Enmeros: What should you be doing right now?
Me: Writing the next chapter for Love Hina: Rejecting the Future that never was.
Enmeros: And what are you doing right now?
Me: Reading, writing, and watching Digimon...
Enmeros: ...I better fucking be in this story.
Have you ever met someone, and instantly, everything about them just pissed you the hell off?
From his absurd gravity defying hair to his goofy grin. The way he rushed in, never thinking, all courageous curiosity and vibrant energy. He was an idiot, through and through, and Yamato Ishida hated him instantly.
He had a sort of magnetism. Something that just screamed for attention, but without being...he supposed the best way he could put it was being selfish about it. He seemed to reflect attention to others, and was never stingy when it came to commenting on how cool everyone was. Even things he had no idea about, such as Izzy's technobabble.
The digital world adventure...didn't help. It struck Yamato that Taichi (Tai to his friends, because apparently two syllables was too much for some people!) was something of a natural born leader. When a choice needed made, it was unconscious, the way everyone instantly looked to him.
Was it charisma? Was it his bullheaded determination? His courage? Or was he just lucky? Yamato didn't know, but at some point, a seed of envy was planted in his heart, and he couldn't help but grind his teeth every time Taichi ended up leading them off on some ill thought out adventure. It was infuriating that despite how stupid some of his ideas were that it always worked out in the end.
Until they didn't.
Honestly, it was a matter of time before they ran up against something they couldn't luck their way out of, and in the end it was Devimon that showed them that even with their powerful digimon that it was still very possible to lose, and Patamon nearly paid the price for their arrogance.
Despite it all, there was just...something about him that made you think that he could get you through anything, His relationship with Sora, the way he bonded with TK that always came so hard to Yamato, to his tolerance of Mimi at her worst. Somehow, Taichi Yagami just had a way with people. He was clumsy, emotionally. Hyperactive physically. Below average mentally (of so Yamato thought) but yet, even Yamato found himself turning to Taichi for his leadership, even as he envied him for it.
Taichi was an idiot, and he was going to get them all killed. Such was the prevalent thought that filled his mind often during their adventures, both real world and Digital.
Yet Yamato believed in him still. From Devimon to Myotismon. The Dark Masters to Apocalymon, even when Taichi faltered, he never stopped trying to move forward.
Even when he blamed himself for anything and everything that ever happened to his little sister. For SkullGreymon. For Datamon and the Pyramid in the Digidesert. He accepted those faults, and did his best to improve. He was a rock, and even Yamato clung to it.
When does hate become love? When does disdain become begrudging admiration? When did the colossal pain in the ass that was Taichi Yagami become one of his best friends? It boggled his mind, how easily the gogglehead with the gravity defying hair wormed his way into his heart, and Yamato began to actually care about him. Their rivalry was never fake, but Yamato knew that deep down, he admired the idiot that had almost gotten them killed many times.
In fact, it was that admiration that worried him sometimes. He often recalled back to that moment, that bizarre moment before the arrows of light and hope struck them, just how warm Taichi's hand was, even through gloves. The uneasy grin that he mirrored, the feelings of fear and the disbelief at what they were about to do, and how easily a sarcastic quip came to him, and how easily they drew strength and comfort from each other, even in the yawning abyss that was their unsure fear.
Taichi's smile was just as uncomfortable with the idea of letting them being stabbed with arrows that were commonly used against other digimon to harm them, but in that moment, he remembered all to clearly the moment a strange thought ran through his mind.
At least if we're wrong, we die together. It wouldn't be so bad, dying with you, Taichi.
It obviously hadn't killed them, but every now and then, when he needed that boost, when the world seemed out to get him, when MetalGarurumon seemed so hard to evolve, he found himself flashing back to that moment.
Taichi's warm hand. The feeling of rightness. The idea that dying with Taichi...wasn't so bad. The connection between them never needed words, and Yamato was glad for it, because he never figured out the words to say for it.
The Dark Masters had strained that relationship when Cherrymon had gotten into his head, and there was no greater shame than he had after coming to terms that he'd let that seed of envy overpower that small, yet infinitely powerful bond. It frustrated him, that even when they came to blows, Taichi's hands still were so warm. His eyes, even when colored with fury hadn't ever been hateful.
