In The Blood Chapter 19, a law and order: svu fanfic

Hi all! Been a busy few days so it was taking me a while to update. I also still haven't recovered from last Thursday night! lol!

But here you go! There is only an epilogue left...this has been a great journey and story to write. I have more ideas to come! So keep an eye out for those :)

The following week, Olivia was in the kitchen cleaning up from lunch. Elliot was in the shower upstairs getting ready to go to their appointment with Huang. Eli had been spending a few nights with them and was currently sitting and staring at his sister as she stared back from her carrier.

Olivia smiled at the young boy as he sat with his little face in his hands, eyes wide as he looked at her, "She doesn't do much."

She laughed and wiped her hands on a towel, "Yeah...it's going to take her awhile to catch up to you little man. She's still growing."

"Was I ever this little?" He said with a huff, "Cuz I don't remember it."

"You were that little." She said leaning down to kiss his head, "And you were adorable. Still are."

Eli rolled his eyes, "Livvie I'm not adorable."

"Hate to break it to you bud but yeah, you are." She said ruffling his hair.

Eli took a deep breath and looked over at Olivia, "How come you loved me when I was that little?"

She frowned at him, "What do you mean? Of course I loved you then Eli. And I love you even more now."

Eli nodded, "I know. But you didn't have to. You aren't my Mommy like you are Serena's Mommy. But you still love me."

She smiled, sat down across from him and pulled him into her lap, "Eli Stabler, you stole my heart the moment you were born. And I will always love you. No matter what. Okay?"

He smiled and hugged her, "I'm really glad you're okay…" He frowned then and whispered, "I was really scared when you were in the hospital."

Olivia squeezed him tight and kissed the top of his head, "Want to know a secret?" He peeked up at her with his blue eyes that matched his fathers, "I was scared too Eli. It's okay to be scared."

Eli looked back at Serena and said, "She's pretty cute...even though she's kinda boring."

She laughed again and rubbed his back, "Before you know it, you two will be running schemes all over the place together. And I can't wait to watch it."

A knock on the door made Eli smile, "That's Mommy!"

She helped him hop down and they walked together to the door, "Hey!" Kathy said as he ran into her arms, "How are you bud?"

"Good!" Eli said with a smile, "Daddy took me to the park yesterday while Serena was napping. And then when we got back she puked all over him! It was so gross!"

Kathy laughed and looked up at Serena, "The mind of a five year old is a wonder."

Olivia smiled and stepped aside to let her in, "It was one for the books. I'll give him that. Who knew something so tiny could produce that much puke?"

Kathy smirked, "How did Elliot take it?"

"Surprisingly well." She said with a sigh, "Minimum gagging. Me on the other hand…"

"Ah yes...I remember the Kathleen pukeathon from years ago. Not your favorite of bodily fluids. For a Special Victims Unit Detective...I never would have guessed puke would be the thing that freaks you out." She said teasingly.

"Give me blood any day...but puke. No thank you!" She looked back at Serena and smiled, "Although, she's pretty darn cute so I'll have to forgive it."

Kathy smiled and ruffled Eli's hair, "Buddy why don't you go get your bag. We're going to take Serena to Maureen's on our way home so Daddy and Olivia can go to their appointment."

Eli nodded, "Okay." He quickly turned and ran up the stairs leaving the two women alone in the foyer.

Kathy turned back to Olivia and smiled softly, "So...how's everything going?"

Olivia smiled and leaned against the back of the couch, "No major freakouts. A few minor ones...but I'm hanging in there."

"Good." Kathy said with a smile, "No one said it was going to be easy Olivia. But you're doing great."

Olivia took a deep breath, "Elliot told me that Lucas proposed." Kathy's face blushed, "I'm really happy for you. You two are so great together."

Kathy looked down at her hand and smiled, "He's...incredible. I wasn't sure I'd ever get married again but I feel so happy."

"Good. You deserve it." She said honestly, "You're a great person Kathy."

Kathy looked up at her and smiled, "Who would have thought all those years ago we'd be friends?" She teased.

Olivia smirked, "I always assumed you wanted to kill me…I definitely didn't see it coming."

Kathy rolled her eyes, "You made it ridiculously hard to hate you. I wanted to. But I never did."

Serena started to fuss so Olivia went to pick her up, she held her close to her chest and smiled, "Thank you for agreeing to take her to Maureen's for us. Her house is in the opposite direction of our appointment so…"

"No problem." She said smiling at her, "Happy to get some extra time with my Goddaughter. Besides, I think it's great that you and Elliot are doing this."

She was quiet for a moment, "He's still insisting on going to see…"

"Kathleen told me." She whispered, "How are you feeling about it?"

Olivia looked down at Serena and sighed, "I just...don't want him to do anything stupid. Ya know?"

Kathy nodded slowly, "I know. But...Olivia he would never do anything to jeopardize the life you two have together. He might be hot headed and stubborn...but he loves you. He's not going to put that at risk."

Olivia pressed a kiss to Serena's head just as Elliot descended the stairs with Eli in his arms, "I caught a wild monkey in our house. Does he belong to anyone?" He said with a sigh as he tipped him upside down.

