Hi all! I am glad to see there was interest in the story. I'm enjoying writing it.
There were a few questions about if I would finish other stories from years ago. I can't answer that right now but it could happen.
For now...my focus is on this story. It's been a nice outlet.
Disclaimer- I am not a professional writer and I make mistakes. I also have dyslexia so sometimes...I don't catch things. I write because I enjoy it but I don't pretend to be perfect.
I also don't own these characters but I sure do love them!
They had been sitting in silence for a few minutes. Olivia's head was spelling and her thoughts were all jumbled together. She was having a hard time putting a full thought together. George was being patient. She could hear the clock ticking behind her and she couldn't help but think about Elliot waiting at the restaurant for her.
Olivia looked at George, "Are you sure you don't have another appointment?"
George smiled, "I'm here until you feel ready to go." He paused, "Or...at least until you let me call Elliot."
She sighed and looked at the clock, "Okay…"
George shifted in his seat, "Can I ask you some questions?"
She chewed her lip for a moment, "Do I have to answer them?"
He smiled, "Of course not. Anything you don't want to answer you just say skip. I move on. No questions asked."
She took a deep breath, "You're good at what you do. Did you know that George?"
He chuckled, "Well thank you Olivia. Having watched you for years, you should know that you're really good at what you do too."
She sighed and shook her head not convinced, "I've made mistakes."
George shrugged, "Haven't we all?"
"Sometimes I think I let my personal experiences cloud my judgement. I think I so desperately want to fix what happened to my Mom that I jump." She shrugged.
"You're passionate about what you do because you've seen the pain it can cause. I would argue that it makes you a great advocate for the victims. You never give up. I've seen that first hand." He countered.
She looked away from him again, her hand kept going to her rings. She spun them on her finger. Occasionally her hand would slip to her stomach and then she'd catch herself and move it.
"I know we've talked about her before...but maybe we should talk about your Mother." George said.
Olivia's eyes caught his for a moment then she looked away, "What about her?"
He shrugged and leaned forward again, "Anything you want to tell me."
She sighed and rested her head on the back of the couch, "She was a fall down drunk." George was quiet, "But you knew that." She spun her rings again, "She...was smart. Charismatic...kind when she wanted to be." She smiled sadly, "She was beautiful. Everyone said so."
"I've never seen a picture of her." Olivia fidgeted again, "You're a beautiful woman too…" She started tapping her foot, "Do you think you look like her?"
"I-" Her voice cracked and she shrugged, "Some people say that I do. I'm not...I don't know."
Her anxiety was escalating and he knew they were heading in the direction of whatever was bothering her, "Your Fath-"
"He wasn't my Father." She spit the words out, "Don't call him that."
George nodded slowly and leaned back in his chair, "Okay. I'm sorry."
She bit down on her lower lip to try and hold the tears in, "I'm sorry. But I just...I will never think of that-that monster as-" She reached up to squeeze the bridge of her nose, "That's not what a Father is…"
"I understand." George whispered, "Is there anyone in your life you ever considered a Father figure?" She shrugged, "Someone you looked up to in that way?"
"Not when I was a kid." Olivia shook her head, "It was just me and Mom...she didn't allow a lot of men around. We didn't have any other family. At least none that I knew of."
George nodded, "I'm sure it was difficult for her to trust men." He hesitated, "I'm sure it was difficult for you to trust men." She inhaled sharply and he pressed on, "You said not when you were a kid...is there someone you think of in that role now?"
She looked back at him and then smiled sadly, "The only person I've ever felt that connection with is Cragen. Which is stupid. He's my boss."
George shook his head, "That's not stupid. You've worked for him for a long time. He's supported you and helped you a lot over the years." He shrugged, "He gave you away at your wedding…"
Olivia smiled and a memory started to wash over her again, "I was terrified to ask him."
George lifted a shoulder, "Tell me about it. How did you ask him?"
She spun her ring on her finger again and smiled, "I waited until the last possible moment...I kept chickening out."
Olivia smiled as she watched her friends interact at the Bar. Tomorrow she was getting married. To Elliot Stabler. The thought still shocked her. She looked down at her ring finger and saw the diamond shine up at her.
She felt a hand on her back, "Just so we're clear...I slipped a tracking device into your bag when you weren't looking. You bolt and I'll know where to find you."
She laughed sadly and turned to look at him, "I'm glad you have so much confidence in me."
Elliot smirked, "It was a joke. But I'm sure I can get one if-"
She slapped his chest, "Shut up."
He pulled at her hand and rubbed the smooth metal of her engagement ring, unable to hide his anxiety, "No second thoughts?"
She took a deep breath, "No…" He raised an eyebrow at her and she rolled her eyes, "I hate that you know me so well."
"Some would argue that is the reason we make such a good match." He said with a shrug, then his face turned serious, "But if there's something you need to tell me...it would be easier if you just tell me now."
She reached for his hand again, "We're getting married." He waited knowing there was more. "You know that I'm complicated. This shouldn't be a shock to you."
He smirked, "And I'm not?"
"I didn't say you weren't." She said with a laugh. "You're just more...willing to take big risks." He opened his mouth and she cringed, "I'm not saying you're a risk. I'm just-""I know." He squeezed her hand, "Liv I'm ready for this jump. I've been ready. I know what you're afraid of. That you think you're not supposed to have this happen…" She bit her lip and he could see the tears brimming, "But I'm here. I've been here and I'm not going anywhere." He bent his knees to catch her eyes, she looked at him anxiously and he shrugged. "So marry me tomorrow."
She took a deep breath and slid her hand up his arm and onto his chest, "Okay."
