A/N: First of all, I'd like to thank you all for your lovely reviews. I'm so glad you're enjoying this chapter is the first one to explore season 3, and as I mentioned, this is a really exciting season for me to write. It's a bit different than usual because Sharon is exploring her relationship with Rainie through a conversation with Andy, but I feel like it provides a wider view of the relationship and shows us a little bit of the off-hours Sharon we wished we saw on the show.
And of course, I'd like to thank the wonderful Blossom-of-snow for beta reading and editing this story. She's exceptional.
It has been at least a decade since Sharon had a glass of vodka. She never particularly liked the hard liquor, but she needed something to take the edge off fast. And boy, did she have an edge. As the clear liquid burned its way down her throat, the faces of the two dead children floated before her eyes and the desperate scream of their mother as she found out her husband and children had been murdered echoed in her ears. She put the shot glass down on the bar and covered her face in her hands. The last couple of days had been too much for her, too painful. It was one of those cases that got to her, but it was the first time that she needed to drink in order to forget.
"Hey there," Andy said.
Sharon decided to take him up on his offer to be there for her and convinced him to go to a downtown resto-bar she hasn't been to for several months.
"Our food is at the table, and considering that you just had vodka, it's probably a good idea if you eat something."
Sharon's fingers traced the rim of the shot glass on the bar and looked at Andy. She found nothing but warmth in his eyes, and his kind invitation to return to their table and have dinner. Slowly, she got up from the barstool and followed him back to the table. He pulled the chair for her, and she descended into it, feeling a little dizzy as the Grey Goose in her blood was already taking effect. Her fingers brushed against the tips of her fork's teeth. She lifted it and impaled one piece of ravioli.
"I think Rainie is dating someone," she said as she brought the ravioli to her mouth.
"Is it a girl from her school?" Andy wondered.
Sharon looked at him, unsure how he even knew Rainie was a lesbian. "How did you know?" she asked. "That she's gay, I mean."
"The way she looked at Kris when they still used to hang out; it seemed like she was a bit infatuated with her. Didn't it?" Andy asked. "And when she had that boyfriend, the one you didn't like – "
"I never told you I didn't like Chris," Sharon protested.
"But it was easy to tell. You looked at him like your look at suspects," Andy grinned.
Sharon had to remind herself that her Lieutenant had many years of detective work behind him. Of course, he would not have a hard time figuring out how she felt about another person.
"Anyway, she never looked at him this way. So it made sense."
"Well, I don't know who it is," Sharon said. "I just noticed she's been spending a lot of time out of the house, and the other day, she tried to sneak in early in the morning, and she had her toothbrush in her backpack."
"So you think she slept over somewhere?" Andy asked.
"I don't know," Sharon sighed as she brought another ravioli to her mouth. "I give her a lot of freedom, but I'm not sure I like that she's going out without telling me where, and spending the night out without letting me know."
"So why don't you talk to her about it?" Andy suggested.
"Because I was busy. We had this case and…" She sighed and shook her head. She didn't want to talk about the case. She wanted to forget about it. "And then she asked to talk to Provenza. He would have told me if it was something serious, wouldn't he?"
"He would," Andy assured her.
Sharon nodded and looked at her plate. "Why do we keep doing this to ourselves?" she wondered.
"Doing what?" Andy looked at her over his forkful of fettuccine alfredo.
"This job? Why do we feel the need to be surrounded by death?" Sharon explained. "Are we masochists?"
"Oh, no. One shot of vodka did this to you?" Andy groaned. "You're one of those people who contemplate your life choices when they're drunk?"
"I'm not drunk, Andy, I'm serious," Sharon insisted.
"Why did you become a cop?" Andy asked.
"To pay Jack's way through law school. I never meant to stay a cop," Sharon admitted. "I was supposed to be a lawyer."
"I didn't know that," Andy looked at her as if his entire view of her changed, and Sharon wasn't sure why she even cared what he thought of her, but she did.
