It was well into the evening by the time they all finally arrived at the Bunker. Sam's hopes of it being a straight and immediate drive back once he had found Dean… had proved that he really had not thought things through…
Dean had fled the Bunker with just the clothes on his back. And for most of his life he had only ever lived out of one bag anyway… so… Sam for some reason expected his brother, if he had anything, to still have only one bag of belongings… and in his naivety he had expected it to be already packed and ready to go as had been their custom for just about all of both their lives…
What a fucking moronic imbecilic expectation that was!?
And what a fucking moronic imbecile he had been!?
He had to do better. Dean needed him to do better.
His niece needed him to do better.
Fucking hell! He was going to be an uncle!
All these thoughts were going through Sam's head while he watched the elderly Benjamin, having hastily dressed into comfortable faded denims and a loose-fitting over-shirt yet still was wearingthe fluffy slippers, run around his cabin gathering stuff that Dean would need… for both before the birth and after it, and what the baby would need… and what the native American himself would need if Castiel had to fetch him to the Bunker to assist with the birth…
There were packets of homemade herbal teas (much to Sam's incredulity), mainly ginger and mint to help with Dean's apparently constant nausea but other flavours as well, and homemade honey and herbal remedies and salves to cover every other range of ailments from indigestion to the reduction of stretch lines. Dean did now have a bag's worth of clothing that once packed up included everything from basic pre-pregnancy denims to loose and stretchy sweat pants, but it paled into insignificance with the two bags that the baby had already… "My people are excited about meeting her: more gifts arrive every day"… and there was a separate bag of well-worn and well-read ancient books and protective totems that Sam was already salivating about getting his hands on in the days to come… and more besides.
Plus, Benjamin had insisted on cooking them all a breakfast of hot buttered wholemeal toast and scrambled eggs, the enjoyment of which had been marred by Dean's complexion becoming suddenly pale and him having to run to the bathroom.
"He still getting that?" Jody had asked with concern.
"All the way through," Benjamin had responded. "And it's not confined to the mornings: any thing, especially new scents, can set him off. It's been a worry making sure he and the little she have been getting enough nutrients. Oh! That reminds me…" And he was up on his feet again, packing up something else that he wanted to make sure travelled home with the pregnant mummy-daddy to be…
"It's a damned good thing I brought my truck." The sheriff muttered to everyone within earshot.
But finally they were ready to be on their way.
And it was totally worth it when Dean's eyes alighted on the Impala: "My Baby!"
Sam didn't know which made him grin more, his brother's obvious delight or the aghast look on Benjamin's face. Although he was still a little upset that he hadn't received such a seemingly genuine reaction to being seen again. And Dean's expression still seemed to falter a little every time he looked his little brother's way...
"You wanna drive?" He held the keys out to Dean and relished in the excitement in his eyes, but then the older man was shaking his head.
"Nah, I'm good."
"Seriously?"
Dean sighed, "Yeah." The young man frowned and waited but his brother didn't elaborate. Instead: "We going or what?"
"Here." Benjamin was handing Dean a large, hand woven, and incredibly soft blanket decorated around three edges with a long beautifully beaded fringe. "I was saving this for when our little girl arrives, but you might have use of it before."
"Thanks, man. For everything."
And Dean was giving him a large and heartfelt hug, which was returned just as intensely by the elderly man. "I will see you in a few weeks, guaranteed: our Lady Pa will ensure I am there. Count on it!"
Dean grinned at him: "You betcha!"
And finally, to Sam's tremendous relief, they were on their way.
It didn't feel right, him driving the Impala with his older brother riding shotgun. Especially when said big brother actually turned down the music after a few moments: "Sorry, do ya mind? It's making my head thump a bit."
"No, definitely not. You okay?"
"Just not been sleeping very well, is all." Dean muttered.
Sam glanced into the rear view mirror and exchanged concerned looks with Castiel, who was sitting in the back seat. "Is there anything we can do?"
"Nah. A good night's sleep back on my memory foam will work wonders." He rubbed almost nonchalantly at the bulge in his chest that had no place on a man's body. "If this little munchkin will only settle and let me sleep."
"She's active a lot then?" Sam couldn't help himself, he wanted to know every detail: he had missed far too much already.
"Yeah. Especially at night. I thought I was part were-creature now, but perhaps there's some vampire in her."
Despite himself, Sam laughed. But he couldn't help but say, "No matter what you are now, you're always going to be my brother. Don't you ever think different!"
"Thanks, Sam." And Dean was turning away to stare steadily out of the window…
The younger man smiled: he knew his brother well enough to know that Dean was simply trying to hide his emotions. He didn't need to have enhanced senses for that. He reached out to bump his fist against the older man's arm, but there was no need for words…
Not between the Winchester boys.
They drove on in silence for a good hour or so, then Sam noticed that Dean was shifting uncomfortably in the seat beside him. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing." But he kept on shuffling. Just little movements at a time. As if he was in discomfort and trying desperately to find a position to sit that didn't cause pain.
"Is it your back? Is the seat hurting it?"
"It's fine."
That was it: Sam saw a rest stop and pulled off the highway.
"What are you doing?"
Jody's truck and Claire's van followed them in and parked up each side of the Impala. "What's going on?" The sheriff called across from her vehicle. "Restroom break?"
"No, it's Dean's back. He's struggling in the front seat."
"I'm fine."
"What can we do?" Jody was coming across to talk to Sam through the driver's window.
"He's going to have to travel in the back instead: he can lie down there."
"I said, I'm fine."
"The Impala's rear seat isn't going to be any better: he won't be able to lie out properly." Claire was also now out of her van and standing beside the passenger's side. "I've a bed in the back with a comfortable mattress. He's welcome to travel with me: it'll be more comfortable for him."
