This one is going to be...intense in the end. Sooooo just bear with me! Remember E/O is endgame. K? K...read on!
Olivia woke up with slight pressure in her lower abdomen. She rolled onto her back and pressed her hands into her sides. She took a deep breath and rubbed her belly, "Hey...chill out there kiddo." She mumbled under her breath.
Elliot rolled over and peeked at her out of one eye, "Liv?" He saw her fidgeted slightly and he reached for her. "You okay?"
She sighed and nodded slowly, "Yeah. I'm fine. Just getting a bit cramped in there…"
Elliot scooted down on the bed, wrapped his arms around her middle and pressed a kiss into her side, "Hey kiddo, give Mom a little break okay?"
Olivia smiled and rubbed his head as he nuzzled her side, "She's fine...just growing. I seriously have no idea how Kathy did this five times."
He looked up at her and whispered, "Are you getting scared?"
She shrugged, "About the birth?" He nodded slowly, "I mean...I hear it's not the most enjoyable experience. But I think the outcome will be damn worth it."
Scooting up on the bed, he pulled her into his arms, "I'll be right beside you the whole time. There is no doubt in my mind that you'll be amazing like you always are."
She took a deep breath, kept one hand on her belly and then reached for him with the other, "El…"
He leaned into her palm and smiled, "Yeah?"
"I need you." She whispered softly, tears welled in her eyes and the overwhelming emotions of the day ahead got the better of her. "I just...I need you."
He watched her carefully, then leaned in and pressed his lips to hers, "You've got me Liv. I'm right here."
She sighed when she felt his lips start trailing his lips down her neck and she breathed him in. She was one step closer to putting the past behind her and focusing on their future…
An hour later, Olivia was standing in the bathroom fixing her makeup. She could hear Elliot on the phone with someone. She focussed on his voice, keeping herself grounded. Her hands trailed down to the pendant on her neck and she pressed her fingers into it. A knock on the door caught her attention and she looked up to see Maureen and Kathleen standing in the doorway.
"Hey." Olivia said giving them a smile, "Did you guys get breakfast I think we-"
"We're all set." Maureen said walking in, "The boys and Lizzie are downstairs eating with Munch and Fin."
Olivia nodded, "Good. Good." She turned back to the mirror and checked her hair, she lifted a bobby pin and tried to slip it into her hair but her fingers were shaking.
"Let me." Kathleen said walking up behind her, she caught Olivia's gaze and waited.
Olivia smiled and held out the bobby pin to her, "Thanks…"
Kathleen placed it in her hair, then rested her chin on her shoulder, "You got this Liv."
Olivia put her hand over hers and smiled, "When did you two get so grown up?"
Maureen smiled and then shrugged her shoulders, "You blinked."
Olivia laughed and looked over at her, "I'll blink again and this one will be driving."
Kathleen stepped back and Olivia turned to look at them both, "You okay?"
Olivia swallowed the lump in her throat and sighed, "I just...wish my Mom was here. Right now. There are a lot of things I'd like to say."
"Maybe you still can." Maureen whispered, "We have sometime before we have to go to the courthouse…"
Olivia looked at Elliot's oldest daughter and smiled, "I think...that is a great idea."
Elliot poked his head in the room and smiled, "Everything okay in here?"
Olivia nodded, "Yeah...think we can make a quick stop before we go to court?"
Elliot looked at his daughters, then back at his wife, "Of course."
Fin, Munch and Cragen drove to the courthouse to let them all have a moment alone. Elliot, Olivia, Eli and Kathleen drove in one car and Maureen drove the twins. They all met at the cemetery, the kids and Elliot stood back for a moment as Olivia looked off towards her Mother's resting place.
Then she looked at them and smiled, "You coming?"
"You want us too?" Lizzie asked softly, a little surprised.
Olivia nodded, "Yeah...I think it's about time she meets my family."
The kids smiled and started walking together, Elliot scooped Eli up after he picked some daisies nearby. He slipped his free hand into Olivia's and squeezed. Stopping in front of the grave, Eli hopped down and put the flowers down.
He looked up at Olivia and said, "What was her name?"
"Serena Benson." Olivia said as she rubbed her belly, she felt Elliot rub her back knowing what she was thinking.
"I saw the picture at the house...you look so much like her." Lizzie said. "Practically twins."
Olivia nodded, "Yeah...a lot of people said that."
Kathleen leaned against her and smiled, "I wish we could have met her."
Olivia wrapped an arm around her shoulder and squeezed, "Me too. She would have loved you guys. She liked your Dad…"
Elliot gave her a smile and turned back to the grave, "Hey Serena…" He whispered, "Thanks for giving us this incredible woman."
Olivia smiled, feeling her heart swell in her chest. "El…"
"Yeah…" Richie said, "Our lives are a lot better with her in it."
Olivia took a deep breath, "Remember...the hormones and the arc people…" There was a little ripple of laughter between the group before Olivia whispered, "Hey Mom…I should have brought them by sooner but...this is my family. My growing family…" She said squeezing her bump, she bit her lip and whispered, "I miss you."
