One more vacation chapter before things heat up again. Enjoy! T for language and some suggestive talk but nothing M rated.
Kathleen and Maureen had taken the twins and Eli to a hotel for the night across the street from a local amusement park. It was over an hour away so they had left tonight so that they could get up early at the hotel and get a full day in at the park. Olivia was sitting on the porch under the table umbrella as a light rain fell. It was getting darker but she didn't want to go inside.
Elliot opened the back door and poked his head out, "Liv?"
She turned to look at him, "Yeah?"
He looked up at the rain and sighed, "Are you going to come in? It's raining…"
She smiled and looked back out to watch the rain hit the lake, "Five more minutes…"
He stood there, watching her. Trying to gage if she was upset or not. He knew she liked the rain, but he also wanted her in the house and not sitting out to catch a cold. Sighing, he walked over to her and pulled up a chair beside her, "Okay. Then I'll sit here with you."
She looked at him and frowned, "You can go in El. I'm fine."
He nodded slowly and reached for her hand, "I know. But...maybe I don't want to be alone."
She smiled and tugged his hand into her lap, his thumb grazed her belly slowly and she sighed in contentment, "Do you remember our first really big fight when we got together?"
Elliot was quiet for a moment, thinking carefully, "The one about Porter?"
Olivia nodded, "Yeah."
He frowned and turned his head towards her, "Yeah...what about it?" She was quiet for a moment and he gave her a look, "If this is the moment you're going to tell me you're secretly in love with him and are leaving me...that's pretty shitty Liv."
She heard the teasing in his voice and she laughed, "Shut up."
He adjusted his seat so he was looking at her, "What made you think about that?"
She bit her lip and turned her head all the way towards him, "The rain…"
He cocked his head to the side and then a slow smile spread on his lips as he remembered too…
A few weeks after they had found out about Kathy being pregnant, Elliot felt like they had gotten to a good place. There were still some awkward moments here and there but for the most part they were handling it. She wasn't pulling away. She said she was supporting him and Kathy and they had all talked out how things would work. He thought things were headed in the right direction…
But one night, she had come over after work and something was off. He had gotten out early to go to a Basketball game of Dickie's but she agreed to stay at his apartment for the night. He had been in the shower when she got there but as soon as he saw her he could tell something was off.
She seemed distracted. Her demeanor was cold, snippy, defensive. He was trying to tread carefully but she was so all over the place and he was dodging bombs left and right. She pushed her plate towards the middle of the table abruptly and announced she wanted to shower. She left him there to stew over what the hell had gone wrong since he had left work. The thought did occur to him that she was struggling with her feelings about Kathy being pregnant and it was starting to bubble over…
But then her phone pinged. He turned towards the bathroom and heard the water running. He eyed the phone carefully. He wasn't a man to snoop...but something was tugging at the back of his mind. He practically winced when he picked up the phone, feeling the blood rush through him like he was about to get busted like one of their perps. He looked back towards the bathroom again and then back to the phone. It pinged a second time and he flipped it open.
There in bold letters he saw the name Dean Porter
His heart plummeted to his stomach and a million thoughts began to race through his mind. Without giving it a second thought, he pressed the message to read it. I'm really sorry Liv. If there is anything else I can do, please let me know. Call anytime. Day or night.
His heart started beating faster and he scrolled through the text chain, I know you're upset but I'm worried about you. Can you please call me? If not...I'm getting on a plane for a face to face.
I'm glad you trusted me with this. I promise your secret is safe with me.
You're a hell of a woman Benson.
Elliot's fists clenched and he was pretty sure he was going to throw up the dinner he had made for them. Before he knew it, she was standing in front of him looking around. He looked up, she stared at him, then her eyes fell to the phone in his hands. "Are you reading my texts?"
His jaw clenched and he snarled at her, "I thought it might be Fin about the case. But imagine my shock when I saw Agent Porter's name flash on the screen."
Her face flushed,"You had no right to go through my phone Elliot. How dare you!"
He shoved his chair back, the legs scraped across the wood floor and he was sure there were probably marks there now, "How dare I? Really? You're screwing Porter behind my back and I'm the bad guy?"
Her mouth hung open and she stepped back, "I'm what?"