That distracted Dean from his growing annoyance at least. "A bed in your van? Way to go Claire! "
The young blonde couldn't help herself from blushing: "Nooo! No." But she couldn't help but smile back at his smirk. "It's comfortable though. And we've still got a way to go…?"
She looked down through the open window at Dean with a pleading look in her eyes. He sighed at her: "You've been learning that from Sam. And Castiel. Yeah… okay, actually that sounds good…
Sammy, I'm gonna be traveling with Claire for a while." He started to open his door…
"We both are." And the younger Winchester was following him out of the Impala, as was the angel. "Cas, can you drive this one home?"
"Of course, Sam. I…"
"Dean, get in the van quick before someone sees you! Go on!" And Sam was all but pushing his brother up the step into the rear of the vehicle. "Oh! Cas, pass me that blanket!"
"Here. Sam, Benjamin gave me a list so I will go and…" But Castiel's words were cut off by the blanket being hastily handed through the van door and it being firmly shut before the young man was himself moving to get into the front beside the beautiful blonde.
The convoy moved on.
Claire hadn't lied. She had had the rear of her van converted enough that she could live in it if necessary: there was a small freezer box, a two-ring cooker, and a comfortable if somewhat small bed with the pillow end situated just behind the front driver's seat. Plus a lot of storage for weapons and ammunition of course.
"You rest up, Dean." She called back as she turned the ignition on. "You look like you haven't had too much sleep lately and we all woke you up early this morning. We'll stay quiet in the front."
The green eyes met hers in the rear view mirror as the man looked around. Claire felt a pang inside her: Dean really did look exhausted. He had hardly managed to eat anything since they had been with him, and that Benjamin had said that he was still struggling with severe nausea at all hours of the day…
She was relieved when the pregnant man simply nodded, the lids on his tired eyes already beginning to droop, and moved to lay out flat as best he could on the bed.
Claire glanced across at Sam, who was also watching his brother with an expression on his face that was a strange mixture of concern and tenderness… and all consuming love. She nodded to herself and reached for her cell phone…
But she would wait and make sure Dean had definitely fallen asleep first…
They drove on in silence for a while until all was quiet from the rear of the van…
Then…
"Are you going to tell me the truth now, Sam?"
"Pardon…?"
"What's really going on between you and Dean. The truth."
There was a pause. Sam didn't know what say. Claire shrugged and continued:
"Only… You know what used to get me about Castiel? Besides the fact that he took possession of my dad, that is?"
Sam waited, unsure whether it was a rhetorical question or not, but the blonde continued talking without seeming to care if she got a response or not. "It was the way he looks at Dean. Which was the same way as 'Jimmy' used to look at my mother. I used to resent it, Sam. He took my father and whilst in his body, he went and fell in love with a man of all things! I used to hate Castiel for that. It seemed like… the worst betrayal, you know?
And then I got to know Dean, and I got to know Castiel… see him as him and not as my dad… and one day I realised that…
I wanted them both happy.
I wanted them both happy, Sam.
If Dean felt the same way, which I think perhaps he…"
There was another short pause in the van… which to Sam felt like an eternity…
"What I didn't expect," Claire finally continued, "is to ever see you looking at Dean in the same way…"
"I…"
"You said your duplicate in that dimension was the other Dean's mate. And that that version of him was totally the opposite of our Dean: he was nervous and afraid of everything.
And it's already obvious what you mean about the scenting: Dean does it without realising and he actually seems to relax when he's around you. Your scent calms him down, even when he was getting stressed earlier by all that Benjamin's fussing. Your touch definitely soothes him: when you took his bag and just kept hold of his arm to see him out to the Impala it helped him, he took stability from you just being there…
And you are touching him, Sam. Quite noticeably in fact…
It would have been only natural for him, the other Dean I mean, to turn to you for comfort… physically, mentally, for just assurance in general… while he was stuck here alone and terrified. But what I didn't expect… and what I think you did… is that you gave that comfort to the other Dean… And gave it willingly."
She glanced across at him. "I'm guessing very willingly."
"Claire, I…"
"Look, Sam. Whatever happened with the other Dean, this one doesn't need it. Is that what got him so upset? When he returned…?"
"Look, I…"
"Was it just you? Or was it Cas as well…?"
"Claire…" Sam wasn't sure if his complexion was paling or reddening at her unbelievable intuition: probably both. At any other time he would have been extremely impressed and very proud at her insight…
Not this time, however.
He had paused too long.
"Shit, it was Cas as well. No wonder Dean was so upset at you…
No wonder he ran."
There was total silence between them with the exception of the slightly rattley-sounding throb of the engine of the van. Sam stared blankly out of the passenger window: for the first time in a long, long time he was at a loss of what to do next. He owed Claire an explanation. He knew he owed the young blonde an explanation. But for the life of him… he couldn't think what to say…
… The only thing he could do in fact was tell the truth.
"I didn't… Claire. I know what you're thinking: how could I have…? I love Dean: I'll always love him. With all my heart. He's my brother."
He sighed. "But I never realised, Claire…not until he, or the being that was his exact double, was in my arms and looking up at me, all wide scared green eyes and open lips and shaking from fear and just needing… I never realised how much I've wanted him. My own brother! How much I've always wanted him…
Not until it was offered by his gentle, frightened little look-alike…
And you're right, I couldn't resist. And then I wanted more… I wanted everything." Sam sighed, a deep mournful sigh full of shame:
"Dean must hate me so much right now."
There was another long silence in the van.
"I'll never hate you, Sam." Both Sam and the blonde were startled by the sleepy deep voice from behind them. "I love you. You know I do: I always will. And as you've told me far too many times, I love you far too much for my own damned good. That's what makes me do such crazy things to keep you safe… and why we always end up fighting about it.
But you're my little brother and I love you, and I'll always, always try to protect you even though you resent me every time I do. I will always love you, Sammy. So much.
But I… I've never, ever thought of you in that way. I…I just don't think I can love you like that.
