Enjoying every chapter I write because it has been such an escape during these crazy times. I forgot how much I enjoyed this! I'm currently quarantining (close contact ya know...) Anyway, I have written a bunch lately. There are two one-shots I posted the other day. "Change" and "I Guess I Just Feel Like" and I just started a rated M story called "Desire" all E/O centered. Go check them out!
Anyway- in this chapter there are some more E/O moments. Olivia will also meet Joseph Hollister and we will see how she handles it with the help of her husband and friends.
I hope you enjoy! Let me know and send in a review! Thanks for all the support so far!
On Thursday morning, Elliot woke up on his own. It was still dark in the room, he turned his head and saw that the sky was gray, the rain was pitter, pattering on the window pane and he could hear a far off rumble of thunder. He yawned, looked at the clock and saw that it said 5:37 am. His internal alarm clock had been off for years working such strange hours.
Sighing, he rolled over on the bed to check on Olivia. Although he wasn't surprised, his heart still sunk when he realized she wasn't lying beside him. He reached out to touch the sheets, but they were cold. She had been gone for a while. He cursed himself for falling asleep. He knew she was a bundle of nerves but he had held her and tried to whisper words of comfort. Eventually...she had slipped off into sleep. But clearly, she didn't stay asleep.
He rolled over onto his back and rubbed his eyes tiredly and then looked at the simple gold band on his finger. He touched it with his other hand and couldn't help but remember another time when one of them woke up to an empty bed. Only that time...it was him who had slipped out of bed after a fretful night's sleep.
Elliot woke with a start, his heart was pounding in his chest and he tried to get his bearings. Her apartment was still new to him and sometimes it took him a moment to realize where he was. He glanced at the clock and saw that it read 4:51. He sighed, put a hand to his face and reminded himself that it was just a dream.
It wasn't the first time he had had a dream like that. Even before they became a couple, he often had dreams where they were out on a job and something happened. Something so terrible happened and he couldn't find a way to get to her in time. Maybe it was her getting hit by a car. Other times it was a viciously bloody attack from a perp. A gunshot to the head and sometimes….a knife to the throat.
He turned to find her fast asleep beside him. Her back was to him, and she was curled up with her legs pulled into her chest. One hand rested on her stomach, the other rested by her head on the pillow. It was summer and the room was warm as they both preferred to sleep with the window open and a fan only. She was wearing a simple black tank top that gave him perfect access to her chest, shoulders, collarbone and neck.
He didn't have to look hard because he knew exactly where it was. He always would. Squinting in the dark room he saw the faint red line that still marked the spot where Gitano's knife had so easily slit across her neck. The image of her lying there on the bus terminal floor was one that he knew he would never be able to shake.
Tentatively, he reached out and barely touched the line on her neck. She gave a slight shudder and pulled the sheet up around her tighter. He didn't want to wake her, so he carefully slipped out of the bed. He exited the room and walked out to the kitchen to brew a cup of coffee. There was no use in pretending he was going to get anymore sleep.
Once his cup was ready, he walked out to the small patio and relaxed on the outdoor couch. Looking out at the city, he tried to keep reminding himself it was only a dream. But the thoughts and fears were still there and he knew...they always would be. He didn't know how long he had been out there, but the sky was beginning to turn a light shade of pinkish red as the sun began to rise in the horizon. He was so lost in thought, he jumped slightly when he felt her slide into the spot beside him.
"Why are you up so early?" She asked, reaching for his cup of coffee.
He turned just as she tucked her feet under his thigh, still in the warm summer morning he knew she always had cold feet. He watched her lift the cup to his lips and took a sip, "There is a whole pot in there ya know?"
She smirked and took another sip, "Yes but this one I didn't need to pour. You took care of it for me."
He chuckled and looked back out at the city landscape, "I know what I'm good for then."
She eyed him carefully and could see he was very lost in thought. She put the cup down on the wicker table behind her and then nudged him with her foot, he turned to look at her, "You're good for a lot more than coffee but you didn't answer my question." He gave her a questioning look, "Why are you up so early? We never have a day off...I figured you'd sleep in late and I'd have to drag you out of bed with a more enticing offer…"
Chuckling, he pulled her feet up into his lap and started to massage her calves, "I'll have to remember that for next time."
She let him sit in silence knowing sometimes he needed that. She saw his jaw tense and he seemed focused on the task of massaging her calves. Clearly trying to distract himself from his thoughts. When a shadow passed over his face though, she leaned forward and reached out. Pressing her fingers to his chin, she turned his face to her and whispered, "Tell me."
Elliot studied her face for a moment, he could get lost in her beauty. He often did. But instinctively, his eyes looked down and caught the faded scar again. She frowned at him, obviously not sure what he was staring at. She was about to ask but he lifted his own hand and gently traced the line on her throat.
He let his hand fall and he whispered, "I thought you were dead."
The rawness in his voice was shocking to her and it stirred something in her soul. She let his words hang between them for a moment before reaching for his hand, she squeezed it firmly in hers, "El I'm fine." He didn't react, so she lifted his hand and placed it to her heart so he could feel it pounding, "I'm right here."
He looked back up at her and whispered, "But what if you weren't okay? What if-"
"El we have the type of job that we could play that game everyday." She saw him cringe, "But if we do it will make us crazy. You can't dwell on it."
He licked his lips and looked down to start to massage her calves again, looking for something to focus on, "It does make me crazy. Especially now because I'm not the one out there to watch your back."
Olivia slighted and pulled her legs off of his. He went to protest but she was already standing up. He thought he had upset her and was assuming she was walking into the apartment. But before he knew what was happening, she straddled his waist and settled herself in his lap. His hands fell to her hips, he closed his eyes and he breathed in the familiar and calming scent that had been burned in his brain years ago.