Elliot pressed a kiss into Olivia's head and whispered, "We'll go back to the car for a minute…"
She looked at him and nodded, "Thanks."
Elliot nodded towards the car and the kids took the hint, each of them giving her a hug before they left. Olivia looked at Elliot, he lifted his hand and touched her cheek, "She's with you Liv. Remember that."
Nodding slowly, she smiled, "I know."
He kissed her gently, "Take your time…"
She gave him a little smile and then watched him walk away before turning back to the stone. Her eyes traveled over the name engraved there. She touched her belly when she felt the baby kick. "If she's a girl...we're naming her Serena." She felt the tears prickle in her eyes and she sighed softly, "Mom it wasn't all easy. There were days when I hated you…" She closed her eyes tightly, "But I know that you did your best. I can't even imagine-" Her words got stuck in her throat and she wiped at her eyes, "He's worse than I imagined and I am so very sorry. So sorry that I couldn't help you find him before you died. But I swear that after today...he'll pay for every horrible thing he did. To you. To all of those women. And when it's over...you can rest. You can finally rest." Leaning forward, she pressed her hands to the stone, "This one's for you Mom." She paused and smiled, "They've all been for you...but this one especially. I love you Mom. Always."
Stepping back, she touched the pendant at her neck again and then started to walk away. The kids were already in the car, but Elliot was standing by the car waiting for her. Leaning up, she pressed a kiss to his lips and smiled, "Ready?"
She nodded once, "Ready."
Back at the courthouse, Olivia was sitting with Eli and the kids. They were keeping her distracted before they had to go in and Elliot was grateful for it. After Hollister's outburst yesterday, he was feeling overwhelmed being back in the courtroom.
Kathy walked up behind Elliot, "You okay?"
He turned to look at her, "Yeah...yeah I'm fine."
She rolled her eyes, "Uh huh…"
Elliot frowned and looked back at her, "Just worried about the stress on her and the baby...she had pain this morning."
Kathy nodded, "She's strong Elliot. And she's getting close...that's normal. You start feeling a lot of pressure around now. The baby is just getting ready…"
Elliot nodded and rubbed the back of his neck nervously, "Yeah...yeah I know."
Reaching up, she squeezed his arm before whispering again, "She's strong…"
Elliot nodded slowly and turned to look at her, he smiled, "I know. I just wish sometimes she didn't feel like she had to be so damn strong all the time…"
"She'll lean on you when she's ready." She said, she sighed, "It's funny...for years I hated her because I thought she had it all. And the more I've learned about her...I don't know how she's remained as brave as she has. She's a hell of a woman Elliot and I understand why you fell in love with her."
Turning to look at her he frowned, "Are you about to tell me that you're in love with my wife?" Kathy started to laugh, "Things have been weird...but let's not go down that road."
She rolled her eyes and shoved him back, "Shut up. You know that's not what I'm saying at all. I'm just…" She shrugged, "I'm saying that if it couldn't work for you and me I'm glad it's her. She's someone I trust and know loves our children as if they were her own. What you and I had was...what it was. And I don't regret it. But it was never what you two have."
Elliot looked at her and frowned, "You know that you deserve all the happiness in the world, right? And that I'd do anything for you. All you have to do is ask. The way you've been so supportive in all of this...I don't deserve it."
She smiled, "Yeah you do Elliot. You never gave yourself enough credit...you're not the bad guy. You loved our family and that's all I could have asked for."
He took a deep breath, "You didn't answer the first question…"
She smiled at him, "I know Elliot...I know. And thank you for saying it." She looked back at the kids and Olivia, "My Mom's here for Eli...she'll bring him back later."
Elliot nodded, "Okay. Thank you…"
Kathy walked over to the kids and let Eli say goodbye to Olivia. He wrapped his arms tight around her and squeezed with all his might. Olivia kissed his cheek and then let Kathy take him with her. Richie helped her off the bench and she walked over to Elliot, he was staring intently at her. The kids took the hint and walked into the courtroom to leave them alone for a second.
"You okay?" She asked, placing a hand on his cheek, he didn't answer at first and she felt worry course through her, "El?"
"I uh…" He cleared his throat, "I was thinking about something. Sorry."
Her hand slid from his cheek to his shoulder and she caressed his neck, "What?"
Elliot smiled, stepped up to her and placed a hand on her belly, "I was thinking about our wedding…"
She scrunched up her nose and smiled, "Yeah?"
Elliot nodded and leaned all the way into her, "Yeah…"
During his first wedding, Elliot had been so young and so nervous he didn't have time to process everything that had happened. Kathy had looked beautiful. He remembered that. But it was all a blur. He loved her...she was pregnant. He was doing what he needed to do.
But here he was, a full grown man about to get married for the second time. And this time...he felt so strongly about his choice there were no doubts. No second thoughts. No cold feet. He was standing beside his son, the music started to play. Lifting his head he saw her walking towards him with Cragen by her side. It felt like time had stopped for a moment and she was the only thing he could see.