"You're a hell of a woman Benson." He said through gritted teeth, "Sounds like a guy whose fucked you begging for more if you ask me. Just out of curiosity...how many of your coworkers have you messed around with? Here I was thinking I was special…"
He watched a hand reach out and for a moment he thought he was going to get slapped. But her arm fell to her side and that's when he noticed the tears in her eyes. He stepped forward and she immediately retreated, "Fuck you Elliot."
He seemed glued to the floor as he watched her walk to the door, slip on her shoes and storm out the door without giving him a chance to take it back. He was trying to process what had happened and then he jumped. As angry as he felt, the tears in her eyes were enough to send him into overdrive. He ran to the door, slipped on his own shoes and started to scramble out the door. He cursed under his breath when he realized she had already gotten into the elevator. He ran towards the staircase knowing he had a better chance of catching her on foot then waiting for a new elevator. When he got to the first floor he didn't see her and he ran again. She had taken a cab to his apartment and she hadn't left with anything.
Bursting through the doors, he turned left and then right. It was raining and it was dark. But he saw her...walking down the sidewalk, arms wrapped around herself. He slipped slightly and then started to run after her. He reached for her arm but she sensed him and pulled away, "Don't fucking touch me."
He sighed, and quickly blocked her, "Stop."
She glared up at him as the rain poured over them, "You have some nerve Stabler. To not only accuse me of cheating on you. But to basically call me the slut of the Precinct-"
He cringed and tried to interrupt her,"I didn't-"
She cut him off again, "When in reality...you're the one having a baby with the woman you claim to be your ex. And stupid me stuck around thinking we were…" She growled and pushed past him, "Just get the hell out of my way."
He watched her walk faster and called out, "You don't have your keys. I have your phone and it's pouring. You're going to walk all the way home?"
"Better than being stuck with you." She said, still walking.
He started to sprint after her again, "Look I'm a dick okay! But would you just stop so I can apologize?"
She stopped short, turned her body towards him and whispered, "How could you…" She shook her head, "You honestly think that I-" She ran a hand through her wet hair and turned again, "Just forget it. This was a mistake."
He grabbed her arm and spun her around, "Don't walk away."
She tried to pull away, "Elliot let go of me."
He put his other hand on her arm, "No. I'm not going to let you go. And we both know I'm just as stubborn as you. So looks like we're going to be standing out here in the rain for a very long time until you give up."
She fumed up at him, "I hate you."
He let out a little sigh, "Yeah well I love you so...I can stand here all night."
She raised an eyebrow, "If you loved me you wouldn't accuse me of something so…" Her lip trembled, "How could you think I would do that to you?"
"I-" He sucked in his bottom lip and chewed it gently, "Liv I just...I sometimes have a hard time accepting we are here at all. And I'm...jealous okay? I'm ridiculously jealous. I never was with-" He didn't say her name and he sighed, "But with you...any guy that looks at you makes my skin crawl. I felt that way before we started dating too. And I know you were out there with Porter...and it's none of my business because we weren't-" He frowned and he looked down, "I just...I need to know did you-"
"No." She said shaking her head, "God Elliot no. No. I didn't sleep with him. I probably could have...he more than showed he was interested but I-" She laughed sadly, "But he wasn't you. No matter how much I tried to pretend he wasn't you and he'll never be you. And I have never and would never cheat on you. Hell…" She laughed sadly to herself, "Half the time before we started dating I'd turn a guy down because I wanted you not them…" His grip on her loosened and he wiggled out of his arms, "It's always been you and I hate you for that."
He moved again and blocked her, "Olivia…"
"Damn it Elliot!" She screamed as the rain poured down on them, "Just leave me alone!"
"Olivia…" He whispered again, and he noticed that her shoulders slumped and her head fell forward, "Olivia I'm sorry...what I said was so uncalled for. I just...I got scared. And you were acting strange...I panicked. I know you wouldn't...I know that we-"
She shook her head again and put her face in her hands and started to sob, "Please just stop talking. Please...please…"
Taking a deep breath, he took a tentative step towards her. She either didn't notice or she was just so upset that she didn't care and had given up. He put his arms out, then enclosed them around her and she seemed to collapse into him. Then further worry filled him, something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong.
