alesana4ever: That's true. They especially need breaks from each other lol. And yeah, TyLee could definitely use one; it's hard to be perky and bubbly when everyone else seems to be upset or angry or both. Glad I can keep you on your toes! But yup, Mai cheated on him and the nature of their argument will be revealed eventually. I have an idea of the direction I want to take the Ember Island arc in.
She steps onto the sand and crinkles her nose. She has only just gotten off of the boat, and already there is a heap of sand in her shoes. She shivers at the grating sensation. The island smells fresh of mango and pineapple and of exotic meats and fish over a cooking fire. Several of them, all across the beach. The ocean has its own array of scents and Azula is fond of none of them; the seaweed is too potent and putridly sweet and the salt is too poignant.
"Need help with that?"
Azula yanks her luggage away from him. She shakes her head, she doesn't need nor want his help.
"I'm just trying to help." He mumbles.
Azula frowns to herself before handing him her smallest suitcase.
"Why don't you let the servants carry them in for you?"
It is more or less to prove to herself that she is more than capable of taking care of herself, even if her mind is betraying her again. She is going to have to get used to helping herself anyhow; she can't keep a single friend or lover. Instead she mouths, 'faster'.
"If you're sure."
She is very certain. She makes her way to the top of the staircase and drops her luggage in the foyer. She brought it this far, now she'll leave the easier job to the servants. "We can go down to the beach." Zuko offers, he looks her up and down. "I don't think you'll need your armor for this."
Azula rummages through her luggage and finds herself a beach dress.
"Why don't you wear your swimsuit, in case we want to go swimming."
She is certain that she doesn't. Each time she fully immerses herself in water she finds herself overtaken by a sensation of failure and doom. She feels cold all over and she drowns in it. She doesn't need another reminder of what she has lost and become. She wanders into the bathroom and dresses herself. The outfit is prettier and brighter than she feels within, it doesn't suit her in the slightest. She lets her hair fall out of its top knot and over her shoulders. When she emerges from the bathroom Zuko is standing there in his own swimsuit. She lets him take the lead, it isn't as though she has any particular stretch of the beach in mind.
She isn't sure that she has anything left in her mind at all.
Anything save for a nagging itch that she has lost the most important thing that she had once had. She swallows, TyLee always did love the beach. She can practically see the girl bouncing over the sand and gesturing enthusiastically at all of the pretty shells and hibiscus flowers.
Just as vividly, she can hear her gushing about what a beautiful day it is. The sun casts twinkling shimmers over the waves, unhindered by clouds. The sky is an endless blue and several crabs scuttle over the sand below.
Her breath catches in her throat.
"Do you want me to get us some ice cream?"
Azula scans the ground for a long stick. Upon finding it she etches into the sand, "you can get one for yourself." She smoothes out the sand once more.
"Are you sure that you don't want anything?"
She shakes her head. She is not hungry, especially not for something so overwhelmingly sweet.
"I really want you to enjoy this trip." He tries.
But, Agni, it's awfully hard to enjoy a vacation when all she can think about is how terribly she yearns for an era that is well behind her and a world where her potential had borne fruit. A world where she still has a voice and it is powerful and beautiful and confident. A world where she is so above it that whether or not TyLee still loves her doesn't matter even slightly.
But in this world it means everything.
In this world she is nothing.
In this world she is unloved.
In this world the distant volcano is calling her, begging her to come to its edge and jump into its core. It promises that it will sear her problems away and blacken her body and all of her bothers. Her pace slows until she comes to a standstill, eyes transfixed upon the volcano. Upon her new goal. The ocean has never helped her before, why would do so now? Anyways ocean water is too slow, too creeping, it would leave her with too much time to think and regret and dwell on her shame and all of the reasons that she had sought to fill her lungs with it in the first place. Fire has always been her salvation. Fire is mercy. For a moment the sun's rays feel like the liberating heat of lava.
"Azula." Zuko shuffles back to her.