Maybe he wanted Taichi to hit him. Sometimes it felt like violence between them was deeper than just physical blows, like they were communicating in that universal, brotherly way that men do when they can't put their feelings into words. They were teens, fighting over who was a better leader, who's vision of the future was the correct one.
Friendship could keep them all together. Hold the bonds when things were scary, a brotherhood that prioritized safety above all others. Yamato was the reason to Taichi's always moving forward idealism. Taichi was all brute force and unwavering courage. Yamato was reason, flexibility and caution.
Two opposites, yet united in one purpose. To save the world, and to stay together.
He still remembered the moment the thought crossed his mind, and the way he instinctively dismissed it, mostly out of disbelief. It was a moment of laughter, of the gathered Digidestined and their digimon. Davis had taken the reins by then, but to Yamato, there would only be one fit to wear the Goggles of Leadership. Only one worthy of it. It was before the disaster that was the concert that fateful day.
Taichi had just told a stupid joke, and Sora was giving him her bemused 'Stupid Taichi' look, while Hikari snickered and the younger digidestined laughed uproariously. The light of the sun had hit him just right, laughing lopsided smile, eyes brown like melted chocolate, and wild mess of hair still as untamable as the day they'd met. They'd all changed, but at his core, Taichi could only ever be Taichi.
God, he's such a beautiful human being.
Yamato know sometimes he was prone to the dramatics, helped with song writing. But he could swear at the moment that the thought occurred, there was a mental record scratch. Maybe if he'd been more mature at the time, or perhaps less judgmental, and more accepting, he might have chased that thought through his mind to find out what it meant.
But he hadn't.
Have you ever thought you hated someone's mere existence, then realized you might actually be in love with them?
He chose to bury it, just like the thoughts of Taichi's warm hand. The feeling of unity and all encompassing excitement he got the first time they formed Omegamon. When it had happened, there was the usual excitement, the wonder that never really went away when you achieved a new form.
But there was also an underlying giddiness that made him smile sometimes when he was tired and unfiltered. A feeling of accomplishment, a twist of his lips that he was helpless to stop.
He remembered looking at Omegamon, shining white power encapsulated in a humanoid form. And he remembered the feelings.
We did this. We, together, made this.
Their bond together made this possible. The unity of their hearts. And it was a point of pride for him, as much as he buried it. No matter how much he ignored it, no matter how much he buried it, how much he refused it at his darkest moments, he could not forget that pride in the moment.
It was him that did that with Taichi. Their power combined. Not Taichi and Sora. Not Taichi and Hikari. Not Taichi and Mimi.
Taichi and Yamato made that.
And for that moment, as their Digimon formed together to create the most powerful Digimon they'd ever known, the walls came down, for just a brief moment, and he still wondered if Taichi had felt it. Felt the admiration shining through. The joy in the evolution of their bond. He could certainly feel a lot of Taichi's thoughts and emotions, but he remembered ever so clearly the one he'd clamped down on the moment it entered his mind.
I love you, Taichi.
Four words which must never be uttered out loud. Four words that drove him crazy for months afterward. Four words that burned like acid that night. That fateful night that everything went wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong!
The haunting thought screwed with his head, making him irritable and confused. It wasn't that he was gay, no, Yamato was very sure he was at least mostly straight, especially since he accepted Sora's feelings and still, to this day thought she was one of the most beautiful girls he'd ever dated.
But he tried not to think about it. Tried to shift all his feelings to the girl who had confessed to him. He tried so hard, got so far, but in the end, it didn't even matter.
He'd been so focused on his own confused feeling, the relationship with Sora, that he hadn't noticed just how much pain Taichi was in until it was too late.
He still remembered it clearly, the day they don't talk about, the day they both pretend didn't happen, because he knew the type of headspace Taichi was in at the time. In fact, he didn't even know if Taichi remembered.
It had been a stupid party, celebrating their graduations, and the freedom as they passed from 'just kids' to 'nearly/barely adults'. It started on the silliest of cliches, with a spiked bowl of punch that Taichi, having been running to burn off energy after a pick up game of soccer, had indulged in heavily.
