I wasn't planning on updating so soon but I had some time and needed the distraction...so I wrote. Thank you for all the feedback. This chapter will overall be a bit lighter. But there will be drama to come…
By the end of June, Olivia was close to 7 months pregnant. As her belly grew, her love for her unborn child seemed to triple by the day. Each time something hard came up in the case, she focussed on this child. This little being, growing stronger and stronger. That was all that mattered.
She had been working part-time. Helping out with the case and assisting when she could but only at the precinct, never on the street. She was sitting at her desk typing up forms on a cse they had solved the night before. She was focussed, determined to finish so she could go home as soon as possible.
She was so in the zone she didn't notice what was going on around her. The squad room was pretty quiet. It had been a slow day and it was nothing to complain about. She was just about to hit print when she noticed something out of the corner of her eyes. She turned and frowned when she saw Eli dart past her desk. What confused her though was she had no idea why or when he even came to work.
She turned her head, "Eli what-"
"Hi Livvie." The little boy said jumping up and down by her desk, "Hi! Hi! Hi!"
Olivia laughed and reached out for him, "Hi, hi, hi! What are you doing?" She looked behind her, "Is your Mom with you?"
"Um...can't say." He whispered, his eyes darting around.
She frowned and went to turn her head but he grabbed her face and stopped her, "Eli-"
"Not yet." He whispered, still bouncing in his spot.
Olivia frowned, "What is going on?"
"Okay Eli...you can let her go now." A voice said from somewhere behind her.
Eli's small hands moved from her face and he pointed behind her. Curiously, she put a hand on her belly and turned to follow his gaze. She gasped slightly when she saw all of her favorite people standing on the other side of the squad room. They were all standing by a portable crib, a basket of clothes, including more than one baby police officer onesie. There were toys, books, diapers, and anything else she could think of that they would need.
"We've rendered her speechless." John said from his spot in the corner, "It's a miracle."
Olivia looked at him, then back to the display in front of her, "What-How-" She looked at her husband, "I said no babyshower…"
He shrugged sheepishly, "Technically this isn't a babyshower. Although Casey really fought me on all the weird baby games."
"I still have some in the car ready to go if you change your mind." Casey said quickly.
Olivia stood up and walked over to them, one hand resting on her bump, "No. No games...I-" She looked down again, "How the hell did you get this in here without me noticing?"
"It's been stored in the guys locker room." Don said, "We've brought in a little bit each day. You were so focussed right now we knew we could sneak it by you."
Olivia looked at her boss, "I don't know what to say…"
"Don't say anything Olivia." Cragen said, "There's no need. We just...we're so happy for you. And you've made us all so damn proud the last few months...you always do but you've blown us away with this one. We wanted to remind you that you're not in this alone."
Olivia cleared her throat, and began to wipe at her eyes. "Okay seriously people...I don't like crying. But this whole pregnancy thing makes it impossible to not cry so...cut the sentimental shit out."
"Olivia said a bad word!" Eli said from his spot beside his Step Mom.
Elliot laughed and scooped up his son, "She did...but we're going to let this one slide."
"Would chocolate make it better?" Kathleen asked with a smile, "We went to your favorite pastry shop. Got a little bit of everything."
Olivia's eyes lit up, "That will definitely help…"
Maureen took out a plate, "Sit. We brought dinner too. But of course you can have dessert first."
Olivia smiled and settled into Fin's chair that he had pulled out for her, "This was...unexpected." She paused and glanced at them all, "But...very sweet. Thank you." They all smiled, "For...everything."
Fin squeezed her shoulder, "That's what families do Liv...they support each other through the bad and the good. This one happens to be good...damn good."
"Fin said a bad word!" Eli yelled from Elliot's arms.
Elliot pointed at his friend, "He did. That one we won't let slide." Elliot put his hand out, "1 dollar for the swear jar Fin."
Everyone laughed as Fin rolled his eyes and pulled out his wallet, "Man...why does she get a free pass?"
"Because she's my wife and she's pregnant." Elliot said, taking the dollar and handing it to his son.
Everyone laughed again and Elliot settled Eli down to run back to his siblings. They started to dish out food as Olivia stared at the gifts in front of her. A small smile on her face, and her hand still resting on her belly. Elliot took a deep breath, walked over to her and knelt down beside her.
Resting his chin on her shoulder, she leaned back into him, "So this was okay?" He asked softly, "I know you really didn't want a shower...but they wanted to do something. And so did I...this seemed less formal."
Olivia turned and looked at him, "I love it. Thank you."
He smiled and pressed a kiss to her shoulder, "You finish that paperwork?"
Olivia nodded, "Yeah. Just need to print it and give it to Cragen. I was about to do that when I saw Eli dart past…"
Elliot smiled, "Good. That's good. Then you'll be ready to go when this is over. We can go home, get a good night's rest and then hit the road tomorrow morning."
She slowly turned her body all the way towards him, "What do you mean hit the road? We going on the run? Did you guys rob a baby store to get this stuff?"