"I can take care of myself." He squeezed her hips, "And Fin has my back…" He nodded, "But I understand what you're saying." Slowly, his eyes fluttered open and he smiled at her, "Because I feel it all the time...I felt it the most that day in the warehouse. When Gitano had that gun pressed to your head...don't you know how scared I was?"
Elliot searched her eyes, "Liv-"
"I never would have taken that shot because I could never be the cause of your death. I also never would have forgiven myself if Gitano took it. I pride myself on being able to handle the job...but I couldn't handle that El. I know what you are saying. I know what you are feeling because I feel it too." As she spoke, she rubbed his temples, "I feel it too."They had never really discussed that case or the night he told her they couldn't be partners anymore. She had left so quickly and then everything happened too fast to process. Of course their first kiss, he had told her he chose her. And would always choose her over the job. But they never went deep...never talked about the ramifications of that night.
Elliot licked his lips and decided to push on, "When Cragen told me that you had left...even just to Computer Crimes, I felt this hole start to open up in my chest. Why'd you leave me Liv?"
She sighed and pulled back, his fingers pressed into her hips and she knew he was afraid she was going to walk away again. But she couldn't. As hard as it was to talk about this, she wouldn't do that to him. Not again.
"I was afraid." She whispered, but he didn't respond, "I had been pretending for so long that I didn't…" She cleared her throat and pushed on, "That I didn't love you. But after that night I knew I couldn't pretend anymore. You said we couldn't be partners if we couldn't choose the job over each other and I knew I never would be able to do it. So I walked away."
He nodded slowly, letting her words sink in, "I shouldn't have said that."
She shook her head, "You meant it and I don't regret that you said it."
Tilting his head to the side, "I don't understand…"
"If you had never made that statement...I never would have left. I never would have had to face those feelings head on. I'd probably still be pretending...always pretending. When I came back...clearly you made some choices of your own. Without that night, I'm not sure we would be here." She said letting her hands slide to his neck, she pressed into his warm, muscular body. "And despite that pain...if it brought me here to this moment with you." She shrugged softly, "Then it was worth it."
Elliot felt overwhelmed by her words. He knew she was right. They would have kept going around and around. They needed to be apart to realize what they were losing. It had been hard...really hard. Probably the hardest thing he had ever faced. But without it...would they have taken the next step?
Leaning forward, he pressed a gentle kiss to the scar he knew she would have forever, "This thing between us…" He whispered, kissed it again and then looked up at her, "It's real Liv."
She smiled and ran her fingers through his dark hair, "It's
very real…" She agreed.
He sighed and pressed his lips to hers, "I know you just woke up but…" He shrugged, "I really just want to go to bed. With you. I want to hold you a little while longer."
Smiling shyly, she climbed off his lap and walked to the balcony door. Pausing, she rested her head on the doorframe and then held her hand out to him. He hesitated for just a moment, only long enough to drink in the sight of her. Then he reached out, took her hand and walked with her back to her bed and he knew...the fears would never go away. Not fully. But those fears told him everything he needed to know about their relationship. This was real…
Pushing aside the memory, Elliot needed to focus on the here and now. Their relationship was real. The connection was deep and strong and true. He needed to remind her of that during what was going to be one of the most difficult days of her life. Moving off the bed, Elliot exited the room and hoped she was somewhere in the house.
Thankfully he didn't have to look long. He found her downstairs, curled up on her favorite chair. It was usually where she went after a long day or night of work and couldn't sleep. He'd find her with a book to escape and he usually brought her a glass of wine or coffee. Today she had turned the chair so she could look out the french doors leading to their yard.
He knew she loved the rain. She had told him she found it soothing. He felt a chill in the room so he walked over to the couch, reached for a blanket on the couch and walked over to her. Sliding it over her shoulders, he saw her glance at him quickly, she clearly hadn't heard him come in the room. He smiled and knelt down beside her, he rested his chin on her shoulder.
"Couldn't sleep?" He whispered into her ear.
She nuzzled into him and sighed, "Actually...I slept pretty well." She turned to look at him, "The effect of having a strong husband that acts as his own furnace. Puts me to sleep every time."
He chuckled, "Glad I'm useful for something."
She leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his cheek, "You're good for a lot of things Stabler."
Smiling, he reached a hand up and touched her face, "How are you doing?"
She took a deep breath and looked out at the rain, "I'm...oddly calm."
He shifted his weight, "Well that's good."
Looking at him out of the corner of her eyes, she knew his knees must be hurting. He would never admit it and he would stay there forever if it meant making her happy. She stood up, and the blanket slipped down her shoulder. He gave her a look but she reached out and pulled at his arm, he obliged and then smiled when he realized what she was doing. She put a palm to his chest and pushed him back onto the chair before wrapping the blanket around him and climbing into his lap.
He wrapped his arms tightly around her, "Talk to me."
She took a deep breath and then looked at him, "Really...I slept soundly. I didn't think I would but I did. I woke up when I heard the rain start and I just...wanted to sit out here in the quiet for a bit. It is going to be a long day and I just wanted everything to be...still."
He started to rub circles on her back, "I'm sorry I interrupted that."
Turning to look at him, she smiled a genuine smile, "You didn't." She lifted his hand and pressed it to her belly, "We should probably take the quiet time together when we can. It's going to get louder around here before we know it…"
He rubbed her belly and smiled, "Ahh...the piercing scream of a newborn is unlike any other."
She smiled, "I can't wait…"
He chuckled but knew she was being honest, "I'll remind you of that when you're ready to pull your hair out."
She laughed softly and then looked out at the rain, "I know you know that I love the rain...but I don't think I ever told you why."