Eli laughed, "Daddy, put me down!"

Elliot flipped him back up and set him down, "He's lucky he's cute. Made a mess in Richie's bedroom."

"What were you looking for?" Olivia said with a laugh, "I packed all your stuff up in your room."

"Yeah but Richie has a candy stash in there. I figured I'd look for it while he wasn't around." He said with a sigh, "Dad caught me before I got anything good."

Kathy laughed, "Come on little man...Daddy and Olivia have to get going. Say goodbye and thank you."

Eli jumped up into Elliot's arms again, "Daddy, will you put me in the car?"

"Sure." Elliot said, giving him a squeeze as he walked over to Olivia, "But say bye to Liv and your sister first."

Eli leaned down and kissed Serena's head gently and then Olivia's cheek, "By Livvie. Love you."

"Bye bud. I love you too. We'll see you in a few days." She smiled at him and turned to put Serena in her carseat.

Elliot started to walk towards the door with Eli and his bag. Olivia bent down and strapped Serena carefully back in. Kathy walked over to her and smiled, "You okay?"

Olivia looked up at her and tried to smile, "Only the second time I left her. And the first time was with Elliot. It's not that I don't trust you...or Maureen. I just-"

"I get it." She said with a smile, "When I had Maureen, I didn't leave her side for almost three full months."

Olivia looked down at her daughter and frowned, "I don't want to miss anything. Or I don't want her to need me and I'm not there…"

"What you're doing is for her." She said, giving her arm a squeeze, "It will be okay."

Olivia took a deep breath and lifted up the carrier, "Okay kiddo. Daddy and I will see you in a few hours."

Kathy looped the baby bag in her arm and then waited. Olivia gave Serena a kiss and then carefully handed her the carrier. "You can do this Olivia. I know you can. You both can."

Olivia watched Kathy walk out the door with Serena and then went upstairs to finish getting ready before they had to go. Outside, Elliot was strapping Eli in his seat. He looked over and saw Kathy beginning to strap Serena's carseat in.

"I'll do it in a second." He said quickly, she gave him a look and he frowned, "Sorry I just…"

"I get it." She said with a smile and stepped back, "No need to explain."

Elliot looked down at Eli and smiled, "Be good okay? I'll call you tonight before you go to bed."

"Okay." Eli said quickly, he pointed at his Dad and said sternly, "You be good too Daddy."

Elliot's heart flip flopped on his chest and he smiled, "Yes, sir." Walking around the car, he bent into the car and started strapping in Serena, he checked and double checked and then pulled away, "Okay...I think she's good." Serena looked up at her Father and smiled, his heart soared, "See you in awhile sweet girl."

He stepped back and looked at Kathy, she gave him a look, "I'm going to repeat what your son said. Be good Elliot…"

He took a deep breath, "I know. I know. I just want to talk to him."

Kathy narrowed her eyes, "Just talk?"

He rolled his eyes, "I'd love to slam his head into a concrete wall but I won't. My family needs me."

Kathy nodded slowly, "You've grown up."

His face flushed and he sighed, "Kathy…"

She smiled and squeezed his arm, "I'll text you guys when we get to Maureen's so you know she's safe and sound. Take all the time you need."

"Thank you." He said with a little nod as he stepped back to let her get in the car.

He waved as the car pulled back and smiled when Eli made a funny face out the window at him. As the car drove down the road, he took a deep breath and then walked back into the house just as Olivia was coming back downstairs. She smiled at him as he shut the door behind them.

"You okay?" She asked softly, he was quiet for a moment, "El?"

"Yeah...I'm good." He said walking up to her, "I'm...I'm good."

She lifted her hand and touched his face gently, "You sure?"

Elliot stared at her for a moment, then pulled her into his arms, "I love you. Just in case I forget to tell you today."

Smiling, she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed the side of his face, "I love you too."

Pulling back, he smiled and then squeezed her hand, "Ready?"

"Ready…" She said squeezing his hand right back.

She grabbed her bag and then felt him press his hand into her back as they stepped out the front door and over to the car. The drive to Huang's office was filled with mostly comfortable silence. When her phone dinged, she smiled and relayed the message that Serena was safe at Maureen's and she saw Elliot's hands relax a little on the wheel. Reaching out, she rubbed his thigh affectionately and he dropped one hand to cover hers to ground himself.

When they got to the office, they locked the car, met on the sidewalk and then started to walk hand in hand to the elevator. Huang opened the door after they knocked, smiled and stepped aside to let them in. Olivia made the first move, walked over to the couch where she had sat during her appointments. Elliot hesitated for a few moments but she smiled encouragingly at him and he finally joined her at her side.

George sat down across from them and smiled, "I'm glad you could join us today Elliot. It's good to see you both."

Elliot reached over and pulled Olivia's hand into his lap, he was rubbing her palm softly, "Yeah. I'm...happy to-" He paused and Olivia let out a little laugh, "I'm...here because…"

"Because you love your wife." George said with a smile, he saw Elliot's face flush, "It's okay to say you're not thrilled to be here."