I'm sorry."
"For fuck's…!"
And Sam was twisting his body around in the passenger seat and then somehow forcing his six foot four inch frame up and over the back of it to get through to the rear of the van, knocking Claire forcibly and unusually clumsily in his haste with his legs as he did and nearly causing her to swerve the van dangerously…
"Sa-am!"
But the girl was paid no heed as Sam landed somewhat painfully clumsily and in a tangle of limbs on the hard floor space behind the front seats while already reaching for his brother, who was trying to carefully sit himself up on the makeshift bed, wincing from awkwardness at his back as he did and bracing slightly against the movement of the van.
Dean's momentary discomfort was instantly forgotten as the younger man immediately knelt in front of him and reached to close his large hands gently around each side of his jaw: Sam's long fingers and thumbs holding firmly either side of his head so that the older man couldn't have looked away from meeting the other's eyes straight on even if he'd wanted to. Not that he'd ever denied his younger brother anything anyway…
"You don't need to be sorry!" Sam tried and failed not to shout. With an effort he controlled himself and spoke in a calmer tone of voice. "You don't need to be sorry, Dean. This is… something I have to deal with. And I will, I promise. You won't ever need to doubt me… or be afraid of what I'll do. I'll never let you down again. I'm never going to.
Just… don't ever leave me again, Dean. I've missed you so much and… you're all I've got. Please don't ever leave me again.
Promise me."
The older man stared down at him, his eyebrows raised so high they were almost meeting his even now still military-short hair.
"Promise me!" Sam begged him. "Nothing has been the same without you! I never realised how much having you there means to me. Half of what happened with the other Dean was because of how much I love you, and it's not just sexually.
I mean… he was you and he was constantly touchy. I mean constantly! He got into my bed on the first night and… the next morning… well, I should have had more control. You've been worried about what I think about you not being able to resist when you met your soul mate for god's sake: well, I should have been able to stop myself far more, so stop beating yourself up…
But I will from now on, Dean. I swear I will. If you're not interested, then…
You can trust me, Dean. You really can. I'm gonna prove it to you. You can trust me.
The one good thing about what's happened since… you disappeared… is that, although he was here, I missed you. I really did! And I realised how much I did… and despite what you… he… was like… and how much I… had always wanted it… always wanted you…
I missed you. Even when your look-alike was there… I missed you, Dean.
I have done like hell these last few months. I missed your lousy singing and your fantastic cooking and your over-protectiveness… which I get now, by the way: it's about the only thing dad ever said to you, 'take care of Sammy, Dean', apart from 'what are you standing there like a useless good-for-nothing for? Get all them weapons cleaned, boy' or 'what are you, a goddam girl? Fifty more press ups and do them right this time!'… and I miss your annoying laugh. Which you don't do anywhere near enough of anymore and I never realised… I never realised.
And I missed your friendship and your companionship, and your insight into situations, and your determination to try and save everybody and your heartache when you can't because sometimes we just can't Dean, and your never-failing courage to never give up and keep on going even when it's all going bad…"
He paused momentarily: "Even when I'm going bad, Dean. You were always there for me: you always have been. And I never tell you how much I appreciate that. How grateful I am. How much I can never repay.
How much I need you.
Please don't ever leave me again."
He was still kneeling on the floor of the van as it sped along, holding his brother's face in his hands through all this monologue… because Dean still hadn't spoken a word. For a long moment, Sam thought his pleas were being ignored: the silence stretched out above the sound of the engine…
But then: "I didn't mean to leave you, Sam. I didn't have a choice. You saw."
"I know. But don't ever do it again. Or at least… I'm coming with you. I don't care how. If this bitch takes you again, then I'm fucking well coming as well!"
"Sammy, I…"
"I mean it, Dean. You reckon she's not finished with you? Well… whatever she's intending we're going to face it together. There or here, us Winchesters are going to face it together just like we always have done!"
"But Sam, I…"
"I know how she took you last time: I saw how hurt you both got. But I'm not letting her take you from me again. I mean it, Dean. And you're damn well not going to just let her! Not without one hell of a fight! And you had better fucking well fight to stay with me because I'm not letting you go without me!
Never again."
There was another pause, but the remaining slight tension that had been between the brothers since Sam had found the older man earlier that morning had gone. He let his hands loosen their grip, but kept them resting gently on Dean's shoulders, wanting to keep the physical connection that he had craved for so long, albeit a platonic one.
But his brother was smiling at him: the green eyes shining with suspicious moistness. "Okay, Sammy. Whatever happens, we're in it together. Somehow."
"Promise?"
Dean nodded. "Promise."
The dimples went deep with relief as Sam's eyes also prickled suspiciously with dampness. "Okay then. Is your back okay?" As the other shifted his position uncomfortably and tried to contain a wince.
Dean grimaced. "Nah," he admitted. "I wasn't kidding about really missing my memory foam. That spare bed of Benjamin's wasn't up to much, although I didn't want to upset him and he kept offering me his own mattress but it didn't seem right to take it: he's an old man and I could manage…"
"But your back's bad?" Sam was already moving, twisting to try and sit on the small bed beside his older brother, stumbling a little from the movement of the van as he did but determined to try and soothe Dean's pain away with his hand.
The other shrugged and adjusted his posture yet again: "I wasn't thinking this through, Sammy. I am looking forward to getting home. I'm definitely looking forward to my own bed. But I didn't think about the six hour or so journey to get there… she ain't happy and neither am I!"
As he was saying that, Dean was rubbing at his bump to try and settle the squirming baby inside. With a yawn he moved to try and stretch his body out a little, regretting the abrupt awakening well before dawn when he had only just really managed to get comfortable enough to finally fall asleep in Benjamin's lumpy spare room bed, and bumping his arm and head slightly against the hard metal side of the van in the process as Claire smoothly manoeuvred around a bend in the road.