She saw Cragen whisper something to her, she smiled at him and then turned to Elliot. His heart stopped. He was pretty sure he stopped breathing all together. Her eyes locked with his and he saw all the things he had heard about for years. That soulmate feeling. He saw everything in her eyes...everything and more.
"Breathe Dad…" Richie said from behind him, "Liv will kill you if she has to give you mouth to mouth during the ceremony."
Elliot chuckled slightly, "Wouldn't that defeat the purpose of actually saving my life?"
Richie smirked, "Yeah...but she'd still do it."
"Stop talking." Elliot said, still not taking his eyes off of Olivia.
Cragen and Olivia stopped in front of her and Olivia quirked an eyebrow at him, "Something funny?"
"Yeah...Dad's about to have a heart attack." Richie said behind his Father."Remind me again why I picked him as best man?" He asked with a sigh."I told you to go with Eli…" She said with a shrug, "But you never listen to me."
Cragen sighed, "Only you two would be arguing prior to your wedding."
"We're not arguing." Olivia said, eyes still trained on her soon to be husband, "This is how we communicate…""You mean this is how you flirt…" Cragen said with a laugh, "Trust me...I had a front row seat for years.""I hate to break up the party…" The Priest said, "But...are we having a wedding today?""Yes." Elliot and Olivia said, eyes still locked on each other."We might want to hurry this along before they start going at it again…in more ways than one." Richie said.
Olivia hung her head and laughed, "Eli...switch spots with your big brother." Elliot said softly, still looking only at Olivia.
"Stay where you are Richie. But...stop talking." She said sticking her tongue out at him, "If you keep talking, it will be another ten years before I get your Dad to marry me. I think I've waited long enough."
Elliot chuckled and held his hand out to her, "Ready Benson?"
"I was born ready Stabler…" She said, taking his hand and stepping up to her spot beside him.
Cragen kissed her cheek, shook hands with Elliot and then took his spot in the crowd. And when Elliot looked back at Olivia...he knew the future he always wanted was right in front of him.
Elliot took a deep breath and leaned into Olivia, "Liv I knew that day...that I wanted to give you the world. I still do. And when this is over...I plan on doing just that."
She smiled up at him, feeling the love she had for him fill her body and soul, "El you already have…all I ever wanted was you."
He pressed his forehead against hers, "I love you. You're so close...so close. Just hang on a little longer, okay?"
She nodded against him and took a deep breath, "Okay…"
He pulled back, kissed her once and then together they walked into the courtroom. Settling in their seats, Casey turned to look at her, "You ready?"
Olivia nodded, "Yeah. I'm ready."
The side door opened and all eyes turned to see Hollister walking in, handcuffed. His eyes found Olivia's. He stopped in the doorway, stumbled slightly. Elliot wrapped a protective arm around her shoulder and she knew he was thinking about what had happened yesterday. She put a soothing hand on his thigh and rubbed it gently needing him to be calm. Hollister swallowed hard, and looked down as one of the Guards pushed him into the room.
The judge took the stand and said, "After the outbursts yesterday...I want to take this time to reiterate how I will run this courtroom. I will give no warnings today. Any outbursts from any person in this courtroom will result in immediate removal. Are we clear?"
Both lawyers nodded and proceedings began again. Casey walked the court through the evidence they had brought up against Hollister. Olivia was listening, but for some reason she seemed fixated on Hollister. The way he sat so still, so rigid. She wondered what was going through his brain. Wondered if he was beginning to feel any remorse or if he really was evil to his core.
After a few more minutes, Olivia heard Casey call her name signaling that it was time. She turned to Elliot, he gave her a little nod and pressed a hand into her belly. Standing, she began to walk towards the stand just like she had yesterday. Although this time it felt different. It wasn't that she wasn't confident...she did. She knew they had no way to lose this one. But...today she'd be reading her Mother's most intimate words to a whole group of people and something about felt intrusive.
She took a deep breath as she settled into the cold, hard seat. "Mrs. Stabler?" Olivia looked over at the Judge and waited, "If at any point you would like to stop-"
Olivia smiled, "I know. Thank you."
The judge turned to Casey and nodded, "You may begin."
Casey took a deep breath and stepped over to her friend, "Detective Stabler…" She saw Olivai smile a little at the name, "Thank you for agreeing to speak today. You're giving a voice to someone who can't be here today."
Olivia nodded once again, "Of course."
"Now we heard from Ms. Larson a few days ago...we know that she made a choice. A very difficult choice and that you supported her through it. Can you talk to me a bit about that day?" She asked.
Olivia took a deep breath, she looked behind Casey and saw Sarah and Sam sitting a few aisles back from her family, "I met Ms. Larson after finding out she was another victim of Mr. Hollister. I met her at the clinic...and we talked about her situation. We discussed her options and when she was ready...I did sit with her while she had the procedure."
Casey nodded slowly, "The abortion?"
"Yes." Olivia said quickly, she saw Sarah lower her head and she wished she could hug her.
"Mrs. Stabler I have to imagine that being there was difficult...you yourself are pregnant. I'm sure you also thought about your own Mother. And...that child would have been your sibling." She said.