"It's not that...I'm just not generally good at this kind of stuff." He said, shifting in his spot, "It just feels...strange to me. I grew up not talking about things that were...hard."

"I think you both have that in common." Huang said with a smile.

Elliot looked at Olivia and she smiled encouragingly at him, "El you don't have to-"

"I know." He said with a sigh, "But...the thing is I do." He looked at George, "What do you want to know?"

George laughed, "Well...I don't know if it's what do I want to know? It's what do you want to tell me?" Elliot didn't respond so he pushed on, "But will it be easier for you if I start asking questions?" Elliot nodded slowly and he was quiet for a moment before saying, "Then why don't you start by telling me how you're holding up. Considering everything that's been going on…"

Elliot took a rattling breath and looked down at Olivia's hand in his, his thumb rubbed just above her wedding and engagement ring, "I'm...handing it. Some days are easier than others. Some days I can be distracted with work, or taking care of Serena. Checking in with Liv. And then some days…"

George let him trail off for a minute and then asked, "Some days you what Elliot?"

Clearing his throat he glanced at Olivia out of the corner of his eye and then whispered, "Some days I wake up in a cold sweat...and I reach for her. The other morning she was up early with Serena to feed her but I wasn't thinking clearly. And for a moment I let myself think that…"

"That she didn't make it." George said softly, Elliot's eyes closed tightly and he pushed on, "And how did that make you feel Elliot?"

Elliot leaned forward and let go of Olivia's hand. He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes and frowned. Beside him, Olivia waited a moment and then began to rub his back to remind him she was beside him. It was quiet as he thought, as he processed and neither Olivia nor George felt the need to push him.

"It felt like I was living in my own personal hell. That nothing would ever be okay. Like someone had literally ripped my heart from my chest and…" His voice cracked and he shook his head, "It's too much…it was all too much."

Tears ran down Olivia's face and she leaned into him, "El…"

He shook his head again and sat up. He turned to look at her, "I just...I can't. The thought of…" Sucking in his bottom lip he looked at her carefully, "I've handled a lot of things in my life Olivia. I've seen a lot of shit. But nothing will ever prepare me for that moment when I have to-"

"I know." She whispered to him, "I know...I feel the same way."

Elliot sighed and squeezed her hand, he turned back to Huang, "I know Olivia told you that I want to see Hollister."

George nodded, "She did. Can you tell me why? What do you think you'll get out of it?"

Elliot frowned, "I...I don't know what I'll get out of it if anything. I just want to look him in the eye. I want him to...see that he isn't in control."

"You want to be in control." George said, "You like to be in control."

Elliot smiled, and nodded, "What gave you that impression?"

George smiled and looked over at Olivia, "Knowing Olivia though...she likes to be in control. How does that dynamic work for you two?"

Elliot looked at her out of the corner of his eye, "It can be...pretty explosive." She rolled her eyes but smiled, "In more ways than one." He ended with a little chuckle.

George laughed, "But your relationship has never been violent."

"Of course not." Elliot said looking back at him quickly, "I would never lay a hand on her. Or any woman. We argue because we…"

"Because you care." He finished for him, "Because you both want to fix things for each other. But in this case...you can't fix it all for her Elliot. No one can."

Elliot sat back on the couch and sighed, "See that's the part I don't like."

George looked over at Olivia, "Olivia, when was a time you wanted to fix something for Elliot but knew you couldn't?"

She was quiet for a moment, "I have to pick just one?" He smiled and nodded, "I guess...when things went bad for Kathleen. I wanted to make it all better for him. And...especially because of what he was remembering regarding his Mom. I wanted to make it all go away."

"But you couldn't." George said, "So what did you do?"

Olivia took a deep breath, "I...just tried to support him. And Kathleen...the rest of the kids. Kathy too."

"And how did that make you feel Elliot?" He asked softly, "You don't like to ask for help."

"It didn't go well at first...I pushed her away. I got mad at her for trying. Typical me being stubborn." He said with a shrug.

"And Olivia, how did that make you feel?" He asked looking at her, "Were you angry?"

"Not angry." She said shaking her head, "Just...sad. For him. For us."

"And now...how do you feel about Elliot wanting to see Hollister? How do you really feel? Be honest." He said softly.

She thought carefully and then frowned, "I don't know…"

George smiled, "I think you do. And I think you really need to tell him."

Olivia turned her body towards her husband, "Elliot I-" Her voice cracked and she reached for his hand, "I love you. I love that you want to protect me. To protect our family. But I also...worry that it won't be enough. That we won't be able to let him go the way we need to. That you'll want more than just to talk...I trust you more than anyone. But I also know that your need to protect people can sometimes be a bit...volatile."

"Elliot, do you honestly feel like you can face him without doing something to hurt him?" Huang asked, "Can it be only a verbal discussion?"

Elliot took a deep breath and then answered, "Yes." He turned to Olivia, "Yes. I can promise you that."