He watched her carefully but shook his head, "No. I don't think you did."
Olivia took a deep breath and looked back at him, she seemed slightly anxious though and didn't look him in the eye. Instead, she looked at his chest and began to trace lazy circles against his collarbone.
"When I was a kid...everything was always so chaotic. I never knew what I was going to get with my Mom. Some days were...pleasant. And others were like a tornado running through the apartment. I'd walk on eggshells just in case the switch would be set off somehow. But…" She cleared her throat and then pressed her palm to his chest.
He let her take the time she needed to gather her thoughts. He knew talking about her childhood was never easy. And today of all days...it had to be that much harder. So he held her, stroked her sides and let her work through it on her own.
"But my Mom loved the rain. And when I'd wake up and see that it was a rainy day...I felt calm. Because I knew she would be calm. She would just sit and stare out the window…" Tears started to well up in her eyes as she remembered, "She'd look so peaceful. She didn't yell. Most of the time she didn't talk. Somedays…" The corner of her lips turned up in a smile, "Some days she'd even let me sit with her. Once she even…" Her voice trailed off and she felt him raise his hand to wipe a stray tear away and it gave her the confidence to keep going, "She pulled me into her arms. And she held me...I think I was maybe 7? She'd never really done that...and she sang me a song. I think it was probably the closest she ever came to telling me she loved me. I didn't need to hear it...because I felt it in some small way. So...when it rains...I like to sit here and think about her." She turned her head back out to the rain, "Seems fitting that today would be a rainy day…"
Elliot let her words wash over him and he felt more close to her than he had in awhile. It amazed him that after over a decade of knowing each other, there were still things he didn't know. And quite honestly...he loved the idea of learning them all.
He slid his hand up her back before tangling his hand in her hair, he turned her face to him, "She'll be with you today Liv. She's proud of you." He pressed his forehead to hers, "And so am I."
Breathing him in, she sighed and turned to look at the rain again. She settled into his embrace on the chair and felt content. Today was going to be hard. Really hard. But she knew that she could do this...because she had this to come home too.
"Can we stay here for a bit?" She whispered as she began to trace circles on his arm.
Pulling her closer, he buried his face in the crook of her neck and whispered, "We can stay as long as you'd like…"
Elliot pulled up in front of the prison at 9:30. They needed to check in and talk to Casey so it was important to be there early. The calmness that Olivia had felt earlier was clearly dissipating. She never stopped moving on their car ride and kept pulling her hand away from his much to his chagrin.
When he put the car in park, he turned to her, "Liv we can still get out of this."
Her head snapped up to look at him and she barked a quick, "Not happening."
He put his hands up in surrender, "Okay...okay."
She sighed and put a hand to her forehead, "Sorry. I didn't mean to yell...I just-"
"I know." He whispered reaching out to squeeze her shoulder, "I know. You don't have to say anything."
He watched her take a deep breath and then suck in her lower lip, "On the way here I was thinking about…"
Her words trailed off and he knew she was struggling. He unclipped his seatbelt, and slipped his keys in his pocket before exiting the car. Rounding the front of it, he opened her door and waited for her to step out. As soon as she did, he pulled her into his arms and started to rock her back and forth.
"I'm right here." He whispered, "I'm right...here."
She clung to his shirt and took a few moments to breathe pulling away to look at him, "I'm...I'm okay."
He nodded slowly and rubbed circles on her arms, "I know you are." He lifted his hand to look at his watch and checked the time, "We still have sometime before we need to go in. Talk to me...it might make you feel better. What were you thinking about?"
She sighed and rubbed her forehead, "Did you ever have to do one of those family tree projects for school?"
Elliot nodded, "I think so...maybe in middle school."
She bit her lip and closed her eyes, trying to focus on his arms around her, "When I was in the 5th grade I had to do one. I kept hiding it from my Mom…I knew she would get upset."
Her voice started to crack and he began to massage her shoulders, "Keep talking. I'm right here Liv. I've got you."
She took a few steadying breaths before continuing, "I handed it in...but it was mostly blank and my teacher called my Mom. Told her they had to have a meeting. My Mom was pissed...she hated going into the school. But she came...and she was...drunk."
He squeezed her arms, "What happened Liv?"
"I blocked out most of it...but I just remember that when my teacher questioned why I had filled nothing in on my Father's side-" She shrugged, "My Mom just snapped. It was the first time she actually said the words out loud to me. I had...figured it out before but to hear her say it was scary. She just kept screaming that I didn't have a Father and never would. That the man responsible for my existence was a rapist...she kept shouting about what he looked like. His eyes...his hair...now I know she was having a flashback. She remembered it like it was happening at that moment. I've seen it enough in other victims to recognize it."
He pulled her closer and pressed a kiss to her forehead, "Liv…"
"It just popped up in my head on the way here. I'd never seen a picture of him until the other day. But now...now I'm going to see him in person and I know I can do this but it does scare me Elliot." Her voice was so steady he knew she was being completely honest.
Elliot pulled back just enough to see her face so she could look in his eyes, "It's okay to be scared Olivia. I know you think you have to be tough all the time...but we all get scared. And this...this is scary. This is facing the biggest part of your past. You're allowed to be scared. In fact if you weren't, I think I'd be concerned."
She squeezed her eyes shut feeling the tears burning, "What if I look like him?" She cringed and put a hand to her stomach, "What if our child looks like-"
"Stop." He said quickly, he put his hands over hers, "Stop."
