Here is the next update.

PLEASE READ WITH CAUTION. This chapter could contain content that is sensitive for some individuals. Talk about abortion (not Olivia's!). I wanted to make that clear before you continue reading.

A month and a half later, Olivia was 5 ½ months pregnant. She was showing and she was glowing. Elliot was so mesmerized by her each time he looked at her. He had seen Kathy pregnant, four times and she carried it well. But something about this process was somehow life changing for Olivia. Even despite everything else going on, she thrived off of carrying their child and it made him love her so much more.

She was standing in the kitchen, munching on a snack, stroking her belly gently. He saw her smile and then bite her lip, "What?" He asked.

Olivia looked at him and smiled, "She's kicking."

Elliot stood up and walked over to her, eager to feel, "Really?"

She nodded and took his hand, she placed it in the correct spot, "Can you feel it?"

Elliot waited for a moment, and then sure enough felt a little kick, "There she is…"

She scrunched up her nose, "I should probably stop referring to it as a she...just in case it is a boy."

Elliot smiled, "You have an instinct. There is nothing wrong with that."

She sighed and reached for another cracker, "Yeah...I know." She smiled and looked at him, "But I sure wouldn't be disappointed if I had a little boy that looked like you too."

Elliot smiled, leaned down and pressed a kiss to her lips, "Good to know."

She pulled away and glanced at the clock, "Casey should be here soon."

Elliot nodded, "You sure it's okay if I take off? I have some errands to run. But I can stay if you need me here…"

She smiled, reached up and touched his cheek, "I know El. But you've been here for every step. I can handle this. We're just going to go over some more of the journals. You've seen most of it. It's okay."

He frowned, "Will you call me if you need me?"

Leaning into him she nodded, "I will. And I'll also call when I get a craving and you need to stop and pick something up for me."

Elliot chuckled, "Fine by me."

She wrapped her arms around his neck and smiled, "Hey…" He gave her a look and she smiled, "You're a damn good husband. Did you know that?"

Elliot lifted a hand and pushed back her brown hair from her forehead, "You think so?"

Kissing him gently with her eyes open she nodded, "I know so." She nuzzled his nose and whispered, "I don't know a lot of men that would be as supportive as you have been during all of this. My crazy has really reared its ugly head lately."

He smiled and shook his head, "Liv...I told you that I'd be here for better or worse. You aren't acting crazy. This is a lot...it would be for anyone. And to do it all while pregnant...that's a whole other ballgame. A lot of emotions happening at once. Whatever you need...I'm here."

She looked at the clock, "If Casey wasn't always so prompt...I'd drag you upstairs…" She smirked, "Or just have my way with you right here in the kitchen." She paused and heard a knock on the door, "Sadly...I'm going to have to hold that thought. But just know that tonight...you're getting thanked properly."

Elliot chuckled, "There is no need to thank me...but I'll take it."

She smiled, kissed him gently and walked towards the door, "We both know the pregnancy hormones are working wonders on our sex life...so be ready."

He shook his head and reached for his coat, "Seriously...the one move you did last night…" He shivered, "Do that again and you'll definitely kill me. In a very, very good way."

She smirked and opened the door, "Hey Casey.

Casey looked at her friend, "I know that face...that's you're 'I'm thinking dirty thoughts about Elliot face'." She cringed, "Did I just interrupt something?"

Olivia laughed as Elliot's face flushed, "No. Sadly we put that on hold…"

Casey huffed and stepped into the room, "Well it's a good thing you're leaving. I need her focussed…"

"Oh I'm focussed." Olivai said with a smile at her husband, "Just...on something else…"

Casey sighed, reached for Elliot and started to push him towards the door, "Goodbye Detective…"

Elliot grabbed the doorframe and turned back to Liv, "You call if you need me-"

"She will." Casey said, giving him a shove, "Now shoo…"

Olivia waved, "Pick up more ice cream on your way out!"

Elliot laughed and stepped out the door all the way, "Love you."

"Love you back." She said with a little smile as Casey shut the door.

Casey turned to her friend and sighed, "You two are sickening."

Olivia put a hand to her belly and smiled, "I know. I'm not even sorry about it." She sighed and looked at her friend, "With everything going on...it just feels really good to have something to be happy about Casey."