He breathed a sigh of relief and pressed his lips against hers, "Okay."
She pulled back and touched his face, "You should head home. Spend some time with the kids."
Elliot nodded, "Casey's staying with you, right?"
She nodded, "She is." She turned to look at her friend who was dancing with Munch after one to many glasses of wine. "Although I think we're going to need to call a cab to get us home."
Elliot chuckled, "Cragen said he'd give you a lift." She glared at him knowing exactly what he was hinting at. "Not too late to ask…"
She frowned, "El...I can't."
"You can. And you should." He said nodding towards his boss, he pushed her slightly, "See you tomorrow?"
She twisted her body towards him, suddenly afraid to leave his side. "El-"
He leaned forward and kissed her, his blue eyes looking right into her soul like they always did and her heart jumped. "I love you, did you know that?"
She smirked and lifted her hand baring her engagement ring, "I had a funny feeling."
He smiled, winked and pressed a kiss to her lips again, "See you tomorrow Benson."
She squeezed his hand, "Night Stabler."
Elliot turned and walked towards the door where his kids were waiting for them. They all waved at Olivia as they had said their official goodbyes earlier. Not only was she getting the man of her dreams, she was gaining 5 step-children. She shook her head trying to process it all.
Taking a deep breath, she turned and walked over to her boss, "Hey Cap."
Cragen laughed as he watched his friends and colleagues dance, "I think I'll be the only one without a hangover at the wedding tomorrow."
Olivia smiled, "You may be right about that. Which is why I was wondering if you could drop me and Casey off?"
He nodded, "Of course. I told Elliot I'd see you home safely."
Olivia's heart started to pound in her chest, "I appreciate it."
He shook her head, "Anything for you Liv. You know you're the only one I really tolerate. Thank God you came back…"
She bit her lip and looked down, "You've always looked out for me. Even when I didn't deserve it."
Cragen frowned, "What do you mean when you didn't deserve it?"
She looked up and gave him a hard stare, "Oh just the 101 times I've broken protocol. Other Captains would have had my badge a million times by now."
Cragen laughed, "Sure...you all drive me crazy. You and Elliot most of all. But you're good at your jobs Olivia. When I think of all the victims you have helped it makes me so proud. I knew when I hired you I made a good choice. It was a gut feeling. I could see the passion in you. The ability to push yourself as far as you could to protect the people who needed it most. You may not realize it Olivia but you're one hell of a woman. Stabler's lucky you picked him."
Her eyes filled with tears, "You never wanted to give up on me?"
Cragen shook her head, "Not once."
She let out a little breath of air, "I know this is super last minute. We already had the rehearsal and you can say no-"
"Olivia." He said reaching for her hand, "You're rambling."
She squeezed his hand back and whispered, "Will you give me away tomorrow?"
Cragen sat up a little straighter, "Olivia-"
"Maybe it's inappropriate to ask but I-" She shrugged, "I value you in my life Cap. You've helped make me the person I am today. There are very few people in this world that I trust completely and you're on that list. You're probably the first man in my life that I ever believed had my best interest at heart. Not to mention the fact that if you had never hired me...there would be no wedding happening anyway. You can say no and I will fully understand but if there was ever anyone I'd want to be beside me tomorrow...it's you."
Cragen stood up and walked all the way up to her, "It would be my honor."
She could hear the emotion in his voice and knew he meant it. Like her, Cragen had lost many people and she liked to think he considered her family as she did him. The look in his eyes told her he did. Leaning forward she hugged him tight and he squeezed back.
Maybe for once she could actually have it all…
George let her finish her story and he smiled, "He cried at the wedding. Tried to hide it but we all saw it."
Olivia smiled, "Seemed like there were a lot of tears shed that day...I was starting to take it personally."
George laughed, "We were just happy that the two of you finally made it to a good place. We've watched the Elliot and Olivia story unfold over the years. It was nice to see a happy ending for two people we cared about."
She rolled her rings around again, "Happy ending…"
George took a deep breath and then went to ask the big question, "Olivia does whatever you are upset have something to do with…" He paused, "The man that raped your Mother?"
She was quiet for a moment and he waited patiently. When she was ready...she crossed her legs and then nodded, "Yes."
George could feel her anxiety rising again, "Okay...you took the first step here Olivia. That's good."
She smiled sadly and let her hand rest on her stomach again wondering how long she could keep it together.
Back at the Precinct Elliot was pacing back and forth. Casey and Melinda were leaning on Olivia's desk whispering to each other. Munch and Fin were looking at something on the computer and Cragen was watching Elliot pace.
"Elliot you're going to wear a hole into the floor." Cragen said, trying to soften the mood.
Elliot huffed, "I'll pay for the damage."
Fin eyed his boss and then Elliot, "Maybe we should try calling-"
Elliot shook his head, "She's not going to answer. I know her. She's running. This is what she does when she's upset."
"She couldn't just fall off the face of the Earth." Casey said, "She has a life here."
He huffed again, "She's done it before."
"Elliot, that was different and you know it. She didn't have a choice. Starr and the FBI had her hands tied." Cragen said.
"She could have called." Elliot said, stopping, "She never called. Not me."
Fin frowned, "Elliot she wouldn't leave you. Not after everything the two of you have been through. Not like this."
"Maybe she just needed to clear her head." John said, "I'm sure it was a lot to process. She's...always done things on her own."
Elliot lifted a hand to his face and rubbed his eyes, "Yes. She has. But we're married now. Doesn't that count for anything?"
"You know that it does. But you also know that some habits are hard to break. Maybe she's blowing off some steam and then she'll come home." Casey said.