"I believe that every woman has the right to choose. Joseph Hollister took a lot of choices away from Sarah. A baby is something that is...life changing. It should be an exciting change...something that a person has thought about. Sarah made the best choice for herself and I support it fully." Olivia said honestly.
"If Sarah had chosen to keep the child?" Casey asked softly.
"I would have supported any decision Sarah had made that day. No questions asked." Olivia said.
Casey stepped closer to her, "Mrs. Stabler...can you tell me a bit about your Mother?"
Olivia paused a moment, then took a deep breath, "Her name was Serena Benson. She was born and raised here in the City...she was an English Professor at Hudson University."
Casey nodded, "And before working at Hudson...she went to school and worked at Columbia University to help pay her tuition. Correct?"
Olivia nodded, "Yes."
"And is it also true that while working at Columbia in the Spring of 1967, your Mother was attacked and raped on campus?" Casey asked as she walked to the table and reached for the notebooks.
Olivia nodded again, her heart started to pound. "Yes."
Casey held out one of the notebooks, "Mrs. Stabler...can you tell us who these journals belonged to?"
"They belonged to my Mother. She left them for me after she passed." She said quickly.
Casey nodded, "And in these journals...your Mother details what happened that night. Have you read them?"
"I have." Olivia said eyeing them carefully, "Not until recently. But yes. I have."
"I can imagine that that was very difficult for you. Prior to this...did you know much about what happened to your Mother that night?" Casey asked.
"No." Olivia said shifting in her seat, "My Mother didn't discuss it much. I was older when I found out all the details."
"Though I know this will be hard for you…" Casey whispered, "Do you think that you could read to us what your Mother wrote? Help us understand what Mr. Hollister truly is capable of?"
Olivia looked at Hollister and his eyes were wide, he hadn't expected this and she nodded, "Yes."
Casey smiled, leaned forward and held out the journal, "When you're ready...you can also tell us if you need a break."
Olivia nodded and took the journal, she flipped open to the marked page and ran her finger over the familiar handwriting. For a moment she felt like time had stopped and she wondered what her Mother had felt when she wrote this. She felt her heart pounding and her voice somehow got stuck in her throat. She knew she had to say something. She could feel Elliot looking at her, almost as if he was right beside her. She could feel her friends and the rest of their family. Lifting her hand, she touched the pendant on her chest, and at the same moment felt the baby kick.
Swallowing hard, she cleared her throat and started to read, "It's been 6 weeks since it happened. 6 weeks of reliving it. 6 weeks of having to face what actually happened. And today I found out that I was pregnant. I heard the Doctor say the words but it didn't seem possible. I always envisioned having a child...but not like this."
She heard a sound from somewhere behind her and she thought she recognized Sarah's cry. She put a hand on her belly and kept her eyes trained on the journal. "Knowing that this child is a part of him. That part of him is still-" Her voice cracked and she stopped short.
Casey leaned in, her heart aching and wondering if they had made the wrong choice, "Olivia?"
Olivia didn't look up, she took a deep breath and pushed on, "That part of him is still inside of me...makes me want to scream. I can still feel him. Smell him. See him. If I close my eyes I see exactly what happened. I was walking out of work...it was late. But I'd done that so many times before. It was chilly...I had forgotten my coat at home because it was warmer when I left. I felt him behind me before I saw him...he looked vaguely familiar when I finally turned to look at him. But I see so many men on campus. Nothing about him stood out to me...I tried to smile. I said hello. And then something in his eyes told me what he wanted. I turned...I started to walk away. Tried to stay calm but he got closer. I walked faster but his strides were in step with mine."
She heard someone saying something, she looked up and saw Hollister tapping his foot. He was staring hard at the table in front of him. His Lawyer was whispering to him. She looked over and saw Elliot's eyes glaring at him. She looked and saw Cragen whose eyes were trained on her but he gave her a little nod, letting her know that he had Elliot under control.
She looked down and continued, "When I made the decision to run, it wasn't fast enough. His hand grabbed my arm, his fingers dug into my flesh. I went to scream but something hard came down on my head. It felt like something exploded in my brain. I felt something warm start to trickle down the side of my face...the smell was strong. I tried to move but I felt him walking me back towards the alley. I wanted to scream again but nothing came out of my mouth. I felt the brick wall behind me. Felt him ripping at my clothes. He smelled like whiskey and cigarettes. I was trying to push him away but my head was pounding. I felt something cold and sharp against my neck...and I knew there was no point. I felt him then. The force. The rage. It felt like it lasted forever...like time had stopped. I felt like I was being torn in two. And suddenly it was over…" She paused again and then whispered, "He threw me down on the ground. I was lying there in the mud...I thought he had left. And then the kicking started. Every inch of me was on fire. I just lay there. And when it stopped...I thought I was dead. I wish I had been. I wish I was."
She looked up at Casey as the entry had ended, her friend took a deep breath, "Are you okay Mrs. Stabler?"
Olivia swallowed hard, "I'm fine."
Casey looked at her softly, "What your Mother went through…" She paused and pulled herself together, "You are a Special Victim's Unit Detective. You have no doubt with countless victims who recounted their attacks. Does it ever get easier? Hearing their stories?"
