoining doorway.
Everything was fine.
"So," he made himself focus back on her again. "Everything been okay here?" He asked as he held her a little tighter against him.
"The Elite are focused on researching the Skerti alien, though most of my time has focused on the usual politics," she sighed slightly. She didn't sound like she approved all that much.
"You know," he suggested as he gently stroked her hip, "you could always just come live in Atlantis with me permanently."
She laughed lightly against him and rolled back enough to be able to look up at him. "And what would I do in Atlantis?" She asked, her lips wide; they were still swollen from all the kissing.
He lifted his head from her soft deep pillows and pressed his mouth to hers again, tasting her swollen lips again before pulling back. One of her hands lingered in his hair, massaging his scalp before dropping back to his chest.
"Is that all I would do?" She grinned.
"Kisses on tap," he promised.
She chuckled again as she rolled off him, lying on her side alongside him now. He kept his right arm wrapped around her, keeping her up against his side as she reached behind her and drew a pillow behind her head. He enjoyed the free show of her shifting around to get comfortable, the thick Athosian bed-throw having fallen from her shoulders, her breasts soft in the warm lamplight. He gently trailed the fingertips of his free hand down from her collarbones and over her uppermost breast as she settled comfortably up against his side. The bed-throw still off her shoulder, he reached down for its edge and drew it back over her bared skin, tucking her into their warmth. As much as he loved gazing at naked Teyla, he really enjoyed the whole tucked in together under the blankets routine they'd started back in Atlantis.
"And what else could I do in Atlantis?" She asked, her head now propped up on one hand and her pillow.
"You could come on missions with me," he suggested as he slid his hand down her side under the warm covers.
"I am uncertain that Colonel Sumner would agree to that," she smiled. She was tracing large lazy circles over his chest, the memories of the nightmares chased away now as he let himself imagine a life with Teyla living in Atlantis with him permanently. Actually, it wasn't exactly a new fantasy.
"I recon we could convince him," he assured her. "An Elite warrior on one of our teams? He'd be stupid to turn that down." He settled his hand on her waist, only the soft rise of her hip drew his hand onwards and he stroked up over the swell of her side.
"I do not think Colonel Sumner trusts me enough to do so," she replied.
"We could send him to the Alliance," John suddenly thought. "He could work with that Drill Sergeant you had on the Sythus – Curzon? They'd get on like a house on fire."
"A house on fire?" Teyla lifted one elegant eyebrow. "How is that ever a good thing?"
"Exactly," John agreed. "But we'd be free to run missions together."
She smiled down at her hand on his chest, her fingers lifting to the rounded edges of her nails so her circles started on that teasing line between being ticklish but also kind of nice. "I think that we would find each other rather distracting on missions."
"We've done it before," he disagreed. "We'd be the best team," he assured her with a wink.
She grinned, her teeth bright between those full lips, all tempting.
She was getting a certain look in her eye that told him she was about ready for round two of thoroughly testing out the bed.
"Have your duties changed now that you have been promoted?" She asked though.
"Um," he blinked to try and focus on his answer and not the sweet swell of her backside cupped between his hand, or her teasing circles that had drifted a little lower to his stomach. Her leg edged a little further over his. "Maybe. They want to send me back to Earth at some point for some ambassador training, whatever that means."
"Because they see your value," Teyla stated, sounding all proud of him.
He grinned at her. "You know there's a lot of people who never expected me to get past Captain."
"You have mentioned that several times," she smiled. "They were very wrong."
"Sure were," John lifted his chin with pretend smugness and she chuckled.
"Do the Elite have ranks?" The question occurred to him.
"Only four," she replied, her eyes on his stomach where she ran wide circles. "Recruit, New Graduate, Elite Warrior, and Retired Elite Warrior."
"How long do you stay a New Graduate before you become a fully fledged Elite Warrior?" He asked as he started up his own teasing circles across her lower back.
"Officially after your first hand-to-hand battle with the Wraith, but most consider it to be your first Queen kill to be the real marker," she answered.
"Who gets to decide?"
"Becoming a New Graduate occurs when you officially graduate from Recruit training and start on battle rotation, but, for the further ranks, we decide ourselves," she replied.
"So you can just choose to become a black belt by yourself?" John frowned.
"A black belt?" She mused with a questioning frown.
"It's like the highest level of martial arts," John explained.
"I see," she nodded.
She'd stopped her circles and her palm was now flat against his chest. He swore he could feel his heart beating up against it with anticipation.
"Do you approve of our shared quarters?" She asked, her tone sultry though her question seemed more domestic.
"Definitely," he agreed. Not that he really cared. The quarters could be a shipping container or a cupboard for all he cared – just as long as it was the two of them, all tucked up naked together.
