Idunn's Apple Pie

A Marvel 616 fic by Andrew Joshua Talon

DISCLAIMER: Ain't mine.

And now some reactions...

Avengers Tower

Tony Stark, one of the smartest men in the world (as he said and proved. Constantly) was doing the one thing Steve had never seen him do:

Gaping in complete and utter shock and disbelief.

"Okay," the Iron-Man said, "how."

Steve and Hela sat on a couch, while seemingly the rest of the Avengers were clustered across the coffee table. Little Bucky was playing nearby with a set of blocks, the toddler happily oblivious. Steve was frankly very envious of his son right now. The house was wrecked and they'd have to stay with the Avengers for a while until it was repaired. This was not how he wanted to bring it out to his friends, but...

Hela raised an eyebrow.

"One would think you of all people, Tony Stark, would understand the means of sexual reproduction of mortals."

Pepper and Thor snickered, as Hawkeye and Quicksilver hid grins. Falcon chuckled. Banner just sighed, as Wanda smiled good naturedly and Vision remained stoic. Tony rolled his eyes, very maturely.

"Cute. I mean, how did you hide this from us? And why?" He gave Steve a particularly poignant look. Thor came to the rescue.

"Not all of us," Thor spoke. He smiled warmly at his grand nephew as he knocked down a tower of blocks. Tony glared.

"You knew?! Who else knew?!" He looked around at the other Avengers.

"I suspected," Natasha admitted, leaning back in her chair. "But since Strange and Thor said Cap hadn't been whammied, and he was acting normal... If more relaxed..."

Steve was able to keep from blushing, but his wife did give a saucy smirk to those assembled. Steve sighed.

"I kept it hidden because of people like the Red Skull," Steve pointed out, as everyone winced, "and because every time one of us has a wedding, some supervillain shows up. And Hela was pregnant."

Hela snorted. "Asgardian mothers have given birth on the battlefield and continued to fight," she huffed. Steve gave her a glare: This was always a sore point between them.

"Asgardian mothers who weren't married to me," he stated, firm and hard as vibranium. "So when you are carrying our child, you stay put."

Hela glared back. The tension was fierce. Wanda coughed.

"Well, uh," she began, "now that it's out in the open, we can have a party!" She beamed. "Won't that be lovely?"

"And we never got to throw you a bachelor party," Tony realized with a grin. This defused the tension, as both Hela and Steve looked back.

Steve sighed. "I suppose, since it is in the open-"

"Yes! A grand celebration!" Hela declared happily. "I shall begin planning immediately!" She gave Steve a hug and kiss, and rose up to accost Pepper. "Pepper Potts! Concubine of Tony Stark! You will assist me!"

"I'm not actually his concubine," Pepper protested. Hela ignored her and looked at Thor.

"Uncle Thor?"

"I shall summon the gods of Asgard!" Thor declared. He hugged Tony and Steve together. "Friends! You have not lived until you have tasted true Valhallan meade!"

"Thank you!" Hela said cheerfully. "Let us also invite Susan Storm's wonderful family, friends, and her terrible husband!"

"Yes, let's," Hawkeye said dryly. Banner was unable to contain his laughter any more.

Despite Thor's hug keeping his eyes off him, Steve could feel Tony's smirk.

"This was the other reason you kept it secret, huh?" Tony asked.

"I was hoping to introduce you to her when I wasn't as..."

"Ashamed of us?" Tony asked. Steve shrugged.

"I was going to say... More or less that, but nicer."

"So basically, never?"

"Miracles happen every day," Steve sighed.

Just a short. I may expand on this more later.