She started to cry and she fell against his chest, not even trying to be strong, "El…"
He sighed and pulled her back into his arms. He wished he could make this go away. He'd give anything to find a way to fast forward through this. If only it were that simple…
"That man has no power over you. He may have brought you into this world...but you have proved time and time again that you are nothing like him." She shuddered against his chest and he squeezed her tighter, "Do you hear me? Nothing. You Olivia Benson are the strongest woman I have ever known and nothing is going to change that. This child…" He pressed his hand between them, "Is going to be part of me...and you. No one else." She stopped shaking, "Just you and me…"
Olivia breathed deeply for a few moments and then pulled away, "You and me…"
He smiled and touched her cheek, "You and me…"
Taking another slow breath, she turned her head to look at the prison. In the distance, she saw Fin, Munch, Cragen and Casey all standing by the door waiting for her. Despite the tears, she felt a tug at her heart and realized she wasn't alone.
Clearing her throat, she wiped at her face and brushed back her hair. Elliot waited patiently and watched as she turned her back to him clearly needing a second. When she was ready, she turned back to him and tried to offer a gentle smile. He gave her a little nod and she nodded back before slipping her hand into his.
He squeezed it tight and they started to walk up to the entrance. Olivia's heart was beating a hard steady rhythm in her chest and into her ears. It felt like they were moving in slow motion, like the steps she was taking were taking years. And in reality...she knew they had. She'd been walking to this very moment her whole life.
She was vaguely aware of her friends saying hello, felt Fin squeeze her shoulder and Casey give her a hug. Together, they all walked further into the prison. They were well versed in how it all worked. No one needed to explain the rules as they dumped out their valuables and checked in. Elliot made sure to either hold her hand or be touching some part of her as often as possible to keep her grounded.
Once they were in the building, time seemed to speed up. She was pretty sure she had talked to her friends, about nothing and everything. She couldn't tell you what it was they said though. Before she knew it, they were standing outside the doors she needed to pass through to come face to face with her…
She pushed the thought aside and turned to Casey who had now said her name twice, "What?"
Casey looked at Elliot and he stepped over to Olivia, "She asked if you were ready."
Olivia looked at the clock, 10:00 o'clock on the dot. She could turn around and walk away from this. The people in this room would never think bad of her if she did. They'd never even bring it up. She knew that deep in her soul. They'd support whatever decision she made and that thought began to give her the strength she needed to do this. Because the thing was...she had to do it.
There was no other choice.
Olivia cleared her throat and quickly scanned the room. All eyes were on her, waiting for her response but also letting her know they had her back. Licking her lips, she turned to Casey and nodded, "Yeah...yeah I'm ready."
Casey nodded, "I was able to get them to agree to no time limit. But...you can get up and go anytime you want. There'll be a guard in the room at all times and you will both sit on opposite sides of the table. It's about six feet end to end. He's chained to the table so he can't get to you." She raised an eyebrow, "But you also can't touch-"
"I know." Olivia said quickly, "And I won't."
Casey stepped all the way up to her, "We'll be right here."
Olivia lifted her eyes to look at her friend and smiled, "I know that too." She turned to walk away but she felt a hand on her arm and she stopped to look at her husband.
Their friends stepped back to give them a little space. She looked at his hand on her arm and then lifted her eyes to meet his. She knew he was struggling. She knew he wanted to bust through those doors and go in with her. He may even want to cause Joseph Hollister harm for hurting her...but he wouldn't.
She reached for his hand and squeezed it tight, "You and me…" He said in barely a whisper but she had heard it.
"You and me." She mouthed back before letting go and walking through the door with the guard.
The moment she stepped into the cold, concrete room it seemed like her senses were heightened. She'd spent so many hours in prisons over the years she was surprised by her reaction. But...she smelled the sour stale smell stronger than she ever had. The cold air seeping through the vents seemed to settle in her toes and rise to every inch of her body. The blinding lights hurt her eyes and she had to close them for a moment to compose herself.
And then, she heard the alarm ring loud through the room and the creak of the door. There was no backing down. She took a tentative step forward and kept her eyes on the ground not ready to look at him. She could hear the chains rattling against the floor. When she sat down at the table, she stared at her hands, still not feeling ready. She heard the chair across from her creak and she heard the click of the cuffs being locked into place.
"I'll be over here." The guards voice said, "If you need-""Thank you." Olivia whispered, "We'll-we'll be fine."
The guard turned and walked to the corner of the room and then it was quiet. Eerily quiet and Olivia knew she had to make a move. So she slowly lifted her head, took a breath and then looked at the man who had haunted her dreams for her entire life. Neither of them said anything for a while. Just took in the moment, studied each other's faces. Both looking for the same thing…
She was so focussed that it startled her when he spoke, "You look just like her."
Her heart started rattling away in her chest again, "Excuse me?"
Joseph adjusted in his seat, he cringed when the cuffs bit into his wrists, "Serena. You're her twin. In case...you were wondering. I don't see any of me in you. You can breathe now. Although...I'd be happy to put a little of me in you...if you know what I mean." He gave her a suggestive wink and chuckled.
She scrunched up her nose and felt a wave of nausea roll over her at his last statement but she chose to ignore it, "Don't say her name. But...how?"
He took a breath and shrugged, "How what?"
"How do you remember what she looked like?" She whispered.
She watched as he rolled his neck from side to side before answering, "I remember them all Ms. Benson."
"Mrs. St-" She paused and for some reason didn't want to say her name, she was sure he would hear it at some point but she didn't want to give him that information. "You remember all of them?"
A small moan filled the room and she shuddered knowing he was enjoying this, "Would you like a detailed list. I can go in chronological order...places, times, days, what they looked like. What they were wearing-"
She leaned against the table, "You're sick, you know that?"
His laugh echoed in the room, "Aren't we all dear daughter?"
