D: like a gazillion ice cubes just fell out of Roy's freezer wtf

W: kick em under the fridge

W: if you ever feel sad remember one time I did that fancy hand stand that you taught me in my kitchen but I fell over and hit my head and knocked myself out but my parents thought I was sleeping so they just put a blanket over me thinking I chose to frickin sleep in the middle of the damn kitchen

D: I am DYING dude

D: this is definitely my favorite headline today:

D: 'Wife Crashes her own funeral, horrifying her husband, who had paid to have her killed'

W: its amazing how fast your mood can change after you step in water with socks on

D: guess I missed an ice cube

D: have you tried cooking lately since our ban in over

W: the other night I tried to make a curry and I got chili burns all over my face, so I thought to myself 'hang on doesn't milk soothe chili burns?' And I couldn't google it cause I couldn't SEE so I just had to blindly feel my way to the fridge and pour a bowl of milk, and then plant my face in the bowl of milk, anyway at that point the rice cooker went off and triggered a power surge which turned the electricity off, which I didn't notice at first because I had my face in a bowl of milk and when I did emerge from the dairy prison, I thought I had gone blind with chili burns

W: so no not really

W: what was it that Roy said the other day that was really poetic

D: 'Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, Life's a bitch and coffee's a must'

W: profound

W: dude

W: kids are ding dong ditching my house I'm going for my knife and hockey mask

D: keep me updated

W: I am so annoyed

W: bitches better be ready this time

W: SHIT

W: I JUST OPENED THE DOOR WITH A BIG KNIFE SHOUTING 'PREPARE TO DIE' AND SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF A JEHOVAH'S WITNESS

D: if the multiverse theory is true, then theres a universe where it isn't

W: Multiverse theory doesn't cover paradoxical situations

D: except in the universe where it does

W: I'm having an aneurysm

W: are you in a bad mood

D: bitch I might be

W: so….

W: one time I put a banana peel on the ground and walked on it like in the cartoons to see if it would actually work and yes it does work don't try it

D: meet me at the bookstore

D: we are going to the romance section and both going to pick out a book, flip to a random page, skim the pages and read the dirtiest part out loud, whoever has the nastiest scene gets a point, whoever reaches 15 points first wins

W: when I was a child visiting new york a pigeon flew up at me and my uncle went to swat it away and when he smacked it an egg flew out and hit me.

W: I've never been to New York since.

D: WTF DUDE

W: drug smugglers shot drugs across border with a cannon yesterday

D: america is never gonna win this war on drugs

R: Whats that flying across the sky? Is it a bird? Is it a plane? NO it s a bag of CRACK COCAINE

W: they're called leggings because u put ur le

W: u put ur leg

W: they're called leggings because

D: take your time

W: my school's rival school is on lockdown right now because someone put weed in the vents so everyones slowly getting high

D: I guess now you could call it a high school

D: you gotta be careful with girls named Katherine because it could be spelled Katherine or Kathryn or Catherine or Cathryn katherin kcatcheyn ckathcryrn catrchckern kathtrine

W: release the catrchckern

W: when I was 7 I started putting that fake snow stuff in plastic sandwich baggies and giving them to all my friends and more and more kids would come to me asking for snow and one of the kids parents found it and they thought it was cocaine

W: so they called the police on us and they literally thought that a 7 year old had created an underground drug distributing system

D: one time my mom cancelled our 3 day safari cause I refused to eat the meatloaf she cooked

W: my mom accused me of selling my birth certificate and ss to the black market when she couldn't find them

D: you win

D: what are snails even trying to do

W: their best

W: you guys there yet

R: no. We are detained at the Canadian border because Dick answered 'not really' when asked if we had any weapons in the car.

D: …

Hope everyone had an awesome Turkey day!

So every holiday season I get 1 particular song that is stuck in my head the whole time, and this year its Santa Baby...

In all honestly I really would love a 54' convertible, I absolutely love classic cars

YJWYJ...guys and gals, that story is on hiatus for a while. I don't know when the next update will be, Im sorry.

You're all so fantastic, on my bad days I go and read your reviews to cheer me up :) So THANK YOU