Casey smiled, then her face flushed, "That's good Olivia...hold onto that happiness."

Olivia paused, she took a shaky breath, "So that means I'm about to be...upset?"

Casey sighed and pointed towards the living room, "Let's sit."

Olivia stood frozen in place, "Should I call Elliot?"

Casey smiled softly, "That's your call...everything is okay. Nothing is wrong with the case. I just have something I want to run by you."

Olivia swallowed hard and walked over to her friend and sat down beside her, "Okay...so what's going on?"

Casey turned her body so she was facing Olivia, "I met one of Hollister's Victims last night."

Olivia's face frowned, "Okay...we knew that I would meet some of them at some point. Do I know her?"

Casey shook her head, "No. Her name is Sarah Larson. She's 23. Hollister raped her a few days before he came on our radar."

Olivia fidget in her seat, "She's young…"

Casey nodded, "Liv she's…" She paused for a moment, "She's pregnant."

Olivia sat up a little straighter, "Pregnant?" Casey reached out to hold her hand, "She's...pregnant."

Casey scooted closer to her, "She is a mess. Afraid to meet face him in the court house...I was thinking maybe you could talk to her."

Olivia nodded, "Su-Sure." She paused and then looked away, "That baby would be my…"

Casey reached for her phone, "Maybe I should have told Elliot to stay…"

"No." She reached for her hand and stopped her, "I'm fine. I just...need to process the information. I'm fine." Casey gave her a nervous look, "Really I'm fine…"

Casey looked at her carefully, "The thing is...she's going for an abortion today."

Olivia looked down at her belly, her hand instinctively began to rub just below her navel and like earlier, she felt the baby kick, "Oh."

Casey sighed and reached for her phone, "I'm calling him."

"Stop." Olivia said, "Stop. I can handle this…" She took a deep breath and whispered, "Do you know where she is?"

Casey nodded, "Yes...her appointments in an hour."

Olivia looked at the clock, "She shouldn't be alone. I want to go with her."

Casey's eyes widened, "Olivia what-"

Olivia looked back at her friend, "She has to be terrified Casey. She shouldn't be alone during this. It has to be a lot to process all at once. She needs support and I want to be that person for her."

"And you're sure I shouldn't call Elliot?" Casey asked softly, "Maybe it's too much…"

Olivia licked her lips and shook her head, "No...I think I need to do this one on my own."

Casey stood up and held out a hand to her friend, "You won't be alone. I'm going to be right beside you."

Casey let her pull her up and she leaned in for a hug, "Thank you Casey."

Olivia walked into the abortion clinic and looked around. It was pretty quiet. She wasn't a woman who was against abortion. She had known women who had had them, both in and out of cases she saw. It was a woman's choice. She believed that. Especially in cases of rape. But right now she felt...overwhelmed. She herself was pregnant...and she couldn't help but think of her Mother.

"Ms. Novak?" Sarah asked softly from her spot in the waiting room, "What are you doing here?"

Casey walked over to Sarah and smiled, "Hi Sarah...I brought someone who wanted to meet you."

Sarah looked up at Olivia, she narrowed her eyes, "H-hi."

Olivia walked over to her and sat down, "Hi Sarah. My name is Olivia…"

Sarah's eyes moved down to Olivia's belly, "If you're here to try and talk me out of-"

"I'm not." Olivia said quickly, "I totally understand and respect your decision. I'm just here to support you."

Sarah's eyes welled up with tears, "Why? You don't know me…"

Olivia looked at Casey and all she could see was her Mother. Sighing, she turned to her friend and coworker, "Casey do you think we could have a minute?"

Casey nodded slowly, she squeezed Sarah's shoulder and stood up. "Sure. I'll be over there if you need me…"

Sarah turned back to Olivia, "Why do you care if I do this or not?"

Olivai licked her lips, "I uh…" She looked up at the ceiling, trying to hold her tears in, "I'm…"

"Did that Monster rape you too?" She whispered, "Is that his child?"

Olivia looked down at her belly and instinctively wrapped an arm around herself protectively, "No. No...this baby is mine and my husbands. I wasn't…" Looking back up she sighed, "Joseph Hollister is my Father…"

Sarah pulled away, "What-"

Olivia frowned, "It's not what you think...I'm not here to make excuses for him. He is a monster and deserves to rot for what he did." She paused and took a deep breath before whispering, "He raped my Mother...I'm the product of that rape."