Her face flushed with anger, "I am not your-" He gave her a taunting look and she pushed on, "Just because you supplied DNA that would create me does not make you my Father. A Father is…"
He tilted his head to the side and studied her carefully, "I've wondered if there were more of you. Never liked to use protection. It ruins the experience...for all parties involved I think. Although I never got the chance to ask your Mom. Did you?"
Olivia pressed the palm of her hands into the cold table, "Do you know what I do for a living?"
Joseph shrugged, "Someone mentioned you were a cop." He smirked, "Ironic I think."
She focused on her breathing and then looked down at her hand, the fluorescent lights reflected off her rings. The fear in her stomach started to dissipate when she realized who was waiting for her on the other side of the door. She had faced the hardest part already and now she just had to push through…
"I'm not just a regular cop. I investigate sex crimes. I put people like you away for the rest of their miserable lives." She said bitterly.
Joseph smiled, "Were you trying to save your Mommy? I heard she took a little tumble down a flight of stairs. After a few too many…" He smirked, "She must have been drinking so she could remember that night. She missed me."
Olivia studied him and tried to read his expression. She tried to memorize his face. Nothing in his face looked familiar to her. She saw none of herself reflected in this man. She felt relief...but she also felt a sense of closure. She looked like her Mother. And deep down...she knew she inherited more than her looks. She had her problems...but her Mother was stronger than she realized.
She had chosen to keep Olivia. She could have had an abortion. She could have given her up. She made mistakes...but she also brought Olivia into this world for a reason. And maybe this was it...maybe the reason was to be here in this moment and realize that life was complicated but it was also beautiful.
She was sitting across from this monster of a man. He represented all that was wrong with this world. He reflected the things she saw and fought against each day. It was enough to drag anyone down. And yet...she was still here. She was still breathing. She was still alive.
And on the other side of the wall behind her, stood 5 people who cared enough to drop everything to support her. She hadn't been brought into this world from two people who loved each other. She had been created by hate, a need for power and dominance. But somehow...somehow she had shaped a life full of love.
She saw terrible things each day, but they didn't shape her. She took this job to protect people the way she wished her Mother had been protected. And when she went home at night...she was surrounded by all that was good. Elliot. His children...she moved her hand off the table and placed it on her own stomach and thought about their unborn child.
Joseph's gravely voice interrupted her thoughts, "You going to be sick or something?"
She didn't need to tell him about the baby. He would have no connection to this child and she didn't want him too. He didn't deserve it. Instead, she lifted her head and looked him square in the eye for the first time since she sat down, "My Mother...was the strongest woman I know. She faced me everyday...despite what I reminded her of. She made mistakes but we all do. You didn't break her. And you will
notbreak me."
Joseph stared at her, he tried to keep his face neutral but she could see his jaw tensing. Her words bothered him. He liked feeling powerful. He liked knowing he ruined people's lives. He wanted her to cry, to crack or scream. He wanted her to react.
But she wouldn't and in this moment...she didn't feel the need too. "You can tell yourself otherwise but you are half of me kid...and if science is as accurate as they say," He shrugged, "You're screwed. You will never be rid of me."
Olivia smiled and stood up, "Yes. I will. Because after this moment...I don't have to wonder anymore. I've met you...and I will ensure that you never see the light of day. Enjoy the role reversal in prison Joseph. At your age...there is no chance you'll be able to hold them off."
Standing up, she turned without giving him a second look. His voice stopped her, "That's it?"
She turned back to him and saw the confusion and what she thought was anger on his face, "Yeah. That's it.
She signaled to the Guard that she was ready to leave. She almost expected Joseph to say something else but he didnt and that gave her more satisfaction than she realized. The alarm signaled and the door swung open. Stepping over the threshold, she heard the door shut behind her and everything suddenly snapped back into place as she looked at her husband and friends. A memory washed over her and she could have cried...not out of fear but out of love.
Their wedding had been an intimate affair. A church ceremony followed by a reception at a banquet hall near Central Park. Olviia was sitting with Eli, he was fast asleep in her arms. She watched Elliot dancing with Maureen on the dance floor. Richie was spinning Kathleen and Lizzie around.
She laughed as Richie stumbled and stepped on their toes. Eli squirmed in her arms and snuggled into her neck mumbling sleepily, "Is there more cake?"
Olivia laughed and kissed the top of her head, "I think four pieces is enough for one night…"
Eli chuckled, "Six. Richie snuck me one and Uncle John left his on the table when he got distracted by Aunt Casey's dancing."
Her body shook with laughter, "You and Richie are so like your Dad."
Eli lifted his head and smiled, "Now that you and Daddy are married...does that make you my second Mommy?"
Olivia felt her heart jump in her chest, "Your Mom is your Mom Eli."
Eli nodded, "Yeah...but you're my bonus Mommy. You're my Godmother...but now you're my Step-Mom...so that's the bonus Mom."
Her eyes welled up with tears, "You know what Eli?" He just looked at her, "Being your Bonus Mom makes me the luckiest woman in the world."
Eli's smile widened and he threw his arms around her, squeezing her tight. When she looked over his shoulder she saw Elliot now dancing with Kathleen. His eyes were locked on the scene in front of him and she knew he was thinking the same thing.
Casey walked over to her friend and her new step-son and squeezed her shoulder, "Kathy's outside."
Olivia looked up and nodded, "Okay." She squeezed Eli and stood up, "Come on bud. Time to go…"
Eli frowned as she walked them over to his siblings and Dad, "Parties over?"
"Only for the kids." Richie said hearing the end of the conversation, "Dad and Liv need some alone time to fu-""Jesus." Elliot said grabbing his oldest son's neck, "I asked for one day of peace. One day."
All the girls laughed and Richie shrugged, "I am who I am Dad. Love me or leave me."
