Hi all! So...it has been a long time since I wrote a story. For anyone who has read previous stories of mine I kind of fell off the radar for a while. Personal issues and just a lack of inspiration but I've been inspired, I also needed an escape from this crazy year!
In this story, Olivia and Elliot got together after she came back from Oregon. They've been married for almost a full year when something unexpected happens that puts their relationship in jeopardy. A ghost from Olivia's past shows up and it flips her world upside down.
I'll admit that it has been awhile since I watched the newer SVU episodes. And I don't remember every detail of the old episodes. This is just a work of fiction.
In this story, Olivia's mother's rape became a cold case. However, a current case brings old evidence back into the fray.
Can Olivia put her past behind her and focus on the future she worked so hard to create with her husband? Or will she be dragged back by the old demons in her past? "
The story title is inspired by the song "In The Blood" by John Mayer. If you haven't heard it, check it out!
"Yes. I understand. Thank you. I'll call back to make an appointment. I appreciate it. Have a great day!" Olivia hung up the phone and stared at it in her hands, her mind reeling.
Her heart was pounding harder than it ever had before. She bit her lip, felt tears burning in her eyes and then laughed to herself. She took a deep breath, opened her messages and found her husband's name.
Think you can skip out for a quick lunch?
She saw that he was typing and waited, trying to calm her nerves. When she heard the ping her heart jumped.
I think I can swing it for you. Monty's?
She smiled and started typing back.
Yeah. I should be there in thirty. I need to swing by the morgue and check in with Melinda. See you there. Xo
She slipped the phone in her pocket and took a deep breath, letting the cold February air fill her hungs. She turned on the spot, slipped into the Navigator and drove off to her first destination willing the minutes to fly by.
She tried to keep her composure as she walked through the cold building. This wasn't the place to deal with this type of news. She took another deep breath and pushed the doors open of the familiar office.
Melinda looked up from her typing, "Hey Olivia. Thanks for dropping off the paperwork. I actually just got something for you faxed in too."
Olivia nodded and handed her a folder, "Really? What is it?"
Melinda stood up and pulled the paperwork from her desk, "Our Perps DNA matched some in our system. Something from a cold case. I haven't had time to look at it yet. It just came through."
Olivia frowned and took the file, "So this isn't his first offense."
She shook her head, "I guess not." She turned and went back to her typing, "If I find anything else I'll reach out."
Olivia nodded and opened the paperwork. She started scanning the forms and then her eyes fell on a name she knew and knew well. Her heart sank into her stomach. Her hands started shaking and she felt sweat prickling up on the back of her neck. She felt like she could be sick. She needed air.
Melinda looked up, "Olivia?"
Olivia looked up, "Hm?"
Melinda walked over to her, "You don't look so good. Are you okay?" Olivia opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out, "Do you want to sit down?"
Olivia shook her head wanting to get out of the building as quick as possible, "No. No, I'm fine. Sorry. We've been swamped and I skipped breakfast. I think I'm just hungry. I'm going to lunch now anyway."
Melinda frowned at her, "Are you sure?"
Olivia nodded, "Yeah. Totally fine. Just a little lightheaded. I spilled my coffee this morning too so I didn't get any caffeine." She started to back out of the room afraid her knees were going to give out and any second, "Thanks for the files. I'll bring them back to the house and see what we can come up with."
Melinda went to call after her again but Olivia turned on her heel and left the room before she could even get her the first syllable out. She frowned but was distracted when her phone rang again. She turned back to her desk and decided she would check in with her friend later.
Olivia burst through the outside door and felt the air hit her full force. She gasped for air and felt the world spin around her. She reached out and grabbed for the wall behind her. She slumped over slightly, and closed her eyes trying to relax.
"Ma'am?" A voice called out to her, but it sounded like it was coming from underwater, "Ma'am are you alright?"
Olivia squeezed her eyes tight and slid up the wall, "I...I'm fine."
The man stared at her, clearly not believing what she said. He looked up and saw the building she had come out of, "Ma'am is there someone I can call?"