In hindsight, it really should have been more clear to him, having been to a number of parties that had devolved into chaos because someone thought getting drunk would be funny. But when he stumbled across an unusually somber Taichi, he'd taken a chance and tried to worm information out of him.
Apparently, Taichi was an honest, unfiltered drunk.
"Hey Taichi, what are you doing out here? The party is inside, you know?" If he could take back that night, he would. If he had a time machine, he would have gone back to tell himself to end it at that, not to pry any further. Don't push the obviously tired and sad Taichi, don't try to get into his hair fluffed head.
The look Taichi gave him that night had been bleary, unfocused, but when stuck with him was the wounded look in his eyes. Yamato remembered all too clearly what had been going through his head, even if he was just buzzed enough that in his darkest moments he pretended it was due to the alcohol. He meant well, he still insisted to himself, but Taichi had been pulling away slowly, and while Yamato knew Sora had noticed at least a little, it hadn't gotten bad enough to confront him yet.
That 'yet' is what spurred him on.
"Honestly, Taichi, you should know better than to come directly to a party after playing; you and I both know that it makes you super thirsty and you spend the next few hours drinking like a fish." The humor in his voice seemed to miss Taichi entirely as dark brown eyes met his cool blue ones, and Taichi spoke, voice slightly horse.
'I needed it.' The simple statement lacked the normal cheer, the energy he usually had as Taichi's grasp on his cup tightened. "Sorry. Just needed to clear my head a bit, and working out sometimes helps. You should try it sometime. I still think you're too pale. Sometimes I think you might be the second coming of Myotismon." The smile wasn't right. It wasn't the amused lopsided smile he occasionally couldn't help but return. There wasn't laughter in those brown eyes. It wasn't Taichi's smile.
And they both knew it as Taichi's attempt as a smile fell from his face and he looked down into his cup as if it had answers. Answers that maybe Taichi was still searching for. "Sorry Yamato. I'm just tired. Not really up to being in there with everything being loud and festive. Someone did something to the punch; tastes weird but it's not all bad."
"You say that now Taichi, but first time hangovers can be a bitch. With how you drink, I bet you'll wake up tomorrow and wonder what the hell happened tonight." He meant it as a joke, but the way the odd smile on Taichi's face grew, it was obvious that he was having strange thoughts, and for the first time in a long time, Yamato could safely say he had no idea what was going through his friend's head. That thought didn't scare him as much at the time as it probably should have.
"You know, sometimes I think that might be better. Just to have a button or drink when you just want to forget things. I've got a lot of things I want to forget, even if just for a little while." Yamato could remember the way his lips curved into a smile, the way he'd sat down on a plastic lawn chair. The moment stood out vividly in him mind as the point when everything just started going wrong.
The night air had been cool, and Tai's hair rustled in the breeze. He could remember the faint flush that warmed his cheeks, as even drunk, Taichi could pull off the relaxed and beautiful look that he claimed Yamato naturally exuded. If Yamato ever exuded this particular kind of charm, he would argue he might have unconsciously learned part of it from Taichi.
"Oh? What would you want to forget?" A simple question. The beginning of the end. Hindsight was 20-20 and in his best dreams, he would interrupt this moment. Somehow. That question was one that should have never been asked, never been answered.
What would you want to forget?
What would you want to forget?
What would you want to forget?
What would you want to forget?
Taichi's laugh was a soft chuckle, but in Yamato's memory, it was like broken glass slicing up Taichi's esophagus and spewing up bloody emotion that should have never been there.
"Well, for one, I think I'd rather forget the time I threw up in Sora's hat. She was pissed. I think she would rather forget that too, unless she wants to keep it around to tease me about." The laugh started cheerful, but the darkening of Taichi's eyes should have been a warning. Yamato wished he had seen that. That flashing light of wrong, wrong, wrong!
Yamato's returning rejoinder was too lighthearted in his memory, and he wished Taichi would have just punched him. Just straight up smacked him in the face and bloodied his nose. It honestly would have been less painful than what was to come. He'd laughed, settling into his own chair with a slightly bemused smile. "Well, you know Sora. Love her to death, but she does have a way of making you feel like a kid again when she gets to scolding."
He didn't know if he was adding details, but every time he thought about that moment, he could swear he saw Tai flinch at the word 'love'. It would have been expected, given he'd had time to think about it. But in-the-moment Yamato didn't see it or ignored it, and he didn't know which of those options was worse.