Elliot chuckled, "No. All bought and purchased for by the group. But we are going on a trip."
"A trip?" She asked softly, still confused."What? Where? Since when?"
Elliot reached out and touched her cheek, "Eli's been talking a lot about the house in Maine. And the more I thought about it...the more I thought it would be a good idea to get away. Things have been hectic. And the next two months are going to be so busy. I want you to be able to relax before the trial…" He placed a hand on her belly, "Before the baby comes. I just want us to have sometime...as a family. The way it is now."
Tears burned in her eyes, "El…"
"You can say no. I'll understand it. But I think we need it. All of us. Cragen cleared the time for both of us. And all the kids are coming too. It will be great timing. The fourth of July is next week and we can just lounge around...do nothing. Put all the other stuff on the back burner for a bit." He shrugged, "What do you think?"
She sighed happily and leaned into him, pressing a kiss to his lips she whispered, "I think that sounds like heaven."
He smiled and rubbed her shoulder affectionately, "I was hoping you'd say that."
"I really, really love you." She said honestly, staring deep into his eyes, "That used to scare me...like really scare me. But now I-" She bit her lip and tried to push on, "Now I just feel...so secure. So sure that I'm right where I'm supposed to be."
He smiled and leaned into her touch on his cheek, "Liv…"
"I mean it El." She shrugged, "Before we took that step...before we decided to try to be together I was so sure that keeping that wall up was the only way to survive. I didn't want to get hurt. But when I think about what I could have missed out on…" She slid her hand from his cheek to his chest and felt his heart beating under her touch, "I think I was crazy for holding you at arm's length for so long. You are the most incredible man I have ever met. I don't know what I did to deserve you...I just hope whatever it is is good enough to last a lifetime."
Elliot smiled, "You loved me back." He whispered, a tear escaped her eye and he brushed it away with his thumb, "You loved me back and you showed me how good life could really be...I was only half living before I met you Liv. You changed everything. For the better. This thing between us…" He reached down and took her hand, rubbing the gold band of her ring, "It's going to last a lifetime and then some…" He glanced up at her and smiled, "We're taking this thing to the afterlife baby."
Olivia laughed through her happy tears and leaned in to kiss him, "I like the sound of that."
He kissed her back and let her sit back in the chair, "Eat. We have a whole week to be together...I need to share you with our friends and family tonight."
She kissed him again and nodded, "Okay. But just so you know...Maureen and Kathleen are going to have to take the kids one night. I demand a full night of Elliot Stabler's full attention."
He smirked and pressed a kiss to her temple, "It's already been added to the itinerary. I demand a full night of Olivia Stabler's full attention too."
He gave her a wink and went to help his children pass out food. Olivia sat in her seat, looked around, heard the laughter and chatter of her friends and smiled. She looked down at her belly and whispered, "We're damn lucky baby…"
"I heard that!" Eli yelled from across the room.
Olivia threw her head back and laughed harder and Richie and Elliot tackled Eli making him laugh as they tickled him. She was damn lucky…
By mid morning the next day, they were on the road. Maureen, Kathleen, Richie and Lizzie were all driving together in Maureen's car. Elliot and Olivia had Eli with them. Elliot was driving, Olivia was sitting in the passenger seat, smiling out the window. Elliot had a hand on her belly and rubbed it gently and she felt incredibly content.
Eli had been watching a movie on his iPad when he took off his headphones and called out, "Dad?"
Elliot looked in the rearview mirror then back to the road, "What's up buddy?"
"You know how My Mommy is…" He paused, "Well...my Mommy?"
Elliot peeked at him again and Olivia turned her head, "Yeah...I think I know what you mean."
"And Livvie is my Mommy Livvie. My Bonus Mommy." He said Olivia could see him chewing on his bottom lip, clearly thinking hard just like his Father often did, "But...you're my Daddy. And you'll be the new baby's Daddy. But this new baby will have Olivia for a Mommy...and-" He paused again, "I guess my Mommy will be their Bonus Mommy?"
Olivai couldn't help but laugh as she heard him ramble and Elliot felt his head exploding trying to keep up, "Uh...yeah bud."
"So...does that make the baby my bonus sibling or my full sibling?" He asked with a confused look on his face, "I'm...confused."
Olivia looked at Elliot, "You want to take this one?"
Elliot eased on the brake as they approached traffic ahead of them, "Well Eli...you know that Mommy and I were married before, right?"
Eli nodded, "Uh huh. But not when I was born…"
Elliot nodded slowly, "Right...but you know that doesn't mean we didn't love you. That we didn't want you."
Eli nodded, "I know. Mommy tells me that all the time."
Elliot smiled, "Good. Well...you also know that everyone has different families. Right? Like your friend Michael only lives with his Dad. And Katie from school has two Mommies and no Daddy?"
Eli thought carefully, trying to keep up, "Yeah…"
"Well our family is just a bit different too. I was married to your Mommy and got five great kids. But...we realized we were better off as friends. I still care about her very much. But...now I'm married to Olivia. And Olivia and I are going to have a baby." He said.