Leaning forward, she pressed a kiss to his cheek, "Elliot…"

"I'm not going to do anything that would jeopardize what we have. No matter what I feel. I'm angry at him. Yes. But I can control myself in order to protect you." He said honestly.

She sighed and sat back, "Okay…"

He nodded once, "Okay."

George let them sit there in silence for a moment before asking another question, "Elliot, how did you feel when Olivia said she wanted to see him?"

He laughed sadly, "Like someone had ripped my heart from my chest and was repeatedly stabbing it until she came back out."

Huang smiled, "Well that's a visual…"

He frowned, "Olivia is my life. The thought of her being near him...knowing what he is. Who he is." He shrugged, "It's the same feeling I get when she's out on the job and I can't protect her." He could feel her tense, "I know she can take care of herself. I've seen that first hand. But it doesn't mean I don't like thinking about her in danger."

"Can you understand that Olivia probably feels the same way?" He asked, "That you going to see him will be difficult for her? For a lot of reasons?"

Elliot swallowed hard and looked over at her, "Is that how you feel?" She nodded once, her lower lip jutting out slightly, "Liv…"

"You're my life too El. You're the only person I have ever fully trusted. The only person in my life that I've ever...loved. That I've ever needed. The only person I've let in. I hate thinking about something happening to you too. I'm going to be a wreck when you're in there with him. I trust you...but it doesn't mean I'm not terrified." She said honestly.

He sat up and turned towards her, suddenly afraid of pushing her too far with her emotions, "If it's too much for you...I won't go."

She smiled at him as he pulled her hand into his lap, rubbing her wrist gently, "I know you would do that for me. But I can tell you need to do it." He gave her a nervous look, "I'm not going to...fall apart." She cringed knowing that it was a very real possibility lately, "At least I don't think."

Huang looked at Olivia, "Olivia, have you had any more days like the first one?" He asked, not wanting to refer to it as a breakdown to upset her.

She licked her lips, "I've...had moments where I thought I might panic. But...no total freak outs. No." Her face flushed, "Thankfully…"

Elliot scooted closer to her and wrapped an arm around her, "Liv…"

She cringed at the way he said her name and Huang pushed her, "You don't like being vulnerable like that. Even in front of Elliot."

She looked at him and shook her head, "I don't like being vulnerable in general. It's not me."

"Everyone needs to be vulnerable sometimes. Everyone has a breaking point." He said with a smile, "And if you can't be vulnerable in front of your husband...who can you be vulnerable in front of?"

She looked at Elliot and smiled, "We've both never really been good at that part of our relationship…"

Huang looked at Elliot, "Would you agree?"

"We struggle with it. Even now. I think we've gotten better about it. Much better. But yeah I would agree that sometimes we struggle with it." He shrugged, "Must be the cop part of us...always need to be in control."

"But all of the things that have been going on...neither one of you could control." He paused then smiled, "I'm going to give you some homework."

Olivia looked at him and frowned, "Homework?"

Huang nodded, "Yup. I want you to both find time to talk...I mean really talk. Not about work. Not about anything other than...difficult things. Maybe something about your childhood. Something that scares you about your future...with the kids. Or with you as a couple. You need to be vulnerable in order to really work through things like what you've currently been through."

Olivia looked at Elliot nervously, wondering if she had pushed him too hard by asking him to come here. She knew this was out of his comfort zone. Therapy wasn't his thing. It wasn't her thing either...but this felt like a lot. She knew she could talk to him about anything. It was just easier said than done.

Elliot took a deep breath and nodded, "We can do that." She saw the shock on his face and he smiled leaning forward to kiss her, "Relax Liv…" She still looked skeptical and he squeezed her hand reassuringly, "If this is for us...I'm okay with it."

She bit her lip and nodded slowly, "O-Okay."

Huang smiled, "Good. And...today might be a good day to start. After you finish at the prison...Elliot you should try and tell her how you feel. What it meant for you. It's a good place to start."

Elliot pulled her hand back into his lap and squeezed, "Okay."

Huang smiled at them, "See...you're already making progress." He saw them smile softly and he pushed on, "I know things are difficult right now. But I have to tell you...I've never had any doubt about the two of you."

Olivia's face flushed, "What?"

He smiled again, "I always knew that the two of you would wind up here. Maybe not going through some of the things you've recently been through...but I knew you'd find your way to each other."

Elliot started to trace circles on her wrist again as he smiled, "Oh yeah?"

"You've both fought for each other. You've protected each other. You've put each other first. You've sacrificed. Supported, endured and loved each other. It was clear to all of us. Just took you a little longer to figure it out." He teased.

Olivia felt tears burning in her eyes, "Yeah...seems like everyone figured it out before us."

Elliot squeezed her hand, "Oh I knew...I just didn't want…"

She looked at him quickly as his words faded away, "Didn't want what?"

He smiled sadly at her, "I didn't want to lose you in my life. I figured I'd rather have you as a friend, a partner, than nothing at all."

He watched as she swallowed the lump in her throat and Huang asked, "Did you feel that way to Olivia?"