"Yeah...she really is good at that." Taichi's gaze fell to his cup, and he drained it. "I think I'd like to forget that for a while, too."
Yamato remembered the way his brow furrowed, the way irritation had welled up inside him as Taichi ever so casually dismissed one of the things Yamato found charming about her."What the hell does that mean, Tai?"
Had his words really come out as accusatory back then? Did he really sound that angry? When he tried to put himself in that memory, he could only imagine himself being furious that Taichi would ever say something like that about his childhood friend. Because...well, a part of him still felt guilty. Had he known at that time? He should have. There was no way he hadn't known back then, right?
Taichi's voice was laughing, but there was a hint of helplessness underlying it. "Oh, you know what I mean, Yamato. She's given you those eyes before, right? Those disappointed-in-you Sora eyes that she does so well. There are very few things I can say I'll never stop being afraid of, but a upset Sora will always be one of them."
The words had dropped from Yamato's angry lips before he'd thought about it back then, too. "Well, maybe if you'd be just a bit less of a dumbass she wouldn't have to. You should think more about things before you go jumping of metaphorical cliffs."
Think more. Those words would come back to haunt him. He'd always been Taichi, hyperactive goggled leader that led them to victory. He'd always had that never-say-die energy, that drive to throw everything he had in pursuit of a goal. Yamato wished he could take back those words sometimes. He never knew how much that would affect him, even if Taichi didn't remember that night.
Taichi's answering snort that night had ground on Yamato's nerves, but after the fact, Yamato once more wished he could have seen the writing on the wall for what it was.
"Yeah, maybe you're right. But still, I think I could do without that memory." The beginning. "I think I'd also like to forget about her smile. You know, the one that lights up her face when you do something that she finds unusually sweet, when she's surprised, but cant help but feel touched." Of. "She always has a way of making me feel like the biggest jerk in the world, but her forgiveness is always something I don't think she realizes that I treasure." The end. "But that's Sora. Her love is so powerful that it makes digimon evolve, so it's no surprise that it has the same effect on people."
"That's my girlfriend you're talking about there, Taichi." He remembered the boiling anger, but to this day, he couldn't be sure if it was because he was speaking so fondly of his girlfriend, or if it was because he was doing it with Yamato right. Fucking. There. His words had been quiet, deadly, and sharp. But was it because he thought it was Taichi thinking of stealing away Sora?
Or was it because some part of him knew Taichi wasn't feeling the same for him?
"Why do you think I want to forget it, Yamato? We can't fight all the time. You got the girl of your dreams, and I just have to get over it."
Get over it.
Get over it.
Get over it.
For some reason, that sentence pissed him the hell off. Taichi had always been an indomitable, unstoppable force that didn't know the meaning of the word surrender. Literally, at one point, he actually asked Yamato what that word meant. But This Taichi was all but surrendering, giving up. Looking back, Yamato felt like scum, because he should have known Taichi Yagami was in love with Sora Takenouchi. Even if Taichi hadn't known it at the time.
At the time, he justified it as one of those realizations that occurred too late, and that Taichi's inaction had been the reason he lost out.
But the pain in Taichi's eyes that night was too real, too visceral. It angered Yamato. He'd just what, given up? Given up on the girl of his dreams, his childhood friend? There was an easy flaw in that logic, but the Yamato of the moment had instead seen it as a betrayal of everything Taichi embodied in his heart, and in a moment of rage, taken it out on the one who was hurting, the one who was never supposed to change, the one who he'd told many times to think more, but hadn't actually expected to follow his advice.
"So what, you're going to just sit there and tell me you wish my girlfriend was your girlfriend instead, then tell me that it's too bad that I got there first? Is that all she means to you? Do you actually love her?"
Taichi's eyes had hardened for a moment, and Yamato could remember all too well the rush of adrenaline, the idea that Taichi was going to rise to the moment, as he always did, and sock Yamato in the face and they would be able to properly communicate and then they could talk it over properly-
And then Taichi just...shut down.
The hardness of his eyes gave way to hopelessness, and Yamato realized belatedly how badly he'd fucked up.
