W: you know what really gets my goat
D: el chupacabra
W: my mom is going to grow out her hair and donate it to locks of love
D: but what if she donates her hair, and the recipient of her hair commits a crime and leaves hair at the crime scene, will your mom's DNA be found all over the crime scene via hair and thus incriminate her?
W: you just have to ruin everything don't you
D: how is spring in Canada
W: Snow. Snow everywhere. Someone get Elsa to feel love again please. it is so frickin cold.
W: Wait there is a dog in the front of our hotel
W: hello fuzzy baby friend, I will bring you inside so you can get warm
W: NOT A DOG
W: NOT A DOG
W: BEAR
W: ABORT ABORT
W: one time I was swimming in a spring in Florida and everybody started screaming and getting out of the water and I was like haha losers aint nothing in this water
W: so I climbed up on a rock to sit, but then the rock started moving and that is the story of the time I rode a manatee
D: Wally
D: you done screwed up
D: you screwed up Wally
W: whenever I screw up, I just remember that Ireland accidentally legalized crystal meth and then I feel better
D: earlier today I went to a girl's high school soccer game with Babs and there was a rough play where two players went to the ground
D: I guess one of them pulled the other's hair so she gets up and says "I liked it better when your bf pulled my hair" not even the ref knew what to do
W: *dead*
D: a baby was staring at me in target so I started waving to her and she waved back and the mom whipped around and was like OMG and I was like oh sorry I was just waving to your baby and was like like THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME SHES WAVED and me and this mom screamed in the store because we were so excited
W: aw
D: I love babies
W: people often say they hope their deceased pet dog is chasing squirrels in doggy heaven…what did all those poor squirrels do to deserve an afterlife of torment?
D: dog heaven is also squirrel hell its a very efficient system
W: I cant stop laughing at the though of squirrels sinning so much in the mortal plane that they have to be sent to squirrel hell to atone
D: Current stress level:
D: Troy choosing between singing and basketball
D: Okay I said I wouldn't bring it up again cause it was dark but my point on pretzel buns still stands
W: you're bringing it up again
D: lets talk about how syphilis didn't appear in Europe till after Christopher Columbus came back from America but didn't exist in people from the Americas either until then. Lets talk about how the only animals syphilis was found I before then were llamas
W: are you implying what I think you are
D: whats wrong
W: caterpillars have more muscles than humans but I'd like to see one try to fight me in real life and see what happens
D: K
W: well potassium is a very nice element
W: very reactive
W: unlike that response you just gave
W: imagine banana with any other vowel
W: bununu
W: benene
D: bonono
W: binini
D: bynyny
W: it is a proven fact that if you go 'woosh woosh' while running you go faster
D: you cant have the ability to run faster by only speaking a word
W: well not with that attitude
W: do you wanna start a scream mariachi band with me
D: dude yes
W: I was going to tell you a time traveling joke but you didn't like it.
D: don't start it with me today Wallace
D: I dreamt that the titanic was found out to be faked for insurance money but I wasn't allowed to tell anyone or my dog would be killed. I don't have a dog
W: and yet you still snitched
D: just spotted a cat on someone's porch meowing to be let in. Without thinking I walked up to the door, rang the bell, nodded to the cat and left.
D: Its was only when I rounded the corner I realized what I'd done as I heard the owner shouting "F ME SARAH THE CAT JUST RANG THE DOORBELL"
W: so you remember the plan if I ever go down right
D: of course
W: tell me
D: In the case that you're ever attacked, as you fall the the ground, I am to sing MMMMM WHATCHA SAYYY no matter the circumstance
W: good. I'll do the same for you of course
W: are you still mad at me
D: currently I would sell you to satan for one corn chip
D: one of my favorite tropes is post apocalyptic town being named after dilapidated signs with missing letters, like Novac (No vacancy) and Eaden (dead end) there's something inexplicable about it
W: Catch me in the city of fre shavaca do
AAAAYYYYYYYY :D
Oh gosh I love vines. Every time I see the "What the F*** Richard!" one I immediately think of Dick Grayson XD
Shoutouts are going to happen again! This chapter's shoutout goes to The Elemental Angel - awesome username, and thanks for your enthusiasm, lol.
SPRING IS ALMOST HEEEEEEEREEEE WHERE MY ROBINS BE AT?!