Sam watched his effort with a little guilt: he hadn't really thought this through either. All that had mattered to him for the last few months was finding his brother, but… somehow… during all the stress of not knowing where he was and the worry about what had happened in that other world and imagining what the hell could have been the cause of the older man's mysterious pregnancy against all the universal known laws of nature… Sam had failed to grasp one simple fact.
His big brother was pregnant!
And was probably suffering from a few of the pleasures that accompanied child expectancy: nausea; heartburn; swollen ankles; back pain…
… Not feeling comfortable in his own body…
… Not sleeping very well.
Sam had already noticed immediately how pale Dean seemed to be… but now he was noticing the constant tiredness behind the green eyes and he could see the uninterrupted exhaustion in the older man's movements.
That was it. The younger man was reaching across for the dual pillows on the small bed nearly before he had even thought about what he was doing. "Come here."
Dean stared blankly at him. "What?"
But Sam was already on the move, swinging himself back down from the mattress to the slightly gritty but carpeted floor of the van, taking the pillows with him to set against the back of the front seats before settling himself against them. "Come down here. Trust me." And he patted between the denim of his long legs as he spread them.
The older man's eyebrows raised. Sam smiled up at him. "Trust me." And he patted the floor of the van again.
Sam hadn't realised how much the moment had meant to him when Dean simply nodded and moved to sit down with him: the younger man assisting the pregnant man to carefully settle between his legs before reaching for the soft woven blanket that Benjamin had pressed into his brother's arms just before they had left the cabin in Pawnee.
"Here." And he was tucking it around Dean, and adjusted his position to make his brother as comfortable as possible as he leant back against the solidness of Sam's chest. Whether he himself would be comfortable didn't matter. "This okay?"
Dean wriggled down where he sat a little: Sam bit his lip hard and wilfully forced away his body's instant reaction to the motion and his brother's close proximity praying that the other man didn't become aware of it and freak out. The pregnant man's hands automatically moved to rest on his bump. Sam took the chance to cover them with his own while tightening his arms to try and give his brother even more support. "Try and get some rest."
There was another silence.
"This feels weird." Dean suddenly muttered.
Sam snorted with amusement despite himself: "Are you more comfortable though? You can go back up on the bed if that's better."
"Nah, this is okay." Dean conceded. "Bit chick-flickie, though. Gotta say: it's like sitting against a radiator, you're so warm. How are you so hot?"
Sam snorted again. So did the blonde in the front of the van who most definitely hadn't been listening intently to their whole conversation.
"Hey Claire?" Dean called suddenly. "Once you've dropped us at the Bunker, don't you go anywhere before I've had a look at this engine: it sounds like you've got a cracked flywheel."
"I… what?"
"Just take his word for it," Sam told her. "Dean knows everything there is to about motors. I always hoped he'd make a career out of it somehow. But you're not looking at any engine until after my niece is born and it's safe for you to so," he informed his brother.
"I'll be fine." Dean shrugged. "I've been doing up Ben's old jalopy for him: believe me, I didn't think it was going to even get us to the doc's the first time…"
"I'll fix Claire's flywheel. You can direct me from the side and take the credit."
"Like hell I will!"
"Guys!" Claire felt she had to interject, "You've only been together again for a few hours! Chill!"
"Sorry, mom!" Dean grinned.
And Sam laughed.
He felt whole for the first time in a long few months and that a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He had so missed Dean. He had never before realised how much.
He had meant what he had said: whatever this bitch goddess-thing had in store for his brother… whatever might be coming… well then, he was fucking well going to be right beside him facing it no matter what.
He couldn't help but hold Dean tighter, using his strong leg muscles as well to press against his brother's sides to try and give as much physical support and provide as comfortable a place for a pregnant person to recline against as he could. And he resisted the urge to nuzzle his lips against the side of the other's head as he did, which Sam was definitely going to count as a win.
His heart swelled as he felt the baby push against the side of his arm as his hands covered Dean's: a continuous motion as if she was curious and trying to feel what was against the other side of her father's skin. "She likes you," his brother grunted. "She's trying to scope you out."
"I like her as well," Sam confided. "I'm looking forward to meeting her. Now try and get some rest: you look like you haven't had a good night's sleep for a long, long time."
"I haven't." Dean confessed. The warmth from his younger brother's body and the slight rocking motion of the van as it travelled along was beginning to have an effect. He could feel his eyes beginning to close despite himself…
But he still had to say something: "Sammy?"
"Hmmm?"
"That… erm, beard you've been cultivating… is it going to be a permanent thing?"
Despite himself, the young man chuckled. "Why? Don't you like it?"
"Nah. No, actually I hate it! Makes you look like a hobo! But… I'll try to get used to it…"
Sam smiled as he felt the older man's voice slow as he finally admitted defeat and slowly relaxed… until Dean's head was rolling back against his shoulder and he was shifting his position against his younger brother slightly as sleep completely overtook him for a couple of hours.
Carefully Sam tried to adjust his own posture: he could wish the cushions were that little bit more padded as his back was already aware of the solidness of the seats behind him, but there was no way he was going to move and disturb Dean. He would hold him like this for the rest of his life if he had to. And definitely for the rest of the drive home.
Speaking of which…
Sam stretched his body as far as he could and manage to raise himself up and twist his neck around just enough to be able to see the blonde driving the van in the rear view mirror.
Claire also glanced into it and met his eyes…
… She nodded.
Sam felt relief flood through him
And then Claire was turning away, returning her concentration to the road, while Sam shifted back to his previous position as delicately as he could, hoping that he didn't disturb the now soundly asleep Dean. "I've got your back, big brother." He whispered to him. "I always will. You can count on it."
Behind him in the driver's seat, Claire reached beside her and disconnected the call on her cell phone.