Olivia looked up at her and shrugged, "Eventually...you learn to separate your feelings from what you are being told. And you focus on what you need to do to get the justice your victims deserve."
"You must see your Mother in every victim you meet." Casey said softly, "Did you become a Detective because of what happened to her?"
"Yes." Olivia said, "I wanted to give her the justice she wasn't able to get."
"Your Mother's case went cold." Casey said softly, "They couldn't find him."
"It was a different time…" She whispered, "It wasn't as easy back then to-" She paused, "Not that it's easy now but there was no DNA...no cameras or ways to track people."
"So he was free to attack again...and we know he did." Casey said, "We have more than two dozen victims who have come forward. Detailing very similar attacks as your Mother. Mr. Hollister is what we would call a repeat offender...or a serial rapist."
"Yes." Olivia said again, she felt Hollister's eyes on her again.
"I have to ask a question that…" She paused, looked at Hollister and then back at Olivia, "What does it feel like?" Olivia knew what was coming next, they had rehearsed it, "To know your Father is a rapist?"
She felt a shift in the room, she could almost feel Elliot wanting to reach for her, "Like you don't deserve to be alive."
Casey took a deep breath, "And yet despite what he is...what he's done...you are nothing like him."
Olivia licked her lips and turned back to her friend, "My Mother made a choice. She thought about…" She looked down at her growing belly, "She almost had an abortion but she decided to keep me. Why...I don't know. I don't think I'll ever understand."
"If you were in her shoes…" Casey whispered, "Would you have kept your child?"
Olivai looked her straight in the eye and answered, "No. I wouldn't have been able to do that."
Casey nodded, "But you're pregnant now…" She looked down at her belly, "You are bringing a child into this world. You are married. You have a life. But I assume that every choice you make somehow goes back to...where you came from. You must think about it...what that will mean."
"Of course." Olivia said, "Of course I think about it. But as I said yesterday...DNA doesn't mean everything when it comes to a child. It took me a long time to figure that out...but I understand it now."
Casey nodded, "Your husband knew about your past? Prior to your marriage?"
Olivia nodded, her eyes glanced briefly to Elliot and she saw him staring at her. She wasn't sure what she expected to see but her heart flip flopped in her chest when she realized that what she saw was love looking back at her. He had said it a million times before, but she knew looking at him that he never saw her as a victim. He never saw her as fragile. Never saw her as broken. He just saw her for who she was. That he loved her completely. That he believed in her goodness and knew that their child would not be part of Joseph Hollister.
Looking at him, she felt a new sense of strength to push forward, "Yes. He knew."
"Mrs. Stabler…" Casey whispered, "Can you read the last entry of that particular journal for us?"
This was not something they had planned. Olivia had not read this particular selection and she was confused. She gave Casey a look and her friend just nodded, letting her know it was okay.
Olivia took a deep breath, flipped open the journal and read, feeling her heart pounding but she didn't feel afraid. "December 13th, 1967. Olivia was born today." She felt the tears burning in her eyes but she willed them not to fall. "She was 8 lbs, 5 oz, 21 inches long. I thought that I would be afraid...that the labor would be hard. And it was...but it was also different than I imagined. I imagined thinking of him. I imagined it would feel like that night all over again. It was like an out of body experience...hearing the doctors. I did what they said. And then I heard her…" The baby in Olivia's belly started to move more fiercely, she rubbed her belly gently to soothe her child, "I heard my daughter...crying. And they placed her in my arms...I held her there against my chest. Feeling her body move against mine, feel her heartbeat, felt her small fingers reaching for me. She needed me...this tiny baby needed me. I don't know how to be a Mother. I don't know how to look past what he did. But Olivia…" Her voice cracked again, "Olivia is my child. Mine alone. I can't promise that I will give her what she deserves...but I hope she knows someday that I kept her because I love her. She is good. She is innocent. She is not him. And she never will be."
Olivia looked up at her friend, Casey gave her a little smile, "Knowing you personally...I know that your Mother's words are true. Sitting here today and facing Mr. Hollister...especially after yesterday. I can imagine it was very difficult."
"I want to ensure that Mr. Hollister isn't able to hurt anyone else. My Mother may be gone...but she deserves justice. Sarah Larson deserves justice. Every woman he has hurt...they deserve to see him suffer. No one is invincible. Even if they think they are." She said looking right at him.
"Thank you Mrs. Stabler. That's all the questions I have." Casey gave her a genuine smile.
Olivia looked back at the judge, "You may step down Mrs. Stabler. Let's take a fifteen minute recess before closing arguments. I think we could all use a breather." The gavel banged against the wood and she
Standing up, Casey helped Olivia down off the stand, "Are you okay?"
Olivia looked at her, "I'm…"
Casey bit her lip, "I...I read that entry last night. I couldn't sleep. I know I should have told you about it. But I just...I felt like it needed to be read. He needed to hear it. The jury needed to hear it...you needed to hear it."
Olivia nodded, "Thank you…"
Casey squeezed her arms, "Closing arguments...we're almost there."