Olivia felt bile pushing up her throat, she put a hand to her lips, "No. No really I'm fine. Excuse me."
She pushed past him and stumbled towards her car. The man watched her fall into the seat and turn the key. A paper fell from her hands as she slammed the door shut and took off down the street. He cringed and pushed the door of the building open. He searched for anyone to talk to and saw Melinda walking out of her office, "Excuse me?"
Melinda looked up, "Hi. Can I help you?"
The man frowned, "I uh...I'm not sure. But a woman just left this building and she...she didn't look so good. I assumed that she-" He paused, "I'm not sure if…"
Melinda started walking quickly and pushed open the doors to the building. Olivia's car was long gone but she looked around anyway. The man walked up behind her and picked up the fallen piece of paper, "She dropped this."
Melinda took the form from him and looked down recognizing it as part of the cold case file. She frowned and scanned it to see if it held any clues as to why her friend and co-worker was so shaken.
And then suddenly there it was in bold letters and she wished she had looked over the file before handing it to her.
The sample matched the cold case of the rape of one Serena Benson. "Oh Olivia…"
The man cleared his throat, "I didn't mean to intrude but she looked like she was going to be sick. I wasn't sure if…"
Melinda looked up at him, "Thank you. You did the right thing. I'll take care of it."
The man nodded, "Okay…"
Melinda turned on her heel quickly and ran back towards her office. She picked up the phone on her desk and quickly dialed Olivia's number. She wasn't surprised when it went straight to voicemail. She cursed and then quickly dialed a second number.
Back at the Precinct, the phone rang on the desk. He picked it up and flipped it open, "Hey Melinda. If you're calling to tell me you need to steal my wife I'm gonna be pissed. I just had to make a deal with the devil known as John Munch in order to get my ass covered for thirty minutes."
"Elliot. I don't think you'll be going to lunch." Melinda said wearily.
Something in her tone made Elliot stand up quickly, his chair flew out from behind him catching John and Fin's attention, "What's wrong?"
"The DNA hit matched a cold case file. It came through just as Olivia came in. I didn't have time to look it over." She paused, "I should have...I'm…"
Elliot gripped the edge of the desk, "Melinda what happened?" He barked.
"It matched the rape case of Serena Benson." She whispered, "Elliot she didn't look so good…I didn't realize it until after she left."
"Shit." Elliot said, turning to grab his coat, "Did she say where she was going?"
"No. She said she was getting lunch but I called and her phone went straight to voicemail. Elliot I-" Melinda
"I'll call." He hung up the phone quickly and grabbed his keys.
"Where are you going?" Fin said as he and Munch ran up behind him.
Elliot's head was spinning. He knew Olivia had to be unravelling at the moment and he needed to find her and find her fast. "The perp's DNA matched a cold case."
"Okay?" John asked, "What-"
Elliot slammed his finger into the elevator button, "The rape of Serena Benson."
John and Fin stopped short and stared at him, Fin's mouth hung open as he processed the information, "He's her-"
"Yes." Elliot spit out and started slamming the button again, "Jesus christ-"
"I'll grab Cap." John said quickly and turned on his heel to walk out.
Fin grabbed Elliot's arm, "Elliot-"
"Not now." Elliot said brushing him off, "Why is this taking so damn long?"
"Let me grab my coat. I'm coming with you." Elliot turned to give him a look, "She's my partner now. You know I'm going to have her back no matter what. I'm coming with you."
Elliot took a deep breath and nodded, Fin ran and grabbed his coat and made it back just as the doors opened. Both men filed into the elevator and Elliot pushed the button to go down. As the doors shut...they both just hopped they could get to her before she did something drastic.
Olivia made it a few blocks before she had to pull over. She dropped her head onto the steering wheel and tried to calm down. Her emotions today had gone from so high to so low in a matter of minutes and she couldn't seem to keep up. She was sweating and pulled at her coat. She felt the bile rising in her throat again and she turned to the left, whipping the door open she puked into the street in the middle of traffic. She was coughing and gasping for air as cars honked around her.
