D: I gave Bruce a get better soon card
W: I didn't know he was sick
D: He's not, I just thought he could do better
W: wait, what is exactly happening?
D: you want the long or short version?
W: short version
D: clown
W: long version
D: murder clown
W: how to get ready in the morning:
1. Stay in bed as long as you possibly can
2. RUN
D: I fell asleep
W: stop it I hate it when you do that
W: How long does your ideal hug last
D: 32-45 minutes
W: Thats impractical
D: You said ideal, not realistic
D: do you think British people are traumatized when they watch Scooby doo and find out that one of the main character's name is shaggy?
W: I hope so
W: We make a great team because we're different
D: True, I'm always right and you're always wrong
D: I fell asleep
W: stop sleeping wtf
W: I have a science headcanon.
D: Can you just say you have a hypothesis like a normal person
W: Do you want to hear my science headcanon or not
D: Sure, you may be verified on Twitter, but are you verified in the eyes of God?
W: Are you just mad because I got verified before you did?
W: I miss you stop falling asleep
D: sorry I fell asleep
W: I hear you getting food
W: bro
W: get me some
W: hey
W: hello
W: bitch
W: I love you bitch
W: *strums guitar*
W: I aint ever gonna stop loving you
W: Bitch
W: Just so we're clear, the Beach Boys would decimate the Beatles in a fist fight through sheer Californian force of will
D: I am making a powerpoint at this very moment to prove you wrong
D: I just said "I am Moana from Motunui, you killed my father, prepare to die" and it actually took me a few seconds to realize thats not right
W: My name is Inigo Montoya. You will board my boat, sail across the world, and return the heart of Te Fiti
D: My name is Moana Montoya, you will board my father, prepare to sail, and die.
W: Did it hurt when you fell?
D: From heaven? Don't be cheesy dude
W: No I meant when you fell out of that tree one time cause Kaldur just fell out of a tree and I need to know how much pain he is in
W: My school is on lockdown because a squirrel got inside
D: Whats the status on the squirrel?
W: Knee deep in tater tots in the cafeteria, dodging all traps; what a legend
W: the most popular prosthetic limb is the dildo
D: you know, sometimes it's okay to not share your thoughts.
W: Surgery is just stabbing someone to life.
D: Please never become a surgeon.
D: You have not experienced true fear until a poster falls down in the middle of the night
W: One time I thought a poster had fallen down in the middle of the night, but when I turned on my light, it was actually an opossum that fell through the ceiling into my room.
W: so thats actually true fear
D: oh
W: I have a salsa emergency
D: The condiment or the dance? I am equipped for both.
D: Whoever murders me better not be caught because I am aiming to be featured on buzzfeed unsolved
W: So you are implying that your murder is inevitable?
D: Knowing me, you question that?
W: …you have a point
Many of these were inspired by funny YJ Tumblr posts; I love them!
BTW, I wanna connect with you guys more! PM me your snapchat url and I'll add you! Also, Another Status update is available in my profile.
I'm thrilled I had a chance to update sooner than I figured, have missed ya'll. *hugs*