Olivia smiled back, turned and then walked over to Elliot. She noticed that Cragen had stepped aside to talk to their friends, clearly thinking they needed a moment alone. As much as she loved her friends and Elliot's kids, her husband was the only one she wanted to see right now.
Elliot reached for her hands, "Anyone ever tell you that you're Superwoman?"
She smirked at him, "Cool it Stabler…"
He shook her his head, "Liv that was...a lot. I'm so damn proud of you."
She stepped all the way up to him, and wrapped her arms around his waist, "Hey Elliot?"
He put one hand on her shoulder, tangled the other in her hair and smiled, "Yes?"
"Thank you…" He looked confused and she pushed on, "Thank you for never making me feel less than. Even before we…" She glanced down, feeling overwhelmed with emotion, "I always felt like I didn't belong. That I wasn't meant to be here...that I didn't deserve to be alive."
She felt him rub her back, "Olivia…"
"And sometimes I wished I wasn't…" Her voice broke off and she shook her head as she looked up at him, "But you always made me feel like I was meant to be here. That I deserved...that I do deserve-"
"You do." He said leaning all the way in kissing her gently, "You deserve the world Liv And I want you to have it. Your Mother wanted you to have it...that's why she chose to keep you. She may have made mistakes but she wanted you to live. She wanted you to love yourself...your life. She wanted you to have a chance."
She nodded, the first few tears fell and she closed her eyes. "I know. I know."
He pressed his lips to her forehead, "We're almost there babe...just hang on. I got you."
She clung to his arms and nodded, "You always do."
Twenty minutes later, all parties were sitting again and preparing for closing arguments. Once again, Olivia felt the presence of her friends and family. They surrounded her. She knew Hollister could feel their presence. Feel the power in the room and she hoped he felt his time coming to an end. She didn't even bother to listen to Hollister's lawyer as he gave his closing argument.
She focussed on the feel of Elliot rubbing circles on her wrist as he held her hand in his lap. She smiled to herself, remembering a very simple yet powerful moment in their relationship. She closed her eyes, and focussed on that, knowing no matter what happened next he would always be right beside her.
One week into their relationship, they were sitting at her apartment watching a movie. They had gone out to dinner after work. They still hadn't taken that next step...he was being patient and she loved him for it. She thought about the fact that they had only started this new chapter of their relationship a week ago.
He was sitting beside her, one arm wrapped around her shoulder, tracing circles there. The other held her hand in his lap and it was also rubbing circles on her wrist. It felt so strange. Yet so...right. How many years had they spent with those invisible barriers between them. They never said the words but there was always a rule of no touching. Hugs were even off limits.
Yet here he was...holding her to his side. Rubbing gentle, sweet circles on her skin as if he had done it a million times before. She had never been a very affectionate partner. Sure she liked kissing, sex...but she never let anyone hold her close. Never let anyone cuddle afterwards. Never let anyone just be beside her this way. Even if they hadn't crossed that next step...this felt so intimate to her. So important and so real.
Turning her head, she looked at his profile as he watched the TV. She wondered if he even realized what he was doing or if it was just subconscious. Her breath hitched in her throat as she watched him, and she was sure he could feel her pulse skip a beat. Something caught his attention, because he turned to look at her. He smiled, then his deep blue eyes searched hers, trying to read her.
"Something wrong?" Elliot asked, she shook her head but he saw the way she chewed her lip, "Liv what-""You're um…" She blushed and looked down at his hand on her wrist, "I was just…"
His eyes followed her gaze and he saw that he was holding her wrist tightly to him, "Oh...I'm. I'm sorry."
"Don't be." She whispered, "I didn't mean that-" She paused, "I was just…"
He waited a moment before whispering her name again, "Liv?"
"I was thinking about...how not weird it feels to be sitting here with you. Like this." She said, her nose scrunched up, "I'm not sure that makes any sense...I just always assumed it would feel...strange somehow. I don't normally...I've never let-" She cringed again, "I'm rambling again."
He smiled, "I'm used to the rambling. I can usually figure it out...and I think I understand what you're saying."
She looked up at him hopefully, "You do?"
Elliot nodded slowly, "I've known you long enough. I can usually read your mind...lord knows you read mine. I think what you're trying to say is-" He paused, "That we always had this wall between us. This barrier to make sure we didn't cross a line. But now we're here...and it feels really natural."
She licked her lips, "Yeah...that's exactly what I was trying to say." She paused for a moment, "I mean I know that we...haven't-"
He shook his head, "Liv it's okay." She gave him worried look and he smiled, "This isn't just about sex to me…" She shivered slightly at his words, "I mean I want that...someday.
When you're ready. But I'm here because I want this...I want you. Whatever you're willing to give. That's what I want. Intimacy doesn't just have to be sex…"
She smiled at him, "I'm realizing that…"
He smiled, hopeful that she did understand what he was saying. He pulled her in a little closer and kissed her forehead. He felt her take a deep breath, curl into his side and rest against him. His fingers went back to what they were doing and he smiled, feeling those extra walls of hers continuing to crumble.