"Jesus lady!" A cab driver yelled from his window as he swerved.
Olivia looked up wearily, "I'm...I'm sorry."
He got out of the cab, "What are you drunk? It's barely noon!"
She frowned and wiped at her mouth, "No. I'm sorry I just…" She felt the nausea rolling in again and she leaned forward trying to calm herself.
The man frowned and stepped over to her, "Are you okay?"
She looked up at him, "I...I don't think I can drive."
He grimaced not wanting her to get sick in his car, "Uh...okay. Well…" He looked around anxiously, "You want me to drive you to the hospital?"
She shook her head, "No. No. But...there is somewhere you can take me." She said, "Please?"
He stared at her and knew he had the ability to step back and walk away. But something in her eyes made him see that whatever was going on was important. He took a deep breath, "Yeah...yeah alright. Come on."
Olivia grabbed her bag in the car, locked the car and slipped into the cab. The taxi driver took a deep breath, shut the door behind her and hoped she didn't get sick again until they got to wherever she wanted to go.
Elliot slammed his hand on the dashboard, "Damn it Olivia. Answer the phone!"
Fin frowned as he drove through the streets, "Well we know she's not with Melinda. Think she went home?"
Elliot sighed and went through his phone to call his daughter, "Kathleen is visiting. She'll know."
After a few rings, she picked up, "Hey Dad."
"Kathleen. Hi. Have you heard from Olivia?" He asked hopefully.
"No. Weren't you both working today?" She asked curiously, "She left around 8. I got Eli off to school."
Elliot sighed and rubbed his head, "Listen if she comes home I need you to call me as soon as you can."
Kathleen was quiet for a moment, "Dad is everything okay?"
"I…" He paused, "I don't know hon. But just...can you do that for me? It's really important. I'll call you as soon as I can, okay?"
He heard her take a worried breath, "Okay…"
"Bye." He hung up the phone and frowned, "Casey's in court all day. She wouldn't go to her office."
"The cemetery?" Fin asked, Elliot looked at him out of the corner of his eyes, "Serena…"
Elliot bit his lip, "I...maybe?"
Fin nodded and turned the car down the street towards the direction of the cemetery he knew Serena had been buried at. "We're going to find her El."
Elliot nodded once and looked out the window hoping what his friend said was true. Things had been good...finally. It had taken them a long time to get to this point and he felt hopeful. He didn't want this to push her away again. But he couldn't imagine what she was thinking. What she was feeling.
And until he saw her with his own eyes, he didn't think he was going to be able to feel better.
The cab driver pulled out in front of the office building she had given him the address too. He frowned and looked up at the tall building. "This it?" He asked, looking at her from his rearview mirror.
He saw her rummaging in her bag, clearly looking for her wallet, "Yes."
He turned to her, "Ma'am don't worry about it." She looked at him, her eyes looked hollow and broken, "Can I walk you in?"
She opened her mouth and her voice cracked, "I…"
He frowned, "Look I know you don't know me. But...about ten times on the drive here I considered calling the police or taking you to the hospital. Did…" He shifted nervously afraid to spook her, "Ma'am did someone hurt you?"
Her eyes stung with tears. How many times had she asked a victim that? Who was the person that asked her mother after that fateful night? Her voice shook as she answered."No…"
He sighed, "Will you let me walk you inside? Just...so I know you're okay?"
She smiled at him, "You don't need to do that."
He smiled at her, "Well I'm afraid if I don't I'll be praying for the rest of my life that I didn't do the wrong thing. You wouldn't want to give a middle aged man living in this crime ridden city more reason to worry at night would ya? Not after he risked having you puke in the back of his newly cleaned cabbie?"
She smiled softly, something about his demeanor reminded her of Elliot. Her heart clenched in her chest and she knew he would be waiting for her at the restaurant. She should call him. She had so much to tell him. Both good and bad...and yet in this moment she couldn't imagine seeing him.
"You sound like my husband." She said with a sniffle.