"Liv...what is going on?" She cried harder and clung to his soaking wet shirt, "Why is Porter worried about you?" Her body shook more violently, "Liv please talk to me...I'm sorry I'm such a jerk. I wish I could take it back but you're scaring me now…" He heard her mumble something into his chest and he tried to pull away, "I can't hear you…"
She pulled back and shivered, "I asked Porter to look into my Mom's case. He thought...he thought he found a promising lead and I got my hopes up. But...he called earlier and left a message saying it was a dead end."
He watched her carefully, trying to process what she was saying."What?"
She sniffled,"One night when I was undercover...we just started talking about stuff. I don't even know how or why I said anything. I think I was so tired and so...lost. I felt so alone out there." She looked down at the ground and said, "I just blurted it out. And he...he didn't know what to say. We didn't talk about it after that. But when I left...he asked if there was anything he could do to thank me for helping him with his case. I asked if I could send him my Mom's files. I knew it was a long shot but I…" She shrugged sadly and looked at him, "I figured if he was in the system the FBI would be the ones to track him down."
Elliot put a comforting hand on her arm, "Liv…"
"A few days ago he sent me some information on this guy. It looked promising. Things were matching up. But…" She shook her head, "In the end the DNA wasn't a match...and I just-" Her voice broke off and she shuddered again, her eyes squeezed shut, "I'm so tired El. I'm so fucking tired."
He sighed and stepped all the way up to her, feeling his heart break into two. "I know…"
"Every day of my life it's just there...hanging over my head. It won't go away. And it consumes me. Sometimes I think it's literally going to swallow me whole. Somedays I feel like I'm drowning. So I keep moving so that it doesn't kill me. But lately...lately it seems harder. It seems heavier and I'm scared that it is going to finally kill me." She clung to him again.
He tangled his hands in her hair and pressed a kiss to her head, "Then just hold onto me. I'm not going to let you drown Liv. Not now, not ever."
She wrapped her arms around his waist and held on for dear life, "I could never cheat on you El. Not with Porter not with anyone...you're the only person that I need. And on top of everything else, that scares the crap out of me too. I'm a fucking mess."
He shook his head, then tilted her face up, "You're not a fucking mess Liv. You're the strongest woman I know. Like Porter said...you're a hell of a woman." She squirmed in his embrace, "I'm so sorry for what I said. I didn't...I don't think that you would do that. I know you wouldn't. I just...I was worried that this stuff with-" He paused again and sighed, "I was worried you decided it was too much."
She sighed and laughed sadly,"El it's been too much for the last decade but I'm still here...I've always been right here."
Lifting his hands to her face, he kissed her gently, "I know. And I love you more than I could possibly express. I'm sorry. But I'm here now and I'm never leaving your side."
She kissed him again, their lips slippery against the rain and the cold seeped into her skin. But she didn't care. She needed him. She needed him more than she needed air to fill her lungs. She wrapped her arms around him even tighter and dug her nails into his back. He gave just as good as he got and their lips fused together. Neither of them ever knew how long they stood out there kissing in the rain but it didn't matter...all that mattered was that they had each other. Now. And forever.
Back in present time, Elliot cringed at the memory for a moment, "I was a real jackass that night."
She sighed and squeezed his hand, "I get why you thought what you did...it's in the past El."
"The things I said though were so out of line. I just...I freaked. I felt you slipping away and I felt like I had just finally gotten you to stand in one place. I was scared. Doesn't excuse what I said but…" He shrugged.
She nodded, "I know." Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, "Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if his lead had been right...if-" She paused and then squinted out towards the lake, "Not that I'm okay with it now...but I think back then I would have completely broken. I don't think I was ready to face it. As much as I wanted too...or at least told myself I wanted too." She bit her lip, "I think it honestly would have killed me."
Elliot leaned into her, "It wouldn't have Liv...you're so much stronger than you realize."
Lifting a hand, she touched his forehead, his brow, cheek and chin, "I wasn't remembering the fight really...or what you said. I was just remembering how I felt...standing out there in the rain with you."
He leaned into her touch and whispered, "What do you mean?"
She smiled gently at him, "I was so scared El. I honestly did feel like I was drowning under the weight of all those feelings I had been suppressing for years. The anger. The pain. When I went to Oregon I knew that it was a turning point...a breaking point really. I was so lost...so totally and completely lost with no clear path forward."