Elliot sighed and sat down at his desk and hung his head, "I just need to know that she's alright."
Cragen walked over to Elliot and put a hand on his shoulder, "She's strong Elliot. She's not going to let this one break her. I know it."
Melinda stood up quickly, her phone in her hand, "Well it looks like they found a match to the DNA in the system in another city. I sent out a blast about it."
Elliot stood up and walked over to her, "What?"
"Joseph Hollister." She said holding her phone out to him, "What do we do now?"
Fin stood up and walked over to Elliot, "We find him before she does."
Elliot and Fin locked eyes and knew that neither of them were going to stop until they found her safe and sound. They just hoped they weren't too late.
The ticking of the clock was starting to get on her nerves and it was making her more jumpy. She was standing up again, she started to pace the small room and George let her without interruption.
"I've always wondered what characteristics of his that I have. Do I laugh like him? Do I have the same smile? Did we like the same things?" She cringed, "What bad habits-"
"Olivia you are a good person." George said, "You know you're a good person."
She looked over at him, "I've always wanted to be a Mother. But I'm terrified. I mean think about what I'd be passing along. Alcoholism and a monster…"
He shook his head, "Raising a child isn't all about genetics Olivia. I mean look how good you turned out…I'd say your parents DNA didn't have a lot of impact on you."
Her lips curled up into a smile, "Elliot said that…"
George rested his chin on his hand, "He did?"
She sighed, "Years ago...I don't even remember the case but-" She frowned then shrugged, "I said I was afraid of what I would pass on and he said…"
She put her hand on her stomach again and George noticed but didn't come out and ask, "Have you and Elliot talked about having children?"
She sighed, "He has five kids."
George laughed, "I know. I've met them. The boys are spitting images of him."
Olivia smiled, "They are."
"And it seems that things are...good with all of you and his ex-wife?" He asked.
Olivia nodded, "It was...awkward at first. But Kathy has moved on. We all want what is best for the kids. They don't need to get dragged into any drama." She shrugged, "I trust Elliot. And I would never overstep my boundaries as a Step-Mom."
He smiled at her, "I'm sure they love you. You've been in their life for many years. Long before you got married."
She smiled and leaned against the window again, "All five of them are incredible. I've been able to watch them grow up into these amazing humans and I'm in awe. Elliot and Kathy did a great job."
"You helped more than you realize." George said, "You've always been there for those kids. They knew they could count on you. I know Kathleen and Eli have special relationships with you."
Olivia smiled, "Eli's still so young he didn't know his parents as a couple. He's only ever known me and Elliot together."
George nodded, "And Kathleen? I know she's had a rough couple of years. Elliot's told me on more than one occasion that she confides in you. She trusts you."
Olivia frowned, "She's a good kid. She's dealing with things the best way she can. I'd do anything for her. I'd do anything for any of them."
He rested his hands on the back of the chair, "That's what makes you a great Step-Mom." She looked over at him, "But you didn't answer my question." She looked away, "Have you and Elliot talked about having children?"
She took a deep breath before answering, "Yes."
"And…" George pushed her, she glared, "You can tell me to stop and-"
"I thought I was pregnant…" She cleared her throat, "Really early on in our relationship. But it wasn't...it was a false alarm."
George nodded, "And how did that impact you two?"
She sighed and looked back out the window…
She was late. Really late. And she was never late. She was sitting on the floor of the bathroom in her apartment. It was freezing. She had been in such a rush when she got home she didn't even turn the heat on. She just made a beeline to the bathroom needing to know the answer.
She knew she wanted it. She wanted a baby. She had always wanted to be a Mother. But now? It had only been five months since they started dating each other. It had taken her so long to let him even touch her...of course when she finally let that wall down there was no turning back. They'd barely been able to keep their hands off each other and work sometimes was unbearable.
She laughed to herself and then put a hand to forehead feeling lightheaded. What the hell was he going to say? He had five kids! Five. They were older. This was stupid. He didn't want this. He had done all of that before with Kathy…
She cringed at the jealousy that washed over her. They were fully divorced and Elliot was hers and yet she still felt it. Especially thinking about him sharing something with her she'd never have.
The timer went off and her hands started shaking. She went to stand up but the bathroom door pushed open and she looked up. Elliot looked frantic but he relaxed when he saw her, only slightly because her disheveled appearance and the fact that she was sitting on the bathroom floor was enough to tell him that something was wrong.
"El...hi." She said in a shaky voice. "I-""Casey said you tore out of court like a crazy person. She said you were upset. I tried to call." He said walking in, "Are you sick?""I...no." She shook her head, "No I'm fine."
He shook his head, "Liv come on...don't lie. You're obviously not fine. You look scared to death and you're sitting on the bathroom floor...not the coziest of pl-" His words caught in his throat as his eyes found the pregnancy test sitting on the counter.
She cringed, "Elliot…"
He stepped further into the room, "Liv I-"
She stepped between him and the sink, "Look I know this is so not what you want to think about right now. I didn't...I didn't plan this. I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking...I've been so wrapped up in-" She was rambling now and he was trying hard to keep up, "I guess maybe we both...forgot about-" She cringed, "I just-"
"Olivia hang on." He could tell she thought he was angry."I haven't even looked yet. I was about too. But it's okay. I totally get it...you have five kids and-" She didn't get to finish the thought."You think I'd bail?" The pain in his voice didn't go unnoticed and when she looked up at him her heart started to crack."No...I just-" She licked her lips, "We haven't been together that long." He gave her a look, "I mean...you know this way. And Eli's so little and that's been complicated and-""And this would be my kid too." He said pointing a hand to his chest, "And we've been over this. I'm in this Liv. No matter what happens."