The man smiled at her, "Husband? Is this his office-"
"No." She said, shaking her head, "No he's…" She paused and looked at him, "I really appreciate your help. And I'm sorry I almost caused you to crash."
He shook his head, "It's no problem. We all need help from time to time." He shrugged, "Can I please walk you inside?"
Olivia opened her mouth to respond when she heard a knock on the cab window. She turned and saw the person she had come to see staring at her. "Olivia?" He asked, his voice was muffled through the glass.
Olivia smiled and looked back at the cab driver, "That's my friend. I'm going to go with him."
He took a deep breath and opened the door as Olivia began to step out of the car. "Wait-"
George Huang smiled softly at Olivia, "Olivia is everything okay?"
She bit her lip, "No...but I really need someone to talk too before I do something stupid."
George looked at her and realized he hadn't seen her look this upset in years.
He looked back at the cab driver and then to Olivia, "Okay. Do you want to come in?"
Olivia nodded and turned back to the man, "What's...what's your name?"
He smiled sadly at her, "Allistair Johnson." He said softly, "And you are?"
Olivia smiled, "Olivia Be-" She paused and smiled, "Olivia Stabler." She looked down at her wedding rings and rubbed her finger against the gold band, "First year of marriage...taking some time to get used to that name change."
Allistair smiled at her, "Oh. Well that's nice." He turned to George, "You'll take care of her?"
George nodded slowly, "I will. I promise."
Allistair sighed, "Mrs. Stabler…"
She took a deep breath, "Please. Call me Olivia. I promise I'll be okay Allistair. Thank you for your kindness. You will never know how much you helped me. Are you sure I can't pa-"
He shook his head, "No. Please...it was no trouble at all."
She nodded slowly, "Okay...then…" She took a deep breath and looked at George, "Can we-" She pointed to the building and George nodded.
"Go on in." He said holding his arm out, he turned back to Allistair, "Thank you for bringing her here. I promise she's in good hands. I'll call her husband."
Allistair frowned, "She looked...so broken."
George nodded, "She did."
He sighed and reached into his pocket pulling out a card, "I know that I have no right. But my catholic guilt is going to eat me alive. Will you let me know if she is okay?"
George took the card, "I will. Thank you Allistair."
The man nodded once and slowly got back into the cab. He watched as George turned and walked back into the building hoping he had done the right thing.
Elliot and Fin stared down at the gravestone of Serena Benson both lost in thought.
"Did you ever meet her?" Fin asked curiously as he worried about his friend.
Elliot sighed, "A handful of times...only briefly." He turned on the spot and looked around, "Fin this isn't good."
Fin sighed and turned towards Elliot. He had a complicated relationship with the man. There was no denying that. They had more downs than ups. But he knew that Olivia loved him and he knew that Elliot loved Olivia. Since they had gotten together after her return from Oregon things had been good.
Olivia seemed happy. They even worked through Elliot finding out about Kathy's pregnancy. Now five years later they were married for almost a full year and things seemed to be in a good place. He knew that something like this could set Olivia off down a bad course. She was usually the glue that held their little dysfunctional family together.
But when she was hurting it was felt through the whole group.
"Look…" Fin said softly, "Whatever happens you know we're going to all help her through this."
Elliot turned towards his wife's new partner, "I know...I just-"
"I know." Fin whispered, putting a hand on his shoulder, "Let's go. She's not here."
George walked into his office and saw Olivia standing by the window looking out at the city. She looked pale. But mostly she looked...scared.
He cleared his throat to signal his entrance into the office. She turned to him slowly and her cheeks flushed. She turned again and walked towards the couch. "Do you want something to drink?"
Olivia didn't sit down, she just stood awkwardly by the couch, "No. No I'm...I'm fine thanks."
George nodded and tried to read her body language, "Would you like to sit?"
"Hm?" Her head snapped up to look at him and he gestured towards the couch, "Oh...uh. Sure." She stumbled slightly and sat down, George sat down across from her and smiled patiently, "If you have another appointment I can-"
He shook his head, "No. I'm free. Kind of a slow day. I was going to call the precinct and see if you guys needed anything from me." He saw her cringe, "Is that why you're here?"