"Oh, don't look at me like that," she demanded.
"Like what?"
"Like I'm not as idealistic as you," she replied. "I didn't intend to stay in this job, but I like it."
"What do you like about it?" Andy sounded as if he was testing her loyalty to her job.
"It makes me feel like I'm doing something good; like I can really change people's lives," Sharon said. "And sometimes what I do helps save people from a horrible fate."
"There's your answer," Andy smiled. "That's why we stay at this job despite all the ugliness we see. We are the good in this world, you know?"
Sharon gave him a little nod.
"And days like today – they're terrible, but they remind us why we're needed. We bring justice to these victims."
"I still feel like I've done something wrong," Sharon sighed.
"If you'd have told Mrs. Logan that her children were dead before we got information out of her, we would have never solved this case. She would have been too upset to talk to us, and the killer would have gotten away," Andy said. "You made the right call. And withholding that information didn't make her husband and children any less dead or their loss any less painful to her."
"I guess you're right," Sharon looked at her plate. The ravioli dish she ordered looked delicious, but she had no appetite. "I don't think I can eat this."
Andy motioned the waitress to come over and asked her to pack their food in to-go boxes and bring them the check. She nodded and picked up their plates.
"Do you think I should be worried about Rainie?" Sharon changed the subject.
"I don't know. If your instincts are telling you that something might be wrong with her, then you should talk to her," Andy said.
"She doesn't like it when I pry." Sharon mimicked Rainie's tone. "I mean, she's been doing well at school, and she's still seeing Dr. Joe, and she seems vital. It's just this sneaking around – it's not like her."
"Well, maybe she's not sure how to have a healthy relationship. She hasn't had any good example of that before. It can be confusing, especially at her age, you know?"
"You're right. I should probably talk to her. I just don't want to embarrass her or make her feel pressured. I mean, what if she's not in a relationship? Maybe it's something entirely different?" Sharon wondered.
"You won't know if you won't ask," Andy offered her an empathetic smile.
The waitress returned to their table with the check and two doggie bags. They paid for their dinner and left the restaurant.
"Are you okay?" Andy asked when Sharon almost tripped.
"I'm fine. The vodka made me a little dizzy," Sharon admitted.
Andy offered her his arm to lean on as they walked to his car.
They were quiet on the drive to Los Feliz. Sharon was feeling drowsy by the moment, and realized that whatever conversation she had hoped to have with Rainie would not happen tonight; not when her brain was engulfed in clouds of exhaustion, grief, and alcohol.
Andy parked his car in front of her building and insisted on walking her to her door. He's done it several times before, but it was the first time that his act of chivalry was stemmed from genuine concern. Sharon could feel the liquor taking effect on her body with every step she took, and she was glad that she had Andy to lean on as they walked through the lobby to the elevator and from the elevator to her door. He even helped her find the keys in her purse and unlocked the door for her when he noticed her struggling to insert the key to the lock. She thanked him for his company and assistance before they wished each other goodnight and parted.
Rainie was already asleep when Sharon walked down the hall. She stopped in the doorway of Rainie's room and looked at the sleeping girl. Rainie's notebook, which Sharon always assumed was a kind of a diary was thrown on the floor by the foot of the bed, open wide. Sharon bent down and picked it up. She knew that if she had any doubts about what was happening inside the girl's head, she would find the answers in the diary, but even in her tipsy state, Sharon couldn't think of anything worse than invading and violating Rainie's safe space. She closed the diary and placed it on the nightstand. She turned the bedside lamp off and closed the door behind her as she went to her bedroom to get ready to sleep. Her body felt heavy, but her mind was clearer than it has been all week. Whether it was the alcohol or the conversation with Andy, the guilt was gone, and her concerns for Rainie felt less pressing. Everything was going to be fine. Or at least she hoped it will.
-TBC-
As always, I'd love to know your thoughts about this chapter, so feel free to leave a review or send me a PM.