She took a deep breath feeling her heart soar at his words, "Elliot…"
He put a hand up to stop her, "No. You don't ever have to question that Liv...if it did happen." He shrugged and then smiled sincerely, "I'd be one lucky son of a bitch."
The corner of her lips turned up slowly, "Yeah?"
The uncertainty in her voice made him wish he could just make her see how important she was. "Yeah…"
She took a deep breath, "I mean it's not...I didn't…"
He nodded, "So we'll look together." He waited until she acknowledged what he had said and they both turned to the sink, "Ready?"
She nodded slowly, "Yes…" She reached out and lifted the stick up into her hands, she had read the box enough times to have it memorized and her heart instantly sank. "Negative."
She felt him flinch beside her and she turned slowly, she immediately plastered a smile on her face, "Olivia-"
"See? Nothing to worry about." She tossed the test in the trash can and reached to turn the water on to wash her hands.
He watched her through the mirror and could tell she was upset. "Olivia."
She dried her hands, "Do you need to head back to work? I can call and order-"
"Olivia." He said more sternly, she froze and met his gaze in the mirror.
She was chewing on her bottom lip trying not to cry. She didn't want to cry. Not about this. Not in front of him. "El it's fine."
He sighed and slowly turned her body towards him, "It's okay to be disappointed."
She raised an eyebrow, "Is it?"
He lifted his hand to her stomach and whispered honestly, "I am."
She looked at him in shock, "You are?"
He shook his head, "You still don't get it, do you?" She opened her mouth, ready to argue with him, "Olivia I want a life with you. Not just the idea of one. I want it all. And if you let me...we will have it all."
She looked down and put her hand over his, "I want it all…"
He leaned forward and pressed his forehead to hers, "Then we'll make it happen. You and me. This is it Liv. I mean...who else is going to put up with me?"
She laughed but felt the tears fall freely. She shook her head and wrapped her arms around his waist needing to feel him enveloping her into his strong arms. He took the hint and held her tight, "El…"
"I'm here." He whispered, "I'm right here."
She breathed him in and sighed, "I love you."
He took a deep breath, knowing how hard it was for her to say those words but knowing he needed to hear them, "I love you too."
Back in George's office Olivia shook her head to make the memory go away.
"It made us stronger. I think it was the point where I really started to let him in. I started to believe that we really did want the same things. I was still terrified but...I felt it." She shrugged.
"You felt what?" George asked.
She turned towards him and smiled, "I felt that this was real. Those first few months I just kept imagining that I was going to wake up and it would have been a dream."
He smiled, "Did you dream of Elliot often?"
She smirked, "More than I'd care to admit. Especially…"
Her voice trailed off and he decided to keep pushing her, "Especially?"
She licked her lips and looked back at him, "Especially when I was undercover…"
George nodded, "It was the first time you had been separated for that long. That makes sense." He paused for a moment, "Although...you left prior to making the jump."
She turned from him again shaking her head angrily. "I didn't leave."
"You went to Computer Crimes." He saw her flinch, "You told Captain Cragen you needed a new partner and he reassigned you."
"It didn't last long." She said with a huff, "I went back. And then I got mixed up in the FBI case...I didn't have a choice."
"Sure. But there had to be a reason that you asked for a new Partner." She didn't answer, "Did you know that Elliot came to see me after the Gitano case?"
She turned back to him quickly, "Isn't that breaking patient confidentiality?"
George smiled, "I think Elliot would be okay with it if I told you…"
She spun her rings again, "He came to see you?"
He nodded, "It was after you had been hurt…"
She frowned, "He was upset about what happened to the little boy…"
He agreed, "Yes. But he was also scared."
She shook her head, "He was going through a lot at the time. Kathy had filed for divorce and-"
"And he was struggling with his feelings for you. I knew it. And he knew it. He was scared that he had lost you Olivia." He said with a shrug.
She looked at him, "So you're the reason he said we would need new partners?"
George frowned, "What?"
She sighed, "After we got him…" She cringed, "After the Snipers…" She felt her hands start to shake, "He said that we had both picked each other over the job and that we couldn't do that again or we couldn't be partners."
"So you asked for a new partner." George said, understanding, "You didn't think you could pick the job over him. Like with the Sniper."
"I never would have taken that shot." She said quickly. It had been a few years but she could still picture the look on Elliot's eyes with the gun pressed to his head. She could feel the fear coursing through her body. The mere thought of losing him like that was too much to handle, "I wouldn't...I didn't…"
"He's alive Olivia." George whispered, "He's alive and he's your husband…" She didn't respond and he stood up, "And if I'm as good at my job as you say...I think he's also the father of your unborn child."
She looked down and realized her hand was on her stomach again, "I found out this morning."
George smiled, "Congratulations Olivia. You're going to be an incredible Mother."
She looked at him, "How can you be so sure?"
George smiled again and reached for her hand, "Because you care enough about this child that you came here instead of doing something you might regret or would put your child in danger."
She sighed and squeezed his hand, "George I'm scared."
He squeezed her hand back, "I know. But you aren't alone anymore Olivia. It's time to finally realize that."
She looked up at the clock, 45 minutes past the time she was supposed to meet Elliot for lunch, "He's probably freaking out…"
George nodded, "Then maybe we should-"
"I'm not ready yet." She said walking away from him and back to the couch, "I can't...I can't walk outside this room or I might…"
George turned back to her, "You said there was a reason for the spontaneous lunch. Was the lunch going to be when you told him about the baby?"
She nodded, "Yes…"
George nodded, "So what happened between the time you found out about the baby and when you came here?"