"Are you willing to stay in this bed with me all night?" She asked next. Yep, she was definitely teasing him now.
"Oh yeah," he confirmed, letting his gaze wander down her throat to where the bed-throw had shifted off her bare shoulder again.
She grinned and he felt her lean a little more of her weight against him. "Your people may look for you in the night," she considered.
"The adjoining door is open," he disregarded the issue as he reached over and slid his left hand over her hip, both his hands on her now.
"They may know you did not sleep in your own bed tonight," she considered next, but he could tell she wasn't really worried. He kept his hands sliding over her hip and as much of her backside that he could reach.
"It's okay," he assured her. "I made sure the bed looked slept in before I came in here." When he'd sorted through his things and pulled out his bed clothes for tonight, all before joining Teyla in here, he'd laid down on the fake bed and rolled around a bit. He'd crushed the pillows and pulled the covers to one side to complete the whole look.
"Did you now?" Teyla arched an eyebrow, but she was moving, sliding herself over him. He kept his hands on her backside as she pressed her front to his, her legs parting around his hips.
Oh yeah.
"We have three nights here together," she noted as she folded her hands on his chest and settled her chin on them. He tightened his hold of her backside, just the way she liked, and she rocked her pelvis in his grip.
"And then a further night alone together in my quarters in the Facility," she added.
He was losing the ability to process what she was saying, focusing only on her full lips, then down the shadows of her tattooed throat to where he could feel the pinpoints of her nipples move against his skin.
"We should probably pace ourselves," she considered.
He'd started sliding one hand round the base of her backside, reaching down between her legs, seeking out her parted wet flesh.
"Sounds a good plan," he breathed as his fingertips found her, finding her still swollen and ready from the last round.
She breathed loudly as she lifted her breasts from his chest, her palms settling on him to push herself upright. It made his fingers lose their place, but he quickly drew his hands over her thighs as she sat up, straddling him. The bed-throw dropped away from her, bunching around their hips, leaving her naked above him in the lamplight.
"I would not want you to wear yourself out," she teased as he slid one hand down and under her.
"Not going to be a problem," he promised as he parted her sweet wet flesh, staring up at her gorgeous breasts, her golden skin, and her dark smiling eyes.
"Still, I think you should just lay back, Husband," she smiled, "and let me take care of you."
"It has been a difficult day," John pretended. "Full of politics and other hard stuff," he added as he slid two fingers slowly up into her.
He watched her lips part as she sighed with pleasure and started leaning down, her warm shadow cutting off the lamplight as her mouth lowered down to his.
"God, I love politics," John whispered before their lips met.
00000
The opportunity Halling had been seeking had arrived far sooner than he'd anticipated. Covering Seeal's evening shift would hopefully provide a quieter and more intimate time of day to broach the important discussion with Oneakka.
He'd had to leave Oneakka for a few hours this afternoon, heading out to complete some link discussions and a short meeting that he'd originally scheduled for the early evening. Through it all, he'd gone through in his head how best to approach the subject of whatever it was that seemed to be haunting his friend. Ultimately, he'd decided to use an approach that Oneakka had used on him not too long ago, and which would hopefully allow Oneakka the opportunity to share what it was that was bothering him.
Or he may not. The discussion about Seeal certainly hadn't gone the way Halling had hoped, but hopefully this discussion would fare better.
Once he'd returned to Oneakka's room following his meeting, all the day's guests gone and the Surgical Healing Bay lit in its lower evening lighting, Halling had left his things on Oneakka's side table and left ostensibly to use the bathroom. He had instead used the time to ask the Healing Bay staff to leave him and Oneakka alone for a set time. The Staff were more than used to such requests for medical conversations, personal matters and even confidential Elite military discussions to be held around patient beds. To them it was a standard request that was greeted with a simple nod and a recording down of the length of time that Oneakka was to be left alone, and that was it.
The time set aside, Halling headed back through the corridors to Oneakka's door.
He felt no small amount of trepidation about this, not simply because it was a personal matter or that Oneakka might not share anything, but that his worst fears might be confirmed – that Oneakka regretted his survival. If that was the case, Halling would address it head on, but the possibility of it still worried at him.
Never before would he have ever considered having to worry about Oneakka harming himself. Usually Oneakka's sole focus in life was his work – to strive to be the most effective weapon he could against the Wraith. Though one to seemingly be ready to throw himself into ridiculously dangerous situations without apparent concern for himself, Halling knew that, in reality, Oneakka did nothing without thorough consideration first. Of course Oneakka's interpretation of 'thorough consideration' did not always match everyone else's version of a full assessment, but Oneakka had never been a man to act without deliberation. However, now Halling had begun to worry whether Oneakka's usual blasé approach to danger might have been concealing a death-wish. Could what Oneakka had displayed as bravery and determination before now actually be rooted in a lack of interest in his own survival?