Sarah's eyes went wide, "You…"

Olivia reached for her hand, "I have spent every single day of my life wondering why my Mother didn't have an abortion. Wondering why she chose to keep me. I never knew who he was...not until recently. It all happened so fast and right when I found out I was pregnant. I've wanted a child for as long as I can remember but this has been difficult...really difficult. I can't imagine what you are feeling right now and you can tell me to go to hell and I'll understand. But if you want someone to be here to hold your hand...I'd like to be that person."

Sarah started to cry, "I always wanted to be a Mother...but not like this. Not yet. But definitely not like this. I can't...I can't. It was awful. I can't raise this child knowing who he or she represents."

Olivia licked her lips, "I know…"

Sarah looked at her carefully, "Did your Mom...did she love you?"

Olivia closed her eyes and focussed on the baby kicking at her stomach, letting her know she wasn't alone, "I'd like to think so. She tried...she tried her best but it was very difficult. I was a constant reminder to her...of what happened."

Sarah looked at her, "I don't want to hurt my child…" She cringed, "I mean I know what I'm doing but I…" She cried hard, "I'm so afraid that if I have it...I'll do something terrible. I could give it up but I just…" She leaned forward and started to fall apart, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just can't do it...I can't do it!"

Olivai leaned forward and enveloped the girl in her arms, "I know. It's okay Sarah. It's okay...I'm here. You're not alone. I'm right here."

Fifteen year old Olivia walked into the apartment she shared with her Mother. She had stayed as late as possible at the library trying to avoid going home. She knew what today was. Her Mother had been talking about it for weeks. It was the day that her Mother had been attacked...the day she had been conceived.

Closing the door softly behind her, she hoped that maybe her Mother was just passed out. Maybe she could tiptoe to her room and hide away. She was hungry but she'd rather go to bed with an ache in her belly then a bruise on her cheek. She knew her Mom wouldn't mean it. She couldn't help it. Especially today.

She was almost in the clear when she heard her name, "Olivia?" She froze, wondering if she would give up, "Olivia come here."

Slowly, she turned and walked down the hall to where her Mother sat in the living room, "H-Hi Mom."

Serena was sitting on the floor, huddled against the wall beside the couch, "Come here."

Her legs started to shake as she walked further into the room, "Mo-"

"It's okay." Serena whispered, "I promise I haven't had anything to drink." Olivia eyed her skeptically, "I promise honey...please just come sit with me. I...I don't want to be alone."

Something in the rawness, the honesty and emotion in her mother's voice moved her feet along the floor. She looked at her Mom. She wasn't a woman anyone would consider to be tiny. But today...she looked so small. So broken and scared. Olivia sat down beside her and waited, wanting her Mother to take the lead.

Serena took a deep breath, "We don't talk about it...and I won't tell you the details. But...what happened to me that night Olivia-" Her voice cracked again, "It is something I will never be able to let go of."

Tears welled in Olivia's eyes and she felt guilt consume her, "I know Mom and I'm so, so sorry-"

"Don't." Serena said, turning to her daughter, "Oh please don't…"

Olivia sniffled, "I feel terrible knowing...knowing what he did. What you think when you see me. I'll be 18 soon...I'll leave. Maybe you can find some peace…"

Serena started to cry harder and she reached for her daughter, "Oh my sweet girl…"

Olivia caved and clung to her Mother, they didn't embrace often but in this moment she wanted her Mother, "I'm sorry Mom. I really am."

Serena pressed a kiss to Olivai's head and whispered, "Olivia...none of this is or was your fault. Life is hard...and I'm sorry that I haven't been the Mother you deserved. You have been such a good daughter...despite everything I have put you through. You've never complained...never relegated. I wish I could give you more."

Olivia pulled back, "But how could you give me more? How could you love me? I'm half of him…"

Serena reached out with shaky hands and held Olivai's face, "I do...I do it's just...it's hard. But you...you are nothing like him." Olivia tried to pull away, "I remember everything about him. Every. Single. Thing. And you...you Olivia aren't him. You are so good. So much better than either one of us...I don't know how but you are. I'm so proud of you."

Olivia licked her lips, "Did you...did you ever consider-" Her voice cracked, "Just having an abortion?"