In her truck following them, Jody also switched off her cell and took a deep breath. She had wondered what her girl was doing when Claire had sent a text saying simply 'don't speak'. But when the call had come through immediately after, she had obeyed the instruction and answered it without a word.
All she had had to do the last long few minutes was listen…
… somewhat stunned…
… but the Winchester brothers were strong. Even stronger when they were together. And they had come though worse. They had forgiven each other far worse, if everything she had been told by the other Hunters was true…
And they obviously loved each other a great deal. Even more than she had ever realised, or actually wanted to know.
And neither of them would ever give up on the other, no matter what…
Aw, what the hell, her boys would be just fine.
And if they weren't, then she'd just have to give them both a stern talking to!
The convoy of Claire's van and Jody's truck rolled on. To get from Pawnee to the Bunker meant a journey of around six to seven hours… if they could have just kept driving.
But Dean only managed to sleep soundly for a couple of hours before he awoke abruptly and desperate to find a restroom.
"There's a cassette toilet stashed under the bed." Claire helpfully informed him. "I bought the van with the express purpose of sleeping in it. Motels every night can get expensive."
"Yeah, but I can't… you know."
"We won't look." The blonde grinned. "Sam's probably seen you use the bathroom before anyway. You were brought up in Hunter lifestyle, weren't you: I bet there's nothing about the other you haven't seen at least once."
"No." The older Winchester was aghast. "No!Not in here! With you! And… No! Can you stop at the next restroom, please? And… soon."
"Okay." She was finding this far too amusing.
Whereas Sam was in a private panic about his brother being seen by anyone else and his unusual shape for a man noticed. He brooded on the problem even while Claire was watching for the next rest stop, which luckily for Dean's composure, turned out to be only a couple of miles away.
She parked as close as she could get to the men's restroom.
"Here!" Sam took his jacket off and thrust it at his brother, who was already moving to open the rear door of the van. Dean stared at him blankly. "I know it'll be big on you but it'll hide…"
"How fat I am. Say it, Sammy. I'm fat."
"You're not fat, Dean. You've just got a little bigger…" Claire tried to help. The younger brother instantly wished that she hadn't.
"I know I'm bigger!" The older man suddenly looked ready to burst into tears. "I'm fat, and my old comfy jeans don't fit me anymore. I worried I'd get stuck behind the steering wheel in my Baby; I constantly need to piss, and my ankles keep swelling up and the smell of bacon makes me want to throw up… I really miss bacon! I fucking hate this!"
Claire blinked at the unpleasant stench that suddenly filled the van. She didn't know where it had come from… but for some reason she immediately associated it with Dean and his slightly hysterical and completely unwarranted self-disgust. Every urge in her body told her to go and comfort him…
But Sam already had his arms around his brother: "You're only bigger because you're going to have a baby." He was rubbing Dean's back as he tried to keep the tone of his voice as soothing as possible. "Your body will return to normal… well, your new normal… once she's here. And you won't care anyway because you'll be too besotted with your little girl. And I promise the first thing I'll cook you once she's arrived is a bacon sandwich.
But for now, please put my jacket over you. Please."
He used his eyes to their best pleading effect.
Then Sam's dimples were coming out as Dean blinked hard a couple of times, before sighing and taking the soft, large plaid over-shirt in question from his younger brother.
Who had been quite correct: once it was buttoned up, it hid the older man's unusual shape and just made him look slightly like a little boy wearing his daddy's clothes…
Sam couldn't help but be more than a little satisfied at the thought that it was his clothes though.
"What we doin'?" Jody had pulled her truck up beside the van and come round to join them, peering after Dean as he finally all but ran across to the rest room. She stepped back quickly as Sam hurried to follow, reluctant to let his brother out of his sight just in case and wincing at twinges now in his own back.
"Did you hear?" Claire asked as she also stepped out, glad to stretch her legs.
"I heard. Thanks, that was good thinking. Let's go and grab some snacks to munch for the next bit."
When they returned the brothers were waiting outside the van: both also grateful to stand up for a few minutes although Sam was making sure to place himself where his larger body would cover any curious by-passer's view of Dean. "Dude, I'm fine…" he was complaining, but the younger man didn't care.
"So." The sheriff asked. "Who'ya going to travel with this time?"
"You can take the bed in the back again if you need more rest, Dean," Claire offered.
"Nah, I'm good." He blushed slightly. "Sorry for being so pathetic."
"You're not pathetic, boy." Jody told him. "I remember what it was like to be pregnant: throws your whole body out of whack. Now. You wanna come with me for a while? Or stay with Claire?"
"Or I can call Cas and see where he's gone to with the Impala," Sam wondered. "Where has he gone to anyway?"
"He said sommat about heading straight back to get some groceries in before you arrived. All what you had has probably gone out of date anyway, and Benjamin gave him a list of what Dean can manage to stomach."
"That's good of him." The younger Winchester was grateful, as well as slightly guilty that he hadn't thought of it himself. "I'll give him a call and see what he's getting."
"Ask him to bring some pie!" Dean ordered. Sam couldn't help but grin as he pressed the speed dial button for his friend.
"Sam." It was answered promptly, as if the angel was expecting the call. "What flavour of pie would he prefer?"
It wasn't often that Sam Winchester found himself speechless… then: "Cas? Have you been using your magical gracey-power to listen to our conversation?"
There was a long pause from the other end of the line.
"I apologise, Sam. I only wanted to… I wanted to know what he thought… and where we stood…
Please tell Claire I am sorry if I have made her ashamed of me."
"Well?" The blonde had heard enough of Sam's side to demand an answer. "Has he been listening in?"
Sam sighed and relayed the message: "He has, and he says he is sorry if he has made you ashamed of him."
"Ashamed of him how?" Dean asked innocently.