Considering what Oneakka had gone through, what he'd lost, it was psychologically possible, but Halling had never considered it until now.
He had reached the window into Oneakka's room, so Halling paused and peered inside, seeking out evidence again of that elusive depressive edge to his friend's mood. However, Oneakka was instead looking at his computer pad. The head of his bed was a fraction higher today and he appeared to be in a slightly sleepy and relaxed mood this evening.
Halling almost regretted ruining his friend's good mood.
Perhaps he should have this discussion another day...
Now he was the one trying to avoid the issue.
Aware that he'd let his attention drift to the floor in front of his boots, Halling looked back up and into Oneakka's room, to see that Oneakka had spotted him and was frowning at him through the window. Halling forced himself to smile back and moved forward again, turning into Oneakka's open doorway.
"Something happen?" Oneakka asked the second Halling entered.
"No," Halling assured him quickly. "I was just thinking," he dismissed his own expression that Oneakka must have seen. Halling paused somewhat awkwardly just inside the doorway, inwardly debating whether he had any right to ruin Oneakka's evening, only his attention was caught by the picture of a baby goat on Oneakka's pad. "You've seen the latest goat pictures from Seeal?" He leapt at the subject matter.
"She's just sent some more through," Oneakka replied as he tapped the pad's screen to bring up another picture of several baby goats. "She's still in there with Belka and the babies. Probably going to sleep the night in there worrying about the runt."
"Has it regressed?" Halling checked.
"No, she's just worrying over it," Oneakka looked up from the latest picture. "It looks like it's running around with the others easy enough."
Halling nodded. Belka's youngest babe was alright then.
No excuses.
"How are you feeling?" Halling asked.
"Fine," Oneakka replied, but his eyes had narrowed slightly; he already could tell something was up. Halling guessed his loitering in the doorway was suspicious enough.
"I was hoping to discuss something with you," Halling explained.
"Okay," Oneakka agreed with a slightly confused frown.
Halling took the agreement as the impetus he needed and reached for the controls to the door and triggered it closed, and then started forward, moving around the end of Oneakka's bed towards his usual chair on the far side.
Oneakka's gaze shifted from the closed door and tracked Halling moving around the bed. "What's happened?" Oneakka asked.
"Nothing has happened," Halling repeated again as he reached his seat at Oneakka's left elbow. "I just wanted to have this discuss privately," he explained before briefly glancing at his own computer pad on the side table. No urgent matters had flagged up, so he turned his full attention to Oneakka.
Oneakka was frowning suspiciously back at him, his former sleepiness vanished. The sharper edge to his gaze and the way he spoke testified to the fact that his medication plan had finally shifted away from the more sedating pain killers. Halling made a mental note to check Oneakka's medication plan to update himself as to which stage Meiyo had reached.
"Do you need anything? Water?" Halling checked, realising he had forgotten the usual offer when he had arrived. Often it took a direct question to help Oneakka volunteer the fact that he needed something.
"I can reach it," Oneakka disregarded the question. "What's up?" He pushed as he set his computer pad onto the covers beside him, his entire attention focused on Halling.
"I wanted to speak with you about something personal-" Halling began.
"Is this about Seeal again?" Oneakka interrupted him though, his tone blunt and unyielding.
"No," Halling confirmed quickly. "I gave you my word that I would not bring that subject up again."
"Good," Oneakka nodded, though he looked a little confused now. Clearly he'd assumed that any 'personal' discussions would only be about Seeal, which suggested to Halling that the matter was far from resolved in Oneakka's mind. But that particular thorny issue was not the one to focus on right now.
Halling considered Oneakka seriously, while Oneakka frowned back with obvious curiosity.
"You recall when you visited me on the Sythus, when Nalla called you out of the Military Celebration to speak to me?" Halling began, hoping his approach would work. Oneakka nodded. "You sat down opposite me and you confronted the issue head on. You reminded me that I could trust you with anything,"
Halling felt the subtle shift of emotion in his chest that he always felt when recalling the moment that had ended up saving his life. He was so grateful to both Oneakka and Nalla for having pushed him into revealing Sitayi' prediction and his fears, and he was determined to do the same for Oneakka if needed.
"Has Sitayi made another prediction?" Oneakka asked worriedly.
"No, no," Halling quickly confirmed and Oneakka let out an obvious breath of relief. "I just," Halling considered his words carefully, "...you and Nalla saw that something was wrong and you pushed me talk about it. I was too stubborn and too...afraid to share my fears and what I was hiding."