"Yeah, pretty much, yeah. Maybe you're right; maybe I should have fought harder. But I want her happy, Yamato, and you deserve happiness as well. I won't rob you of that."
And then, Yamato-of-the-moment could only watch as an unsteady Taichi just...walked away. Unsteady steps became more sure, and he could almost feel that familiar hardness. That assured gait. The way Taichi hardened himself, preparing for war, courage in full force.
The courage to let go. The courage to give up.
The courage to accept the heartbreak.
And in that moment, Yamato felt like he had been handed his biggest loss to date. The feeling that he'd been utterly crushed. He'd been weighed, and measured, and found wanting.
But neither of them had walked away from that party a victor. Yamato noticed all too well how Taichi began to distance himself. Nothing overt, nothing obvious.
To a casual outsider, maybe they'd see it as Taichi reassessing his priorities. Taking girls on dates, yet always seeming unsatisfied. The time between them talking grew longer and longer as time went on, and the Digidestined, the once unshakable group just...drifted apart.
Yamato considered himself a leader. Considered himself to be the second in command, the right hand. But when Taichi walked away, and the group fractured, he'd never felt like such a failure.
But then came Alphamon. Meicoomon. The Digidestined were pulled together again, and for a moment, Yamato thought there might be a chance. A reconciliation. When Tai walked away that night, each step took away the leader they relied on, but for Yamato, even as danger abounded, he could only think of Taichi.
Of the one who had left that day. The easy, lopsided smile and feeling of invincibility. The fearless leader that got them through the Digital world.
He thought that would be the Taichi that would return, and they would band together like they had many times before, the unbreakable, unshakable union of Digidestined and Digimon, saviors of both worlds.
That was not the Taichi he got.
What he got was a Taichi who worried about collateral. A Taichi who would have let others decide their fate. One who would have let someone else take the blame for the death and destruction.
And this Taichi...was not the same Taichi he'd fallen in love with, those many years ago. He and Sora were still together, and she was still beautiful to Yamato, but something was missing. A fire that used to warm them had flicked and dulled to embers, and all Yamato could think was that he had done this. He had broken something between the three of them, and he couldn't bridge that gap. Taichi no longer rose to his bait, hadn't engaged in a fistfight with him in years.
This Taichi was maybe more responsible, more thoughtful, but he was also more hesitant, more cautious, and more...fearful.
Had he burned all his courage to walk away from Sora? From Yamato? From what they had become?
Yamato didn't know, but he tried. Tried so hard, yet again, to fill those shoes that he'd desired so long ago, to be the unflappable leader that Taichi had once been, since Taichi seemed dead set on taking his.
But it failed. Again and again. Was this what Taichi had felt those years ago? Trying to spur him into action, to teach him that sometimes you just had to knuckle up and go in swinging?
Sometimes, you don't have time to think. Plans don't always work out, so you gotta go in thinking that you're gonna have to put the other guy on the ground first, then you can plan.
Those words were one of the few little 'nuggets of wisdom' Taichi had tried to impress into him when he was younger, but this Taichi seemed to have forgotten that. It hurt, thinking that he may have to be the one to step into those shoes, to wear the goggles of leadership that he was doubting more and more that he had ever been fit to wear...
And Sora noticed. Of course Sora noticed. She'd noticed the unbridgable gap between Yamato and Taichi growing, no matter how much Taichi claimed they were still the best of friends. She'd widened the yawning abyss that Tai was forming between her and himself trying to get them to make up. But Taichi was holding himself back. Little bits of him had begun vanishing into this new entity, this new Taichi Yagami that inhabited the space where his best friend and maybe secret crush had been.
Taichi never showed his feeling regarding them any more, and for a while, Yamato hoped it was because he'd fallen out of Love with Sora, or at least...gotten over it, as he so eloquently put it.
Then Alphamon showed up, and Tai hesitated to form Omegamon.
Hesitated. To form. Omegamon.
It felt like a slap in the face to Yamato. A painful slap that hurt far worse than it had any right to. It was like Taichi was...giving up their bond, the most intimate act the two of them had ever had. Yamato could have spent an entire night in sexual bliss with Taichi and still said that forming Omegamon with him was more intimate.
And when he finally did, Yamato knew true pain.
