"Shuddup," Dean says, pulling at the bottom of the vest he has on over his button-up shirt. He has the top two buttons undone, the sleeves rolled up, and as Charlie has lovingly pointed out, product in his hair. He set down the little stuffed bee he'd decided to take Cas instead of flowers on the counter.
"No, it's cute! When's the last time you put in an effort to woo someone. Not that fling with Amara or the Friends-with-Benefits thing you and Benny tried." Charlie leaned against the counter of her shop so she could see Dean's full look.
"That was a disaster."
"That's an understatement."
"Are the boots too much?" Dean asked, holding a foot out and pulling up his boot cut jeans.
"First of all, cowboy boots on a gay man are never too much. Second of all, no one's going to get to see the boots if their eyes go past that ass first. Whew, howdy, let me watch you turn around again."
Dean pretended to take off a hat and turned around slowly, shaking his hips slightly.
"If I were into guys, I'd totally hit that." Charlie smiled.
"Okay, keep it in your pants, Bradberry."
"Never, I'm freeballing it over here." They laugh but quickly, Dean starts to shuffle his feet, nervousness playing at the edge of his confidence. "Don't worry so much. He already likes you. It's just Cas."
Charlie said that about the man she knew. The quiet, earnest, handsome man who always helped with the dishes after movie night and stopped by the store at least once a week for a new book. She didn't know the things Dean did. She didn't know how nervous he felt, holding something so precious, something so breakable.
"Stop thinking!" Charlie threw the stuffed bee with giant beads for eyes at Dean's head.
"I'm taking this without paying," he announced, walking out the door.
"I hate to see you leave, but dayyamn do I love watching you walk away!" Charlie yells after him.
Dean is still laughing when he pulls the Impala up to the back door to the church. The meeting room doors opened onto the side alley and he wanted to be there when the crowd, such as it was, let out. Cas had said he had 5-6 kids who came regularly and another handful who rotated in and out. It was impressive considering how few teens he knew of who went to service other than Claire. But Cas had something about him, commanding but calm, reassuring but also not afraid to challenge you. He certainly responded to it, and since he was basically a 14 year old at heart, it made sense the kids did too.
He still couldn't believe he was picking someone up from a fucking church, let alone dating the someone who was running it. He wondered if Michael had any idea about Cas. Probably not. He was pretty confident Castiel was into dudes and had been his whole life. He didn't get the sense the guy was bi. Otherwise, it would have been easier to hide from his family, which would have sucked but might have saved him some scars. He couldn't imagine Cas making being gay a talking point and clearly, Duma hadn't known, so maybe he's not out at the church, but that would be risky. It's the kind of thing that's either all or nothing in his experience.
He knew Cas wasn't in the closet around him and Charlie and the rest of them. He didn't mince words or put on any kind of show, but he was reserved. In public, he'd imagine most people saw him as this kind of unattainable asexual demi-god. Not the kind of man who kissed him and whose lips haven't left his thoughts for a minute in well over a month. And Cas, as slight and sensitive as he was, by no means exuded anything you could call effeminate, especially now that he was filling out, thanks to Dean's cooking.
Probably what Duma liked about him, Castiel was, in all ways, the perfect man.
The light over the exit doors flipped on and Dean climbed out of this driver's seat, Bee toy still in hand. The kids mostly walked out to the main street, ignoring the old dude shuffling his feet. But when Claire saw him, she walked right up and Dean thought for half a second she was about to hug him.
"What's up, loser?" She punched him in the arm.
He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her in for a good solid noogie.
"Oh my god, you are the worst! Stop it, Dean, cut it out!" she screamed, but when he released her, she shoved him against the car and proceeded to tickle him, which was a declaration of war if anyone had ever made one.
By the time Cas and Duma came outside and locked the doors, he had Claire over his shoulder, slapping her ass, while she held the stuffed bee out of his reach.
Duma's usually sweet voice cut through the night. "Dean Winchester, you put that girl down this instant!"
They stilled, shocked momentarily before he set her down, holding out his hand for the Bee, which she returned with a quiet "sorry."
"Claire, get home to your mother before I tell her what you're doing out here with men twice your age."
-"I'm not doing anything!"
-"I'm not that old!"
When Claire was out of hearing range, Castiel raised an eyebrow at Dean.
