Spending Saturday morning in bed was a luxury Sharon couldn't often afford. If she wasn't working on a case, she used that time to get housework done. If no housework awaited her, she often enjoyed some time at the pool. This Saturday, however, she stayed in bed and spent the good part of the last two hours making love to Andy. Sated and content, she lay in bed and watched him dress.
"Why are you smiling?" Andy asked when he caught her reflection in the mirror.
"You have a cute butt."
Andy chuckled.
"Come back to bed?" she offered, pushing the blanket aside to reveal her naked body.
"That's an incredibly tempting idea, but I promised Lisa and Toby I'd meet them for breakfast," Andy said.
Sharon groaned and dragged herself out of bed. She walked over to where Andy stood and pressed soft kisses to his lips as she fastened each button on his shirt.
After she finished, Andy held her close. "What are you planning for today?"
"Laundry and grocery shopping."
Andy hummed and kissed her forehead. "Want to go out for dinner tonight? Maybe a romantic picnic on the beach?"
"Sure, that sounds great," she said.
"I'll pick you up at six?" Andy asked.
"Yeah."
"Good," Andy captured her lips. "You'll talk to Rainie today, right?"
Sharon took a deep breath. On the one hand, she loved that he cared about her relationship with Rainie. On the other hand, she wasn't sure that she was the one who needed to apologize.
"Be kind, isn't that what you always say?" Andy asked.
Sharon fought the urge to roll her eyes. "Yes, it is."
After Andy left, Sharon took a quick shower and made herself a cup of coffee. When she headed back to the laundry room, she was surprised to find Rainie there. The girl was sitting on the floor and staring at the laundry spinning inside the washing machine.
"Morning."
Rainie looked up. "Hi, Mom."
"You did the laundry?"
"This is the last load," Rainie said, gesturing to the washing machine. "I already folded the other two loads."
"That's kind of you," Sharon said. While Rainie sometimes helped with the housework, Sharon preferred to do the laundry. Having it done for her surprised her.
In the face of her mother's compliment, Rainie only shrugged.
Hoping that she had not caused Rainie's melancholy, Sharon took a seat on the floor by her daughter. "I want to apologize for last night. I reacted too harshly."
"It's okay. I know you're worried about Stroh," Rainie said, her shoulder brushing against her mother's as she shrugged again. "I should have called or texted. My head was just somewhere else, you know."
Silence spread between them, but Sharon had no urge to break it. If this conversation headed where she thought it would, she almost preferred the silence.
"I was not angry at you last night," Rainie said after a long moment. "I was just worried."
"Worried?" Sharon asked.
Rainie stared at the spinning laundry in the machine. "Confused."
Sharon noticed a light flush spreading across her daughter's cheeks. "About?"
"Sex," Rainie said. "Are women actually supposed to feel good doing it, or are we all just pretending that we do?"
"You mean orgasms?" Sharon asked, trying to understand what her daughter was getting at. This certainly wasn't a conversation that she had with any of her other children before.
"That's fiction, right?"
"No, honey. Orgasms are a real thing," Sharon said.
Distress spread across Rainie's face. "I think something is wrong with me, Mom." Rainie's voice shook.
"What do you mean?"
"I'm broken," Rainie said. "I think what Gary did to me – he broke me, Mom." Rainie barely finished the sentence before bursting into tears.
While Rainie's trauma had never been an easy topic, Sharon still wasn't sure exactly what triggered Rainie's outburst. "Honey, what do you mean?"
"I can't have that, Mom. Other girls can, and I can't. I'm damaged," Rainie sobbed, her face buried between her knees.
"What?" As Sharon tried to retrace their conversation, the realization suddenly dawned on her. "Sweetheart, no. I don't think that's true."
"Then why can't I get that?" Rainie called out.
"Hey, hey. Calm down, sweetie. We'll talk about it." Sharon gently placed her hand on Rainie's jeans-clad knee.
"We tried for hours, Mom. Heather had one, and I couldn't. He broke me!" Rainie yelled through her tears.
I'll break him, Sharon thought. "Rainie, look at me."
Rainie raised her head and looked at her mother with tearful eyes.
"You're not broken. Nothing is wrong with you, okay?" she said calmly, even though her heart and stomach were aching. "Calm down, and we'll try to analyze what happened and figure it out, okay?"
Rainie sniffled but nodded, indicating that she would listen.
"Was it the first time you and Heather had sex?" Sharon asked.
Her daughter nodded.
"Is it something you planned or did it just happen?"
"It was spontaneous," Rainie said.
"Were you comfortable with that?" Sharon asked. Perhaps Rainie thought she was ready, but in the moment, she lost that certainty.
"I don't know. I didn't know what to do. I don't have any experience with girls. I didn't know what I was supposed to do to her," Rainie said in frustration.
"Did Heather know that this was your first time?"
"I told her," Rainie replied.
"What did she say?" Sharon asked, hoping to get a better sense of how Rainie felt about it.
"She said we could go slow and stop if I wanted to."
Sharon was relieved to hear that Heather respected Rainie's boundaries.