She sucked in her lower lip and nodded, "Of course. Elliot was the only person in my life that I…" She looked at her husband and frowned, "You were the most important person in my life El. Then. And now. I was terrified."

Taking a deep breath, Elliot smiled, "Then I guess it's a good thing we didn't screw this up. Because I was too…"

Huang smiled at them both, "I'd argue that you did more than just not screw it up...you got it totally right. You made it work. And if you've survived the last few months...you can survive anything."

Olivia smiled softly at Elliot and nodded, "I'd agree."

Elliot leaned in and kissed her cheek, "Me too."

"Well then…" Huang said softly, "I think it's time for you to meet Casey . If you want to, you can join us again next week Elliot. Your choice."

Elliot nodded slowly as he looked at Olivia, "I'll be here."

She squeezed his hand in hers and wanted to hug him, incredibly grateful for his support and his willingness to be here beside her. She felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders just from talking things out and it gave her hope for the future.

Thirty minutes later, Elliot and Olivia were parked outside the prison. They had decided that Olivia would stay outside with Casey. Elliot was going in on his own. They were currently both sitting on the hood of the car staring at the concrete building in front of them.

Elliot took a deep breath and glanced over at her, "You're sure you're okay with this? If you say no...I'll back out."

She was quiet for a moment, then stood up and centered herself between his legs. She placed her hands on his knees, pressed herself up on her toes and kissed him, "I trust you Elliot. More than anyone. You need this. Like I needed it. I might not understand it...but I want you to do this if you feel like it's necessary…" She slid her hand up his chest and smiled, "And when you're in there...you remember what's waiting for you outside."

Elliot leaned forward and cupped her face in his hands, "Oh I'll remember."

She smiled and kissed him again, "Just...be calm. Okay?"

He nodded and pressed a kiss to her forehead, "Okay."

She stepped back so he could climb off the car as Casey walked out to them, "We're all set."

Olivia looked at Casey and nodded, Elliot pulled her flush against his body and squeezed, "You and me." He whispered.

She smiled, wrapped her arms around his waist and remembered how he had said the same thing to her before she met Hollister, "You and me." She mumbled against his chest.

He kissed the crown of her head once more and then pulled away to walk into the prison. Olivia sat back on the car again and took a deep breath. Casey sat beside her and watched her carefully.

"You okay?" Casey asked slowly, Olivia didn't answer at first, "Olivia?"

Turning, she smiled sadly at Casey, "I just...hate this."

Casey lifted her arm and wrapped it around Olivia, "I know."

Inside, Elliot was going through the motions as he followed the directions of the guards. Sining in, emptying his pockets, going through the metal detector. He'd done it all a million times before. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest, he could hear the thrum of it in his ears. His jaw was tense, his hands clenched as he walked up to the door separating him from Joseph Hollister.

He closed his eyes for a moment and envisioned what it would be like to slam his fist into Hollister's face. It felt good to imagine it. But then he thought of Olivia. Of his kids. Little Serena. He took a deep breath, and waited as the door opened and he walked into the room. Hollister was already sitting at the table, handcuffed and staring down at the table.

Elliot cleared his throat and walked all the way up to the table and sat down. They were quiet. The only sound was the hum of the vent and the echo of the other prisoners down the hall. He rolled his neck from side to side, trying to ease the tension. He took a few deep breaths and listened as Hollister tugged at his restraints, the metal clanging against the table.

"We going to sit here all day or are you going to tell me what the hell I'm doing here?" He barked.

Elliot sat up a little straighter, already feeling his blood boiling, "Do you know who I am?"

Hollister lifted his face and looked straight at him, "You're my son-in-law."

Elliot sneered at him, "I'm not your…" He growled again, "Olivia is not your daughter."

Hollister smiled at him, "Okay. If you say so. I wasn't the best student...but last time I learned about sex ed they said when a man and a woman fu-"

"You raped Serena Benson." Elliot said leaning across the table going into full cop mode, "You attacked her. You forced her to have sex with you because you aren't man enough to-" He clenched his hands again, "You don't get to-"

"Having a hard time keeping your temper in check?" Hollister said with a smirk as he eyed Elliot's trembling hands, "Want to lean across the table and give me what I deserve? The way that I gave those women what they deserved?"

Elliot moved his hands and squeezed the end of the table, "Those women didn't deserve what you did to them. What is wrong with you?" He asked in disgust.

Hollister sighed and leaned back in his chair, "Look buddy...I don't know what the hell you want from me." He tugged at his restraints, "I'm already here for the rest of my life. What's the point of this little rendezvous?"

Elliot stared at him for a moment and then took a deep breath, "Every single day I put people away like you. Scum of the earth. People who think they are invincible. People who think they can get away with anything. But you are nothing. You force women into sex because you can't get a woman to give you the time of day. Because you are worthless."

Hollister's jaw clenched, "Listen buddy-"

"Don't call me buddy." He said with a growl as he pointed a finger at her.

Hollister eyed him, "You look like a man with a temper. Never thought about hitting my little girl when she pissed you off? She seems like a hot head...probably gets that from her old man."