There was another pause. Then: "Don't worry about it." "It's nothing." "I'm sure it don't matter." Dean stared in confusion and a growing suspicion at them all as the three voices all but spoke over each other's at the same time… and Sam stared at Jody with furrowed eyebrows and more than a slight anxiety…
But then Castiel was speaking in his ear again. "And I am sorry if I have angered you, Sam. I did not mean to intrude on your private communications…"
"It's fine, Cas." he interrupted. "We're going to get on our way again. You might as well keep on listening: save Dean re-telling his story over and over…"
"Sam?" The green eyes now were staring straight at him.
"Well, I never got the chance to ask you last time, but you have a whole month of being missing to catch us up to date on. What better chance to tell us than now, when we've got a few hours to kill in a vehicle together. Or we can just play i-spy?"
Dean scratched at the back of his head nervously… "But…" he gestured at Jody and Claire with his other hand, "I…"
"They already know the worst of it." Sam reminded him. He briefly glanced across at the sheriff: he had a horrible feeling that she definitely already knew the worst of it, but then his attention was returning to his brother so he could plead with Dean with years-of-practice perfected puppy-dog-eyes. "We're all in this with you… and we've all got questions…"
"We can use the cells: keep the line open between the vehicles…" Claire was already moving round to the driver's seat of her van. Sam felt his blood run cold. "You with me, Dean? Or Jody? And don't you dare leave anything out!"
"C'mon, boy." The sheriff clapped him on the back and opened the passenger door to her truck. "It'll be good to know you're safely back. Come and keep me company, even if we only end up discussing why pecan pie will beat apple every time. C'mon, get in!"
She moved off around her vehicle to climb in to the driver's side, leaving the brothers standing beside the open door. "Please, Dean." Sam had never purposely used his eyes to such deliberate effect before: he was sure he hadn't!
His brother rubbed the back of his head again. And sighed. "Yeah… oh-kay."
He had talked himself out by the time they finally reached the Bunker, having spent the last couple of hours telling Sam and his three most trusted friends everything he could remember about the other dimension that he had somehow been taken to, and returned from being sooo different.
Jody had sat quiet for the most part and let him speak, all too aware that Dean found it difficult to do so when the subject matter was himself. So had Sam on the other side of his brother, his thigh pressed tight against Dean's own in the small enclosed cab of the truck and his hand covering the other's ready to give a reassuring squeeze whenever the atmosphere in the truck began to smell of distressed omega.
If the sheriff noticed she didn't comment, although occasionally she would lower the driver's window for a moment or two despite the noisy rush of the wind past the moving vehicle. She only spoke to ask for clarification on a couple of points, (as did Claire who was listening intently on her phone in the van behind them, and once when Castiel had had to call on his cell phone to ask for elucidation that his sanctioned long-distance eavesdropping couldn't supply)… the main one being when her boy dismissed a fight with a simple 'I had to kick some ass', which when pressed by them all turned out to just him on his lonesome trying to defend the three terrified children in their own home against 'a few men', which when he was pushed even more yielded the disturbing truth that the 'few men' had actually numbered about nine of them and they were Alphas at that, and that the desperate (but truly awesome and all the listeners were incredibly proud of him) struggle had resulted in Dean receiving a couple of fractured ribs, a broken arm and a serious stab wound that to all their horror had come far too close to nearly killing him and they all privately determined to show him how distraught they would have been if they had lost him and how much he was truly loved… but essentially the greater part of the journey was taken up by the older Winchester's gravelly voice and his incredible tale.
Following Sam's directions as they got closer, Jody finally was relieved to pull her truck up outside… she didn't know what the hell it was! Surely her boys didn't live here? It looked like… a solid metal door set into a solid metal arched doorway set into the side of a goddamn hillside that had a monstrous mass of concrete and cement set above it…
This wasn't a home.
And it sure as hell wasn't a home for a child!
"Y'all sure this is it? I've been thinking. Dean, why don't you pick up a few things and come and stay with me? And Sam can come! At least you'll have other people there as well to help look after you… before and after the baby…"
Dean was still getting used to his newly sharpened sense of smell… but he was suddenly definitely aware of his younger brother's anger beside him. And Jesus! Sam's rage stunk!
Quickly he moved to calm both his brother and the moment down. "No, that's okay, Jody. I know how it looks from the outside, but c'mon in and see it. This is home.
But… if I can't cope… If I'm struggling… I mean. Well, you know… then I'll keep that in mind… if that's okay…"
"Of course it is!" And the sheriff was throwing her arms around him, which in the confined space of the cab of the truck was no easy feat. "You're always welcome! Both of ya!" And somehow she was pulling Sam into the embrace as well, which was even more impressive. "I didn't mean…
What I'm trying to say… is that this isn't going to be just the two of you for much longer. And that little girl, although she won't need much more than you, boy, for the first year or so… I'm supposing she's going to grow at the same rate as a norm…" She broke off abruptly and tried again. "Well, whatever: you want her to grow up having a normal life, don'tcha? She's going to need to go to school: she's going to want to have friends. She ain't gonna want to bring them back here. I mean…
Just think about it. And you are… always… welcome."
"Thanks, Jody." It was heartfelt.
The brunette felt herself tear up a little and hastily blinked a few times. "Idgit." She joked.
"Yeah."
"C'mon." Sam also had gotten something in his eye. "Let's get you inside."
He couldn't help looking forward to Claire and Jody's reaction to the inside of the Bunker. He could see the same excited spark of anticipation in Dean's eyes as well…
… or was that just the thought of the pie that Castiel was hopefully going to bring back with him?
He wasn't disappointed when he unlocked the door and stepped back to let the two women enter: the gasps and 'wows' were music to his ears. "Oh my god! It's huge!"
And he especially wasn't disappointed when his brother couldn't resist commenting as he also went past: "Well, I've heard that all my life, but it's probably the first for Sammy!"
God, how he had missed him!