Licking his lips, he leaned even closer, "Liv…"
She shook her head and smiled, "And when I got back...I was still scared. But I felt a little more grounded working with you again. Still shaky...still really unsure. And then you cornered me…" She laughed a little, "Told me you chose me and it started to feel more manageable. Only I realized I was just pushing back those feelings again...ignoring them was what I did best. But that night it started to unravel again and I was so afraid that I was going to lose it. And if I lost it...I was sure I'd lose you."
"Hey…" He whispered when the tears streamed down her face, "You were never going to lose me."
Smiling through her tears, she nodded and whispered, "I know. And that's what I figured out standing there in the freezing rain with you...you didn't let me go. We were out there for what felt like forever. But you never pushed...never protested. You just stood there and let me fall apart. I needed that...I'd needed that for my whole life but I could never do it. I could never let it out...you started to piece me back together that night. Just by being willing to let me break…"
His eyes never left her face, traveling over the features that he could see even with his eyes closed. This strong, resilient and brave woman was everything to him. And even after all this time, she still surprised him in ways he didn't think were possible. Like now. She was able to make him feel something so strong, so pure, so intense that he wanted to bottle it up. Keep it in his pocket for the days he felt beaten down. He wanted to wrap her in his arms, push away the rest of the world and just make it better. Make everything, not just the case but every awful thing that had ever happened to her better. He loved her mind, body and soul and he knew that no matter what happened next...he'd stand out in the rain with her and let her break a million times if it kept her beside him for even one more minute.
Elliot stood up and she eyed him slowly. He smiled, and stepped back out of the safety of the umbrella cover. She cocked her head to the side and he put his hand out to her to take. Smiling, she let him pull her out of her chair and into the rain. She blinked up at him as the raindrops pressed against her face.
He lifted a hand, and followed a rain drop from her temple down to her lips. "I'm here. And I'm never leaving your side."
She smiled as he traced her bottom lip, her legs shook with emotion,"I know."
"Want to take a little evening stroll in the rain with me Mrs. Stabler?" He asked as he held out an arm for her to take.
She laughed a little and looped her arm through his, "I'd love to."
Together, they walked down the steps and walked towards the beach, not the least bit concerned about the rain pattering down on them.
Later that night, Olivia woke to the sound of thunder outside. A flash of lightning illuminated the room and she turned to see Elliot fast asleep beside her. They were both naked and she smiled feeling the afterglow of their love making dance across her skin again. Carefully, she pulled herself off the bed and rummaged for one of his shirts to slip on.
She tiptoed down the hallway and down the stairs. She poured herself a glass of water and then settled into the couch that looked out the back window. She watched the lightning and thunder battle over the lake. As a kid she had loved the rain, but thunder often scared her. She had tried to be brave but the sounds shook her to her core. She felt the baby moving and she wondered if they could feel it too.
She put a hand over the spot she felt them moving the most, "It's okay kiddo...you're safe in there." She chewed her bottom lip and sighed, snuggling further into the couch, "And I promise that no matter what happens next I'll always keep you safe out here. Daddy too…"
Another bang of thunder echoed throughout the room and the room became bright, she saw the lightning flash over the lake. Her hands rubbed her belly and she remembered a particularly bad storm when she was a child...
Five year old Olivia woke with a jolt. She hated thunder. It always felt like it was going to crush her somehow. Another clang of thunder sent her running off the bed and down the hall to her Mother's room. As soon as she got to the door though she froze. Her Mother was having a particularly bad few days. She hadn't gotten out of bed since Tuesday...today was Thursday.
She jumped again when the room lit up and she pushed the door open softly. She tiptoed as quietly as she could into the room. She saw her Mom lying on her side, her back facing Olivia. She stood beside the bed and watched her Mom, wondering if she was awake or even alive…
Another roll of thunder surprised her and she yelped. Her little hand quickly covered her mouth because she didn't want to wake her Mom. Slowly, Serena rolled over and Olivia felt her heart pounding in her chest. It was almost louder than the thunder. She wanted to step back...she was afraid her Mom was going to shout...or worse raise her hand…
She flinched when Serena's arm moved out from under the blanket. They both froze and Serena searched her daughter's eyes for understanding of why she had flinched. The thunder rattled the room again and Olivia's knees started to tremble. Her lip quivered. And something in Serena broke. She sat up, lifted Olivia slowly and pulled her under the blankets, covering them both completely.