"I have never and will never lay a hand on her." He said in a calm tone trying to think of only Olivia, "Not all of us are like you. Yeah, I have a temper...and I've been known to lose it from time to time. Never on Olivia. Never on any woman."

"Well good for you. I'd clap but I can't with these on." He said with an eye roll, "Olivia must be a lucky lady to land a big man like you. Tell me...what's she like in bed? I wonder if she's like her Mom…"

Elliot felt his blood start to boil again and his foot started tapping, "Don't you ever speak about my wife in that way you-"

"Oh I hit a nerve." Hollister said with a smirk wanting to push him harder, "Let's see the temper fly. Want to hear how I've envisioned throwing her down on a bed...spreading her legs and making her scream like her Mom-"

Elliot jumped up and the table jolted, he heard Hollister laughing and the guard stepped over to them. He had to close his eyes to ward off the image of wiping that smirk right off of the man's face. It would be so easy. Too easy. He could do it. But then what? It might feel good for all of five minutes...and then he'd feel like shit. He'd have proved Hollisters point. He'd prove that he couldn't control himself. The one thing that had always scared him that he wasn't in full control.

And more than that...he'd upset Olivia. He'd disappoint her. He'd break her heart and he couldn't do that.

Olivia didn't care if Hollister was hurt...but she wanted more for Elliot. She believed in him. She always had. He had to stay strong for her. For them. He put his hand up to stop the guard, adjusted his shirt, sat down and took a deep breath before speaking in a calm, even tone.

"Yeah I have a temper but I can control it." Elliot said smoothing his palms on the table, "I'm not an animal like you."

"All men are animals." Hollister said with a shrug, "It's in our nature."

"I will NEVER understand you. I will NEVER be you." He leaned across the table further, wanting to get as close as he could, "And Olivia...will never be anything like you. You've made her think she isn't worth love. That she isn't worth being treated with respect, that she's not worthy of happiness. But Olivia Benson is the BEST person I have ever met. Despite who you are...what her Mother put her through she grew up into the strongest, bravest, kindest most loving person I have ever known. And I will spend every day of my life ensuring that she knows her worth. That she knows how loved she is. I will protect her. I will love her. I will support her on her best days and her worst. I will NEVER abandon her. I will NEVER hurt her in any way." He pointed a finger at Hollister and he saw the older man slink back in his chair as if he was afraid, "And you...you will sit here. You will rot. You will die here. You'll lose everything, your freedom, your life, your power, your ability to make choices for yourself. You are NOTHING. Absolutely nothing. And I will work everyday to make sure that she never has to think about you again you worthless piece of shit. Do you hear me? Your power is gone. You have NOTHING. You lose. And I win. Because at the end of the day I get that woman out there...and I get to love her. I get to see her smile. I get to see her be the best version of herself. You lose Hollister. You were always going to lose and I'm so fucking proud of my wife for making sure you got exactly what you deserve. I wish you a long and healthy life so that you suffer here every fucking day."

Elliot looked straight at him as he stood up and saw his face was pale. And the realization that he was stuck here for life seemed to settle over the man. He looked small, frail and hopeless and it was everything Elliot needed to see. He took a few cleansing breaths, felt the anger in him begin to subside and he knew he had done what he came here to do.

Hollister cleared his throat and asked in a strained voice, "Are we done?"

"Yeah. We're done. I can promise that my wife and I will never see you again. Oh but you'll see us. Every night when you close your eyes. You'll see all the things you fucked up. All the things you missed. Because you are alone. Right where you should be. Enjoy prison." He said turning back to the guard, "I'm done here."

The door swung open and Elliot stepped out, he took a deep breath and felt the tension wash away from him. He got what he needed. He needed to tell Hollister exactly how he felt. He needed him to know how wonderful Olivia was despite where she came from. And he needed him to feel small. The look on his face told him he had done just that.

And more than that...Elliot needed to prove to himself that he was worthy of Olivia. That he could control his temper. That he could pull it together when he needed too. He looked down at his hands and saw that they were steady, that his heart was beating at a normal pace and he sighed in contentment. He walked back out to the main lobby, signed out, gathered his items and then walked out the front door.

He saw Olivia and Casey sitting on the car where he had left them. Casey looked at Elliot, he gave her a little nod. Then she turned towards Olivia, leaned in and hugged her friend and whispered something to her before slipping off to her own car. He was grateful. The only person he wanted and needed right now was Olivia.

He saw her stand up and start to walk towards him as the gates swung open. She paused a few feet from him, giving him the option to make the first love. He didn't stop, didn't hesitate as he walked all the way up to her. Then he reached out, pulled her flush against this body and buried his face in the crook of her neck. Her arms went around his waist and she held him close.

"I love you." She whispered to him softly, "Did you know that?"

He smiled and felt the last bit of tension leave his body, "That's good. Because I love you too."

She pulled back slightly and pressed a hand into his cheek, her eyes searched his for some understanding of what he was feeling, "You okay?"

He leaned into her touch, closed his eyes and nodded, "Yeah."