She finds that she can only look at the ground, stare at her feet and wiggle her toes. She feels Zuko's hand carefully link with hers. "Come on." He says softly. "Let's go find somewhere to sit down."
.oOo.
She can't put it out of her mind.
It appears in her dreams.
It's darkly scorched, rocky face looms over her, bathes her in shadow. And in a puff of smoke it speaks, "I can make it stop. I can make it all go away."
It doesn't specify what it can stop but it doesn't need to. It spits a drop of lava onto her arm, she watches it trail down her arm, burning through it. It hurts so terribly but it serves its purpose; she isn't thinking about TyLee anymore. She isn't worried about dying alone, unloved, hated, and shamed. She is worried about the excruciating kisses that the volcano is laying on her body. Agni it hurts like mad as several infernos erupt from the charred craters forming on her skin.
The volcano talks again, "it's going to be okay now."
And as sparks fly and lava weeps from the holes in her arms, she knows that it is true. She can see bone in the wounds, but she doesn't bleed. Monsters don't bleed. She doesn't bleed.
She knows that she is dreaming when she speaks, "thank you."
When she wakes she doesn't shiver or shudder. She doesn't even have the urge to scream, though she still feels sensations of a blaze along her arms. She sits up and pulls her robe on over her nightgown.
Her feet carry her outside before she can really think about what she is doing. She supposes that there is a perk to being so silent, Zuko doesn't notice when she slips out. Her sight is set on the volcano and she finds herself absently walking in its direction. She knows that this is the right decision.
She tries to think of someone who might care for her, who might weep in her absence. Father no longer cares for her, she wonders if he ever had. Her mother never did. Certainly Uncle would be relieved to see her gone. Gone so that she can't hurt Zuzu anymore. It is likely that Mai will revel in her absence. TyLee will cry but it will be shallow, an act, just like her bubbly smiles and her loving murmurs. She can't imagine that Zuko will miss her all too much.
She is making the right decision, she tells herself while she stands at the shoreline, breeze fluttering through her hair.
She wonders if she should write a note. She isn't sure that she needs to, the why's are rather clear. The how is of no concern, likely the how would be rather should, for once, spare them the morbidity. Even still, she thinks that it would be appropriate, if not a polite formality to leave one parting message. She is better at writing out how she feels than she has ever been at speaking them.
Decidedly, it is better if she doesn't. Aside from it being a waste of time, she has no right to ask for pity and compassion in death when she hadn't done anything to deserve it in life. No, she…
"Hi!"
Azula jerks and the woman laughs before muttering an apology. Azula turns around and faces a rather tall woman with her hair fashioned into both a top knot and a low ponytail. A horrible styling choice, really.
"It's a nice night, isn't it?"
It is, truly so. It is another clear skied, star glimmered night with a balmy breeze that is just perfect. It is a fine night indeed, all of the worst ones are.
Azula shrugs.
The girl seems to tilt her head before giving a laugh.
Azula's brows crease.
"I recognize you!" She declares.
Azula tilts her head and furrows her brows. It isn't that she is surprised that she doesn't recognize the woman; she has seen so many faces both real and imagined.
"You're that weirdo from the party."
Azula sighs. As far as she is concerned, she was just another face in the crowd. Another socially deprived disaster; she can't imagine that they haven't come across someone of her variety before or after...
"You put a drink on my head."
Azula cringes. Of all the people she could encounter.
"You remember doing that, right?"
She certainly likes to pretend that she doesn't. She only stares at the girl.
"You can answer me, you know?"
Azula shakes her head.
"What do you mean, no?"
Azula searches for another stick and etches a simple, "can't talk."
It is now the woman who tilts her head in confusion. Only for a moment before asking, "what happened?"
She scrawls, "long story."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
Azula shakes her head.
She coughs, "right, uh, do you want to write about it?"
She shakes her head again.
"Can I sit down?"
Azula casts a longing glance at the volcano. She supposes that the woman can sit wherever she pleases, it doesn't mean that she has to stick around. And even if she does, she can't foresee the volcano going anywhere anytime soon. She gestures to the spot next to her.