"This okay?" He asked softly, wanting to ensure that she was comfortable, needing to hear her say the words.
He'd hold her forever if she let him, but it had to be her choice. All of this had to be her choice. He had made his choice long ago. But he knew these things were harder for her. She pulled her hand from his and for a moment he got nervous. But when he felt her wrap her arms around his middle and press a kiss to his chest...he relaxed. He wrapped both arms around her and resumed his gentle circles, now on her back.
"Yeah...this is more than okay." She whispered into his chest, never feeling more sure of anything in her life.
His touch always had a soothing effect on her. Right now, it was the only thing keeping her grounded. She was jumpy. She felt nervous. She wanted to believe it was all over. That there was no way he could get out of this...but in this job she had seen many cases that turned out in a way no one expected.
"Breathe…" Elliot whispered to her, she knew he could feel her pulse quickening in her wrist.
She smiled, "Knew I was forgetting something…"
He squeezed her wrist gently just as Casey stood up to give her closing arguments. She turned, looked at Olivia and gave her a look that said she meant business.
"Ladies and Gentleman of the jury…" Casey said, pulling at her jacket, "You've heard from countless victims of Joseph Hollister. A man who has spent decades causing pain and destruction wherever he goes. A man who has no remorse, no sense of right and wrong. Joseph Hollister is a rapist and a murderer. Yesterday we heard from Olivia Benson. The daughter of one of his first victims. We saw the anger...the rage and lengths to which he would go to cause pain. He threatened Olivia...and her unborn child. Now I have known Olivia for many years. I have seen the damage knowing what Hollister did to her Mother did to her. But I have also seen her fight...everyday. For every victim. For every man, woman and child to find the justice they deserve. Joseph Hollister is not her Father. He's just a man. A cruel, unhinged, violent and despicable man. He is a man that doesn't deserve to see the light of day again. Do not let Joseph Hollister get away with his crimes. Do not allow him to go after more women...to cause more damage. Don't let anyone else suffer. See that his victims get the justice they deserve. That Serena Benson...can rest in peace. That her daughter Olivia can move on, raise her child and forget him. That Sarah Larson can put him behind her. See that justice is finally served."
Olivia looked to the side and saw Sarah who looked back at her. She nodded slowly and Olivia smiled. Casey took her seat again. The judge addressed the jury and dismissed them to start deliberating. Olivia saw Elliot say something to Casey, then he turned to his kids and their friends.
He stood up, reached out and offered her his hand, "Want to go for a walk?"
Olivia glanced up at him and smiled, he could always read her, "Yeah...I'd like that."
He tugged at her hand and they started to walk out of the courthouse. She smiled at their friends and family as they went. As grateful as she was to have them all there, she also wanted a little time alone with Elliot. Her safe place. Elliot helped her down the stairs and she gave him a look.
"Eight months pregnant and she still doesn't like getting help." He said with a smirk, she smiled, "Just humor me, okay? I need you and our kid safe."
She smiled and slipped her arm into his as they walked down the street, "Sorry."
"It's okay." He smiled as they walked, it felt good to stretch his legs, "You feeling better than this morning? Anymore pressure?"
Olvia took a deep breath and rubbed her belly with her free hand, "No...no pressure. But she's moving like crazy today. Nonstop. She's playing soccer with my insides."
He chuckled and looked down at her belly, "She's practicing for the Academy."
Olivia laughed, "Think she'll be a cop?"
Elliot shrugged, "With both of us for parents...I wouldn't be surprised. It will stress the hell out of me...but I'd be proud."
She smiled, "Hm…"
He pulled his arm out from her grasp and wrapped an arm around her shoulder, rubbing it gently, "What's on your mind?"
She took a deep breath, "I was just thinking about...my Mom. And how she felt about me being a cop. She hated it at first…I often wondered if she was angry with me for my choice."
Elliot squeezed her arm, "I'm sure she worried…"
Olivia nodded, "Yeah...yeah maybe."
He stopped, turned her to him and smiled, "Lord knows I worry." She gave him a look, "I know you can handle yourself. You prove that everyday. Today especially. But when you love someone...you worry. Everytime…" He paused and closed his eyes for a moment, "Everytime the phone rings when I'm not with you I worry that-"
"I know. I feel that way too." She gave him a look, "Although in this relationship...you're the one that has gotten shot more than me."
He laughed, "Not on purpose."
She nodded and then jumped, and looked down at her belly. "Geez…"
He frowned and put his hands on her belly, "What's wrong?"
Olivia took a deep breath, "It's like she's doing somersaults in there." She gasped again, "Calm it down kidd…"
Elliot rubbed her sides, "Liv maybe we should call the doctor-"
She shook her head, 'No...no. We're fine. She's just...getting ready. We've got time…"
He looked up at her, "But if you feel pain...you'll tell me. Right?"
She smiled and reached for his hand, "Right." She pressed her hands into her belly and smiled, "Hey kid...take a nap. I want to go for a walk with your Dad...and if you don't calm down he's going to drag me to the hospital. We're not ready for you yet."
As if she had really heard her, the baby stopped moving and Elliot smiled, "See...you're a natural already."