She looked up at him and sighed.
Elliot and the rest of the squad were pouring through files and articles on the computer trying to figure out where to look first. It had been well over an hour since he was supposed to meet her at the restaurant, Casey and Melinda had even gone down to double check that she didn't go there. But when they showed a picture of her to the staff, no one had seen her.
"Dad?" Elliot looked up from his spot at the desk and saw his daughter.
"Kathleen…" He stood up and frowned, "I...didn't call."
Kathleen sighed and pulled her coat off, "No. You didn't. And I've been freaking out."
He sighed and rubbed his thinning hair, "I'm sorry. I've been a little…" He looked back at his friends, "Did you tell anyone else what was going on?"
"No. I figured since I didn't know and was freaking out...I didn't want to worry anyone else. I called Mom...she's going to pick up Eli. I told her you caught a case." He looked exhausted and her worry grew, "Dad what the hell is going on? Where's Olivia?"
Elliot sighed and walked over to her, he put his hand on her back and walked her towards Cragen's office. "Kathleen...you know about Olivia's past. I know she's told you."
Kathleen nodded and watched as her Dad leaned against Cragen's desk, "You mean about...her parents?"
Elliot cleared his throat and nodded, "Yes…"
Kathleen took a deep breath, "Well her Mom is dead isn't she?" Elliot nodded, "And I thought she never met her Dad."
Elliot shook his head, "No. Her Mother's rape case was never solved. It went cold. But…"
Kathleen raised a nervous eyebrow, "But what Dad? What is going on?"
"We've been working on a case. And the DNA found at the scene matched a cold case." Kathleen still stared at him, "Her Mom's case…"
Kathlen scoffed at him, "You mean the person you are searching for is Olivias'-"
"Yes." He said cutting her off, knowing that Olivia never liked to consider him her Father, "She found out first. And now...we can't find her."
Kathleen stepped up to him, "What do you mean you can't find her? Did that man...did he get to Olivia? Is she-"
"No." He said reaching a hand out to her, "No. I just...I think that Olivia's probably really struggling with this. I think she went to blow off some steam...to process."
"To find him…" Kathleen whispered, "Dad-"
"Look...Kathleen don't panic." He said squeezing her hand, he knew how important Olivia was to his daughter.
Kathleen frowned, "Don't panic? Dad...you're panicking. I can see it written all over your face."
He sighed and slumped against his bosses desk, "Okay yes...I'm panicking. I'm trying not too but I am."
They were quiet for a moment before Kathleen asked the question that was nagging them both, "Dad you don't think she would do something…" She paused again, "Would she kill him?"
Elliot took a breath and looked at his daughter, "I don't know...she could never cause harm to-" He sighed and shook his head, "But I know she's always felt like she needed to avenge her Mother somehow. But this...isn't the way."
Kathleen watched her Father and saw the pain and worry etched there. She had seen him struggle a lot over the years. He was always super human to her but she knew he had his demons. You couldn't stay as long in the job he had and not struggle. She always knew he struggled the most when the problem had to do with her, her siblings or Olivia.
It was what made him a good Father, husband and protector. But she also knew that Olivia was strong. She had helped her when she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, Olivia had been her biggest supporter. As much as her parents tried, she didn't seem to be able to open up to them as she could with Olivia.
It shocked her that her Mother hadn't been more angry about it. But she realized she was more than likely just happy that her daughter had a safe outlet. She wished more than anything that right now...she could be that safe outlet for her Step-Mother too.
For the last twenty minutes it had been quiet again in Huang's office. He was trying to be patient, but he was also concerned about Elliot and what he might be doing…
He glanced at the clock, "Olivia-"
She turned towards him, "I-" She froze when she heard him say her name, "Sorry…"
He shook his head, "You don't need to apologize." He waited a moment, "What were you going to say?"
She smiled sadly and shrugged, "I was going to say that I'm surprised I don't hear sirens. Elliot's probably on a manhunt."
George smiled, "We should call him…"
She sighed and leaned forward, resting her head in her hands, "George have you ever felt so out of control that you didn't trust yourself not to...not to hurt someone?"
George frowned, "Olivia...I need you to tell me what the problem is."
She nodded slowly, "Okay...I-" She felt her hands starting to shake, "I-"
George stood up and slowly walked towards her, he saw that her shaking was getting worse, "May I sit beside you?" She wiped a tear away, her hands still shaking but she nodded and George sat down, "Olivia take a deep breath…"
She closed her eyes, "George…"
"Breathe Olivia…" He pulled her hand towards him and pressed his fingers to her pulse point, "I'm right here. You're okay. Everything is going to be okay." She closed her eyes and started to take some deep breaths, "There you go...think about something that helps you feel calm. Think about a moment that has meant a lot to you...a positive moment."
She felt Huang's finger against her pulse, connecting her to something real. She could feel her lungs expanding as the air rushed through them. And she thought about...Elliot.
Olivia was sitting at her desk typing up her paperwork. She was exhausted. It had been a three day straight kind of case. She yawned and rolled her head from side to side.
Fin walked up to his partner and friend, "Baby girl why don't you get out of here."
She looked up at him and smiled, "I'm fine Fin. I should finish these…"
Fin shrugged, "I can finish them. We did work the case together."
She yawned again, "Really I'm-"
Fin sighed and pulled her chair out from her desk, "Come on Benson…"
She felt him pull her arms up until she was standing, "Fin what are you doing?"
He smiled, "You and Elliot have been working overtime lately. I'm sure you're…" He shrugged, "Wanting to spend some time together."