Serena sighed and pulled back, "Olivia…"

"I-I know it was harder then but...I wouldn't have blamed you." She whispered, "I'm not sure I wouldn't do it if I was in that position."

Serena took a deep breath and leaned against the wall, "I...I thought about it."

Olivia's heart started to race in her chest. She had wondered for many years, once she knew what it was...had it been considered? Why didn't she go through with it? Did she regret not doing it?

'What happened?" Olivia whispered in a scared voice, "Why didn't you?"

Serena sighed and looked down at her lap, "Back then it was...complicated. It still is. But you had to do it secretly. I had found someone that would...perform it but it was dangerous. I was up all night sick over it. I told myself it was for the best...that I needed to do it. That I couldn't have you...that I didn't want you."

Olivia pulled her legs up against her chest, "Mom…"

"I went alone. I couldn't tell anyone...it wouldn't be safe for any of us. When I got there it was this...dirty abandoned office. There was a table under the lights...all these instruments. It felt like I was going somewhere to die." She shivered, "Sometimes I think I might have if I went through it…"

Olivia reached out and touched her Mom's hand, "I'm right here…"

Serena put a hand over Olivia's and smiled, "Everything happened quickly after that. I was lying on the cold table...the Doctor was saying a lot of things I didn't understand. He was preparing the medicine to try and lessen the pain for me." She paused and then looked back at Olivia, "And then I felt you…"

Olivia frowned, not understanding, "What do you mean?"

"I felt this little flutter." She whispered, "Right here." She placed her hand on her belly, "It was the first time I felt you move and I realized...there was a child in there. A little baby. A baby that played no part in this terrible thing that had happened. I sat up quickly...the Doctor turned and asked if I was okay. You kicked again…" She looked at her daughter and smiled, "And then I stood up and walked out. I never looked back."

Olivia sniffled, "Mom…"

"I am sorry that I couldn't be a better Mother. I'm so sorry. I just can't shake him...the feel of him. But please know it isn't you. It's never been you." She squeezed her hand again, "You are such a beautiful soul...you are not him and as scared as I have been these 16 years...you saved me Olivia."

The tears fell freely now, "Mom...Mom I love you."

Serena opened her arms and Olivia fell against her, "I…" Her voice cracked and she squeezed her, "I l-"

"It's okay." Olivia said holding her tight, "I know Mom. I know…"

Together they sat there, crying and holding each other. Letting the moment say all the things that neither of them were able to say for the last 16 years…

Olivia snapped out of her memory when she heard someone call Sarah's name. Sarah froze in her arms and Olivia gave her arm a squeeze, "It's okay Sarah…"

The young woman sat up slowly, she looked frantically at Olivia, "I need to do this."

Olivia nodded and squeezed her hand, "I know."

She looked down, "This child would be your sibling...I'm sorry."

Olivia held her hands in her own, "Sarah...this is your choice. No one else's. Don't you for a second put any other thoughts and feelings above your own. What you went through was terrible and I can't imagine it." She put a hand on her own belly, "I want this child. My husband and I want this child...and I can't wait to meet him or her. But…" She shrugged, "I'm not sure I could keep the child if I was in your position either."

Sarah frowned, "Even though your Mom kept you?"

A tear slid down Olivia's cheek, "Yeah...even though my Mom kept me."

Sarah looked down, "Someday I want to be a Mother…"

"And you still can be." Olivia said confidently, "This doesn't have to define you Sarah. If this is what you need to do to let go...then I think you know what your choice is."

Sarah started to cry again, "And you won't hate me?"

Olivia smiled, "No Sarah. I won't hate you. No one will."

Sarah looked back at the nurse who was waiting by the door, "You'll-you'll really come with me?"

Olivia nodded, "If you want me too...yes."

Sarah's hands started to shake, "I...I need to do this."

Olivia took her hand, "Okay...then let's do this. Together…"

Sarah stood up and her legs started to shake, Olivia reached for her to make sure she didn't fall. She looked over at Casey who was watching her with tears in her own eyes. Olivia gave her a quick nod and then helped lead Sarah into the procedure room. They both were prepped, sterilized and briefed on what would happen.