"She punched me!"
"Just because she's a child doesn't mean you have to act like one," Castiel chastised with his minister's voice a smile, and if that didn't make Dean half hard before they'd even said hello, well, he was in a lot of fucking trouble. Cas was dressed in dark blue jeans and a black button-up shirt, making him look dark and sexy and like exactly what Dean would order off the menu if such a thing existed.
"Why are you here?" Duma insisted, walking over to where Dean stood.
"Nice to see you too, Duma," Dean smirked, leaning against the trunk and putting his hand in his pockets, the other, still playing with the bee.
She turned to Castiel for an explanation, clearly thinking she was deserving of one.
"Dean's picking me up," Castiel offered. Not quite the truth, but Dean understood his discretion.
"So you aren't walking me home?" Duma pouted slightly.
"Duma, you don't live far. You don't need me to walk you home every week."
"No, but..." she cast a glance at Dean and came closer to Castiel so she could speak directly to him, "...it was nice. A thing we did. I thought it meant."
Dean could see the cringe on Cas's face and took pity on the man. The least he could do was wait in the car while he had this conversation.
He drummed his fingers against the steering wheel, doing everything he could not to watch the conversation unfolding behind him. He was a miserable failure at this attempt. Honestly, he wasn't really attempting at all. Really he was blatantly staring out his rearview mirror as Cas moved his arms in the closest thing he's ever seen him do to flailing. He reached a hand out to Duma and she shrugged him off, pushing his arm away as she leaned in, her face covered by hair as she delivered her last verbal blow.
Cas opened the door to the Impala, threw his bag in the back seat, and gave Dean a defeated look.
"How'd it go?"
"I just broke up with my first girlfriend. How do you think it went?"
"I'm sorry, man. Better now than later when you're married with 2.5 kids, right?"
Castiel's frown deepened.
"Hey, she'll get over it, I mean, I'm sure you're a wet dream for any nice God-fearing girl, but she'll find somebody else."
"I know, I just feel bad. I didn't mean to deceive her. I can see how it seemed that way, though. The only way to keep her from believing it wasn't her fault was to tell her the truth."
Cas looked up into Dean's surprised eyes.
"I've never done that before. Never said it out loud like that to someone who didn't basically already know."
"How's it feel?"
"Kind of… awesome," Cas smiled, and Dean leaned in to place a gentle kiss on his lips.
"Well, let's continue with an awesome night out then." He put the car into reverse and pulled out onto the main street before holding out the stuffed bee.
"So, I said no flowers, but," Dean looked out of the corner of his eye and waited for Cas to look at him, "I got you this." He tossed the bee at Cas, laughing as he stumbled to try and catch it.
"A bee?"
"What? It's cute, and those big blue eyes? It reminded me of you."
"I love it, Dean." Cas laughed, tucking it into the seat next to him.
Dean reached out and took Castiel's hand, and they drove in the quiet, each with embarrassing grins they wouldn't ever admit they were capable of.
Dean parked in the roadhouse parking lot, on the edge where no one else would be parking unless things got crazy busy.
Cas tilted his head and looked back to the distant front door.
"What, you have legs, you can walk, Baby shouldn't have to get dirty just because you're lazy."
He held Cas's hand as they approached the door. Someone stumbled out, and loud music, singing, and yelling boomed into the night air.
"Is this okay here?" Castiel squeezed Dean's hand.
"Yeah, I've been coming here for years. They all know me. Plus, Ellen runs the joint. She doesn't take shit from anyone. If someone gives you trouble, she'll have them out on their ass before you have a chance to blink. Don't worry."
"I mean, am I safe?" the fear in Cas's eyes tries to break Dean's heart, but he's too full of pride. Proud of the man before him for being so brave. Proud to have him on his arm. Proud to be worthy of his time and trust.
"You are, try to relax, and trust me. If it's too much, we'll leave, I promise."
Castiel took a deep breath. "Okay. I'll try."
Dean turned and looked at him before smiling. "Here, loosen up." He untucked Cas's shirt and then unbuttoned three buttons on his shirt.
"No, someone might see the…"
"First of all, fuck them. Second of all, you're sexy as fuck like this." Dean slid a few fingers over the exposed skin of Cas's chest. "Third of all, it's dark in there. No one will be able to see anything other than skin anyway. And fourth of all, fuck them."