She couldn't help but laugh, "I thought you said we weren't supposed to talk about my relationship with Elliot. You preferred not to think about it."
Fin huffed, "You're like my little sister. I don't like to think about you…"
"Having crazy, passionate sex?" She teased and nudged him gently."Jesus…" He backed away from her, "Forget it. You stay. I'm going home. I hate you for putting that image in my head."
She started laughing and reached for his arm, "Nope! No takesy backsies…" She teased, "I'm outta here."
Fin started to laugh, "Hey before you go…"
She was pulling on her coat but she looked over at him, "Yeah?"
He put his hands in his pockets and smiled, "You look happy Olivia." She blushed slightly, "You look happy and that makes me happy."
She zipped up her coat and walked over to him, she put a hand on his shoulder, "I am happy Fin. Really happy."
He pulled her in for a fierce hug and she squeezed him back, "I'll see you tomorrow."
She pulled back, "See you tomorrow partner."
He gave her a smile as she grabbed her bag and walked out the door. Then he lifted his phone, typed a quick message and smiled.
She's on her way to you. Goodluck.Moments later, a text came back.Thank's Fin. I'll have her call you if all goes well…Fin smirked and typed back.It will.Olivia pushed the doors open to the Precinct and let the warm summer night air fill her lungs. It was close to 9 and she was going to call a cab to come get her. Elliot was home and spending the night with his kids. They had moved in together 9 months earlier and there was plenty of space for all of his children and...potentially more.
She smiled to herself as she reached for her phone getting ready to hail a cab.
"Hey gorgeous...looking for a ride?" She heard a voice say from somewhere to the left of her.
She looked up, ready to say something snarky back but as soon as she saw him her demeanor softened. Elliot was leaning against his car, and he looked good. He always looked good...but in this moment she felt such a rush of love and emotion rise in her she didn't think she'd ever be able to face a day without him.
"Hey…" She whispered, sliding her phone back in her pocket, "What are you doing here? I thought you had the kids tonight?"
Elliot smiled and reached a hand at her, "I lied."
She frowned at him and pushed her hair out of her face, "What? Why?" Her heart started pounding because he never lied to her.
He reached for her again, "Come on…" She gave him a skeptical look and he smiled, "Don't you trust me Benson?"
His words washed over her and she took a deep breath, knowing whatever his reason for lying it was a good one. "With my life."
His smile widened as she slid her hand into his. He pulled her down the street, squeezing her hand, "How was work?"
She shrugged, "Long...as always."
"Hm…" He felt his heart pounding in his chest, "Munch said you closed it though. Paperwork was going in to Casey."
She nodded and nudged him playfully, "You doubt my ability Stabler?"
He chuckled and let go of her hand just so he could wrap his arm around her and pull her closer, "Never Benson. Never."
She breathed him in, realizing she had never felt so secure and she also realized for the first time that didn't completely terrify her. "So...where are we going?"
"Patience." He said softly, "Patience Liv…"
She smiled and let him lead her on to whatever destination he had in mind. She knew she would follow this man anymore without question. After a few minutes in comfortable silence, Elliot seemed to be slowing down.
She looked at him out of the corner of her eye and he shrugged, then nodded his head to the left. She followed his gaze and noticed they were outside a park. She frowned, it was late, but when she looked harder she realized she saw lights. Many lights and she realized they were candles. "El-"
He shook his head and grabbed her hand again, he squeezed it gently and she saw him taking a deep breath. He had to pull her along at first but then she fell into step with him. When the candles came into full view she felt her heart start to pound harder.
"Do you know where we are?" He asked softly."I…" She looked around and then smiled, "Is this the park we had our first knock down drag down fight as partners?"
Elliot smirked, glad she remembered that day, "Yep."
She looked at him, "God...what were we fighting about? I mean there's been many over the years…" He chuckled, "I can't-"
"We had differing opinions on the guilt or innocence of a perp. We'd only been working together for a few weeks. We hadn't really worked out how to read each other yet. I said something stupid…" He smirked, "As usual...and we were on a lunch break. Here."
She thought for a moment, "Didn't I call you-" She paused and put a hand to her lips, "A pretentious bastard?"
"That was one of the more creative names. Yes." He said with a laugh, "There were others...but that's not important."
She looked at him and then at the candles, she felt her heart flutter again, "Elliot?"
"I'd gotten into arguments before. It wasn't anything new. Especially with work related stuff but with you...it was different." He said softly.
She inhaled gently, "How?"
"I'd never…" He paused and took a step closer to her, "I'd never felt that kind of passion and fire. I was so revved up and I was pissed but I was so invested. No one had pushed me like you…"
She laughed, "I do know how to push your buttons…"
He raised an eyebrow at her, "All my buttons…"
She looked down, "Sorry…"
"Don't be." He said quickly, she looked back up at him, "Whether we're fighting at work or we're…" He smirked, "Making love…" Her cheeks blushed and he pushed on, "The intensity I feel with you is just...it's everything Liv. All those years when we were just partners...coming to work to be around you was the reason I woke up. I'm a better man when I'm around you. And now that we're…"
Her hands started to shake as she felt her suspicions were coming true, "Elliot…"
"I love you in ways I didn't know it was possible to love someone Olivia. I told you when we started this that I was serious. That I wanted it all with you…" He looked down and saw her hands shaking, he reached for her left one, "I want to make sure that I feel that passion I felt that day in this park everyday for the rest of my life.""Are you-" She looked at him in shock and he only smiled and slowly knelt down in front of her, "Oh my God…"
He used his free hand to reach for the black box in his pocket, "I still don't know why you put up with me but I'm hoping you like me enough to do this forever." She started to laugh but there were also tears in her eyes, "Olivia Benson, will you marry me?"