"You're in here Olivia. Nothing can hurt us in here." She whispered as she started to smooth her hair back.
Little Olivia scooted all the way up to her Mom and wrapped her arms around her middle. She had never let her lie with her in her bed and she didn't know how long this would last. Serena held her close, hummed softly and for the first time in her life, Olivia fell asleep despite the rattling thunder outside.
Lifting a hand, Olivia wiped at the tears streaming down her face. Her heart ached at the memory but not in a bad way. It was one of those moments she felt her Mom actually cared. Despite everything that she was...everything she represented...her Mom cared.
Olivia cleared her throat and pressed two hands into her belly and let the words tumble out of her, "I'm not sure you can hear me in there...I've read you can but-" Another roll of thunder sounded and she grabbed a blanket and covered herself, "I need you to know that you are so loved little one. Whoever you are. Whoever you grow to be. I love you. And your Dad loves you. You will NEVER not know that. There are a lot of things that I can't explain...things that are going to be really hard. But you little one...you are wanted. I have wanted you my whole life...as long as I'm alive I'll protect you. I don't even know you yet...and I feel like you've been with me forever. Maybe in some way you have. Whenever you're ready...I'm here. And I'm waiting. I can't wait to hold you. Can't wait to watch you take the world by storm. I love you. Now. And always…"
She took a deep breath, looked up and saw that the thunder had stopped. The rain still patted gently on the window but it was calmer. Less angry. She smiled, rubbed her belly once more and knew she could fall back to sleep now. Pulling herself off the couch, she took another drink of her water and then put the glass in the sink. Walking back upstairs, she kept one hand on her belly and felt her baby's kicks slow as she felt calmer now too.
Pulling the blanket back, she saw Elliot roll over, one eye peeked open, "Liv?"
She smiled, climbed in and snuggled up to him, his hand instinctively went to her belly, "Shh...go back to sleep El."
He was half asleep and pressed a lazy kiss to her forehead, "Baby keeping you awake?"
She shook her head and tucked herself up under his chin, "No…"
He yawned again, "Thunder?"
She smiled, and reached out to rub his chest knowing it would soothe him into falling back to sleep, "Yeah...but it's over now."
He shifted on the bed, then tilted her face up towards his, "You should have woken me up. You know I sleep through it…"
She smiled and shook her head again, "I wasn't alone."
He looked at her for a moment, then smiled and rubbed her belly, "I guess you weren't…"
"Go back to sleep." She whispered, leaning up to press a kiss to his lips, "Everything is okay."
He pulled her closer, so close that he could feel the baby kick against his abdomen, "Yeah...it is."
She smiled and let her eyes flutter shut feeling calmer than she had in a long time. And more than that...feeling more grateful and loved than she ever could have imagined.
The next day was a gorgeous day. The storm had broken and the sun had come out with clear blue skies. Olivia was sitting out on the dock, her foot dangling in the lake, to help keep her cool. Elliot had gone for a swim to cool off and she stretched out in her maternity suit, for the first time not feeling the least bit self conscious about her body. She thought she would, but lately she felt more confident, more sexy as a pregnant woman.
She smiled to herself thinking about the way that Elliot had made love to her last night. He had always been a giving lover. Always determined to bring her pleasure before his own. She had been with more men then she'd care to admit but no one had done the things he had done to her. He had the ability to render her speechless, beg for more, feel things she didn't think were possible. And since getting pregnant...it seemed to release a different side to his love making.
He was so tender, so precise and so focussed. There had been a moment when she felt like she could see the wheels turning in his head as he worked her up and unravelled her in every possible way he could. Lying on the deck, she felt her body shudder just thinking about the feel of his lips, his fingers...every part of him that touched her. She was so lost in thought, she hadn't noticed that he had made his way back over to the dock.
She jumped slightly when she felt his lips on her calf, "Jesus Elliot…"
He chuckled and nipped at her ankle, "Sorry. Couldn't resist."
She carefully let herself sit up, elbows resting on the dock and she peered at him over her bump, "Good swim?"
He smiled up at her and nodded, "Great swim."
She watched as he kissed her ankle once more, then pushed his palms into the wood of the dock. His muscles bulged as he pulled himself out of the water and onto the dock. She watched the water droplets run down his chest, his abdomen and she felt that familiar stirring in her body. She didn't even care that he was smirking when he grabbed his towel and tried to towel off his hair.