She opened her mouth and then shook her head, "No." She sighed and leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees, "Yes…" She laughed anxiously, "Yes?"
George leaned back and crossed his legs, "Tough case?"
She stared at her hands, unable to look at him, "No more so than usual."
George waited and then pushed further, "Did you get in an argument with someone at work over evidence? Fin?" She shook her head, "Elliot?"
Just hearing her husband's name made her heart ache, "No...I didn't fight with anyone."
George shifted slightly, "Okay." He paused, "Olivia…I-"
"You know what? Maybe I shouldn't have come here." She stood up quickly and started to walk towards the door, "I think maybe I'm just tired. I think I'll come home and-"
"Olivia." His voice cut through her, "I've known you long enough to see through you. Something is bothering you. I'm not going to force you to tell me...but we both know that once you leave here I'm going to call Elliot anyway."
She sighed and turned back towards him, "He's probably sitting at Monty's right now...waiting for me."
George smiled from his seat, "You were meeting him for lunch?"
She hesitated then nodded, "Yes."
George nodded, "Must be hard sometimes to find time to spend together. Your work schedules are tough."
She shrugged, "We see each other at work when our shifts overlap."
George smiled, "Sure...but I meant quality time. Now that you're married that is important. You need to find a way to separate work from your life together." She was quiet, "Was it a planned lunch?"
"It was kind of spontaneous…" She whispered, she felt a surge of emotion rush through her and she put a hand on her stomach, "I asked him last minute."
George stood up and held an arm out to her, gesturing towards the couch. "Was there a special reason or did you just want to spend some time with him."
She looked up at him, tears brimming in her eyes. She tried to speak with a steady voice but her voice quavered, "There was a reason."
George smiled, "Come sit Olivia. Please."
She took a deep breath and then slowly walked back towards the couch, "There was a reason." She said more confidently.
George nodded and sat down again, "Is everything okay with you two? You've been married for what...ten months?"
Olivia nodded and began to play with her wedding and engagement ring, "Yes."
George smiled, "I remember the wedding. It was beautiful. Everyone had a great time and you and Elliot...you couldn't keep your eyes off of each other."
She licked her lips and closed her right hand over her left, "It was wonderful."
"And are things still wonderful?" He asked with a small smile, "You're still happy you chose to get married?"
Olivia looked up at him and nodded, "Of course. Out of all the decisions in my life...saying yes to marrying Elliot was the easiest choice I have ever made."
"You two have a bond unlike most. You're bound to each other in a way that many only dream of." He said with a shrug. "I've known that for a long time."
She licked her lips, "Seems like many people knew that before I let myself see it."
George shrugged, "Does it really matter how long it took you to get to this place as long as you're here now?"
She wanted to run from the room and find Elliot but at the same time she didn't know what she would even say to him. Everything seemed so confusing and scary. She should have known it wouldn't stay good.
"No. We're happy." She squeezed her eyes shut, "I was happy. I am…" She sniffled, "I am happy."
They were silent for a moment, "That's a good thing Olivia…"
She lifted her head and laughed sadly, "I know that. Lord knows it took me a long time to realize that is a good thing. That I'm allowed to be happy but…"
"But?" He leaned forward and cocked his head to the side, "Something happened…" She shifted nervously, "Something that made you think differently?"
"I…" She lifted her hand to her face and wiped her hand over her forehead, "I believe I am allowed to be happy. But, George I didn't exactly come into this world on a positive note."
He nodded slowly, "We've talked about this before." She didn't respond, "Olivia we've talked about how what happened to your Mother wasn't your fault."
She nodded. "I know. But, I am a consequence of what happened."
He frowned, "Despite your Mother's shortcomings...she chose to keep you Olivia. That counts for something, doesn't it?"
She shrugged, "I don't know."
"I think it does." She didn't respond, so he pushed on. "I know that your relationship with her was complicated. It's understanding that you would feel conflicted about things. You'll probably always have those feelings."