Each time that Sarah started to cry or shake, Olivia was there to soothe her. She whispered words of encouragement, let her know she wasn't alone and that everything was okay. Sarah leaned against her, closed her eyes and whispered how sorry she was. Olivia's heart ached and she wished once more that she could just talk to her Mother. She couldn't imagine what this had been like.

And then she thought about what would have happened if Serena had gone through with it. She wouldn't be alive. Would her Mother have been able to move on? Would she have had a better life? Her Mother loved her. Deep down she knew that. She had told her that she was nothing like Joseph Hollister and she wanted to believe that. To an extent she did...but how could you face the product of the worst moment of your life each and everyday?

Tears streamed down her face as Sarah cried during the procedure. She tried to stay strong. Tried to hold it together. But it was getting harder. And for a moment she wished she had let Casey call Elliot. She needed him. His unwavering strength and support. Bowing her head she held Sarah's hand to her chest as the young woman cried for all that was happening, all that had happened and all she still had to face.

Olivia bit down on her lip, not wanting to cry. She felt so alone in this moment. And then...she felt that flutter. That reminder that she wasn't alone. She squeezed her eyes shut not wanting to upset Sarah. But as the room filled with her loud crying, Olivia focussed only on the sensation in her belly. The little being letting her know that he or she was there. That no matter what happened next...she would never be alone again.

When it was over, Olivia sat with Sarah as she rested. She needed to be monitored before she could leave. She was sleeping at the moment and the room was quiet. She looked down at her belly again and began to trace patterns against the bump. Her heart jumped in her chest when she felt another kick. From her back pocket, she felt her phone vibrating.

She took it out and didn't have to look at the name on the front to know who it was, "Hey El."

"Where are you?" Elliot asked frantically, "I just got home and your car is here...but you're not."

Olivia sniffled, "I'm okay. I'm...I'm with Casey. She needed my help with something."

Elliot was quiet for a moment, "Olivia what's going on?"

She turned and saw Sarah beginning to stir, "El I can't talk right now. But...I need you to trust me when I say everything is fine." She put a hand on her belly, "Me and the baby are just fine."

He was quiet, but she could almost hear the wheels turning in his head, "Liv I-"

"I know." She whispered softly, "I love you too. I'll be home as soon as I can. Okay?"

Elliot took a deep breath and then sighed, "Okay…"

She flipped the phone shut quickly and then turned back to Sarah, "Hey…" She whispered, "How are you feeling?"

Sarah looked at her carefully, "Honestly?" Olivia nodded, "I feel...relieved." Her lip trembled, "Does that make me a terrible person?"

Olivia squeezed her hand gently, "No Sarah. It makes you human."

Sarah's eyes lowered to Olivia's belly, "You are going to be a really incredible Mother. That baby is so lucky to have you."

Tears burned in her eyes, "Thank you Sarah." She squeezed her hand again, "Someday...when you're ready and when it's your choice...you will be a wonderful Mother too. Don't you doubt that."

Sarah curled in a ball and nodded, "C-Can you call someone for me?"

Olivia brushed back Sarah's long blonde hair, "Sure. Who?"

Sarah looked at her softly, "My Mom…"

Olivia began to rub her back, "Of course. Everything is going to be okay Sarah...I promise."

Sarah nodded and closed her eyes again as the tears continued to stream down her face. Olivia reached for the girls phone and looked for the number she needed. And when she heard her Mother on the end, she wished it was her own Mother, "Hello...my name is Olivia Benson. I...I'm calling on behalf of your daughter Sarah. She…" She looked at Sarah who was drifting off to sleep again, "She needs you…"

Forty-five minutes later, Sarah was sitting with her Mom telling her everything that had happened. Olivia had given them her card and told them they could call her whenever they needed too. Casey stood by the door and watched her friend, wondering how it was possible to be that strong.

Olivia said her goodbyes, gave Sarah a hug and then walked over to Casey, "Hey...thanks for staying."

Casey put a hand on Olivia's shoulder, "Of course." She paused a moment, "What you did in there...not many people could do that."

Olivia sighed, "She didn't deserve to be alone…especially after everything she has already been through."

Casey watched her carefully, "Are you okay?"

Olivia pointed out the door, "Come on...I think they need some space."

Casey let her walk out the door first and then followed her, "Olivia…"

"I'm…" She sighed when they got to the car across the street, "I'm sad Casey. I'm just...I'm sad."