As she stared down at him those old thoughts of not being good enough threatened to spill over. But looking this man in his clear blue eyes as he knelt before her offering to give her his heart forever all of those fears seemed so far away. There was no other answer...no other choice.
"Yes." She said without thinking twice, the corner of his lips turned up, "Yes. Yes Elliot!"
Elliot's face erupted in a smile as he slid the ring onto her finger, "Liv…"
She knelt down in front of him after her knees gave out and she put her hands on his face, "This...I-" She looked down at her hand now adorned with a beautiful diamond ring, "Elliot this can't be happening."
He laughed and tilted her chin up to look in her eyes, "It's happening and unless I was hallucinating you said yes."
She laughed through her tears and reached for his face, pulling him towards her to kiss. "Not hallucinating.'
"So it's still a yes?" He asked in between kisses.
She pulled away and stared at him, "Still a yes. Always yes."
Elliot smiled and her closer, "So...is tomorrow to quick for a wedding?"
She laughed and stood up, looking down at her ring, "You're nuts."
He smiled and stood up, "You've known this for years."
She looked at the candles again and then down at her ring, "Who knew a fight in the park over a decade ago would lead to this…"
He reached for her again and pulled her up against his chest. He lifted her up off the ground and she shrieked playfully, "I may not have known...but I sure hoped."
Her smile was intoxicating and she wrapped her arms around him as he spun her around on the spot. When he finally placed her back on the ground, he crushed his lips to hers and he knew...this was exactly where he was supposed to be.
Olivia let the memory wash over her and her breathing started to return to normal. Just the mere thought of Elliot and his love for her was enough to bring her back to a place where she could think clearly.
"Good Olivia...you're doing good." He Huang said from beside her, "You're doing great. Keep breathing…"
She took a deep breath again, "I need to see Elliot."
Huang nodded, "Do you want me to take you home?"
She nodded, then pulled at his hand, "Huang they…" She paused and he waited, "The case we were working on...the DNA matched my Mother's cold case."
Huang watched her carefully for a moment, "Olivia…"
"Our perp is…" She bit her lip, "He's the one…" She shook her head, "I read the paper Melinda gave me and it was like every dream I'd ever had about what it would be like to find him flashing before my eyes."
"What were you thinking about Olivia?" He asked, "What did you want to do?"
She licked her lips, "I wanted to kill him. Hurt him so badly that he couldn't do anything but beg me to stop. The way he…"
"The way he hurt your mother...the way he made her beg." He whispered.
She whimpered softly, "I didn't think I could control it. I still don't…"
"But you did Olivia. You did...you came here." He squeezed her hand, "You're not the same as him Olivia. You had the strength to stop."
She looked up at him slowly, "I want to see Elliot…"
Huang smiled, "Let me get my keys. You should call him…"
She sighed, and he squeezed her hand, "Olivia...it's going to be okay. You know that Elliot is going to be beside you every step of the way." She smiled softly, "And he's not the only one who cares about you...just in case you forgot."
Olivia smiled weakly at him, "Huang I-"
He shook his head, "Call him."
She watched him stand up and walk away, then she reached for her phone and pressed the power button. She cringed when she saw the messages piling up, the missed calls and voicemails. But she couldn't hide forever...she owed it to her husband to fight just like he would fight for her.
Elliot was sitting alone in the cribs. He had gone upstairs to have a moment to breathe. It had nearly been two hours at this point. It wasn't the longest he had been away from her of course...but this was different.
She had spent so many years harboring so many feelings over her Mother's rape. He had watched her struggle with them all. She held it together as well as she could but there were times he had seen her crack. Like that night he found out about her dreams…
They were both exhausted. It had been a particularly hard case. They had barely lasted 30 minutes after walking into her apartment before they both passed out. He was sound asleep, fully and completely out. It would have taken a lot to wake him up. But the sound of her screaming shot through him like a bullet and he woke up immediately.
He jumped up, reaching for his gun, ready to take down whoever was attacking her. But the room was dark and there was no one there but them. He turned quickly, his heart pounding violently in his chest. She was tossing and turning and calling out, "Stop! Please! Stop!"
Elliot scrambled over the pillows and blankets and reached for her, "Olivia wake up!"
The minute he touched her she started flailing more, "Please! Stop!"
"Olivia!" He pulled her flush against this body and cradled her head against his chest, "Shhhh...wake up. Wake up!"
Her body jerked away and she shoved hard at him, he fell on his back and she was on top of him, her hands went to his neck and squeezed.
"Olivia." His hands tentatively went to her hands, "Olivia look at me…" He groaned trying to grasp for air. He could have fought her off but he also didn't want to scare her more.
She pressed down again and suddenly her eyes started to adjust to the dark, "Oh my God."
She let go of his throat and stumbled off of him and off the bed, "Olivia…" He whispered.
"Oh God…" She slammed into the wall behind her as he slowly got off the bed and walked closer to her, "Elliot I'm so sorry."
He shook his head, "Hey...hey take a deep breath Olivia. I'm fine." She wouldn't look at him, "I'm fine. Look at me…"
She pressed her back against the wall, wanting to somehow sink into it, "El…"
When her eyes finally met his, "It's just you and me here. Okay?" She nodded slowly, "What just happened?" He asked, pointing towards the bed.
She stared at him blankly, it had been a few years since she had had one of these dreams. And now here she was...the happiest she had ever felt and these old demons were coming back to bite her in the ass. How was this happening?
She frowned and pushed past him, "I'm fine."