"Despite everything she put me through...I love my Mother. I hate the things she did to me ...the things she did to herself. But I can't imagine being in the position she was in. How she could have carried me for nine months." She put a hand to her stomach and felt her heart flutter, "How she could have given birth and looked at me each day and had to be reminded of what that monster did to her."
She started shaking and stood up, "Olivia…" He whispered.
"I've spent years wondering what happened that night. What she went through." She sniffled, and looked over at him curiously. "Can you imagine?"
George shook his head, "No. I can't." He paused and stared at her, "You probably see her in all the victims you see."
She bit her lip, "Of course I do. She's the reason I took this job. I couldn't protect her. I couldn't save her...I couldn't get her justice…" She broke off, "They never found him."
George nodded, "I remember."
"For years I used to walk around and every man I saw I wondered...was that him?" She wiped at her eyes, "When I first found out about what happened I had these dreams where I would wake up in a cold sweat. In the dreams he found me and he was…"
She froze and George understood, "He was hurting you…" She cringed but nodded her head slowly, "The way he hurt your Mother."
She shrugged, "Sometimes I still have them."
"Have you ever told anyone that?" She nodded again, "Elliot?"
She smiled sadly, "It happened soon after we started seeing each other. I was screaming in my sleep and he woke me up...I didn't want to tell him." She smirked, "In fact I didn't. But he was so worried he refused to let me go to work and we sat in my apartment in silence for hours until I cracked."
George smiled, "He loves you Olivia. He just wanted to help…"
She nodded, "I know. But it was hard...so hard to talk about. Especially to him."
"Because at that point you had crossed a line. Your relationship was different." He said softly.
She nodded again, "Yes." She walked towards the window and stared out at the busy city streets, "He knew about everything of course...he'd known for years. Every now and then we had talked about things but it felt different." She blushed, "To dream about something so...personal and-" She shook her head, "It felt like a violation and it wasn't even real. I didn't know how to look at him...how to let him touch me." She choked back a sob, "I shouldn't be talking about this with you. You know Elliot too. He'd be upset."
George shook his head, "You know anything you say to me is confidential. Elliot is my friend and colleague but I respect you enough to not share anything you'd asked me not too."
She smiled sadly, "Does that go both ways?"
George laughed, "Yes...if he told me something in confidence I wouldn't break his trust either."
"Fair enough." She huffed and leaned against the window, "You know...Elliot is the first and only man I've ever really trusted."
George nodded, "That's understandable. You've been through a lot together. You've saved each other's lives in more ways than one."
She rubbed her rings again, "I mean he's the first man I've trusted in every sense of the word."
George cocked his head to the side, "You mean, intimately?"
She looked down, "Yes...I mean I'd been with other men before." She cringed, "More men than I'd like to admit too. But...with him it was different."
George smiled, "I'm sure it was hard to cross that line…" He shrugged, "Or maybe it wasn't?"
She shook her head, "No it was hard." She laughed sadly, "I mean I wanted too...we both did but I-"
He stood up and walked towards her, "But you were scared?"
She licked her lips and pulled at her shirt, "I made him wait weeks...I kept thinking he was going to just end it. We'd get so close and then I'd just freeze up."
George smiled, "Olivia you know that he loves you. He would have waited as long as you needed him too. That's not to say it wasn't difficult for me...I'm sure it was. He probably thought you didn't trust him."
She nodded, "That's exactly what he thought."
"Did you argue about it?" He asked curiously, "Was it a problem in your relationship?"
She looked at George and then back out the window suddenly caught in a memory.
It has been three weeks since they had officially crossed that first line. The kiss outside the precinct had started it all but it took another few days for Elliot to even get her to sit still long enough to talk to him about it. But they eventually talked...and argued and talked some more. They agreed that they wanted to try and make this work.
It was awkward at first but at times it was so easy too. They knew each other in and out. They could anticipate each other's thoughts and moves. There was an easy flow. And there was passion.
There was definitely passion. More passion than Olivia had ever felt before. She had been with many men but this felt different. Before it was just sex, an escape from her life. But when Elliot touched her...when he kissed her it was like he was burning her skin straight to her soul.