"You were so happy when I came over. I shouldn't have put this on you. I'm so sorry Olivia. Elliot's going to kill me. I wanted to call him the whole time you were in there." Casey rambled.

Olivia shook her head, "I asked you not too. It's okay. I needed to do this myself...and it's not that you put anything on me. I'm just…" She looked around and shrugged, "I'm sad that this is the world we live in. That...all these years later women...men...children...they are still brutalized. And no matter what I do about it...no matter how many of them I put away...there is always more."

Casey frowned, "You can't save them all Olivia…"

She nodded and looked at her friend, "I just wish I could have saved one…"

Casey nodded in understanding, "Your Mom…"

Olivia nodded, "She almost had an abortion. Sometimes I still wonder how or why she didn't do it. She could have moved on...had a better life."

"She kept you because she wanted to." Casey said, "I know it wasn't easy...I know there were hard times but she did love you. You know that."

Olivai nodded and looked down at her belly, she pressed a hand firmly there, "Why does it all have to be so damn complicated?"

"Because it's life." Casey said walking closer to her, "And sometimes it really sucks." She put a hand over Olivia's and whispered, "But sometimes it can also be really beautiful…"

"I already love this child so much that it scares me." She whispered, "It scares me how much could go wrong...how much he or she could have to endure. All the things I can't protect them from."

Casey put her arms around her shoulders and pulled her in for a hug, "But this child will be loved Olivia. So loved...and no matter what they face that will be what they can hold onto. You and Elliot. You're going to be a wonderful Mother. You already are…"

Olivai leaned into her embrace and sighed, "Casey?" Casey pulled away and nodded, "Can you take me home now?"

Casey smiled, squeezed her hand and motioned towards the car, "Come on."

When they pulled up in front of the house, Olivia saw a light on upstairs. She smiled, knowing that in just a few minutes everything would feel better. She'd be with Elliot. He made everything better…

Olivia turned to Casey and smiled, "I'll call you tomorrow. Let me know if you hear from Sarah."

Casey nodded, "I will. Try and take it easy tonight…"

Olivia nodded and unbuckled her seatbelt. It was getting dark as she walked up the front steps of the house. She unlocked the door and looked around for Elliot but there was only the kitchen light on and no one there. She remembered the light upstairs and began to walk towards the steps. She took one at a time and expected to see the light in their bedroom on but then she noticed it was from the guest room.

Frowning, she walked down the hall and pushed the door open. She had been expecting to see the room the way they had decorated it. Simple yet elegant. Instead, her heart stopped in her chest and she felt the tears she had been trying to hold in since sitting with Sarah. There was a dark wooden crib in the corner, with a star and moon mobile hanging over it. In the corner, a rocking chair sat still, with a gray blanket on the arm just waiting for her to curl up and hold their child. A changing table was up against the wall, little baskets of stuffed animals, books and toys littered the room waiting to be put away.

Her knees gave out and she stumbled to the side, hitting the wall as the sobs wracked through her body. She wasn't sure how long she had been curled up on the floor before Elliot was there, wrapping strong arms around her, "Liv...shh…"

She clung to him and cried for the pain of her Mother, the pain of Sarah and all the women she could never save, "I hate him...Oh God I hate him…"

Elliot squeezed her tight, "Liv...what is going on?" He swallowed hard, "The baby…"

She knew what he was thinking and she reached for his arm, "No...no we're fine. The baby is fine…"

He started to press kisses to her head, "Olivia...breathe."

She closed her eyes, and clung to him harder, "When did you…"

He looked back at the room and whispered, "I've been bringing a little in each day...I picked up the rocking chair today. I wanted to surprise you with it. I thought it would make you happy...I'm sorry."

She rubbed her eyes and pulled away, "God no El...no it's not." She looked back at the room, "This is the most incredible thing you could have done and I-" She looked down at her belly and put his hand over hers, "We love you so very much."

Elliot wiped at her tears, "Tell me what happened...where were you?"

She shifted in her seat and crossed her legs in front of her, she closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths, "I met one of Hollister's victims. Her name was Sarah…"

Elliot rubbed her arm gently, "Okay…"

She bit her lip and opened her eyes to look at him, "She was pregnant El." He was quiet, trying to process what she was saying, "She was pregnant…"

Elliot shifted slightly, "Was?"