Pushing up on her tiptoes, she pressed a kiss to his lips and decided not to push him, "Want to go home?"

He shook his head, "Not yet." She gave him a questioning look, "I think I want to have that talk that Huang suggested…" He looked behind him, "Just...not here. If...if that's okay with you."

She smiled softly and leaned up to kiss him again, "I'd like that."

He nodded once, took her hand and squeezed it gently before walking to the car. He held the door open for her earning him another kiss which set him into a lighter mood. He walked around the car, climbed into the driver side and set off with a destination in mind. She didn't question him, didn't ask where they were going. She just slipped her hand onto his thigh and gave it a little squeeze to let him know she was beside him.

Twenty minutes later, they were parked and walking towards the park where he had proposed to her. She knew as soon as they turned down the street and she smiled. She didn't say anything, just let him walk. He relaxed when he felt her slip her arm under his and he pulled her closer.

It was a warm September day, the skies were blue and the sun was shining. Stopping right where he proposed, he looked around and was glad the park was pretty quiet. There was a bench beside them and he cocked his head to the side, she nodded and went to sit down. She patted the space beside her and he slowly walked towards her, then plopped down, wrapped his arm around her and pulled her to his side.

She smiled when he leaned in and kissed the top of her head, "I remember being terrified when I asked you to marry me right here…"

Wrapping an arm around his middle, she nuzzled into him, "You were?"

He laughed, "Hell yeah! I mean I knew what I wanted...but I knew that it was a big step. For so many years you kept relationships at an arm length away...even with me sometimes. And I was afraid it was too much."

She sighed and looked at him, "I'm sorry."

He shook his head and kissed the top of her head, "Don't apologize. I understand. I just...hated that you always felt like you didn't deserve the marriage, and the family. It killed me. Even before we became a couple...I wanted so much more for you."

She swallowed hard and tucked her head into the crook of his neck, "It was just...hard to imagine more. What a family would be like. I wanted it so badly...I just didn't know if I could do it. If I could...be a part of something like that."

"I know." He said giving her a squeeze, he paused and then frowned, "I need you to understand why I had to see him…"

She waited a moment, then pulled back and looked at him, "Okay."

Elliot swallowed hard, pulled his arm away from around her shoulders and then leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees, "Give me a second."

She smiled at him and reached out to rub his back, "Take all the time you need."

He closed his eyes for a moment and focused on the feel of her hand on his back, "I uh...I've spent a lot of time trying to prove to people that I'm in control. My whole life. Even when I was a kid...I mean my life was less hectic than yours. I know that. But...there were times when things were out of control and I needed to keep it together. As a cop...I've let my temper get the best of me when I shouldn't."

She frowned, "El...all of us at work have gone off the handle. It's hard sometimes. The things we see-"

"I know." He said glancing at her quickly, "I know...but I've made some really bad decisions at times. I've overstepped my boundaries. Scared people…" He looked at her slowly, "Scared you?" He asked.

She was quiet for a moment, "Elliot...I've never been scared that you would hurt me if that's what you're asking."

He swallowed hard, "I would never hurt you Olivia. Never. I'd rather die than-"

"I know." She said squeezing his arm, "Babe I know that...it's okay." He was tense under her arm, "El…"

"I needed to prove that I wasn't like him." He said in a raw voice, he saw the surprise on her face, "Liv-"

"How could you think you are anything like him?" She asked softly, but he heard the sadness in her voice.

He shook his head, "I may not have ever raped someone...done what he did. But I've gone off the handle. I've lost control. I needed to prove...that I was in control."

She sighed and tugged at his arm so he would turn to face her more, "Look at me." He didn't at first and she squeezed his arm again, "Elliot…"

Slowly, he lifted his face towards her and the look on his face broke her heart, "Liv-"

She shook her head, "My turn. And I need you to really listen...okay?" He hesitated, then nodded slowly and waited, "I spent my life...wondering who he was. Imagining all the terrible things he had done. I ran from every person in my life because I was scared. Of...what they could do. Of what I'd do. I don't know." She shrugged, "But what I do know...is that you are the ONLY person I have ever trusted. That I ever let in. If I thought you were a dangerous man...I wouldn't have let you in. And I don't just mean when we became a couple. I mean when we were partners too. I opened up to you...about so many things because I trust you implicitly. With everything. With my heart...with my life. You Elliot Stabler...are the best man I know. Please don't ever doubt that…"

He sighed and leaned closer to her, "I had to prove I deserve you Liv. You deserve the world. The best…"

"And I got the best." She said leaning forward to kiss him, "You gave me more than I ever could have imagined."

He frowned and looked down at her hand, "If you ever feel that you need more-"

"Don't even." She said softly, "I've got everything I need Elliot."

He took a deep breath and pulled her hand into his lap, "He said things...about you. And it took all my strength not to strangle him. God I wanted too."

She didn't want to know what was asid, it wouldn't help either of them so she pushed on, "But you held it together."

He nodded, "It wasn't...easy. I could see it all...in my head. What I'd do. What he would look like...how he'd be afraid and part of me wanted to do it."