Eli nodded, "Okay...will Mommy marry Lucas?"
Elliot sighed, 'I don't know buddy. I know she loves him and he loves her...and they are very happy together. Would you be okay with that?"
Eli shrugged, "Sure. I like Lucas." He smiled, "Would that make him my Bonus Daddy?"
Elliot tried to smile, "I guess it would…"
Eli smiled, "Man I'd be one lucky kid…"
Olivia turned to look at him, "We have a very big family...and you have a lot of people who love you Eli. That's the most important thing."
Eli nodded then looked nervously at his Father, "Are you mad I said that Daddy?"
Elliot turned as they were still stopped, "No Eli. I'm not mad." He smiled and leaned out to squeeze his son's knee, "I guess sometimes I'm just not so good at sharing."
Eli smiled, "Don't worry...you're still my best friend."
ELliot smiled back, "I'm glad to hear it." He glanced at the road and saw they weren't moving yet so he turned back, "And as far as what this sibling will be to you...he or she will be your brother or sister. That's it. No halves. No part time. No bonus anything. They'll be just as important as Mo, Kathleen, Richie and Lizzie. Okay?"
Eli smiled at him, "Okay."
Elliot squeezed his knee and turned back to the road, "Okay…"
Eli slipped his headphones on again and went back to his show, clearly content with the answers he was given for now. Olivia looked back down at her belly, the baby kicked gently, she looked over at Elliot who was now gripping the steering wheel with both hands. She bit her lip, worried he was upset.
She looked in her mirror to see Eli totally engrossed in his show, "El…"
He looked at her quickly then back on the road, "Hm? You need to stop?"
Olivia shook her head, "No. I'm fine." She smiled, "Give it another twenty though and this little one may have other thoughts."
Elliot smiled, reached out and put his hand in her lap, "Okay. Just let me know."
She laced her fingers with his and squeezed, "You okay?"
He looked at her again and nodded, "Yeah. I'm fine...I mean I always knew he'd have questions. Sometimes it's just hard to know what to say…"
Olivia nodded, "I know. But he is so loved Elliot...that's the most important part."
He sucked in his lower lip, reminding her of the small boy just moments before, "I just don't want to screw him up…"
"El he's an incredible kid. All of your kids are. Yes...divorce is hard. But they are happy, healthy and loved. We've made it work. It hasn't always been easy...but they know you love them. They know Kathy loves them." She rubbed his arm affectionately.
He glanced at her again and smiled, "They know you love them too."
"I hope so." She lifted his hand and placed it on her belly, "And this little one knows too babe. We got this."
Elliot ran his hand along her belly and sighed happily before repeating her words from the night before, "Damn lucky…"
She took a deep breath and then whispered, "Remember that when I say this next part…" He looked at her curiously, "Baby changed positions and she's currently kicking the crap out of my bladder."
He chuckled and looked in his mirror again, "Eli, we're making another pit stop. Hang tight."
When they finally arrived at the lake house, Olivia took Eli's hand and went towards the house. At almost 7 months pregnant, Elliot wasn't going to let her do any of the heavy lifting of bags. And truth be told...she didn't mind. She was tired and stiff after driving so long and ready to relax. Eli started running around, checking out all the spaces in the house.
She smiled at him, then walked to the back slider and out onto the porch. Immediately she felt calm. Leaning against the porch railing, she took a deep breath and felt thankful for the fresh air, the quiet and the ability to just be still for a moment. She could hear the kids talking behind her, moving around the house, making decisions about dinner. She stayed still, had one hand gripped on the railing and one on her belly. She focussed on her breathing. Focussed on the feeling of the wind blowing back her hair.
She wasn't sure how long she had been outside but she jumped slightly when she felt a hand on her back. Turning she smiled when she saw Elliot standing there, her heart ached when she saw the worry on her face. She realized she was crying and she shook her head, "I'm fine."
He looked back at the house, "You sure? Maybe you should go up and take-"
She shook her head, "No...no I'm good. I just…" She sighed and looked out at the open lake and smiled, "I don't think I realized how much I needed this..." She looked back at him and smiled, "Thank you."
He leaned in and kissed her cheek, "We all needed this. A week of no talk of the case…" She gave him a look and smiled, "Well...limited talk. But time away from the city...away from the chaos. You need something...I'll get it. I just want you to relax…"
She stared at him for a moment, "When we get home…" He nodded, "It's going to be nonstop." She looked down, "Right up until this one comes."
He rubbed her back, "Yes it is. But...you can do this. I know you don't like to...but I need you to lean on me Liv. This isn't just for your sake anymore…" He touched her stomach, "We need to make sure the baby is safe too."
Looking up at him she nodded, "I know. You're right…"
He started to massage her shoulders, "I'm sure you'll fight me...but why don't you go take shower or a bath. Take a quick nap. I'm going to go into town with Mo and pick up some groceries. Kathleen is going to stay with Eli and the twins. We'll have dinner in tonight. Just relax…"
"That actually sounds really incredible." She said, rolling her neck, "You sure you don't need help?"