Oneakka didn't move or respond in any way, but a strange new stillness seemed to settle over him. Halling forged on, looking directly into Oneakka's sharply blue eyes.
"I want you to know, my friend, that what you did for me in asking me to share my burden is something that I am forever grateful for," Halling stated. "And we can both agree that it was vitally important that I did share Sitayi' prediction with you, that it made the difference in the end."
Oneakka nodded, but remained unusually silent, which told Halling that Oneakka understood where this conversation was headed.
"I want you to know that you can share anything that is troubling you," Halling told him. "Just as you asked me to trust you with my burden, I ask that you know that you can trust me to do the same for you."
Oneakka broke eye contact, his gaze dropping to the bed and then away to the far wall.
Halling fell silent and waited, sensing that he'd said enough.
"I'm fine," Oneakka stated, but it was a rather weak statement and it didn't sound like Oneakka believed it any more than Halling did. Oneakka reached up to his scalp and briefly scratched at his newly regrowing hair. "It's nothing."
Halling sensed he should keeping waiting, taking his cue again from Oneakka's own book.
Oneakka's cheek twitched as he glanced away to the closed door and then down to his lap as he smoothed out the blanket over his legs.
Halling waited, watching his friend's profile as Oneakka ran through whatever he needed to in his head.
Blue eyes shifted back to Halling and away again. "When I was...," Oneakka began only to pause with a faint shrug as if what he was saying didn't mean much, which was clearly the exact opposite of reality, "unconscious," Oneakka decided on the word. "Between the Hive and waking up here, I..."
Halling realised he was leaning forward, waiting anxiously for the admission of regret he feared.
"...had an experience," Oneakka concluded, his gaze fleetingly meeting Halling's and then dropping away again to where he was still smoothing the blanket over his legs.
Halling blinked, surprised. Of all his theories and suspicions about what was troubling Oneakka, this was not what he'd expected. "What kind of experience?" He asked.
Oneakka's attention focused down on his lap where he had found a slight imperfection in the weave of the blanket and was now picking at it idly. Halling watched as Oneakka's cheek twitched.
"I saw my family," Oneakka said quietly.
Halling froze, surprised at the entirely unexpected revelation. "What happened?" He asked, hearing no small amount of eagerness in his voice.
Oneakka cleared his throat, his attention shifting up from the blanket and then away again. "I was in my father's forge then I was sitting at the edge of the training field just outside our village. I'd used to sneak there after late meals to watch the older children practice wrestling and sparring."
Halling watched as Oneakka's gaze returned to his lap, his fingers picking at the blanket's weave.
"My father sat down beside me," Oneakka continued, his voice even quieter. "He..." Oneakka cleared his throat again and blinked rapidly.
Halling watched in shocked empathy as Oneakka struggled against emotions clearly overwhelming him. Halling had seen Oneakka cry only a few times over the years, but it had only ever been at funeral ceremonies or after the loss of a civilian in horrific circumstances during a culling. Never had Halling seen Oneakka struggle as he was now, emotions visibly fighting through his control.
"He told me," Oneakka continued, his voice tight, "that I wasn't to blame for what happened to our people. He said I didn't need to fight anymore."
Halling had to look away, had to blink hard himself now to keep control of his own emotions.
"Then my mother, my sisters and brothers were on the training field, dancing in the sun," Oneakka continued quietly. "I went and sat in the grass with them, listened to my little sister singing... My brothers and sisters playing. Mother smiling over us-" Oneakka's voice broke off.
Halling returned his watery eyes to Oneakka's profile, forcing himself to remain strong for his friend.
"But it was just a dream. A hallucination," Oneakka concluded, his focus back down on the blanket as he shook his head. "Blood loss. It wasn't real." His eyes then snapped up to Halling. "Don't tell anyone else."
"Of course I won't," Halling promised instantly to Oneakka's tearful raw eyes.
Oneakka nodded and looked away again, clearing his throat faintly again. "It just...it made me miss them again," he said softly.
Halling nodded though Oneakka was not looking at him. It made sense now to Halling, the sense of a weight pressing on Oneakka and the lingering sadness in his eyes when he thought no one was watching him.
Horrific grief unburied anew.
"I'll get over it," Oneakka added, his tone slightly harsh.
Halling frowned at that. "I don't think you're supposed to, Oneakka."
Oneakka looked round.
"Grief like that," Halling held his gaze. "No one expects you to 'get over it'."
"Wallowing achieves nothing," Oneakka argued, but his tone was still low, soft.
