(Guest appearance from Roy)
R: so did both you guys make it back alive?
D: you say that with such hope
R: so is that a no?
W: surprise! not dead.
D: help I forgot how to do subjects/predicates
W: dude
W: its 4am and im not good at mental math
D: hey wally
D: wally
D: i got a blow torch for christmas
D: be very afraid
W: HEY
W: YOU DONT GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD,
W: THEN HANG UP AND NOT ANSWER THE PHONE FOR 7 HOURS
D: i mean i'm working on it. I can speak a little parseltongue, I'm okay at it and can do casual phrases like 'wheres the bathroom' and 'open the chamber of secrets'
D: i'm not bad at it but not exactly fluent
W: man if I got paid for every bad decision I've made I'd be so rich right now
D: ha
D: so what on the agenda tonight
W: the usual
W: try and take over the world
D: you know, personally, I'm thrilled that we met, for I feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing.
W: whatcha doin
D: bonding with Artemis. she's cool
D: we're plotting your demise
W: CALM DOWN
D: NO
D: i'm STICKY
D: STICKY I TELL YOU!
W: no one ever died from being sticky!
D: YA WELL THERES ALWAYS A FIRST TIME
D: Roy said no.
W: we can't come over? Why?
D: he said we are 'why we can't have nice things' given physical form.
W: rude.
D: i'm invoking the 'no judgement' clause of our friendship
W: what did you do
W: if you were to be baptized I feel like the water would start boiling around you
W: at the cave
W: come over, I made deep fried hot dogs
W: dont let me die alone
D: no but when you talk about us to people, don't use the words 'shenanigans' and 'apocolypse' in the same sentence
D: it gives people the wrong idea
D: I mean besides the fact that I got stabbed, I had a pretty good night
W: go back to sleep
D: half the bathroom is flooded, what happened last night
W: dude those meds you are on for your arm make you crazy,
W: you started crying because you didn't get to wear your alligator rain boots this week, so I turned the shower on and let you jump around in it
D: you're the best friend ever
W: can I borrow your computer
D: ya stay out of my search history
W: sure
-15 minutes later-
W: dude according to your search history you spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant
W: where are you
W: I hear fireworks and you've gone missing, Im sure this isn't a coincidence
W: Today in class this kid said he'd never seen Bill Nye the Science Guy so one girl yells 'YOU'VE NEVER SEEN BILL NYE?!' and in 5 seconds half the class was screaming 'HOW COULD YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN BILL NYE' while the other half including me was chanting 'BILL BILL BILL BILL'
D: ...Bill who?
W: DUDE NO
W: Just passed this poster at the bus stop that says 'Lucas knows what you did'
D: Lucas better keep his damn mouth shut
D: This is this cat
D: This is is cat
D: This is how cat
D:This is to cat
D: This is keep cat
D: This is an cat
D: This is idiot cat
D: This is busy cat
D: This is for cat
D: This is forty cat
D: This is seconds cat
D: Read that out loud
D:Now go back and read the THIRD word only in each line from the start
W: ...dude.
D: lol. sucker.
D: Roses are red
D: violets are blue
D: i made you this valentine's card
D: because THATS WHAT PEOPLE DO
W: cough syrup tastes like poison
D: I know
W: I just had 20 mm
W: im gonna die
W: R.I.P Wally West, beloved son, friend, and hero
W: it isn't even helping
W: ahhh its on my lips
W: it won't go away
D: bite your tongue so you taste blood instead
W: dude no
W: this is agonizing please help
W: send in reinforcements
W: I don't have much time left
W: i'm gonna eat pudding
W: mmm pudding makes everything better
W: I WAS IN THE SHOWER LISTENING TO THE RADIO AND TAYLOR CAME ON SO I TRIED TO TURN IT OFF BUT SLIPPED AND FELL AND THEN ALL I HEARD WAS 'and now i'm lying on the cold hard ground!'
W: SHES MORE EVIL THAN YOU ARE
D: *goat scream*
WHoo! At 399 reviews, who's gonna be the 400th reviewer?!
Shoutout to YJ and Batfam, who seems to have really really really liked this story (just reading between the lines here)! LOL booyah friend ;)
And thanks to Leaffeather2 (Julia and Anna) who sent in the cough syrup text for this chapter! (I tweaked it a little bit, but it's their baby) - so funny, thanks guys XD