Elliot shook his head, "No. What I need is for you to just take it easy...then I can relax. Okay?"
"Okay…" She whispered, he gave her a look and she smiled, "Really...I can relax." He started to laugh and she smirked, "I can!"
"Hm...okay." He turned her slowly and started to push her towards the kitchen, "I'll believe it when I see it." He smacked her behind gently and she laughed.
"I'm going! I'm going!" She said walking towards the stairs.
Elliot pointed at his children, "No one bug her...she's under strict bath and nap orders."
Eli sighed, "I feel your pain Livvie...he does the same thing to me."
Olivia laughed and rounded the stairs before taking them slowly, grateful she had a husband who cared about her as much as he did. She walked into the room they were staying in, she knew it as they had stayed here before. She pushed the door open and saw that Elliot had already put their bags on the bed. And then her heart jumped when she saw a little bouquet of roses on the bedside table. A bag of her favorite chocolate and a basket of all of her favorite bath bubbles and oils.
"Damn he's good…" She whispered for what felt like the millionth time in the last few months.
Two hours later, Olivia had taken a long relaxing bath, taken a nap and now felt more refreshed then she had in months. She slipped on one of Elliot's sweatshirts as the temperature had dropped slightly and she descended the stairs. She smiled when she saw the kids outside playing down by the water's edge.
She turned towards the kitchen and smiled when she saw Elliot singing to the radio as he maneuvered around the kitchen. Immediately, a memory washed over her from her first birthday when they started dating.
Olivia hated her birthday. In fact she hadn't told anyone at work her actual Birthday the first few years she worked at SVU. They only figured it out when Fin, Munch and Elliot stole her file from Cragen to find the date. They had surprised her that year with a mini work party. At first she had been angry...she didn't know why. She felt terrible because she had snapped at them...and then when all three of them looked anxious and sad and her heart ached.
She couldn't say no to the three of them. She never would. So after she apologized profusely, they had had a little celebration with the four of them. And for the first time in her life...she thought maybe birthday's weren't so terrible after all. Now this year she was dating Elliot Stabler. She begged him not to make a fuss but the little smirk on his face when they talked about it made her worried.
He had told her to come to his apartment at 7. So now here she was...standing outside the door at 7:03. She had been standing there for at least 5 minutes but for some reason she couldn't force her feet to move, couldn't make her hand lift to knock on the door.
By 7:06 she had decided she was going to just stand there all night. It seemed safer. Before she could process it though, the door opened and there he stood. Elliot Stabler. She swallowed hard when she saw the determined and sad look on his face. She hated thinking she was disappointing him. That was the last thing she wanted.
"Oh. Hey." She whispered, and immediately hated herself for it, "I uh-""You've been out here for almost ten minutes. You coming in or deciding to run?" He said with a sigh.
She scrunched up her nose and whispered, "I don't like birthdays El." She paused and then continued, "More specifically...I don't like my Birthday."
He nodded, "I'm aware of this...I also think it's crazy. I happen to think the birth of Olivia Benson is something the whole world should celebrate."
She looked down quickly, "Not sure my Mom would have felt that way."
He sighed, reached out and put a hand on her arm, she flinched and he froze, "Please come in…" She looked at him carefully, "Please?"
She chewed her lip carefully, then leaned into his touch and saw him step back. She took a few tentative steps and before she knew it she was in the apartment. She could hear him exhale, clearly relieved she had given in. They stood there awkwardly in the foyer for a moment, neither of them moving or saying anything. She was thinking about how she could just turn around, walk out and stop this. But she felt him standing beside her, not pushing, not arguing or showing he was upset. He was giving her the space she needed to process it.
Because...he loved her.
This man. This incredible man loved her. Despite the fact that she came into this world in such a violent way. Despite all she had been though. Despite all her mistakes. Despite her flaws. He loved her. He loved her enough to spend time trying to make her birthday special and deal with a potential break down over it.
Lifting her head, she looked into the apartment and she felt her heart squeeze. Elliot had pushed the couch aside and laid out an indoor picnic. It was the middle of winter so an outdoor picnic was out of the question. But he chose to bring something to her that he knew she loved. And man...did she love him.
She looked at him carefully, "Okay."
The corners of his lips curled up in a smile and he gave her a little nod, totally understanding her, "Okay?"
She took a shaky breath and nodded again, "Okay…"
He smiled, put a hand on her back and reached for her coat. "Okay. Great." She let him pull her coat off and they walked all the way into the apartment, "Do you want some wine?"
"Yeah...that would be great. Thank you." She said hoping it would calm her nerves a bit.
He leaned in and kissed her temple, "Be right back."
When he stepped away, she started to take in her surroundings. The lights were dimmed. There was soft music playing from the CD Player in the corner. The blanket was laid out on the ground by the big window overlooking the city. She noticed that it had started snowing since she had arrived. There was already a plate of some sort of appetizer waiting for them. And on the coffee table pushed aside was a gift box.
