W: Nothing has felt the same since I learned that goats have accents

W: AND

W: Goats from foreign countries can't understand each other because their accents are different

D: Evaded arrest for putting fake arrow decals on the floor in IKEA therefore creating a labyrinth with no exit

W: iconic

W: I love how the Devil went down to Georgia, which either implies that the devil is a northerner or that Georgia is lower than hell

D: probably both

D: Did you know that when you break a bone it typically will heal back stronger than before?

W: So what you're saying is I should break every bone in my body until I become invincible?

D: Wally, no.

D: French geese be like

D: Honque

D: Bananas are slightly radioactive due to certain cesium isotopes.

D: Therefore you should never eat more than 600 bananas per second to minimize the risk of a harmful radiation dose

W: There goes my Friday night

W: When you see a Take One candy bowl in a restaurant, wait until no one is looking and shovel candy into your pockets.

W: God may judge you but his sins outnumber your own

D: If there are trees you aren't alone

W: I can't tell if this is supposed to be encouragement or an ominous warning

W: Write 'nothing is set in stone' on my grave as both a witty joke and a subtle warning that I will be back

D: I gotchu

W: If we keep accusing people of being the zodiac killer eventually we will get it right

D: Maybe the real zodiac killer is the friends we made along the way

D: Which way does a cyclops wing their eyeliner

W: It doesn't matter because Nobody is going to criticize their makeup

D: DUDE

W: You're no hamburger helper

W: You're just a hamburger hindrance

D: If you're not part of the hamburger solution, you're part of the hamburger problem

W: You're a hamburden on society

D: Do you even know what propaganda is?

W: It's when a British person takes a good look at something

D: I'm in a constant state of 'how dare you assume I know what I'm doing' but also 'don't you dare question me or what I'm doing'

W: 'I have no idea what I'm doing and you can't stop me'

D: Therapy got a drive thru or something?

W: Welcome to shrink in the box, can I take your disorder?

D: Bruce isn't home and I forgot the English word for this thing and its bAD he usually helps but I cAN'T

W: I will assist. Shoot.

D: You know that little sea bug with the stupid hands and it has a home but it changes homes sometimes because it gets too big for it? What is it?

W: Hermit crab?

D: THAT'S THE BITCH

W: How to travel fast if not a speedster? Down NyQuil and sleep on the public bus

D: Tried to do this and saw a man sitting in the back dead ass eating and entire whole cucumber and I remembered I can't fast travel with enemies nearby

W: If I had a time machine I would go back and check out all those historical ufo sightings

D: Depending on the rules governing time travel/predestination/etc, this strikes me as an excellent way to be mistaken for a UFO

W: I. I didn't even think of that. shit.

D: Do you care if I take the skin off the Furby

D: I want to make him a God. Once he is free of his sinful flesh he can begin the path towards enlightenment. He will take care of us.

D: Also I want to softhack his circuits

W: I literally couldn't care less but never say anything as frightening as that ever again

so...last season of Supernatural premieres in 4 days...someone HOLD me ugh

I miss the heyday of this account, ya know? it's kinda sad