D: Bruce and I were watching the Hobbit but then he fell asleep so I stopped the movie and started Return of the King and about halfway through he woke up and just looked at me with this horrified expression and whispered, "What day is it!"
W: Lol
W: Julius caesar's assassination was the last time everyone in a group project did their part
D: apart from the fact that 60 people agreed to stab him and he only had 23 stab wounds
W: if you're having a bad day, just remember my local zoo just got an alpaca and named it alpacino
D: I wasn't even having a bad day but this made it so much better
D: I smell something burning
W: my future
D: :)
W: you make me so angry so quickly
W: its remarkable
D: I ONLY SENT A SMILEY FACE
W: yet I am absolutely boiling
D: the French have given us so many good things
W: French toast
D: the guillotine
W: why do we fight over stupid stuff
D: cause you say stupid stuff
W: how is your day going
D: I am ready to die
W: would you like me to send you memes to calm you
W: are you done being sassy
D: no
W: even though I didn't do anything you still going to act like a little brat
D: yes
W: This book is so sad
D: is it my autobiography
W: remember the last time I had surgery I was on really strong medication and my mom was upstairs but I wanted soup so I got a pan (not a pot) and put the soup in and everything was going fine but once it was ready I decided to dump it on the ground instead of in a bowl and when I realized what I had done I sat down and cried and my mom came downstairs and saw me laying on the floor sobbing in a puddle of soup
D: she told me she laughed so hard she had to run to the bathroom to avoid peeing her pants
W: once in 4th grade this kid scored 2% on a math quiz so everyone called him milk for the rest of the year
D: how…how do you score 2% on a math quiz
D: was he high
W: whats wrong with us
D: a lot
D: but at least we're beautiful
W: you are like 94% sass
D: and the other 6%?
W: glitter
W: I am never gardening with you again
D: likewise
W: if Anne hath a will, Anne Hathaway
D: it's funny cause William Shakespeare's wife Was named Anne Hathaway so Anne Hathaway hath a Will
W: I quit
W: can you give me the opposite of these words?
W: Always coming from take me down
D: Never going to give you THE DAMN SATISFACTION
D: do you think koalas get angry
W: do I look like national geographic
W: a study found that when sober, rats prefer silence, but when on cocaine, they prefer jazz
D: and what am I supposed to do with this information
W: you're annoying
D: but you love me
W: doesn't make you any less annoying
W: once in kindergarten a girl asked me to write 'wonder woman' on her arm since I was the only kid who could write so I wrote 'shit' on her arm and hid under the table for like 30 minutes then the teacher found me and yelled at me then called my parents
W: my dad laughed so hard he cried
W: I hear sex jams are we allowed to come out?
D: who's here omg
R: no one I'm just making some oatmeal and really feelin it
I smell something burning and it's my chimichanga. gtg