Elliot rolled his eyes, "Time to go…"
Maureen smiled and hugged her Dad, "We'll see you guys when you get back from your honeymoon. Have fun."
"Don't do anything I wouldn't do." Kathleen said pointing a finger at her Dad, "The list is small so...you'll have fun."
Elliot hung his head, "God help me...you're all being so kind to your dear old Dad on his wedding day."
Lizzie wrapped her arms around his waist, "I'm being nice."
Elliot smiled and tipped her chin up , "You're always nice. Don't tell them…" He leaned closer, "But you're my favorite."
Richie chuckled, "Trust me. We know."
Elliot smirked at him and pulled his son in for a hug, "Be good. I love you."
Richie hugged her back, "Yeah...ya know I tolerate you too."
Everyone laughed and continued their goodbyes. Maureen took Eli from Olivia's arms leaving Elliot and his new wife on the dance floor. He pulled her hand and quickly twisted her into his arms for another dance. She smiled and rested her head on his shoulder. The day had been perfect. More than perfect. It was overwhelming the amount of love she felt in this moment.
Elliot squeezed her tight, "Penny for your thoughts Ben-" He paused and turned his head to her ear, "Hm...Penny for your thoughts Stabler."
She pulled away just enough to look him in the eye, "That's going to get tricky down at the office."
Elliot smirked, "So maybe we still call you Benson at work...but when I get you home alone…" He let his hands slide down her exposed back, "You're Mrs. Stabler."
Olivia let her hand rest on his chest and smiled when she saw the gold band matching her engagement ring, "Mrs. Stabler…"
Leaning forward he pressed a kiss to her lips. Then they both noticed the lights dimming more. She looked around to see what was going on. They were surprised to see the only people left at the party were their co-workers. All of them were stepping towards them with drinks in their hands.
Elliot gave her hips a squeeze, "This could be trouble…"
They both turned to look at their friends and Cragen held out a glass of champagne to Olivia, she gave him a look and he smiled, "Mine's grape juice. I promise."
Fin handed Elliot his own glass, "Yours is the real deal."
Elliot smirked, and looked at his friends, "What's going on?"
Casey smiled at her friends, "Well...we wanted this day to belong to you and your kids. But…" She shrugged, "We also didn't want the day to end without acknowledgement of this momentous moment."
"Monumentous?" Olivia said with a laugh, "Really?""Really." John said quickly, "We've been watching this saga play out from day one. Seen the good...the bad and the ugly. Including the time we caught you in the interog-""And John's cut off." Cragen said reaching for his glass as everyone groaned, "What I think the ever colorful Detective Munch means is we wanted to let you both know that we are very happy for you. Despite the headaches you've both caused me over the years…" He sighed, "The many...many headaches." The group laughed, "We know you're exactly where you should be."
Elliot slipped his hand around Olivia's back and pulled her close. Casey turned to look at her friends, "I would also like to thank you for helping pay for my new car. The number of bets I've won on you two has reached a point in my bank account where I can actually do something with it."
Another ripple of laughter went through the room and Fin stepped up, "But mostly...we just wanted you to know that not only are we happy for you. But we're here for you...no matter what happens. On the days when things aren't so good...when you are struggling. We'll be here to remind you what you have to lose." He lifted his glass slowly, "Don't tell anyone I said this...but I'm proud to call you family."
No laughter was needed this time, Olivia let go of Elliot and wrapped an arm around Fin's shoulder. She squeezed tight and then turned back to Elliot. She didn't try and hide the tears in her eyes and he looked right back at her. He knew her well enough to know how much this moment meant to her. She had never felt like she was part of a family. But here...in this moment. She was.
And as far as he was concerned, she always would be. Lifting his glass in this air he smiled at his new wife, "To family."
They all raised their glasses together and said proudly, "To family."
Olivia must have been thinking hard because it took her a moment to realize that Elliot was standing directly in front of her. It was clear that he had taken her silence as a sign that it had not gone well. His knees were bent and he was searching her eyes for some sign of what to do.
She lifted a hand, touched his cheek and said, "Let's go."
Everyone glanced around, trying to decide what to do. They couldn't seem to figure out if she was about to fall apart or if she was just incredibly okay with the situation.
Elliot made the first move, "Liv, what happened?"
She shook her head, "Not here." She looked over at her friends, her real family and smiled, "You guys have anywhere you need to be?"
Fin smiled knowing that she in fact was okay, "Nah. Lucky for us...the boss man gave us most of the day off on account of you being his favorite."
Olivia smiled and looked at Casey, "You?"
Casey shook her head, "Cleared my schedule too." She raised an eyebrow, "Brunch?"
Olivia smiled and slipped her hand into Elliot's and squeezed, "I'd like that."
Thirty minute later, they settled around a long table in a restaurant in Manhattan. They slipped into comfortable banter as old friends do. No one said anything about their morning knowing that it had to be Olivia who breached that topic. Occasionally, Olivia would catch one of them looking at her, trying to study her.
They were all Detectives and Casey a lawyer, they made a living off of reading people. Elliot's hand was never far from her, touching her leg, wrapped around her shoulders or holding her hand in his lap. She felt secure. She felt grounded. She felt safe.
And that was when she knew she was ready to open up. She cleared her throat and all eyes turned to look at her expectantly. Even though she was ready, she also didn't like being the center of attention. Subconsciously, she slid her fingers onto Elliot's thigh and he covered her hand with his as a reminder that he was right beside her. Just like he always was and always would be.
She licked her lips and reached for her glass of water, "I'm sure I'll regret this because someone will have something snarky to say but…" She glanced around the table, "Thank you for being here today. It meant a lot more than you realize. And I don't think I could have done it without you all."