Dean vanished quickly in the direction of the nearest bathroom, and with Jody and Claire still exclaiming while busily exploring all the different doors and corridors off the main room, that only left a sighing Sam to start unloading the considerable amount of luggage that his brother and niece-to-be had managed to amass in the last few months.
"Sam!" The worried shout had him discarding everything without a thought and running in the direction that it had come from…
He found all three of them standing beside the open doorway of Dean's bedroom… but any thoughts about anything else vanished without a trace from Sam's mind as he took in the complexion of his brother.
Dean's face had paled so much it was almost grey… scrub that, there was a definite green tinge to his pallor. He looked like he was going to be violently sick. Or collapse, whichever came first.
Or both.
"Dean? Shit! Come and sit down. C'mon…" He had his arms tight around the older man… the disapproving expression on Jody's face be damned… and was trying to lead him in to the room towards the bed…
If anything, Dean's colour got even greyer… or greener.
He began to try to pull away from the younger man: "The smell, Sammy! It's foul… it's gross… I'm gonna throw up!" And Sam was releasing him fully in a hurry as Dean jerked free and lurched with some considerable urgency back to the bathroom. They all winced at the sounds that almost immediately followed.
"What does he mean, the 'smell', Sam?" Jody began, but Claire interrupted her:
"It is stale in here. The air, I mean. There's sweat, and… something else that's… Even my nose is wrinkling with how stagnant it is, and Dean's sense of smell is far beyond mine now. When was the bedding etc last changed: would you know?"
She looked expectantly at Sam… who looked blank. "I don't know. I mean… since he disappeared I've spent the entire time looking for him… so nothing in this room's been touched since that night…
That night he…
Oh shit."
"Sam?"
"We… er… "
"What is it, boy?"
"We used to use his room. For…er… I mean. Dean had the most comfortable bed. So… er…"
"And nothing's been changed in here since?" The sheriff's tone was sharp. "So he can smell what you and Castiel and the other Dean did…? You used his room?!"
"Did I hear my name?" The angel chose that moment to appear around the corner of the Bunker, still with a couple of bags of groceries in his arms. "What's going on? What's that sound? Is Dean…?"At any other time Sam would have been amused at how quickly Cas's face went from smiling to abashed… if it weren't for the fact that his face was probably even more so…
"Let's get this room sorted out for him." Jody took charge. "In fact, we'll have a tidy up all round. Sam, where do you keep the clean bedding? And is there any air freshener…?"
"Benjamin sent candles: handmade ones from local bees with natural fragrances that he said would help Dean to relax. We could light one of them." Claire pointed out.
"Good idea. Go and get them! Well? Go'on git moving! All of you!"
"Yes ma'am!"
Sam spoke for them all as every single one of the others hustled to obey…
Jody sighed as she watched them all scurry away and went in search of Dean.
To her relief the unpleasant sounds from the bathroom had eased. But she was still concerned when she discovered the pregnant man slumped exhaustedly beside the toilet. The brunette was down on her knees beside him in an instant.
"Hey." She wrapped her arms around him, tightening them as she felt Dean trembling from his efforts immediately before.
"I can't do this, Jody! Look at me! I'm so useless! I'm so fat I waddle, and everything that I previously loved just makes me hurl! And every single fucking smell does the same!
I can't even stomach the thought of red meat! And that room… my room… Just walking into it did this…
Look at me!
Sammy's probably already wishing he'd never found me: I don't know why he even bothered to look…"
Jody had to bite down hard to contain her smirk: "Boy, now you just hold ya horses and listen to me! Sam's not done anything but look for you since the day you went missing… why? Because he loves you! I admit I'm a bit surprised at just how much, but… he would never give up on you, because you have never given up on him!
And he loves you.
So much, Dean. We all do. None of us ever would have stopped looking.
And none of us are looking at you any different, aside from the fact that you're pregnant! Believe me: I remember that! I banned my poor Sean from touching a drop of coffee all the way through my nine months because the smell made me throw up every single darned time… and the day I found out he'd been sneaking it at his work… oh boy! I was almost a widow before I was a mommy!"
Jody paused to take a breath. "All that matters to us, any of us, is that we've got you back safely and we're going to do everything we can to help you through this.
All you need to do, is concentrate on yourself for probably the first time ever in your life. And in a couple of months all the nausea will have passed, all the extra weight will have gone… probably… and you won't give a flying fuck because all that will matter is that little baby in your arms!
Now c'mon. Let's get you up off this floor. You can rinse your mouth and wash your face, and I'll make you a nice cup of that tea that Benjamin packed for ya, okay?"
"Okay, mom!"
The words were humourous… but there was a tone of longing beneath them that brought definite tears to Jody's eyes. "You better believe it!" was all she could manage to say once she had blinked a couple of times. "And I'm claiming the position of doting grandma, so you better get used to it!"
Dean, now back on his feet, chuckled at her but there was a noticeable hitch in his voice when he next spoke: "Okay… grandma!"
Jody gave him a big hug, which was returned warmly. "Rinse your mouth, ya big lug! I'll go and find that box with those packets in."
Leaving Dean to regain his composure, Jody turned from closing the bathroom door to find an anxious Sam standing behind her, his arms full of clean, fresh bedding. "He okay?"
"He's fine." The sheriff smiled. "I remember being pregnant with O… Owen: my emotions were all over the place. Mood-swings just don't come close to describing it! And I was terrified: terrified that I wouldn't cope; that I'd be a terrible parent; that I'd done the wrong thing by even wanting to have a baby, that somehow I'd messed Sean's and my life's up completely!
You've got a few rough weeks ahead, boy, but just give him some slack…"
"I'm worried about the nausea and sickness, Jody. Even that Benjamin said Dean's almost constant vomiting was worrying…"
"He also wondered if it was because your brother wasn't born an omega but instead was turned. His body's gone through so much change in only a few months, this being only the apex of it! He's been changed into… something; he's grown a womb for god's sake! His entire system's struggling to catch up! Some women have morning sickness the whole way through the pregnancy and at all times and they haven't gone through anything like he has!"
