W: are there any side effects to eating a whole bottle of gummy vitamins

D: why did you eat a whole bottle of gummy vitamins

W: maybe

D: all I'm saying is I'm really glad we have electricity for household and general lighting ya know, cause if we had to use candles then there'd constantly be fires caused by bad luck plus fires caused by stupidity,

D: and don't even get me started on the pyromaniacs

W: I've got the bread for the ducks will meet you at the pond

D: what if ducks threw the bread back at us

W: we'd have to duck

D: …

W: so have you died of hospital boredom yet

D: *sends picture of bare foot in a rubber glove*

W: you are my favorite person

D: are you busy

D: you're not allowed to be busy

D: i'm too codependent on you for you to be busy stop being busy and meet me at the cave something really funny just happened

D: if you spell skeletons backwards it still spells skeletons

W: I cant wait for halloween to see some snotelecks

W: rules to learning english:

W: their our know rules

D: first of all screw you and second of all screw that

D: there's a really cute dog at the park right now

D: do you want me to send you a pic

W: i just saw someone put ketchup on their mac n cheese

D: I'm calling the police

W: I was trying to avoid eye contact with a police officer while walking and ran straight into a tree branch

W: I can still hear him laughing behind me

D: bad timing dude

W: isn't it always

W: In fifth grade we were making little clay statues and mine came out really crappy so I left a big air pocket in it so it would explode when the teacher put it in the kiln and it exploded so hard it destroyed ten other kids' statues and they were all on the verge of tears and I thought it was really funny I still do

D: so basically you planted a bomb

W: guess who's bored

W: me

W: I'm bored

W: give me attention

D: I think I'm having a mid life crisis

W: you are 13

D: I might die at 26

D: if you say "whale oil beef hooked" really fast it sound like "well I'll be f*cked" in an irish accent

W: how….how on earth did you discover this.

W: my anaconda don't want none

W: unless you DEFEAT THE HUNS SON

W: you're one in a million. That means there are 320 of you in the United States. Find yourself. Start an army. Overthrow the government of a small midwestern town

D: and now, the weather

W: you've slowly taken all my clothes and now I literally have no pants to wear

D: Roy asked what was up and I said you have no pants on and now he thinks we're sexting

W: what are you wearing

D: your NASA t shirt and levi jeans

W: dude seriously.

(Roy Guest Appearance)

D: can you use the term "I sh*t you not" in an english essay or is that unprofessional?

W: never use 'i' statements in formal essays. For example,

W: 'One sh*ts you not' or "This author sh*ts you not"

R: It's best to avoid the general 'you'. "One would not be considered sh*tted" is probably the best way I could think to word it formally

D: okay good thx

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