"Here." He handed her the glass, "Come sit…"
Slowly, she walked towards the blanket that was laid out and she sat beside him. He had his own glass but he set it down on the ground beside him. He smiled sheepishly and held out a plate, "Hungry?"
She looked at the plate and then back at him. She didn't seem able to put words together yet. He shifted nervously, put the plate down and sighed, "Too much, huh?"
The sadness in voice snapped her out of her funk, "No. I…" She reached for him, "No. It's...this…" She sighed, put her own glass down and then turned on the blanket to look at him, "I'm sorry...this is-" She looked around the room, "The most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for me. I'm just...I'm not sure how to handle it. What I'm supposed to do."
Elliot smiled, "You can just let me spoil you...that's allowed."
She laughed a little, "I don't think I deserve that though El."
He frowned and leaned into her, "What do I need to do to get you to understand how wonderful you are?" She fidgeted again, "I'm serious, Liv. I need you to stop believing that because of what happened to your Mom...that you aren't worthy of happiness. That you deserve it. That I want to be the one to make you happy."
She bit her lip, her lip quivered and she worried her answer would be too hard for him to process, "I don't know."
Elliot took a deep breath, he reached out and grabbed the gift on the table. He cocked his head to the side and she took the hint as he sat back down, opened his legs and she settled in between them resting her back against his chest. He leaned against the coffee table behind him and held out the gift, "Open it."
With trembling hands, she pulled the ribbon off the box, "What did you do Stabler?"
"I consider it a gift for both of us." He said with a laugh and gave her arm a squeeze, "Just open it."
Pulling the top of the box she gasped when she saw what was inside, "Plane tickets?"
Elliot rubbed her back, "Yup. You. Me. A week in the Bahamas. No work...no Munch and his conspiracy theories...no Fin throwing daggers at me when I'm not looking." She laughed, "No interruptions...just time for us."
She swallowed hard, "You're taking me on vacation?"
"Yep. I fully expect you to pay me back with days spent in little bikinis…" He said tickling her sides.
Olivia threw her head back against his shoulder and laughed, "Oh is that so?"
"I mean you could wear a paper bag and I'd still want to devour you but...just giving you some backing ideas." He said kissing her temple.
She let her finger trace the paper of the tickets before whispering in a scared voice, "You know this is the first real birthday present I've ever been given…"
Elliot froze in her arms, "What?"
She swallowed the lump in her throat, "My Mom...she tried but she just couldn't do it. Eventually I stopped hoping and asking because I knew it was too emotional. Sometimes she'd leave money...tell me to pick something out myself." She smiled shyly, "And since I basically banned you and the guys from ever getting me anything…" She looked at him and sighed, "Thank you Elliot."
He stared at her for a long minute, wondering how it was possible for her to be so gracious, so kind, so wonderful to so many people when she had been given so little in return. He wanted to hold her. He wanted to apologize for every terrible thing that she had ever been though but knew it wasn't that simple. But in that moment he vowed to make sure that from here on out...her birthdays and every other day were something to be celebrated. Because she deserved it. She more than deserved.
He wrapped his arms around her and whispered, "Happy Birthday Liv."
She closed her eyes, breathed him in and let herself feel happy on her birthday for the first time in her whole life…
She was snapped out of her memory when she felt Elliot's hand on her arm. She turned to look at him and smiled when he handed her a glass, "Hey."
She licked her lips and reached for the glass, "Hey back."
He narrowed his eyes at her, "You looked like you were thinking hard about something."
Shaking her head she smiled and leaned into kiss him, "Yeah. About how wonderful you are."
"Oh. Well in that case…" He motioned towards her with his hands, "Continue."
Laughing, she walked to the counter and pulled herself up on one of the stools, "Smells delicious in here."
"Burgers are going on the grill soon. Homemade sweet potato fries...corn on the cob. Maureen made a salad. Fresh lemonade and for desert…" He pointed to the freezer, "Copious amounts of ice cream with all the toppings."
She lifted her glass of lemonade and took a sip, "You went all out."
He smiled and popped a fry in his mouth, "You want cheese on your burger?"
She nodded slowly and rubbed her belly, "Yes. Please."
He reached for the packet and looked back at her, "You have a good bath and rest?"
"Mmm…" Her smile widened, "Some really great guy thought to bring everything I would need to fully relax."
"Hm…if I find out who it is, I'll thank him for you." He said as he passed her, giving her arm a squeeze, "I'm going out to the grill."
Olivia nodded and stood up, "I'll come out with you. Maybe go check in on the kids."
Elliot smiled and opened the back door for her, she stepped out, gave him a kiss and then descended the steps of the porch. Eli and Richie were running along the shore. Maureen, Lizzie and Kathleen were taking pictures on Kathleen's phones.
"Come here Liv." Lizzie said when she saw her, "You should be in one too."
Olivia smiled and leaned in, "Not sure you'll be able to fit me in the pic...I take up more room than usual these days."
Kathleen rolled her eyes playfully, "Oh please. You're like the most gorgeous pregnant lady ever. Mom loves you...but she even said she was jealous."