"See something you like Detective?" He growled at her.
She smirked right back, "I see a lot I like."
He lay the towel out and lay beside her, "Right back at ya…"
She frowned softly, "Well there is a lot to see…" She said with a chuckle, "A lot, a lot."
He rolled his eyes and leaned in to kiss her, "You're gorgeous Olivia. Drop dead gorgeous. Always have been...always will be." She didn't respond and he smiled at her, "At any point last night...did it seem like I wasn't interested? That I wasn't insanely into you like I always have been?"
She smirked, "No…"
He nodded slowly, "And at any other point in your pregnancy...have you felt that way? Because if you have...you're imagining it."
She smiled, "Elliot…"
"And just so we're clear…" He said quickly not letting her stop him, "Pregnant...not pregnant. When you're 80 and gray...I'm still going to want to devour you. So never think otherwise, okay?"
She lifted an eyebrow at him suggestively, "Devour me, huh?"
He leaned in and bit her collarbone, traced the line with his tongue and left a sloppy kiss on her shoulder, "Devour you…"
She sighed happily and rolled onto her back, "Well...you know we have about 6 more hours until the kids get back...and you picked a house that is miles away from civilization."
He pulled back and smiled at her, "Are you suggesting we go at it right here Mrs. Stabler?"
She laughed and reached her hand out to touch his chest, then let it trace down his abdomen, still damp, "Well you can't rile a girl up like that leave her hanging…"
"How silly of me…" He said touching his forehead, "However will you forgive me for being so careless?"
She pretended to sigh dramatically, "Oh you'll have to take your time...make sure you are really thorough with your work."
He nodded and leaned over her, "Thorough...right. I'll make sure no inch of you is left unattended too."
She giggled as his lips pressed into the hollow of her throat, "Lucky, lucky me."
Olivia was setting the table for dinner. The children were going to be home soon after their day at the amusement park. Kathleen had texted to say that Eli was crashing hard so they decided to have a low keep night in.
Elliot walked around her, set a bowl of salad down and pressed a kiss to her cheek, "They just pulled in."
She smiled and snagged a carrot out the salad bowl, "Okay."
Elliot reached out and rubbed her back, "You good?"
She looked up at him and smiled, "I'm good El…" He gave her a look and she leaned up to kiss him again, "I'm great."
He smiled, winked at her and then turned as the door opened and Richie and Lizzie walked in laughing about something. Kathleen was behind them carrying a half asleep Eli. Maureen walked in behind them and shut the door behind them.
Kathleen smiled, "I don't think this one's going to make it through dinner…"
Elliot walked over to them and took him from her arms, "Did he eat earlier?"
Maureen laughed, "Enough for a small army. Yeah."
Elliot smiled and nodded, "I'll bring him up. If you guys are hungry dinner's ready. Just help Liv bring it to the table."
The twins went to get drinks for everyone and Kathleen and Maureen helped fill all the bowls and bring them to the table. A few minutes later, Elliot came down stairs and sat down with the rest of his family.
"His head barely hit the pillow before he fully conked out." He said with a smile, "You guys must have had a hell of a day."
"He was moving so fast I swear his feet never actually touched the ground." Maureen said, "How the hell did you keep up with us?"
Elliot chuckled, "Why do you think your Mom and I usually went to bed when you did? We were exhausted."
Richie smiled, "And now you get to do it again."
Elliot reached for his glass and smiled, "God help me…"
Olivia kicked him under the table, "You shush."
Elliot groaned and reached for his ankle as the kids laughed, "Geez...not so hard Liv."
She stuck her tongue out at him and passed a bowl over to Lizzie, "Despite your brother totally wiping you guys out...did you have a good day?"
Lizzie smiled, "Yeah it was a lot of fun. The place wasn't very crowded so we were able to ride all the rides a million times without having to wait. Although Richie almost puked on one of them."
"I did not!" Richie said with a growl, so like his Father.
Elliot laughed, "I remember one time at Coney Island you puked all over my brand new sneakers after making me take you on the tilt-a-whirl 5 times."
Maureen and the others laughed, "Oh man! I remember that! I think Mom got it on camera too. She was taking a picture of us girls but you can see it happening in the background."