She sighed and began to rub a gentle hand along her belly, "She had an abortion. I sat with her during it…"

"Olivia…" He whispered, "Why would you do that?"

She turned to look at him and shrugged, "Because she needed someone to support her Elliot. Someone who wouldn't judge her. I have spent every day of my life wondering why my Mom didn't make that choice. She came so close…"

"You never told me that…" He whispered leaning into her.

She sighed, "She told me...when I was 15. I had been avoiding home because it was the anniversary of the rape. Always the worst day...I didn't know what to expect when I got home. But she was sober...for the first time in as long as I could remember. And she told me...she told me she went to get an abortion. But she couldn't go through with it...she told me how scared she was." She bowed her head again when she felt the baby move again, "How she felt me move for the first time…"

Elliot sighed and pulled her closer, "Liv…"

"She could have done it and she could have moved on. She could have put him behind her. Lived her life. But she didn't." She whispered, "And I'm so grateful for that but I will never understand why. Why she didn't just let me go...let it all go."

Leaning forward he pressed a kiss to her head, "Because despite how scared she was...despite how hurt she was...she wanted you."

Olivia nodded, "I know. I know that...and I know she loved me. But no one saved her Elliot. No one could fix it. No one could make it better. And no matter what I do...no matter how many victims I help it's not her. It will never be her because she's gone. And she can never be saved."

Elliot touched her face softly, "You did save her Olivia. You don't think you did...but you did. And right now...everything you are doing is for her. She may not physically be there...but she knows Olivia. She knows and she's here…she's with you."

Olivia looked over at him, "You don't believe in abortion."

He sighed, "I...believe a woman has a right to choose. And in certain cases yes...I believe it is the right choice. I can't imagine what your Mother went through...or what Sarah went through. I understand their choices."

She nodded slowly, "She was scared…"

Elliot nodded, "I know. It was good she had you...she needed you."

She bit her lip and looked at him, "That child would have been my sibling." She frowned, "We would have been related...and I can't help but wonder if there are more…"

He rubbed her arm, "Is that something you want to find out?"

"I don't know." She whispered, "I...I spent so many years wanting a family. Wanted to have a sibling but I'm all grown up now. I…" She looked down, "I have my own family. I'm not sure if opening that can of worms is going to be good for me…" She rubbed her belly again, "For us…"

Elliot nodded, "You don't have to decide right now."

She looked at him and was quiet as she thought of her words, "Before I understood what happened to my Mother...I wondered what my Dad would be like. What kind of man he was. I envisioned some TV sitcom Dad...who went to work everyday...came home every night and took care of us. Who protected us. I wanted that…" She wiped a tear away, "I'm a grown woman having her own child and I still want that."

"Olivia…" He whispered softly, she shook her head.

"But he is a monster Elliot. I have never in my life felt such hatred for someone. I thought...I thought meeting him I could walk away. I thought he couldn't break me and he hasn't but God I hate him. Every fiber of my being hates him...and it takes so much energy sometimes to hate someone that fully." She trembled, "I'm afraid of what that hatred is going to do to me. Of what it would do to this child…"

Scooting closer to her, he leaned against the wall and put his arm behind her back, "Come here."

She leaned into his chest and closed her eyes, "He is so full of hate. That's the only way he could do all of these terrible things...all those women. All these years...and I just wonder how much of that hatred is inside of me."

Elliot ran his hands through her hair, trying to find the right words, "You can hate him and still be a good person Olivia." She didn't respond so he moved on, "You are a good person. The best person I have ever met. There aren't many people who would have had the guts to do what you did today...what you've done the last few months." He pressed a kiss to her head, "What you've done your whole life."

She looked up at him, "What do you mean?"

He smiled and touched her cheek, "You've fought for everything you have. Everyday of your life...you've fought. Fought for your life. For the lives of the victims you meet...fought to find justice for the things that no one can ever understand. You're a fighter Olivia Benson. I knew that the day I met you. I know it now. And you can hate him...I hate him right with you. But what you can't do...what you can't do is give up. You can't let him win and I won't let you."

"So then what do I do when I feel that hatred is getting to be too much to handle?
She whispered.

Elliot rubbed her shoulder, "You come to me." He paused, "You need to take it out on me?" He shrugged, "I'll be your punching bag any day."