Olivia laughed, "Well I feel like a whale and I still have two months or so to go."
"Well Dad still loves you." Maureen said with a smile, "I hope someday I can find someone who looks at me the way he looks at you."
Olivia blushed, "Like what?"
Maureen sighed happily, "Like he wishes he could freeze time just so he could spend even a minute longer with you. Like you're the most precious and perfect thing he's ever seen. Like…" She shrugged, "Like he loves you more than life itself."
Olivia looked down, "Oh…" She thought for a moment, "Girls I-"
"It's okay Liv." Kathleen said softly, "You don't have to give us the whole your Mom is a great person speech. We know that. But so are you...it's okay that Mom and Dad weren't meant to spend forever together. They're both so happy now. And we're all happy too."
Olivia looked between the three girls, "You promise?"
Lizzie wrapped an arm around Olivia's waist, "We promise Liv. We can't imagine our lives without you."
Olivia pressed a kiss to the young girl's head, "I can't imagine my life without you either. And I don't ever want to…"
"You really think it's a girl?" Kathleen asked softly, "I'd really like to keep Richie outnumbered. If not just for the simple satisfaction of driving him crazy."
Olivia laughed, "I obviously don't know for sure...but I have a strong feeling about it. Yes."
Kathleen leaned down towards her belly, "Be a girl kid...help us drive your big brother crazy forever."
"Dinner's ready!" Elliot called from the deck, Eli and Richie went running towards him.
Kathleen pulled her sisters and Olivia close, "Picture before we go."
Olivia wrapped her arms tighter around Lizzie and Kathleen and Maureen leaned in. Kathleen held up her phone and they all smiled as she clicked the button. They checked it out together, then started to walk back towards the porch.
Elliot pulled a chair out for Olivia and then looked at Kathleen, "I want a copy of that for my desk. All my girls."
Kathleen smiled, "You got it."
Elliot sat down beside Olivia, lifted her hand and pressed a kiss to her fingers. She smiled, leaned in and pressed a kiss to his cheek feeling more content then she thought was possible.
The next morning, Olivia woke up wrapped in Elliot's arms. The sun was streaming in through the window and she could tell it was going to be a beautiful day. Turning slightly, Elliot shifted but remained asleep. She took the time just to watch him. The gentle rise and fall of his chest, the relaxed look on his face as he dreamed. The way his arm was still wrapped protectively around her.
She took a deep breath and was about to close her eyes and go back to sleep when she heard a clatter coming from downstairs. She looked at Elliot again but he hadn't flinched. She knew he was exhausted. He never got enough sleep as it was...but lately she knew he had been incredibly restless. Slowly she extracted herself from his arms hoping he wouldn't wake up. She smiled when she watched him roll over and fall further into sleep.
Stretching, she started to waddle towards the door feeling more pregnant than she had yesterday. Rubbing her belly, she closed the door behind her and started to walk downstairs. She heard another clatter and frowned when she didn't see Maureen, Kathleen, Richie or Lizzie. She froze for a moment, her cop instincts making her think that someone had broken in. And then she saw the mop of curly hair and she had to laugh.
"Eli?" The young boy turned around and revealed flour all over his face, "Eli…"
He smiled and brushed off his face a little, "I'm making pancakes!"
Olivia laughed and walked over to him, she reached for a towel, wet it and smiled down at him, "You sure about that?"
Eli huffed and looked down at the flour on the floor, "It turns out cooking is harder than it looks…"
"Well why don't I help you?" Olivia said, reaching for some bowls, "Pancakes are one of my specialties."
Eli nodded excitedly and grabbed a stool so he could reach the counter. He watched as Olivia gathered the ingredients and brought it over to Eli at the counter. She started to measure out ingredients and handed them to him so he could pour them in the bowl.
"Livvie?" The little boy asked, "Did you cook with your parents?"
Olivia stopped for a moment, she glanced at Eli and then continued, "Well...buddy you know that um...I didn't have a family like you had growing up."
Eli nodded, "Daddy said you just grew up with your Mom." He paused, "And...I heard Richie say that your Daddy was a bad man. Like the bad men you and Daddy fight…"
Olivia started to mix the batter, "He's right about that…"
Eli looked down and whispered, "Is he why you've been kinda sad?"
Olivia sighed, pushed aside the bowl and reached out for the young boy, "Come here buddy."
Eli reached out to her and let her pull him into her arms. She hugged him tight for a moment and then set him on the counter in front of her. She was quiet for a moment and he didn't push her. She smiled thinking he was so much more like his Father than either of them realized. That thought alone gave her the courage to keep going.
"Eli...I know your Dad has talked to you about how sometimes people make bad choices." Eli nodded, "Well...my Dad made some bad choices in life. Things I can't explain...and sometimes when you make enough bad choices…" She shrugged, "They catch up to you."
"Did he hurt people?" Eli asked softly, Olivia nodded, "Like your Mommy?"
Olivia swallowed hard, "Yes Eli...like my Mommy."