"Yep." Elliot said with a laugh, "We should frame that one really."
Richie rolled his eyes, "You guys suck."
Elliot leaned over and playfully smacked his son's head, "Don't say that to your sisters."
Richie smiled, "Fine...you guys stink."
Lizzie smiled at her Dad, "Don't worry Dad...we're used to him by now. We take no offense. Despite Richie almost blowing chunks...it was a great day. It felt good to have a fun day since when we go back…" She stopped talking and her face turned red.
The table got quiet for a moment and Olivia glanced at Elliot. He had been going to take a bite of chicken, but he slowly put the fork down. Clearing his throat, he looked at Olivia and then at all four of his older children. None of them were looking up and he knew the time to avoid the case was long since past…
"Now that your brother is asleep…" He shifted in his seat, "If you guys have questions...we can try to answer them."
The four children eyed each other carefully, no one knew what to say or what to do. They all had questions, but no one wanted to overstep their boundaries or offend Olivia.
Olivia took a deep breath, "It's okay guys. You can ask me anything…"
Lizzie shifted in her seat, "I…" Her siblings looked at her, surprised she had spoken first and she blushed, "I um…"
Olivia smiled softly, "It's okay Lizzie...I promise."
Lizzie looked at her Dad and he nodded slowly, she took a deep breath and she looked at Olivia again, "Your Mom...she was-she was-"
Olivia nodded slowly, "Raped. Yes." Lizzie sat back in her seat and she tried to smile reassuringly, "That's how...how she got pregnant. With me."
Richie shifted in his chair, "Did she...did she know him?"
Olivia shook her head, "No."
"But she chose to…" Lizzie flushed again, "I mean she kept...kept you."
Olivia put a hand on her belly and nodded, "She did."
"But they never found him?" Richie asked softly, Olivia shook her head, "He...he hurt other women…"
Olivia took a deep breath, "Many other women...yes."
"Is that why you chose to become an SVU Detective?" Maureen asked.
Olivia nodded as she felt Elliot touch his hand to her knee, "Yes."
"You wanted to protect people the way no one was able to protect your Mom…" Kathleen whispered.
Olivia smiled, "Yes…"
"Well then I think it's safe to say you've made her really proud." Maureen said with tears in her eyes.
Olivia licked her lips and cleared her throat, "That's sweet Mo...she uh-" She wrinkled her nose, "She wasn't thrilled about my choice at first. I think eventually she accepted it. But I also think in some ways it brought up a lot of hard memories for her…"
"It must be hard knowing that she isn't here to see him get what he deserves…" Richie whispered.
"It is." She said softly, "I wish she could have seen it happen...but it is what it is. I've waited a long time to…" She looked down and whispered, "I've waited a long time to see this too. To be honest...this is really hard for me to talk about. Because I struggle with knowing where I came from...and it's been strange going through all of this while pregnant. But I'm...I'm trying to deal with it. Your Dad…" She looked at him and he was staring at her with so much love, she smiled, "Your Dad has been incredibly patient with me. Even before now…I wouldn't be surviving this without him."
Lizzie smiled, "I'm glad you have Dad. But...you have us too you know. We want to support you just like you've always supported us."
Olivia looked back at them and Maureen nodded, "We're going to be there for the trial." Olivia went to protest and she shook her head, "We already cleared it with Dad and Mom. We're all going to be there."
Olivia looked at Elliot and he shrugged, "There was no talking them out of it Liv. They insisted...and the more I thought about it the more I realized it was a good idea. This is going got be hard. Really hard. And I want you to feel supported. We're all going to be there. Every step of the way."
Olivia took a deep breath, looked down at her bump suddenly unable to look at them. The tears burned in her eyes and she tried to find the words. Tried to put a thought together that would make them understand how much this meant to her. For so long...she had been on her own. She'd had to struggle to stay afloat as best she could. She always assumed that when and if she got to this point...she'd do it alone. That even if she got the justice for her Mom that she wanted the process would kill her. That it would swallow her up, drown her like she had always felt it would. But...things were different now. She was different now. Her life was different.
She wasn't alone.
Lizzie reached out and put a hand on Olivia's arm, "Are you mad?"