They were on her couch after another wonderful date. And as usual, they were all over each other. The feel of Elliot pressed against her as his lips bruised her lips in a fiery kiss was everything she had dreamed of for years. And now it was happening…
She felt his hand rub her the spot where her shirt had started to ride up. She moaned gently and felt the fire burn further. He hesitated for a moment and she knew he was worried it would happen again but she wasn't going to let that happen again.
When she didn't stop him he let his hand slide up a little further and her breath hitched in her throat. He paused again and she just pulled him closer trying to ignore the panic going on in her mind. But as his hand moved again she completely froze and he pulled back.
"Olivia…" He whispered softly, but her eyes were closed tight."Don't stop. I'm fine." She grabbed his shirt and pulled him closer, "It's fine."
Elliot swallowed hard and tried to pull away, "Olivia-"
"Don't." She said still unable to open her eyes, willing her fear to go far far away. "Please don't."
He sighed and rested his head in the crook of her neck, he could feel her pulse pounding away. "Liv...take a breath."
She whimpered and put a hand over her eyes, "I'm sorry…"
He pulled back and smiled, "Olivia you don't need to apologize. It's okay."
He sat up and she pulled her shirt down and moved to the other side of the couch, "Elliot it's not okay. Every night for the last three weeks that's been happening."
He cleared his throat and tried to adjust himself, "Look um...if you're having second thoughts."
"I'm not." She said quickly standing up, "I swear I'm not. I want this...I want…" She turned her body towards him, "I want…"
He took a deep breath and stood up and walked towards her, "Okay well...then-"
"I want this. I want too…" She paused and then froze, "God what is wrong with me I can't even say it! What am I 15?"
He smiled, "Uh...no. But we've known each other for a long time. And this is...a big step. Plus we have a job that can make things like this uncomfortable."
She stared at him for a moment, "Elliot...I've done a lot of stupid things in my past."
He lifted his hand and rubbed the back of his neck nervously, "We don't need too-"
"I've never actually…" She bit her lip, "I mean I haven't-"
He raised an eyebrow in total shock and confusion, "Um...you haven't had se-"
"No." She paused putting her hand up, "I mean yes. I have. I've…" She cringed, "I've had sex…" Her face blushed and she saw him nod, "I just…"
He walked closer to her, "Olivia you can tell me anything. You know that."
She bit her lip, "I've never been with someone that I...really care about. That I…" Her face blushed again, "Elliot I'm...I'm terrified to cross that line."
He reached for her hand and she flinched, "Olivia you know that this isn't something I take lightly. That I wouldn't have made a move if I didn't want this. If I didn't love you."
Her eyes widened and her heart started pounding, "Elliot…"
He lifted a hand to touch her, "In case you're wondering if you heard me correctly...you did. I love you Olivia. I've been in love with you longer than I think I even realized." She was breathing heavy and she looked like she was going to cry, "And because I love you...I'm willing to wait as long as you need. I'd never force you to do something you didn't want to do."
"I know that. I know you wouldn't." She bit her lip, "I trust you. And that's the scariest part...I've never trusted anyone Elliot. And I'm afraid…""Afraid of what?" He asked, squeezing her hand."El I love you too." She said with a quick shrug, "And if I lose you...I wouldn't be able to handle that."
He took a deep breath and let his arm slide up her arm, when she didn't pull away he stepped even closer, "You are not going to lose me Olivia."
She frowned, "You say that now. But despite our many years of working together...there are things you still don't know about me Elliot. What if you find something you totally hate about me?"
He chuckled, "Olivia...come on. We're both going to have to learn to adjust to different habits. But if we haven't killed each other at this point I don't think we will now."
She put her hand on his shoulder and pulled at his shirt, "Elliot I want...I want to…" She blushed, "Lord knows I've thought about it enough."
He smirked, "So I'm not the only one?"
She rolled her eyes, "No Elliot. Of course not."