He watched her walk away towards the living room in total shock. He knew she was stubborn but this was actually scary. In all the years he had known her he had neer seen her that scared.
He waited a minute and then followed her to the living room. She was standing in the kitchen trying to drink a bottle of water but her hands were still shaking.
"Liv-" He said softly but she shook her head, "Olivia you need-""I don't need to do anything." She said tossing the bottle in the sink, "Maybe you should go home."
He stared at her in disbelief, "You're kidding me, right?"
She pushed past him and went to walk towards her bedroom, "Just go home Elliot-" He grabbed her arm without thinking and she spun around, lifting her hand she slapped him, "Don't touch me."
He was staring at her with total shock in his eyes but he stepped back and gave her the space she clearly needed, "Liv…"
"Oh my God." She put a hand to her lips, "I'm so sorry."
He took a deep breath and put his hands up, "I'm not going to touch you, okay?" She pressed her hands to her lips and he watched her carefully, "I promise I won't touch you. But I'm not leaving…" She didn't say anything, "So we can sit here until you are ready to talk but I'm not leaving."
"Elliot." She gasped, trying to calm herself, "I-""Look you already choked me and slapped me...you can pull your gun but I'm still not going anywhere." He said honestly.
She sighed and walked over to the couch she curled herself up in the corner as if she was trying to make herself as small as possible. He waited a moment and then walked towards her. He went to sit beside her but she flinched so he turned slightly and sat on the chaise lounge.
She looked at him, "I don't know what to say."
Elliot nodded, "Okay...well whenever you're ready I'm here."
She stared at him and then pressed her head to her knees wishing in this moment she could be anywhere but here…
And so they sat in silence. He didn't push her though she knew it was killing him. He got up once to get his phone and when she asked him what he was doing he told her he was texting Cragen to tell them they wouldn't be in today.
She didn't know how long they had been sitting there but she looked to the right and saw light coming in through the window. The sun was coming up…
"I haven't had a dream like that in years." Her voice sounded strange to her and she cringed but he didn't interrupt, "I don't know why I would have one now…"
He cleared his throat and shifted in his seat, "Olivia...I'm going to ask you something and I know it won't be easy to answer-"
"I wasn't raped, Elliot." She said quickly, but the firmness in her voice let him know that she was telling the truth. "It's not about me...not, not really."
Elliot let out a breath he didn't realize he had been holding in, suddenly feeling very relieved. "Okay…"
She sighed and pulled the arms of her sweatshirt over her hands, "I started having them after my Mom told me…"
Her voice cracked but he didn't need her to finish, "After she told you about her rape?"
She nodded, "Yes. At first it was almost every night...sometimes it was me watching it happen to her. Over time it switched to him…" She cringed, "With me and…" She sniffled and rubbed her first against her face, "He never looked the same. It seemed to always be some random man I saw during the day. Other times he didn't have a face at all but I knew who it was."
Elliot took a deep breath and stood up, she looked at him nervously and he hesitated. When she didn't say anything else he moved again and came to sit down beside her, He slowly put his arm behind her on the couch. He made sure not to touch her, he was just close enough that she could feel safe with him.
"Olivia…" She didn't respond but she didn't pull away either, "What happened to your Mother wasn't your fault."
She let his words sink in. It wasn't the first time he had told her that. It wasn't the first time anyone had told her that but it still didn't feel true. "I know that Elliot. But…"
"But…" He tentatively put his hand on her shoulder, she froze and then relaxed, "But you feel guilty.""How do you look at a child everyday and know that the only reason she's alive is because of what…" She shook her head and the tears started to spill from her eyes."Come here…" He whispered softly, she hesitated for a moment and then suddenly her shoulders slumped and she fell against his side, "Shh…"
She clung to his shirt, suddenly afraid to let go of him, "I'm so sorry that I-"
"It's forgotten." He kissed the top of her head, "I'm right here Liv. You're safe."
She had never told a soul about those dreams. The fact that she could tell him and not run for the hills told her that this thing between them was real. And no matter what she did to try and push him away...he was leaving her side.
"Don't let go." She whispered into his chest, "Please don't let go."
He breathed her in and started to rock her gently when the sob started to take over, "I'm not going anywhere Olivia.
Elliot was about to lie down on the bed he was sitting on when the phone rang in his pocket. He reached for it on instinct and answered it without looking at the name.
"Stabler." There was no answer at first, "Hello?"
"El it's me." The minute her voice came through the speaker his heart jumped into his throat.
"Liv." He said, "Where-"
"Can you meet me at home?" He didn't answer at first, "You have every reason to be beyond angry with me but I can explain-"
"Melinda told me." He said quickly, he stood up slowly. "Liv, where are you?"
"Just...can you meet me at home? Please El? I need you." Her voice cracked and his heart broke for her.
"I'm leaving now. Are you okay to get home?" He asked.
"Yes. I am. I'll...be there in twenty minutes. El I'm so-" He cut her off.
"It's okay. I'll see you at home." He paused, "Liv I lo-"
"I love you too." She whispered, "I love you too."
Elliot hung up the phone and turned on the spot. He ripped the Cribs door open and down into the office to grab his keys. Everyone's eyes looked at him and he slipped his coat on.
"She called. I'm meeting her at the house." He grabbed his wallet.
"Elliot-" Cragen said anxiously.
"I'll call." He said with a sad smile, "I promise I'll call."
He turned on his heel and ran towards the elevator hoping she didn't change her mind before he made it home.
I can't promise I'll always update back to back but when I have time to write I will. As I said, I'm really enjoying writing this. More when I can! Probably sometime this weekend.
I hope you enjoyed.