W: so what are you doing tomorrow
D: dude, I don't even know what I'm doing right now
W: you're a really odd combination of 'really sweet' and 'i'll break your face if you get crossways with me'
D: awesome
W: dont give up on your dreams
W: go back to bed
D: I know the voices in my head arent real but their ideas are totally awesome
W: lol okay dude
D: but sometimes even I am afraid of the things my mind comes up with
W: I hear ya
D: I'm TIRED
D: (T)icked off
D: (I)rritated
D: (R)eady to punch something
D: (E)xtremely upset
D: (D)one
W: do you need a hug
D: ...
D: yes
D: on a certain level, Higgins from Magnum P.I. reminds me strongly of Alfred
W: omg you're totally right
D: wow I love rumors
D: I always find out amazing things about myself that I never knew
D: Outer space is only an hour's drive away if your car could drive straight up
W: thank god nobody ever told Harry and Ron this
W: hey Benedict Cumberbatch is playing Doctor Strange
D: Butterscotch Crumplebath
D: Bumblebee Candybatch
W: are we really doing this
D: Briarbush Crumblycake
W: why
D: Bumperstump Cabbagepatch
W: really?
D: Boilerdang Curdlesnoot
W: no
D: Bassdrop Crinklesnitch
D: Blendermix Wafflestick
D: Fragglerock Ampersand
W: thats
W: thats not even
D: Bandaid Chowderpants
W: bandaid
D: Pumpernickel Cumberbund
D: Bimplestitch Wonkypatch
W: if anyone asks i dont know you
D: Snickerdoodle Chittychitty-bangbang
W: seriosly?
D: Binglebangle Foofawomp
D: whats his real name again
W: A, B, C, it's easy as
D: 1, 2, 3
W: As simple as
D: Do, re, WILDCATS
W: you had one job.
D: I can carry on a very educated and mature conversation but sometimes I just forget where I'm going with it
W: fake it till you make it
W: if you can't blow them away with your brilliance, baffle them with your bs
W: where the heck did you go?!
D: hang on ive got like 20 missed calls and like 30 texts!
W: ya theyre from me!
W: I THOUGHT YOU WERE KIDNAPPED!
D: I forgot my phone in the car so came out here to get it!
W: I've been going through every aisle in the store, yelling "DICK!" for the past 7 minutes!
D: while we were waiting for you, Roy and I played 20 questions
D: on the 15th question he asked if the object I thought of was in Space
D: I said yes
D: he asked if it was a planet
D: I said no
D: The thing I had thought of was Pluto
W: there are no words.
D: 1rd
D: 2st
D: 3nd
W: dont talk to me.
D: its so fun riding with Roy when he's driving; this isn't even half of the crap he's saying:
D: "Nice signal asshat!"
D: "pick a lane, fool,"
D: "Look at this moron. LOOK at this complete moron."
D: "Get a move on, Grandpa! No, wait, thats a lady."
D: "this guys is literally riding my ass. Pass me, idiot!"
D: "Is that a hooker? ya theres a hooker back there."
D: "Switch the station, this is the crap music Ollie likes."
D: "Isn't that the walmart you and Wally got banned from?"
D: "This jackass won't let me over; great, missed the exit."
D: "Wait was that a cop? Sh*t that's a cop."
D: "WHO are you texting?! you're always on your phone - why don't you do something useful with it and hack into Ollie's Amazon account, order a dildo and ship it to him or some sh*t like that."
W: priceless.
Shoutout to Amelia Loves Anime - thanks darlin!
The benedict cumberbatch thing was from this funny text convo I found on pinterest, lol
So we're at 25 chapters with this thing, I mean wow. This is getting out of hand, ha.