She smiled up at him and slipped her arm back through his, "Come on...we might not have a lot of you and me time left. Let's make it count."
Elliot fell into step beside her like he so often had. They walked in comfortable silence and he thought about what it would be like to put this all behind them. What it would be like to finally have Olivia feel free of her past. What it would be like to see her hold their baby...to have all the things she wanted. They were so close...he just had to believe they could get to the place they always wanted to be.
Two hours later, Casey called Olivia and their friends back to the Courthouse. The jury was ready to read their decision to the court. As they stood by and waited for the judge to come back, Fin and Munch walked up behind Olivia and Elliot.
"Hey." She said smiling at them both as they approached her. "You guys ready to sleep in your own beds tonight?"
Fin shrugged, "The air mattress wasn't so bad. We're happy to stay tonight if you need us."
She smiled at them, "I appreciate the sentiment...but I think we're good. You should go home…"
Munch looked at her for a moment and then said, "You know...we made some phone calls."
Olivia smiled at him, "Oh really?"
Munch nodded slowly, "Hollister will have a very cold welcome to prison when he gets transfered."
Olivia couldn't help but laugh, "You guys are crazy."
"We care about you." Fin said, "No one messes with our Olivia and gets away with it."
"Your Olivia?" She said with a smirk.
Munch smiled, "Yep. Our Olivia. Elliot's not the only one that loves you."
She smiled and leaned in to kiss his cheek, then kiss Fin's. "Good to know."
"It's time." Casey said from behind them as the judge started to walk into the room.
Everyone rose, then took their seats. Olivia's heart was pounding in her chest. She looked at the back of Hollister's head again. He was looking straight forward, but his shoulders rose and fell fast. It looked like he was breathing hard. Like he knew this was it. That this would be his last taste of freedom. And God she hoped it was. She heard the Judge asking the jury what their decision was. She sucked in her breath, unable to move, unable to breathe as she waited.
And then she heard it.
"We find the Defendant Guilty." The Juror said.
Time stopped again. She saw his head fall forward in defeat. Heard the judge telling him what would happen next. She saw him stand. He turned as they cuffed him and he looked right at her. Neither of them blinked. Neither of them moved. His lips were tight. She watched him take one long deep breath, then turn and be led out of the room.
Olivia felt Elliot's hand reach for hers. It was over. Joseph Hollister was going away for life, however long that was, Olivia didn't care. She was just glad to see this nightmare end. He squeezed her hand hard and she looked over at him. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her forehead before they both stood up.
Casey turned and smiled at Olivia, "You did it."
Olivia shook her head, "You're the one that tried the case Casey."
Casey smiled back, "But we wouldn't have won without your statements. You sealed his fate and I know your Mom is so proud of you."
Olivia felt the tears burn in her eyes, "Okay seriously...I'm eight months pregnant people. We need to not make me cry anymore…"
Elliot smiled and wrapped an arm around her tightly, "Come on. Let's go home."
She leaned in and took a deep breath, "Home…"
He smiled, turned her around and she saw all her friends and family watching from the door. Elliot put his hand on her lower back and they started to walk out to the main room of the court house. Hugs were shared all around and Eli walked up to Olivia as he got back to the courthouse, he tugged at her hand, "Is it over now Livvie?"
Olivia smiled and touched the top of his curly blonde head, "It's over now bud."
Eli leaned forward and hugged her around her belly, "Good. Can we go celebrate?"
Olivia smiled, "Celebrate?"
Eli nodded, "Uh huh...Grandpa Cragen says he's buying dinner for everyone."
Olivia looked up at Cragen, "Is that so?"
Cragen shrugged, "I'm damn proud of you Benson...this is something to celebrate."
She rubbed her belly affectionately, "Well baby Stabler and I could go for a bite…"
Everyone started to laugh and Cragen nodded, "Meet everyone at Monty's?"
Everyone nodded, split off to their little groups to drive. Kathy took Eli so that Olivia and Elliot could have a moment alone before dinner with everyone. Elliot was driving down the road and stopped a red light. He looked over and saw Olivia looking out the window, her hand rested on her belly and she rubbed it gently.
"You okay?" He asked, reaching out to touch her shoulder.
She turned and smiled at him, "Yeah...I'm good." He gave her a look and she smiled, "Really. I'm good...I'm just so ready to focus on the future and nothing but the future. He can't hurt us now."
Elliot leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her cheek, "No he can't."
She took a deep breath, looked down at her belly and smiled, "I'm ready El…"
He turned back to the road and saw the light turn green, "I know you are. And I can't wait to see you with our baby."
She gave him a little smile as he eased on the gas and started to drive through the light. She turned her head to look back out the window and as she did, her heart jumped in her chest. She didn't have time to react though, didn't have time to scream. And before either of them knew it...there was a crash, the car spun and everything went black…
So...you probably hate me! I get it. But...I watched a particular episode the other night and...this came to me. If you can guess what episode I'm thinking about...just be patient. And if you don't know...then just remember that I said a happy E/O is always my endgame!
The next chapter is already started. So just hang tight!