She sighed and reached out to touch his face, "I don't want you to be my punching bag Elliot…" She leaned in and he instinctively wrapped his arms around her, "But I do need you to hold me. You might think I'm strong...and maybe sometimes I am. But sometimes...sometimes I just need you beside me. It's the only thing I can count on. The only thing I trust."

"I'm right here. I'll always be right here." He reached between them and touched her belly, "And this little one will always be here too. You're stuck with us."

She smiled, held onto him tighter and whispered, "That's what I'm counting on…"

"Why didn't you call me? You said you'd call me if you needed me…" He whispered, "I was worried."

"I needed to do this one alone El...I'm sorry." She whispered, "Maybe it's all the years that I did have to do it alone...it's just hard sometimes. I know you're here. I know you're going to support me. I just...I needed to do this one alone."

He sighed, "I get that. I don't like it...but I get it." She was quiet in his arms and he whispered, "What can I do Liv? How can I fix this?"

She smiled, "You can't fix it El." He froze and she squeezed him, "You know you can't. And I love you for wanting too...but you can't. As far as what can you do?" She looked up at him and smiled, "You're already doing it."

He smiled and kissed her head, "Be more specific so I keep doing it…"

She laughed and wiped at her tears, pulling away she started to push herself off the floor. He held onto her elbow to help her and she looked around the room. "I wasn't kidding this morning when I said you're a damn good husband…"

He stood behind her and put a hand on her back, "Liv…"

"You have spent all this time and effort doing this for me...for us." She whispered holding her stomach, "How the hell did you do this without me noticing?"

He smiled, "You've been...preoccupied. And neither of us come in here often."

She looked at him, "Did you pick all this out on your own?"

Elliot shook his head, "Maureen, Kathleen and Lizzie came with me…"

She smirked, "They made me look at catalogs the other day."

Elliot nodded, "A little digging on my behalf. I wanted to make sure it was what you wanted…" He smiled sheepishly, "You said you didn't want to do a big baby shower. But I wanted you to have this...something to hold onto when things get tough in the next few weeks. We can return any of it if you don't-"

"It's perfect." She said, putting a hand out to touch the crib, "It's absolutely perfect Elliot." She looked at him and smiled, "Thank you."

Elliot walked up to her, and pressed a hand to her lower back, "Come with me…"

She frowned and looked at him, "What are you doing?"

He smiled, and led her over to the rocking chair, "Sit…"

She looked at him, "Elliot…" He gave her a look that said he wasn't giving in so she sat down and waited.

Elliot knelt down beside her and reached for the gray blanket and put it on her lap, "Maureen made it."

She looked at him, "What?"

"She took a class to learn...she wanted the baby to have something she made." He smiled.

She rubbed the blanket between her fingers, "Do you have any idea how incredible your five kids are? What an amazing Father you have been?"

He smiled and leaned into her, "Liv…"

She took a deep breath, "I didn't have that growing up...that unwavering support and love. I hope that I can be that for our child but I know…" She looked at him and smiled, "I know that with you as their Father...they'll always be okay."

Elliot smiled, The way you love my children...the way you help all the children we see in our cases tells me everything I need to know about how you will be as a Mother." He looked at her carefully, "I can't wait to come home and see you here...with our child. You were meant to be a Mother Olivia...and now you will be one. I'm so damn lucky I get to share it with you."

She took his hand and put it over her belly, "She's strong…hasn't stopped all day."

Elliot smiled and nudged her gently.\, "She'll be a badass like her Momma."

Olivia laughed, "Just what the world needs...another Olivia Benson."

"I think that's exactly what the world needs…" He whispered, she looked at him with tear filled eyes, "The world would be a much better place if there were more people like you…" He reached up and wiped her tears away, "I know you think you didn't save her. That you haven't saved others but you have...you do everyday." He whispered softly, "You saved me Liv...gave me a reason to keep living. You make the world better just be living in it...and now you're going to make it even brighter."

She sniffled and leaned all the way into him, "See? Damn good husband…"

He smiled and pressed his lips to hers knowing that no matter what happened next...they were going to be okay. And for the first time all day...Olivia felt the same way.

I will update as soon as I can. The next chapter will probably be a bit of a time jump too to get us closer to the case and Baby Stabler. Drop a review if you can.