W: lets all just be needlessly ominous for the rest of the year
D: if we live that long
D: Hold my morals, I have some sh*t I need to take care of
W: what morals?
D: …rude
W: When I was in 8th grade, this guy in my last class of the day leaned over and said, "Everyone thinks I'm wearing plaid shorts, but really they're just boxers."
W: and when I looked closer, they really were just boxers. This kid just up and didn't wear pants to school and no one noticed
D: you met a god of yore
D: can you turn on the lights?
W: I don't have to, you're the only light I need
D: thats sweet Wally, but I really can't see.
D: So you know I went to work with Bruce yesterday and got kicked out of the meeting cause you were texting me about the naked guy in the robe?
W: vaguely
D: Well while I was waiting, the floor manager announced a ban on overly specific nicknames and everyone immediately stared at Rat Snitch Brian The Good Time Ruiner.
W: I need you
D: for?
W: ever
D: ...alright, fine, we can get tacos.
W: My dad whistles a specific melody when he refills the bird feeders. The birds have started singing it when they're empty.
D: This bitch empty, TWEET
W: The birds' equivalent to 'Bitch Better Have My Money'
D: Mint Ice Cream and the mind flavored foods taste GREAT and you cant change my mind
W: do you accept constructive criticism
D: choose your next words carefully
W: mint SUCK
D: YOU COME INTO MY HOUSE
D: disrespect MY MINTS
W: I built a nap hole in my closet which is great and has no downside until someone comes into my room looking for me and I have to crawl out of my closet which is frankly impossible to do with dignity and without looking like a sleepy Gollum hissing "what does It wants who wakes us up"
D: I see no downside to this
D: you're oblivious but somehow super smart
W: its a gift
W: what should we do next, something good? Something bad?
D: i'll follow your lead
W: bit of both, then!
W: my favorite part of any trip to Macdonalds is the sudden and unavoidable flashbacks to the time I got stuck in the slide for 5.5 hours and the staff had to slide down McNuggets so I could keep up my energy while they cut the slide in half with a hacksaw.
W: Half slide is still there, haunting me and the other kids who suddenly fall through a hole on their journey down
D: from the bottom of my heart, wtf
D: taking off
W: have a safe trip
D: I have little say in the matter
W: k, then perish
D: how's the most beautiful person in the world doing?
W: idk, how are you?
D: I'm fine.
W: it must be so nice to be rich instead of having to develop a personality
D: shut up
W: Buy my silence, Grayson
W: I think we should have glowstick juice injected in our bones when we're born so it we break em theres a fun little surprise
D: whats the surprise
W: blood poisoning
D: I am definitely the most responsible person here
W: yesterday you killed a spider with the flame thrower
D: and I take full responsibility for that
D: I randomly wandered into an art gallery with live music and a full cheese spread and I'm going ape
W: if you eat it though the fey own you
D: thats the fey's problem
W: if you are saying that, you clearly have more bravado than sense
D: I don't have either actually I just have an empty stomach and the ability to make my presence everyone's problem
check my profile for a new status update, aka upcoming HIATUS
This bitch busy, YEET