"Well he deserved it." She said with a huff, "I'd love to give him what he deserves too...I'd love to give a lot of perps what they deserve."

"He goaded me about my temper." He said with a sneer, "And it...pissed me off."

"Elliot…" He glanced at her again, "You're allowed to feel angry. In fact...I'd be more concerned if you didn't care about-"

"I do care." He said with a frown, "I care...I hate that man. I fucking hate him. For who he is. For what he did. But…" He swallowed hard, "This will sound selfish but you are my life Olivia. You. And I'm so damn glad you were born."

Her eyes burned with tears, she looked down and licked her lips, "If you had asked me growing up...I would have said I wished I had never been born." He turned towards her and she saw the hurt in his eyes, "But…" She looked back up at him, "I am so insanely in love with you Elliot Stabler." Her voice cracked and he turned further towards him, "This life...your kids, and now Serena…" She looked down and sighed shaking her head, "I am damn glad I was born too. Because I wouldn't want to have missed this…"

The emotion and sincerity in her voice set something off in him, he stood up and she looked at him for a moment, confused. Then he put his hand out and she smiled, letting him pull her off the bench. She crashed into his chest, feeling his strong arms wrap around her and fill her with such a sense of security and understanding she felt overwhelmed. She snuggled into his chest and breathed him in, that familiar scent of his cologne, a little sweat, and masculinity.

"We're going to be okay." She whispered to him softly, knowing he needed to hear it.

He squeezed her back and sighed, "Yeah. We are."

She kissed his jaw gently and looked up at him, "You okay?" She slid her hand up his chest, to feel the steady beating of his heart.

Elliot looked down at her, reached up and pushed a strand of hair away from her face, "I feel like I can put this behind us. I said what I needed to say...what do you think?"

She nodded slowly, "It feels...like it's time. There's nothing more I need." She smiled at him, "I have everything I need right here…"

Elliot stared at her for a moment, "Liv?"

Her eyes scanned his face, then found his eyes again, "Yeah?"

"Marry me." He whispered softly, her brown eyes searched his blue and he smiled before asking again, "Will you marry me?"

She swallowed hard and lifted her hand, "We-"

"I know." He said with a little smile, "But would you marry me again?"

A slow smile spread on her face and she moved her hand to his cheek, "Yes."

He cleared his throat and reached for her hand, he took her wedding ring slowly off and she frowned. He shook his head and then slipped off his. He handed his ring to her and raised an eyebrow. She watched him carefully and then he lifted her left hand, "I love you. I have loved you for longer than I can even begin to explain...I love you for the woman you are. The woman you were. The woman you grew to be despite all the things that you went through. I love you for your strength. Your bravery. Your ability to always do the right thing. I love you...for believing in me. For loving me. For loving my children. For giving me our beautiful daughter...I will love you on your worst days. The days when you think you can't go on. And I'll support you...listen to you, laugh with you, celebrate the good days and cry through the bad days. I will never leave you. And I will make sure that you have everything you deserve...everything you want. I promise you that." He slipped the ring back on her finger, lifted it to his lips and kissed it gently.

She stared at the ring on her finger and she swallowed hard, "Well damn…"

He chuckled softly and shook his head, "You don't have too.."

She shook her head back and lifted his hand, "No. I do. And I want too...I just was caught off guard for a moment." Taking a deep breath she looked at him from under her lashes, "I love you. I have loved you longer than I can even begin to explain." He smiled at her softly, "I love you for the man you are. The man you were. The man you grew to be despite all the things that you went through. I love you for your strength, your bravery." She paused and looked at him pointedly making sure he was listening, "And for your ability to always do the right thing even when you think you aren't...you are. You do what you need to do to protect the people you love. I love you for pushing me. For making me tear down my walls so I'd let you in. I love you for loving me. For being the most incredible Father...to Maureen, Kathleen, Richie, Lizzie, Eli and our Serena. I will love you on your worst days. The days when you think that you can't go on. And I will always support and believe in you. Listen to you, laugh with you, celebrate the good days and cry through the bad ones. I will never leave you. And I will make you sure that you get everything you deserve…" She narrowed her eyes at him, "Because you do deserve the world ELliot Stabler. I promise you that. And more."

Slowly, she slipped the ring on his finger and lifted it to her lips and gave it a gentle kiss just as he had done. He smiled, feeling his own tears burn in his eyes. He pulled his hand away, cupped her face and kissed her gently and she leaned all the way into him. He pulled away slowly, slipped his hand into hers and together they walked along the park in silence. Nothing else needed to be said. Both of them knowing that they were ready to move on. Ready to put Hollister behind them. Ready to face what came next. Because they had each other. And they always would.

As I mentioned, this is the last official chapter! Hard to believe but true. There will be an epilogue to come though to see a little glimpse into their future. I also wanted to put the lyrics to the song that inspired this story to begin with.

"In The Blood" by John Mayer

How much of my mother has my mother left in me?

How much of my love will be insane to some degree?

And what about this feeling that I'm never good enough?