A comfortable silence settled over the room before Fin leaned across the table and squeezed Olivia's arm, "You could have. But you didn't need to."
Tears prickled in her eyes and she nodded in understanding, "I spent a really long time wondering who I was...what part of me was connected to him. I wanted so desperately to belong to something...to someone." She felt Elliot squeeze her hand and she glanced at him and smiled, "I lost sight of what was important."
Casey smiled at her friend, trying to hold her own tears in, "We all get lost sometimes Olivia. But if you ask for help...you'll always be able to find your way back out."
Olivia offered her a genuine smile, "When I took this job I did it because I wanted to…" Her voice trailed away and she shrugged, "I wanted to do what no one was able to do for my Mom. I know that. I've always known that. I can pretend otherwise but it's the truth. Sometimes it may cloud my judgement and I'm sorry if I've ever put any of you in jeopardy because of that."
Cragen shook his head, "You're the best damn Detective I've ever had on my squad Olivia." John opened his mouth to make a witty remark and he sent a kick in his direction, "And no one here can argue otherwise."
A little laugh echoed through the room. Olivia smiled and then pushed on, "As hard as it is to admit...walking in there today was the scariest thing I have ever done. And there was a second that I wanted to just turn and run away. I knew none of you would have judged me if I did and I think that made all the difference."
Casey leaned across the table and reached for Olivia's hand, "What happened in there Liv?" Olivia gave her a look and knew that everyone was waiting with baited breath, "You don't have to tell us...but it might help."
Olivia squeezed her hand back, "He was...exactly what I expected." Her shoulder lifted in a slight shrug, "Horrible. Showed no remorse. Tried to detail every single woman he had ever attacked. He made some crack about…" She cringed, "Raping me too-" She felt Elliot tense beside her and she squeezed his hand. "He was what I expected and yet…he was also human."
John watched her carefully, "What do you mean?"
She looked at him and smiled, "We catch enough of these bastards to not be fazed by the horror of it all. But underneath it all they are all human beings. Damaged and broken. Most if not all don't deserve redemption and he sure doesn't. But being human is what made him seem less…" She searched for the right word and shrugged, "Less powerful to me."
They all let her words sink in and waited for her to continue. She thought for a moment and then smiled, "He gets off on the power. They all do. We know that. That's why he wanted me to react and quite honestly it would have been easy too. I could picture myself leaning across the table and just-" Her words got caught in her throat and she shook her head, "But that's what he wanted. And I didn't want him to have that satisfaction. I'd rather the tables turn and let him be the one haunted by memories of me from now on."
She felt Elliot relax slightly beside her and she looked out all of her friends. None of them could take their eyes off of her and her cheeks blushed but she wasn't embarrassed. She had nothing to be embarrassed about. This group of people would never pass judgement on her and she knew that what she said here would never leave this space.
Casey was the first to respond, "Well...you should be proud of yourself Olivia. If I had been in your shoes I'm not sure I could have shown that much composure."
Olivia smiled then placed a hand on her stomach, she caught Elliot's eye and he just smiled letting her know it was okay. "Yeah well...as good as it would have felt. I don't like the idea of giving birth in a prison ward hospital."
Her words hung in the air for a moment as everyone digested what she said. Elliot removed his hand from hers only to wrap it around her shoulders. It took another moment before Casey jumped up, "Oh my God."
Olivia smirked, "Glad you got there Counselor. I was getting worried for a second…"
Casey put a hand to her mouth, "You're pregnant?"
Olivia looked at Elliot and smiled, she pressed her hand into his thigh, "Yes. It's still a little early...and we didn't plan on telling you all so soon but after today," She shrugged, "It just seemed...right."
John reached across the table and held his hand out to Elliot, "Mazal Tov my friend. Six kids. God help you."
Elliot chuckled and shook it back, "It will be a circus. That's for sure. But I wouldn't want it any other way."
Casey had pulled Olivia out of her seat and was hugging her tightly. She leaned down to talk to her belly and Olivia couldn't help but laugh. John moved out of his chair to go congratulate Olivia and to save her from Casey so she didn't "squish the baby".
Fin stood up and Elliot followed suit, "Congratulations man." Fin said reaching a hand out to Elliot. "You kept up your end of the bargain. You've made her happy."
Elliot smiled sheepishly and shook Fin's outstretched hand, "And you've held up yours. You've kept her safe when I couldn't. Thank you Fin."
Fin walked over to Olivia and Elliot followed. He held out his arms and Olivia leaned up to hug him tight, "I'm so happy for you too Momma."
She squeezed back when she heard the term of endearment, "Thank you Fin." She pulled back and frowned, "Sorry about leaving you without a partner for awhile…"
Fin shook his head, "More than okay." He put a hand to her belly, "You were made to be a Mother and I can't wait to watch it all happen."
She nudged him, "Well...this baby is going to need his or her Uncle Fin when they need a break from their crazy parents."
He chuckled, "And I'll always be there. Day or night."
Olivia smiled and then turned back to Cragen who seemed rooted in his spot. Olivia looked at Elliot and for a moment she was worried something was wrong. But then she saw the slow tear escape Cragen's eye and he brushed it away before anyone would dare make a comment about it.
She settled in beside Eliliot and smiled at her boss, "So what do you want to be called? Grandpa Cragen? Pop? They could always stick with Captain…"
The older man pushed himself off the table and walked straight to her, he pulled her into his arms and whispered, "I'm so proud of you."
The four pairs of eyes around them just watched and smiled knowing what this moment meant to the two people in the embrace. Cragen had never had children though he had wanted them. And Olivia never had a Father...yet this was the moment they had both dreamed of.
