D: half of Rome was burnt down during Julias Caesar's funeral and honestly if my funeral isn't that lit I'm gonna be p*ssed
W: I gotcha bro
W: I'm not that entertaining
D: your frequent stupidity entertains me greatly
D: on a scale of 1 to garbage how bad am I
W: non-recyclable trash
D: *jumps over my problems*
D: PARKOUR
W: hey
W: idk if you noticed but I texted you
D: it's 3$ for admission
W: not all of us are billionaires, Dick.
D: lol, I shouldn't have said anything
W: The number you messages is no longer in service
W: *messaged
D: hang on let me think of a plan
D: i'm the best at plans
W: no you're not tf
D: I promise I won't make a pact with a demon
W: I don't completely believe you but ok
D: DUDE
W: can you not use caps I just woke up and can't read that loud
D: Wally
D: Wallyyy
D: WALLY
W: WHAT
D: do you wanna break into area 51 with me
W: I JUST GOT OUT OF BEING GROUNDED
W: SO NOT TODAY
D: I just spent an hour watching vine compilations
D: two bros, chillin in a hot tub
W: FIVE FEET APART CAUSE THEY'RE NOT GAY
W: a clownboy (half clown, half cowboy) says yeehonk
D: I am blocking you.
D: I wanna shower but i don't want to stand for 10 minutes.
W: take a bath
D: I can't I'm out of bath bombs
W: name a more iconic duo than me and procrastination. go ahead, i'll wait.
D: of course you will
W: hey do you have Anxiety prime?
W: *Amazon
D: ya I got both
D: I made you a friendship bracelet
W: you know I'm not really a jewelry person
D: I know you don't have to wear it if you don't want to
W: No. Im wearing it forever back off.
W: merry christmas I'm your present
D: can I have the receipt
W: WOW
W: did I leave my phone in your room
D: no
W: I put it on the nightstand
D: how you texting me
W: oh
W: ya
W: goodnight
W: do babies named Karen even exist or do they just appear one day with 3 kids and wanna speak to the manager
D: I'm going for option B
D: EARTHQUAKES ARE SO WEIRD
D: LIKE WE ARE FLOATING IN SPACE AND OUR PLANET DECIDES TO SPONTANEOUSLY DO THE CHIMICHANGA
W: you gotta pick your battles dude
W: …pick fewer than that
W: put…put some back
W: thats too many
D: I stepped on the scale today and it said 'bat'
D:it took me a few seconds to realize it meant the battery was out, but before I realized it I said 'I am not a bat' out loud
W: well thats not entirely true
W: WHAT THE HELL. I JUST LOOKED AT THE TIME ABOUT 20 MINUTES AGO AND IT SAID 1:50 AM. NOW IT SAYS 1:12 AM
W: WHAT IS HAPPENING
W: I THINK THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME
D: dude, its daylight savings time.
W: oh.
W: Aw crap
D: what happened?
W: This scenario I created in my head got really intense
D: weddings are so emotional even the cake is in tiers
W: don't talk to me
D: lol
W: blood is thicker than water but maple syrup is thicker than blood so technically pancakes are more important than family
D: are you Canadian all of the sudden
W: there's a thin line between word and world
D: get out
W: my life in one picture
W:
D: there is no picture
W: I have no life
D: My ears are ringing
W: are you gonna answer them
D: shut up
W: today on the bus Taylor swift was playing and it was Trouble and I was singing with everyone else and stuff
W: and then it got to the 'cold hard ground' part
W: the entire bus screams like the goat video
W: and it was the most synchronized thing I've ever seen a group of teenagers do that wasn't planned
D: everyone who died at the battle of Hogwarts missed All Star by Smash Mouth's release two days later
W: its so tragic, they had so much to do, so much to see
D: throughout your life people will try to tell you that puns aren't funny. These people are wrong.
D: punish them
W: LMFAO
W: at my school the cop from DARE passed around 3 joints to show everyone and he said 'if I don't get all 3 of these back this school is getting locked down and everyone is getting searched till I find it.'
W: and like 30 minutes later when everyone had seen them and they were passed back, the cop had 4
D: back in Jesus's time that would've been called a miracle
R: the swear jar has broke my bank account. I now deem swear words illegal
D: heck
R: you're on thin f***ing ice Dick
W: uh oh
I love your guys' requests for texts to feature, and I'm going to make an entire chapter of them one of these days soon :) that will be a ton of fun cause you did all the work for me! Lol.
So I heard they put the Nightwing movie on the back burner. Can I please just know who they're casting for it?! Is that too much to ask!?
Anyway, I go through rotations of Disney obsessions, I'll be dormant for a couple months and then FROZEN FROZEN FROZEN and then dormant and MOANA MOANA MOANA dormant ESMERALDA ESMERALDA dormant etc etc, currently it is the Little Mermaid, for like the 3rd time geez.