"Yeah, I guess." Sam didn't sound convinced. If anything he looked more worried. "I just... I was so wrapped up in finding him that I… never really thought about…"
"I know." The brunette smiled up at him. "I just told him and I'm telling you: I count myself as family to both you boys. And I intend to be around from now on. A lot!"
She got her second warm hug in as many minutes, despite Sam's arms being somewhat hampered by the bedding. And a fully-deeply-dimpled grin that she was just realising that she had missed very much. "You'll be welcome, Jody. You always will be. And Claire of course."
"Here, give me those." She took the sheets and blankets from him. "You get yourself a shower and get some fresh clothes and er…" she motioned at her own chin… "why don't you try and tidy up a little? He's right: you do look like a hobo. And smell a bit like one as well!" the sheriff added mischievously.
Sam nodded absently… then suddenly blushed as her words registered. "Look, Jody, I…"
"None of my business, Sam! Just… mind your brother. Look out for him. He needs you now more than he ever has. Now go on!"
The young man hastened to obey, hurrying to his own room to fetch some toiletries and clean clothes before moving to the bathroom that he normally used. For the first time in a long time, he took more than a brief look at himself in the mirror… and was surprised by his reflection.
His hair had grown. The majority was now far beyond shoulder-length and his bangs were falling over his face. He had taken to pinning it up in a small ponytail to keep it from getting in his eyes (mindful of the mockery that he would have received from his brother had Dean seen and yet yearning for it at the same time), but actually… it did look a mess. Even to him.
And his beard? It was wispy and unkempt all at once, not to mention straggly and sticking out awkwardly in patches. And, oh my god, Sam could see his dad when he looked at himself! He had always thought that Dean looked more like John… with the exception of his brother having their mother's vivid green eyes of course… but… there was just that little bit of similarity in the mirrored glass…
That was it. The beard was coming off! Every last bit of it!
And it was totally worth it, when half an hour or so later, he emerged from the room amid a cloud of steam, (and with a slightly sore chin), and headed to where he could hear conversation and laughter.
He found his brother and his friends in the kitchen. Dean was settled on one of the chairs at the small table with a hot drink in his hands (having been told somewhat firmly after the third time of asking that his help was not needed) talking away to the two females and Castiel who were all preoccupied between them with cooking and putting the last of the newly bought groceries away.
He looked round as Sam entered… and the wide open genuine smile of pleasure on his face as he saw his brother in his newly unshaven state just made the younger man's heart feel like it would swell so much as to burst. He couldn't help himself from moving directly across to Dean and wrapping his arms around him, but managed to curb his desperate temptation to rub his newly smooth skin against the other man's face to instead simply ask: "Better?"
"Much!" Dean allowed the hug to continue a couple more moments, then: "Erm, Sammy?"
"Chick flick over?" The younger man said it with a smile but didn't let go… not just yet.
"Chick flick over."
Reluctantly Sam let go: "What'cha cooking over there, Jody? It's smelling good!"
"Claire's in charge," came the simple response. "Cas and I have been sorting the rooms out: yours as well, Sam." She hurried on as the younger brother caught his breath and looked at her with wide eyes. "I know you haven't had a chance to do much here lately… and even less inclination with everything else on your mind.
So you've both got clean fresh bedding and they've been given an airing, while Claire got on with putting a couple of chickens in to roast…. this is a tremendous kitchen you boys have got by the way… so you'll have plenty of leftovers for sandwiches or whatever tomorrow. And there's jacket potatoes and broccoli and a plain gravy: we thought that simple food might be better..."
"Good thinking." Sam was so grateful to them all. Internally he felt he was freaking out about… well, everything!... but these wonderful people that he thought of as family rather than just friends were all so incredibly calm and just taking the whole situation in their stride. "Anything I can do?"
"Nah, just sit. Your brother's been supervising, so everything should be away in the correct cupboards okay. You wanna beer?"
"I…" but then Sam was pausing to glance at Dean… and his bump. "No. Thanks but I'm good."
"Don't feel you can't on my account." His brother grunted. "Go ahead."
"I'm good." The younger man repeated. "Can I smell coffee? That'll be fine."
"Uh huh" Claire grinned knowingly. "We're all laying off the alcohol for a while. There's still some time to go before we can eat, but do you think we'll all fit around this table? You wanna set it and find another chair?"
"I'll fetch one." Castiel spoke up. "Before I forget to say, there is apple pie for dessert."
"Can we have it first? Like now?" Dean asked earnestly and made everybody laugh.
And the laughter went on throughout the meal, when they were all squished around the small table in the kitchen, (Dean having moved up a little to make room for Castiel's wings to the other three's incredulity and the appreciation of the angel)… and afterwards when they had all finished eating, they were all still there sampling Dean's new herbal teas and discovering that they were actually really pleasant to drink… and after that, when the evening had stretched into night but the stories... some true, some not: all unanimously light or funny, no sadness wanted that evening… went on.
Sam was sitting next to his brother and hearing him laugh… and he suddenly realised... it abruptly came to him like a bolt from the blue… that this was really all that he had ever actually wanted.
Him, his brother, a family. Didn't have to be a blood one to count as family.
Just being happy.
This was all Sam had wanted all his life. And he finally had it.
As if somehow sensing the emotions swirling around inside his little brother's mind, Dean, without even turning his head, reached to pat Sam's leg.
The younger man immediately simply closed his own large hand over his brother's to hold it where it was… and felt his life was finally complete when Dean let him. For a few minutes at least.
But it was enough. Sam could do this. He could be a brother again and only a brother, and a proud uncle.
And that was enough.
Because in every other way, he had everything he would ever need.