It was raw, unfiltered, and full of fear. He could feel Taichi's doubt, the way he questioned if what they were doing was right. He could feel the happy memories of Wargreymon and MetalGarurumon's first Jogress becoming tainted by this...sham of a union.
This was no we.
This was an I.
When they separated again, Yamato could barely contain his pure and utter fury. Of all the things to taint, of all the ways Taichi could have hurt him, this was by far one of the deepest cuts he could have given.
He'd snapped at Taichi, unable to hold in the anger and rage. That shining beautiful moment, broken. The happy memory? Tainted. He wanted to scream. Wanted to rant and rage, wanted to throw a tantrum fit for the child he once was. But all he could too was simmer and demand an answer.
Why did Omegamon separate? Why was Taichi's resolve so weak? Where was his Courage? Where was Yamato's fearless leader?
When he finally got home, however, his fury had burnt itself out, and Sora dropped by to find Yamato weeping. Full on crying over the understanding of what had been lost that night so long ago. What he had broken.
And what he couldn't even begin to understand how to fix.
But fate wasn't done punishing him, it seemed.
As he tried to continue to fill Tai's shoes, shoes he realized he could never truly fill, fate saw fit to twist the knife, ever so cruelly.
Nishijima reaching out for Taichi. The feeling of Taichi all but hijacking the bond to make Omegamon move to protect them rather than himself.
And the one, shining moment that broke him so viciously.
The moment Taichi's feelings came across so clearly, so pure and loving and damning all at once.
He was okay with that. As the dust settled and he was buried, just before Omegamon split...Tai was okay with that.
He was okay with dying for Yamato and Meiko. He's okay with forever losing Sora. He's okay with this being his end.
He was okay with giving up.
And it burns. It burns like acid, lava, and a million other corrosive liquids forced down his throat, eating away at him, hollowing him as he is forced to understand Taichi's fear. He's forced to face that Taichi was trying to do the right thing, that his courage was never absent, just...jaded.
And as he takes those goggles, the goggles he once fondly called the goggles of leadership, he is forced to accept that he has never felt so unworthy of them.
But even so, he must accept them, even as the shock hits. But while a part of him crumbles, feeling utterly broken by Tai's unwanted sacrifice, there is at least one other who is taking this even worse than he is.
Hikari was proof that the brightest lights can cast the darkest shadows, and if his younger brother was to be believed, he was not the only one who hid secrets and denied his feelings.
It had always been somewhat irritating to Takeru that he was consistently compared to Taichi, and he'd confessed at one point that he was fairly certain that if Hikari wasn't at one point straight up in love with her older brother, then she at least had one hell of a brother complex.
It didn't surprise him, he could only think numbly, that Tai's death could break one of the strongest ones on their team. Hikari could only shatter in the face of her brother's death, and he couldn't blame her. Even as Gatomon struggled with the growing darkness, the rage, the hate, the heartbreak that was coursing through Hikari, Hikari couldn't accept that her brother would leave her.
That Taichi Yagami would ever fall. Yamato could sympathize. Taichi Yagami was the kind of guy you half expect to be immortal. To be the undefeated. The one you would only see lose once in a while because it might be interesting.
The Tai in both of their memories was invincible proof that as long as he was around, everything would be all right.
But this wasn't that Taichi. This wasn't that invincible boy they both loved with so much of their heart that it hurt.
Ordinemon was formed, and Yamato was forced into the position he once craved, and yet all he could do was try to be what Taichi once was for him.
A rock. A fixed point to cling to when everything came crashing down. His heart broke for Kari, for Sora, for everyone who loved that idiot. But what is done is done, and there would be time to mourn later.
It was up to them to make sure that later still exists, after all.
As they walked, Yamato could feel Sora's eyes on him. Feel her wanted to say something, but not knowing how to put it into words. The two of them had enough understanding that now wasn't the time, though, and Yamato knew that after this, he would come clean.
Come clean about that night. About Taichi's feelings. About his own feelings. She was owed that much, and he would not let Sora put to rest her memories of her childhood friend without knowing just how much she had meant to him.
Even if it cost him her heart. Even if it hurt to know that Taichi had never loved him as he'd loved her. She deserved to know. And he knew he couldn't keep that from her for much longer.