"Neither does ignoring it," Halling replied carefully. "Could it be that you've never really allowed yourself to properly grieve for them?" He voiced a long held theory.
Oneakka frowned faintly. "And do what?" He asked. "Cry? Get depressed? What does that do? It won't bring them back, Halling."
Halling paused, considering his answer. "But maybe it would allow you to move on."
"Move on where?" Oneakka asked with an edge of anger in his voice now. "I do everything I can to fight the Wraith and make sure no one else has to go through what I did. There is nowhere else to move on to. It was just a hallucination, old childhood memories mixed together into a dream."
Oneakka looked away again, shaking his head as if also shaking away the emotions he worked to overcome.
"Perhaps," Halling agreed softly.
Maybe Oneakka was correct that it had simply been old memories stitched into a new tale, forced up out of his subconscious. It was no wonder that he had been so sad, forced to relive such beautiful memories and then wake up to a universe without them again.
Of course, were he Athosian, Oneakka might see such an experience differently.
"There is another possible explanation," Halling suggested carefully.
Oneakka's eyes slid into view, looking at Halling out the corners of his eyes. "You're going to go full-Athosian on me, aren't you."
Halling had to smile at Oneakka's correct interpretation and the sudden touch of humour in the emotionally difficult conversation.
"On Athos," Halling told him, "a visitation from your own ancestors is considered the most powerful of visions."
Oneakka sighed. "The dead don't talk, Halling," he stated, but his eyes were painfully sad. Yet, that he had predicted Halling's point said he had already considered that it had been a vision. So Halling ploughed on.
"We do not know for certain if that is true," he argued gently. "We know the Ancestors ascended into a new form of life and my people believe that, when we die, we join the Ancestors there. If Hastos and Sythus returned from that place to live again, and Atlantis say that they have encountered reformed Ancestors before, perhaps others can visit us from there too."
"I don't believe in that, Halling," Oneakka replied, his tone not harsh, but still certain in his belief.
"You do not have to," Halling replied. "On Athos, it is said that if your family have visited you, that they will later send a sign as confirmation that the vision was true."
Oneakka pulled a bemused face. "What kind of sign?"
"It could be anything, but it'll be something that you'll instantly recognise as their sign."
"People see what they want to see, Halling," Oneakka argued.
"No, it will be a very clear sign."
"You're so Athosian," Oneakka muttered as he shook his head, but the faint smile was back. The tears were gone from his eyes and he seemed relaxed again.
And hopefully slightly less burdened in sharing his experience.
"Thank you," Halling replied.
"Wasn't a compliment," Oneakka uttered with old familiar teasing.
"You should be polite to your elders," Halling returned his own side of the banter.
Oneakka let out a faint snort of amusement as he reached for his computer pad again, settling its dark screen back on his lap.
The discussion had gone well and Halling was relieved.
"I could hear you," Oneakka added.
Halling frowned, unsure if he had missed something, perhaps a teasing comment.
Oneakka looked round. "When I was with my family, I could hear you and Seeal talking to me."
Halling felt the relief slide away into the cold fearful memories of that long painful night. "We talked to you for hours."
Oneakka nodded faintly. "I couldn't hear what you were saying, but I could hear your voices on the wind. Calling me back."
Halling swallowed as he worked against the emotion rushing up his throat. All those hours of desperate talking had been real – Oneakka had heard them. "Sitayi told me that you had a choice to make."
Oneakka frowned, clearly surprised at the description. "She did?"
"I wanted to make sure you made the right choice. To stay with us." His voice was tight and abruptly painful, but he worked to hold strong and let Oneakka see the truth.
Oneakka smiled.
Just one last question then; the one that had haunted Halling.
"You don't regret it, do you?" He asked. "Coming back, leaving your family again?"
Oneakka lifted his head, his back straight again as he looked Halling directly in the eye. "Never," Oneakka stated firmly.
Halling nodded and looked away quickly, fighting back the desperate relief from overwhelming him.
Oneakka's hand landed on his arm leant on the edge of the bed. "Soppy old Athosian."
Halling let the laughter push the tears away as he looked back at his friend.
"You're gonna have to be the one to hug me, because I was impaled saving your arse," Oneakka pulled on his arm.
Halling pushed up from his chair and, grinning stupidly now, he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Oneakka's shoulders. Lifted away from his pillows as much as he could, Oneakka's arms held tight around Halling's back in turn.
There were so many years of collective hardship, battles, grief, even jealousy and anger shared between them, but there had also been wondrous times of survival, trust, and moments like these.
This was a friendship that Halling valued deep in his soul and he swore he could feel the same in Oneakka's tight hold.
His brother from another world.
00000
TBC