He looked worried for a moment, "Is he going to hurt you?"
Lifting a gentle hand, she touched Eli's cheek, "Daddy, Uncle Fun, Uncle Munch, Aunt Casey and Grandpa Cragen and I are working really hard to make sure he never hurts anyone ever again."
Eli was quiet for a moment, "I wish that people would just be nice. Why do they have to be mean?"
"I don't have an answer to that buddy...I wish I did." She whispered. "I wish I could tell you why a lot of things happened. But I can tell you...that there is a lot more good in the world than there is bad."
Eli smiled up at her, "Like new babies?"
Olivia nodded, "Like new babies...and babies that are growing way too fast." She tugged one one of his curls, "What did I tell you about that by the way?"
Eli huffed, "I tried to stop Livvie...but it just keeps happening!"
Olivia smiled, leaned in and kissed his head, "I know baby. I know."
She went to pull away but he wrapped his arms around her and she felt her heart squeeze hard in her chest. She remembered the moment Elliot told her that Eli was coming into the world. How she had felt so confused. So frustrated. So hurt. And it had been complicated...very complicated. But now...she couldn't imagine a world without this incredible little boy.
She kissed his head again, then pulled back, "Come on bud...let's get cooking before everyone wakes up."
Eli smiled and looked towards the counter, "You know...Dad did buy chocolate chips."
Olivia smiled, lifted him off the table and nodded her head towards the back counter, "Go get 'em."
Thirty minutes later, Olivia carried a plate of pancakes, bacon and fruit upstairs and a cup of coffee. The rest of the kids were awake and watching Eli. Pushing the door open, she smiled when she saw that Elliot was still asleep. She almost didn't want to wake him...smiling she sat down on the bed and placed the plate down on the bedside table. She took the coffee cup and held it in front of him, letting the smell wake him for her.
Elliot's eyes fluttered open slowly, "Is this what heaven looks like? Definitely what it smells like…"
She laughed and watched as he sat up, "Morning sleepy head."
He yawned and looked over at the clock, "What time is it?"
"A little past nine." She said handing him the coffee, "I'm sorry I woke you."
He took a sip and sighed happily, "Don't be. I don't want to spend the whole week asleep."
"You sure?" She said softly, "We're about to get even less sleep than usual."
He chuckled and put the cup down, "I'm sure. And it will be totally worth it…"
She nodded and held out a plate to him, "Your son almost burned down the house this morning. Luckily I got down there in time."
Elliot chuckled and reached for a piece of bacon, "He's a handful. That's for sure."
Olivia reached for a grape and popped it in her mouth, her face faltered slightly, "Maybe. But he's also a really great kid…"
Elliot watched her carefully, "Liv?" She looked at him and he sighed, "What happened?"
"Nothing." She said shaking her head, he gave her a look, "Eli had some questions...about what was going on. About my parents...and I tried to answer them as best I could. He's so little and I didn't want to upset him. I also don't want to...overstep my boundaries."
Elliot shook his head, "You never do. We knew he'd have questions...it's normal."
Olivia nodded and fidgeted until she was more comfortable, "I know. But...it made me think…"
Knowing her as well as he did, he knew what it was she was thinking about, "About what you'll tell our child someday?"
Olivia nodded, "Telling your kids is one thing...it's hard. But they aren't related to…" She frowned, "It took me a really long time to understand what it all meant. I still don't understand it to be honest. But for a kid that's going to be confusing. They'll have questions...about their grandparents. Questions I can't answer."
Elliot put the plate down, "Liv...it's like we told Eli today in the car. Everyone's families are different. But at the end of the day...all that matters is how much love that child feels. And between you and me, my kids, Kathy, our friends at work...this is going to be one loved kid. They may question some things...but they'll never question how loved they are. That I can promise you."
Olivia took a deep breath, "You're right…"
He nodded, "And besides…" He reached out for her hand and squeezed, "When those questions come up...you don't have to answer them alone."
Olivia smiled, "No...I don't."
He looked at her carefully, "How distracted are the kids downstairs?"
Olivia frowned and ate another grape, "Well Eli ate more chocolate chips than he put in the batter...so by now he's spinning like a top." She smiled, "They'll be trying to keep up with him. Why?"
Elliot smirked and handed her the plate, he started to climb off the bed, "Hold that thought."
"What are you doing?" She said with a laugh as he tiptoed to the bedroom door and she watched him close it and lock it, "Elliot…"
He turned back to and walked back to the bed, taking the plate he smiled, "Not hungry for pancakes this morning…"
Olivia squealed when he started to crawl up towards her on the bed, "You're looking at me with you're I'm going to devour you look...that's a dangerous game to play with five children downstairs Detective."
He smirked and started to tug at her shirt, "Don't worry...I told them if our door was shut to not disturb us unless someone was dying. And if they broke that rule…" He pulled the shirt all the way off and pressed a kiss to her neck, "They were being written out of the will."
Elliot started laughing but those laughs quickly turned to sighs of pleasure and he knew he had done his job right.