"Interrogation room?" She started to laugh, "Cribs? On our desks? The squad car or-"
She groaned and pulled away, "Forget it...I change my mind. You can go now."
He chuckled and walked up behind her, pulling her against his chest and cradling her tightly in his arms, "You don't mean that. I know you don't."
She sighed and leaned into him, "You're right...I don't."
He kissed the side of her face and then slowly turned her towards him, "Listen, we don't have to deal with this tonight. I meant it when I said I was okay waiting…" He touched her cheek, "I'm not going anywhere Benson."
She bit her lip and reached for his arms, needing to feel him holding her again, "I'm counting on that Stabler."
"Come on…" He said, pulling her towards the couch, "I hear there's a good Dateline on tonight."
She chuckled, "Because we don't live enough true crime everyday?"
She curled up beside him and he propped his feet up on the table, wrapping an arm around her shoulders, "I like to try and solve the mystery before the end of the show. Keeps my skills sharp."
She smirked, "Your skills are plenty sharp Detective…"
He smiled and started to run his hand through her hair, "I'm glad you think so Detective."
She smiled and shook her head, curling further into him as she reached for the clicker. She was glad he understood her...that he trusted her enough to give her space. She just hoped she could break down that wall rather than lose him.
"Olivia?" George asked, "I lost you there for a second."
She licked her lips and shook her head turning towards him, "Sorry...I was thinking about something."
George nodded, "I could tell." He waited a moment, "Did you argue with Elliot about your fear of intimacy?"
She smiled and shook her head walking back to the couch, "No. He was...patient. He was understanding and completely willing to wait. And he did…"
"And I assume it was worth the wait?" He asked with a smile.
Olivia smiled back and closed her eyes, "More than worth it."
George nodded, "You know he's probably worried sick about you right now Olivia. Should we call him?"
She felt her phone in her pocket but she had turned it off, "I...I'm not ready."
George took a deep breath, "Okay. Well then do you want to keep talking?"
She licked her lips and paused a moment before nodding, "I think we should. Otherwise I'm afraid…"
He walked over to his chair and sat down again, "Afraid of what Olivia?" She felt the tear escape her eye and she wiped at it quickly, "Olivia...what are you afraid of?" She still didn't answer, "Did someone hurt you? Are you afraid of an angry perp or-"
"No." She shook her head and wasn't able to stop the tears, "I'm afraid of myself." He cocked his head to the side in confusion, "I'm afraid of what I'm going to do."
George took a deep breath and nodded, "Then...let's keep talking until you're not afraid anymore."
She smiled sadly thinking that probably wasn't going to happen anytime soon…
Elliot and Fin pulled up in front of the precinct and saw Munch and Cragen standing on the sidewalk. Casey and Melinda were walking down the sidewalk towards them too.
Elliot sighed and opened the door, "She hasn't come here?"
Cragen shook his head, "We haven't left. She hasn't been here."
"Damn it." He muttered under his breath, he looked around, "Her phone is off."
"Elliot I am so sorry." Melinda said, stepping over to him, "If I had just looked at the file. We were so busy and-"
He shook his head, "It isn't your fault. In all the years we've worked...did anyone see this one coming?"
Casey frowned, "Elliot you don't think she would...go after him. Do you?"
"I…" cringed and looked over at them, "I want to say no but I can't."
"So we have to find them before she makes a mistake." Fin said softly.
"Yeah...except the only problem is we don't know who he is." Munch said angrily
Elliot looked down at his wedding ring and sighed. Things had been good. They had been really good. They'd worked so hard to get to this point and suddenly he felt it all slipping away. It didn't seem possible or fair.
He'd never say it outloud...but he was terrified. If he didn't find her in time...he knew he'd never forgive himself. He flipped open his phone again and pressed her name hoping she'd finally turn her damn phone on.
As I mentioned before, I'm not a professional writer and it has been a long time since I published a story like this. But inspiration struck and with the upcoming Bensler reunion...it felt right.
If there is interest in the story I'll keep going. Thank you!
Don't forget to check out the song inspiration "In The Blood" by John Mayer.