Olivia quickly looked up and shook her head, "No...no honey. Of course not. I'm just a little…" She smiled, "Overwhelmed. But...in a good way."
"You can be overwhelmed in a good way?" Richie asked.
They all laughed, "Yeah...kinda. I'm just...I'm used to doing things on my own. It feels...nice to…"
"Not having to do it alone?" Kathleen asked, Olivia nodded, "Well with this big family...you're never going to be alone again Liv. So get used to it."
Olivia smiled, "I'll do my best…"
Richie took a deep breath and smiled, "Well while you get used to it...can we eat?"
Olivia nodded, "Sure can. Your sibling is starting to get hungry too…"
They went to begin to pass the food around again. Olivia looked up when she felt Elliot's eyes on her. She smiled softly and he smiled back, gave her a little nod and she knew that whatever happened next...she had a huge support system around her. And that would make all the difference…
On the drive back to the city, Eli was fast asleep in the backseat. They had decided to drive at night so that Eli would sleep. Olivia's hands rubbed her bump absentmindedly. Elliot turned to look out the window just as he saw the rest of his kids driving by. Lizzie and Richie were fighting in the backseat and Kathleen and Maureen were ignoring them as best as they could. He looked in the rear view mirror and saw Eli still fast asleep in his car seat.
He looked over at Olivia and heard her sigh, he reached for her hand and lifted it to his lips, "You okay?" She turned to him and smiled, "Need a break?"
She shook her head, "No. No, I'm good." He gave her a look and she smiled, "Really. We're good. She's asleep too I think…"
Elliot looked down at her belly and smiled, "Good girl...give your Momma a break."
Olivia smiled and took her hand back to touch her belly again, "If it's a boy...I'm going to feel bad calling him a she all this time."
Elliot shook his head, "I think it's a girl too. I can feel it."
Olivia glanced at him and whispered, "When we go back to work...will you go with me to talk to Cragen?"
Elliot nodded, "Of course I will."
She nodded and whispered, "It's not going to be forever…"
He smiled, "I know Liv. Even if I tried to keep you away...you'll be back. SVU is in your blood...it's part of you."
She traced a heart on her belly, "It is…"
Elliot took a deep breath, "Liv...look at me."
Lifting her head she glanced at him and bit her lip, "El…"
"This baby…" He moved his hand again to her belly, "Our baby is part of you and me. You and me. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
She took a deep breath, pushed her head into the seat behind her and nodded, "I do."
"I know that the next few weeks...next few months are going to be really hard. But you focus on that and only that. Okay?" He whispered, "You. Me. And this baby. You remember who you are...not what you came from. Remember who you are."
She smiled at him softly, "And who am I El?"
They stopped at a light and he smiled as he looked right at her, "You are the strongest. Most loving, giving, bravest and beautiful woman I know. You are Olivia Benson Stabler. The very woman who has saved countless men, women and children from the very things that she's afraid would break her Mother. You are my wife. My best friend and the soon to be Mother of our child. You're a badass. And Joseph Hollister is going to see just how strong you really are. And damn he's going to break…"
She lifted a hand and wiped a tear away, "Well damn Stabler...you really are good."
He shook his head, "Not as half as good as you Olivia."
"We're going to be okay…" She whispered softly.
Elliot nodded, kissed her hand again and smiled, "We're going to be okay...no matter what happens."
"No matter what happens…" She bit her lip, he squeezed her hand and placed it in his lap as he started to drive again.
She watched for a moment, mesmerized the way his profile looked in the dim car. She wondered how many times she had looked at him this way. Especially back when they worked together. The late nights on a stakeout. The nights he'd insist on driving her home. She remembered the first time they drove home from a date...how quiet they both were in the car. Comfortable in that silence like they had done so often...but things were different. She remembered the feeling of wonder...that night...what would happen next? Were they going to make it?
And now here they were.
Smiling, she felt that flutter in her chest when she watched him. That same flutter she'd felt since the moment she met him and she finally understood that they were strong enough to survive this. Whatever this was...whatever came next...they'd do it together.
Benson and Stabler. Or...this time around, Stabler and Sabler.
She bit her lip and turned out the window, content to enjoy the last few hours of quiet before the chaos started again.
Alright folks...the trip is over and back to reality. The case is looking over them and so is the birth of Baby Stabler. Drop a review and I'll update when I can!