Yet his resolve was answered with yet another slap in the face, but one he would have easily turned the other cheek and asked for another.
The battle with Ordinemon was going...poorly, to say the least. She was unreasonably tough, nearly impossible to even hurt, let alone kill, and the damage was mounting. How many lives were lost? How much damage had been done?
And could they actually save anyone at this rate?
And yet. And yet. As death stared down at Meiko yet again, the battle all but lost, Yamato was reminded of so long ago.
Back when they battled Devimon. Myotismon. The Dark Masters. Apocalymon. Even Diaboromon.
There was no way to describe the heady cocktail of feelings in his chest at that familiar head of hair. Those eyes firmed with resolve. And the way Taichi stood, resolute, assured of what needed to be done.
Maybe if the world weren't about to end, or if there wasn't such a horrific crushing weight of guiltlovedespairhappyjoyworrydread playing in his chest, he might have had a more intimate reaction to Taichi's appearance. But now wasn't the time.
Taichi Yagami's appearance signified the beginning of their counterattack; the full might of the Original 8.
And what a counterattack it was. The military had proven useless against Ordinemon, but Taichi's appearance spurred the Digidestined into action, reminding them that they still had that strength they had let fade so long ago.
But not all was well. Taichi Yagami was a changed man. He could feel it through the Omegamon Bond. He could feel it as Hikari did her damn best to convince Taichi that Meicoomon could still be saved. He could feel the raw, unbridled pain in Taichi's heart when he wavered, weighing real world consequences against childish optimism.
Years ago, Taichi wouldn't have hesitated, and Yamato couldn't help but think the Taichi of the past could have done it, would have done it. He would have and could have saved Meicoomon. But this Taichi had lost that unshakable power, that belief in himself.
And so he resolved to take the adult path, the one that denied miracles. Denied the Light of childish Hope.
The resolve to end this fight in the fastest way possible, with minimal damage and life lost. He resolved himself, steeled his courage to bear the weight of Hikari's lost belief in his invincibility.
He resolved himself to lose something so precious, to break a childish notion that Hikari still believed in.
Omegamon Merciful Mode granted the only mercy that this Taichi could consider, and ended it.
Yamato and the rest basked in the return of their presumed lost leader, but things couldn't last forever as Sora kept hinting that she and Yamato had an impending discussion that neither were eager to start.
Hikari had gotten much more clingy with her brother, though it was somewhat expected given the events, though Takeru seemed to be a bit worried that Hikari might take it a bit too far, even if she vowed not to forgive him for killing Meicoomon.
He seemed to think that whatever was between Hikari and her brother was on the verge of changing in some irreversible way, and while he refused to judge, he also didn't like the writing on the wall, simply because he worried Kari would do something she couldn't take back.
Koushiro was keeping an even closer eye on the digital world, worried that something else might happen as Dark Gennai was still around and at large somewhere.
The Digidestined 2.0 was still recovering, and the government was still trying to decide what to do with the knowledge that there was whole other worlds out there nearly invulnerable to their weapons.
And Taichi...he seemed distant. His resolve had returned, but at the same time, there was a weariness to him, a darkness in him that Yamato wanted to wipe away. It didn't belong there, not in Taichi.
And then, just when thing were calm enough for Yamato to pull Sora aside for that conversation they had been putting off, it happened.
Perhaps it shouldn't have surprised him, that for all he'd done while Taichi was hesitating, that Koushiro still saw Taichi as the leader. It shouldn't have surprised him that Izzy would have informed him first.
Or that Taichi would in some misguided attempt to spare them all the trouble, attempt to investigate alone.
Homeostasis had stated that there were other worlds. That they sought balance. It shouldn't have shocked them that after Ordinemon and Meicoomon wrecked the barrier between worlds, something might come knocking.
But there was no gut punch Yamato had ever received like finding out that Taichi, stupid, noble, lovable and jaded Taichi would have jumped at a chance to have some time to himself to get his head straight.
There was no acid strong enough to emulate the feeling in his gut finding out that Taichi was missing. And nothing could have prepared them for finding Agumon, laid out and unconcious along with Tai's digivice next to him in a forest showing a massive battle had taken place, or the shattered pair of goggles and the puddle of blood that accompanied them next to a swirling purple portal.