"It was kinda awkward in the beginning, but Heather talked me through it, and she really enjoyed it. I felt good making her feel that way," Rainie said. "But then when it was my turn, it didn't feel good. It didn't do anything to me. She tried all kinds of things, but nothing worked."
"Did you feel any pain?" Horrible as it was to imagine, Sharon knew she had to rule out the possibility that Rainie suffered anatomical damage from the sexual abuse she endured.
"It didn't really hurt," Rainie said.
"Did you feel any discomfort?"
"After a while, but then we stopped." Rainie sighed. "Heather said that she didn't know what else she could do."
Sharon nodded, processing the information. "Do you think that it's possible that you weren't ready to have sex yet?"
"I wanted to have sex, Mom," Rainie insisted.
"Wanting something and being ready for it are different." Sharon paused, hoping her next piece of advice wouldn't make Rainie uncomfortable. "You know, a big part of achieving an orgasm is communication with your partner. Did you try to tell Heather what you like?"
Rainie threw her hands in the air. "How am I supposed to know what I like if I've never had sex before?"
"You don't need to have sex to learn what you like," Sharon said.
"I don't understand."
"There isn't a formula on how to reach an orgasm. Heather may have done things that worked for her, but maybe they didn't work on you because you like different things," Sharon explained.
"So what am I supposed to do?" Rainie asked.
"I think you just need to learn more about your body and experiment with yourself to find out how you like to be touched," Sharon said.
"You mean, like, masturbation?" Rainie looked scandalized.
"Yes, and also, maybe you should read a little bit about your anatomy and understand how you are built."
Rainie wrinkled her nose. "That's weird."
"It's not weird. It's natural, and almost everyone does that," Sharon said. "You don't have to do it if you don't want to, but I think it might help."
"I'll think about it."
"Another thing that will probably help is talking to Heather about your sexual background. Does she know what happened to you?" Sharon asked.
"She knows I've been with men before, but she doesn't know about Gary or about what I did in the street."
Well, that explains something. "I think if you tell her about Gary, and clue her in on your emotional needs, then the next time you try to have sex, she'll have a better understanding of how to approach you."
"What if she breaks up with me because of it?" Rainie asked.
"It's a possibility," Sharon said. "Not everyone can emotionally deal with the knowledge that their partner has been hurt this way. It might put a lot of strain on your relationship, but if you can survive that as a couple, I think you'll be fine."
"That's a lot to take in," Rainie sighed.
Sharon smiled. "You'll be okay, sweetheart. Give it time, and you'll get there eventually." Seeing that the washing machine finished, she pulled herself off the floor and opened it.
"Mom," Rainie said.
"Yes, honey?"
"Did you ever have, um, you know?" Rainie's face reddened like a ripe tomato.
Sharon hummed affirmatively.
"Is it really worth all this trouble?"
"I think it is," Sharon replied as she moved the wet laundry from the washing machine to the dryer.
"Thanks for the talk, Mom."
"I'm glad I could help." Sharon smiled. "And thanks for doing the laundry."
"So, I guess we need some rules for overnight guests?" Rainie asked.
"Okay, how about up to two nights a week, including weekends, but not during holidays or special occasions?" Sharon suggested.
"Can we make it three nights a week?"
Sharon cocked an eyebrow. "Let's start with two for now, and if you need extra privacy, let me know, and I'll see what I can do."
Sharon was happy to see that her daughter was content with their plan. She hoped that Rainie would take her advice and that it will be helpful to her. She was glad that Rainie trusted her and shared her problem with her. The thought that Rainie initially thought that something was wrong with her body because of what Gary has done to her made Sharon's blood boil and busied her even hours after their conversation ended.
"Earth to Sharon," Andy's voice drew her from her pensive state. "What's happening?"
"I was just thinking about a conversation I had with Rainie today," Sharon said and stared at the rolling waves.
"What was it about?"
"She was a bit confused after last night." Sharon paused, considering how Rainie would feel about her having this conversation with Andy. "First times can be disappointing, you know."
"I see," Andy said. "Well, it's part of the experience, I guess."
Sharon chuckled.
"Why is that bothering you now?" Andy asked.
"She's been through so much. I wish something would have just worked out for her smoothly from the very start."
"First-time sex is disappointing for most people, Sharon," Andy said.
"It doesn't have to be," Sharon replied.
"Come on, Sharon. I find it hard to believe that your first time was a life-changing moment."
Sharon rolled her eyes. "Of course it wasn't. It was boring and uncomfortable."
"See?" Andy said. "I had no idea what I was supposed to do. My girlfriend laughed at me."
Sharon snorted. "That's something I find hard to imagine."
"It's true!" Andy nuzzled Sharon's neck. "I'm glad to be older and more experienced."
"Oh, I'd say you're experienced in that department," Sharon teased him.
"You do not lack either," Andy responded.
Sharon leaned her head on his shoulder and smiled. "We're pretty awesome together, aren't we?"
"As awesome as they come, my love," he replied and pressed a kiss to her temple.
As they watched the sunset over the waves, Sharon felt a sense of serenity take over. This wasn't a bad way to end a Saturday, she thought. She could definitely get used to this.
-TBC-