On the fourth of July, they had spent most of the day down at the lake, swimming and lounging. Now it was dark and they were sitting together waiting for the fireworks to start over the lake. Eli and Richie were throwing stones in the lake, the older girls were huddled together talking and Olivia was sitting still enjoying the moment. She felt a kick from inside of her and she smiled, "Hey kiddo…"
Elliot smiled and sat beside her, he draped a blanket over her shoulder as the temperature had dropped, "Still kicking?"
Olivia nodded, "Yep...think we got a soccer star on our hands."
Elliot smiled, "I can be a soccer Dad...coach the games."
She looked over at him and smiled, "You're too competitive. You'll scar the poor kids." He pretended to be insulted, "Kidding...kidding." She scrunched up her nose and frowned, "Sort of."
He laughed, "Nah...you're probably right about that."
Another swift kick and Olivia laughed, "Geez...getting stronger."
Elliot put his hand on her belly and whispered, "You feel okay, right? The hospitals only about 15 minutes away-"
Olivia looked at him and smiled, "Did you time it?"
He shrugged, "Maybe…"
"I wouldn't expect anything less from you." She put her hand over his and smiled, "But no...I'm good. Seems like when I'm happy...I'm relaxed she's more active."
Elliot smiled, "She can sense that her Mom is happy…"
Olivia laughed when she felt another hard kick, "Either that or she's getting a head start on her Cop skills."
Elliot chuckled, "Wouldn't be surprised if our kid became a Cop…"
She smiled then looked at him, "El, can I ask you something?"
Elliot cocked his head to the side, "You know you can. What's on your mind?"
She looked down at her belly, unsure of where to start, "Do you think you'll stay at SVU forever?"
Elliot was quiet for a moment, letting her words sink in, "I...don't know." He rubbed the back of his neck, "Didn't think I'd be there this long to be honest…"
She looked at him, surprised by his answer. "No?"
Elliot shook his head, "Uh no...I considered leaving many times. When it got too hard."
She frowned, "So why'd you stay?" He looked her right in her eyes, a small smile tugged at the corner of her lips and she smiled, "Oh."
"Oh." He said with a nod, then he nudged her gently with his shoulder, "Think I was leaving you behind?" He shook his head, "Never."
She fidgeted slightly, "I left…"
He nodded slowly, "You went Undercover yes…"
"You could have left then." She whispered, wondering what it would have been like if she had come back to find him gone.
Elliot smiled, "Liv the only reason I came in everyday when you were gone was because I was hoping to God you'd come back. I was waiting...praying you'd show up again." He reached out and touched her cheek, "Lucky for me you did. And the rest as they say…" He touched her belly, "Is history."
She swallowed hard and looked at his hand caressing her bump, she knew he could feel the baby kicking away still, "Well...what if I wasn't there anymore?"
He didn't take his eyes off of her as he let her words sink in, "You want to leave?"
"I don't know." She whispered, "I mean...it's in my blood. I can't imagine not…" She looked down again, "But I...I also can't imagine missing all those firsts. I mean I want-" She sighed and then lay back on the blanket behind her, "I don't know what I want."
Elliot took a deep breath and lay down beside her, resting his head on his hands, "You know that Cragen would be okay with you taking a leave of absence."
She looked over at him and whispered the question that was really nagging at her, "But would you?"
He narrowed his eyes at her, surprised she had to even ask. "Liv…" He sighed and leaned over her, "Of course I would. If you told me you wanted to take a break...or even if you said you never wanted to go back. I'd support you. You have to know that."
She looked up at the dark sky, the stars shining above her, "You ever feel like your only identity is the job?"
Elliot's eyes were trained on her, afraid to miss a moment, "All the time."
She took a moment, gathering her thoughts and when she was ready she turned and looked at him, "I think I want a break…" She smiled, "I'll never be able to leave forever. God knows I probably should for my sanity but I can't…" She frowned, "But I think I just need...a break."
Elliot scooted closer to her, "After a decade...you more than deserve it."
"And you really wouldn't-" She didn't get to finish her sentence because he put a hand up.
"Liv I don't love you because you're an SVU Detective. Yes...I fell in love with you there. But that's not why I love you." He whispered, "Whether you're at SVU...or you choose to stay home with our child...or you pick another career. I'm always going to love you. And no matter what you decide...you'll be incredible every step of the way."
Sighing, she looked back at the dark sky, "See when you say things like that...it makes it really hard for me to think straight."
He chuckled, "Liv…"
She didn't look away from the sky but she reached for his hand, "I know El...I know."
He squeezed her hand right back, and hoped she understood what he was trying to say. They lay there quietly staring up at the sky just as the fireworks started. Around them the kids shouted, celebrated and enjoyed the moment. Both of them wondering what life outside of SVU would look like for them. But both knowing...if and when that time came they'd face it. Together. Always together.
I'll update as soon as I can! Feedback is ALWAYS appreciated and helpful with my motivation! :) Now...I think I'll go watch some SVU reruns to prep for April 1st!