They pulled apart and Cragen looked at Elliot, "Do I have to give you the speech again?"
Elliott chuckled and shook his head, "No sir. I've got it memorized. Anything ever happens to her and I've got a standing cemetery plot with my name on it."
Everyone in the room laughed and Cragen nodded, "Good memory." Elliot went to stick his hand out for a shake but Cragen stepped all the way up and pulled him in for a hug, "I'm proud of you too."
Olivia leaned against Fin and felt a rush of emotion as she caught her husband's eye. She knew that his own relationship with his Father had been complicated. So hearing that his boss was proud of him would mean more than he would ever be able to express.
To break the tension, John yelled out, "This calls for drinks. Extra juice for the boss and the pregnant lady! My treat!"
Everyone laughed again and started to settle into their spots at the table again. Only this time, Casey had made Elliot switch seats so she could sit next to Olivia and she was already shouting out baby shower plans. She listened carefully to her friend but could feel his eyes on her. Turning her head she smiled when he lifted his chin and mouthed, You and me.
She gave him a wink and for the first time in days she felt...happy.
Later that evening, Elliot was getting the dining room ready for dinner with hids kids. They would be there within the hour. It had been a long day full of both good and bad moments. They got home around 1 and Olivia had been tired. She curled up on the bed for a nap and he lay beside her feeling content. He'd be lying if he said he had been a nervous wreck all day.
As he watched her sleep he knew that there were still things to face. Olivia wanted to go to the Trial and he didn't blame her. But they would get through...they always did. By 4, Elliot had left their bedroom to allower her some more rest. Then he went downstairs to prep for hids kids arrival.
He looked up when he heard Olivia descending the stairs. She had showered and changed but the look on her face told him she was calm. At peace...and that made his heart swell with pride and happiness.
She walked around the table and put a hand to his arm, "We're ordering in, right?"
Elliot nodded, "Yeah. It was Eli's turn to choose. I was afraid he'd go for Chick-Fil-A again but he surprised me and went with Monty's. Maureen's picking it up on the way here."
Olivia smiled, "A good choice." She paused and put a hand to her stomach, "The very place I intended to tell you about this little one…"
Elliot nodded and put the last fork down before turning back to her, "The thought did cross my mind."
She walked all the way up to him and wrapped her hands around his waist, "I'm sorry I wasn't able to tell you in a better way."
Lifting a hand, he brushed her long hair off of her face and traced the line of her jaw down to her neck. The scar was still there but only if you knew where to look for it. He traced it with his thumb and shook his head, "It's okay Liv. Life happens…"
She stared at him for a moment longer, "I'm also sorry I blurted it out at brunch. I wasn't planning on it...I think I just got caught up-"
Leaning forward, he pressed a kiss to her lips, "I'm glad you did. I want to share this with them. They are our family."
She beamed up at him, "Family…"
He smiled knowing just how much that meant to her, "For a girl who claimed to be alone for so long...you've got a hell of a big family these days."
She smiled and pressed herself into his chest, burying her face in the crook of his neck, "Luckiest. Girl. Ever."
Elliot squeezed her tight, "We're the lucky ones Liv." He gave her a moment and then pulled back, he lifted her chin with his hand and whispered, "Do you have any idea how proud you made me today?"
Her cheeks flared red and she shivered, "El-"
"I'm serious Liv." His hand smoothed against her cheek, "I've always known you were a badass...but the way you handled that situation…" He shook his head, "You walked in there and never let him see you sweat. You took charge and you faced every deep, dark fear you've had and you came out stronger than ever." He then cupped her face with both hands and whispered, "I am in awe of you."
Her eyes burned with tears for what felt like the millionth time in the last few days but it didn't matter. "I could never have done this without you." He went to protest but she shook her head, "No El I'm serious. I was ready to walk away when we got there. I wanted to just run...exactly like I did the other day. It would have been so easy. It's what I've always done but you-" She paused and then pulled him closer, "You kept my grounded. You reminded me that it was going to be okay. The whole time I was in there...knowing you were right outside the door and would be waiting for me kept me going. You have no idea how safe that made me feel."
He could feel the emotion building up inside of him and he didn't try and hide it. His voice was low and he knew his eyes were shining with tears, "I will never let anyone or anything hurt you. Till the day I die...I've got you."
She pressed her bare toes into the floor beneath her feet and pushed up until her lips met his. "You always have." She kissed him again, "I love you Elliot."
He smiled and kissed her back, "I love you too Olivia."
Wrapping her arms more securely around him she snuggled into his chest once more. He let her stay like that for a moment and then saw his daughter's car pulling into the driveway. He knew that she would want compose herself before seeing the kids. So he did the one thing he knew how to do best...make her laugh.
"Just so you know...when you do take charge like that and really mess with a perp…" She pulled away and gave him a strange look, wondering how they had taken such a turn in the conversation, "It's a total turn on."
At first she looked surprised, and then her body started shaking and the laugh erupted from her chest down to her toes. He smiled knowing he had succeeded in his task just as the door opened, signaling the arrival of the 5 Stabler children.
Olivia heard the door and let her laughter start to subside. She leaned up and gave him one more kiss, he squeezed her hips to remind her he was right beside her and always would be.
He watched her turn from him and quickly embrace Eli and the rest of his children. And he knew...no matter what happened next, they were all going to be okay.
Well I hoped you liked it! In some ways it seems like a good place to leave off...but there will be some more to come. I haven't decided how much more...but there will definitely be more. I've also got a few other ideas I'm playing around with too for other E/O stories.
Up next - the night with the kids. We will dive a little deeper into Olivia's relationship specifically with Kathleen and they will share their news with the family.
I hope you continue to enjoy reading! Let me know by dropping a review :)