Cas smiled slowly, not stopping until it spread across his whole face and lit up his eyes. He takes a slow step forward. "You think I'm sexy?"
"You haven't figured that out yet?"
Dean took Castiel's hand and dragged him toward the door. "You're gonna be okay. Come on, stick with me."
Inside the Roadhouse was deafening, the Country Rock music blaring, pool balls crashing together, and what felt like a thousand different voices all calling out at the same time. Dean released Cas's hand and settled his palm on the small of his back, guiding him smoothly through the crowd. They slid into a booth across from one another and Dean reached out his hand over the table. An offer, not a demand.
Castiel looked around, his posture tense. He took a deep breath, saw that no one was looking at them, or pulling guns or pitchforks out, and forced himself to look into Dean's calm, patient eyes. Then he took the proffered hand.
"So, how was the Youth Group tonight?" Dean asked, rubbing his thumb along Castiel's.
"It was fun. They're a good group of kids. We started a list of doubts they have but are afraid to ask their parents or Michael."
"Shit, you're diving into the deep end." Dean laughed and nodded to Benny, who was walking by with a tray full of drinks.
"Yea, it'll probably make Michael furious. He wants me to be drilling the ten commandments and wrath of God into them every Friday night, but kids don't respond to that. They want to be listened to."
"Maybe that's what your thesis should be about," Dean offered.
"They're all really excited to help work on Mary's House too. Apparently, the high schools have some volunteer hours requirements to graduate, so if I can get this to count, they could help out and get credit. I'd love to see them get involved, you know, built for teens to help teens, really get them to take ownership of doing good."
Dean stared, only barely aware of the fact that his mouth was hanging open. "How are you even real?"
"What? No, I just, you know, the more you invest in something, the better you take care of it." Cas blushed and looked away. "I need them invested, so they take care of it when I leave."
Cold air blew through the roadhouse and Dean squeezed Cas's hand.
Benny approached the table and took in the hand holding before offering a wide smile. "Ahh, I see I've been replaced then, eh cher? You got your hair all done and wearing your first date digs."
Dean rolled his eyes and laughed. "Settle down, brother. Two whiskeys."
"You want the swill you usually drink or somethin' suitable for more than removing paint?"
"Let's pull out the big guns, something that actually tastes like whiskey."
"Sounds good. You got an envie something to mange on, or you just drinkin' tonight."
"Oh, yeah, bring us whatever Ellen's having fun making."
"Chili cheese fries it is, then. Just make sure you both eat it, tho, brother. It's got a touch of the piquant on it. Don't want no one burnin' they tongue later." Benny laughed and knocked on the table before wandering off.
Castiel watched Benny's broad shoulders and confident walk. He replayed his words in his down-home accent. He was perfect for someone like Dean. The banter simple and easy, the exchange so familiar. And apparently, they'd dated.
"You can stop worrying," Dean leaned forward to catch Cas's eye.
"Does he speak English?" Castiel avoided Dean's eyes.
"Mostly. He's cajun, so there's always something extra thrown in. You get used to it. But I don't think that's what you were worried about. Unless I'm just flattering myself."
Castiel released Dean's hand as Benny returned with their drinks and food.
"You boys pass a good time, ya hear?"
"Benny, do me a favor and sit down with us for a minute."
Benny shrugged, looking around at the busy bar and deciding that anyone who needed a drink could wait. He settled in next to Castiel with his arm slung over the back of the bench like they were old friends, forcing him to scoot into the corner. "Ça va?"
"Cas, here, has had his panties in a twist since you suggested I replaced you. Could you reassure him that you and I aren't a thing?"
Benny laughed, a belly laugh with his head thrown back. "Aww, no man," he slapped Cas on the shoulder a little too hard. "We tried, what two, three years ago? Wasn't a good fit. Now we're better off, brothers, yeah."
"Brothers," Dean smirked, raising a self-satisfied eye at Castiel.
"I didn't say anything. This is entirely unnecessary."
"Sure, right. Because I've never seen the look of a jealous date before."
"I'm sure you have," Cas grumbled.
Benny laughed again and stood up. "Okay, you let me know when you want more to drink. I'm gonna leave before the churchman puts a gris-gris on me or somethin'."
"Thanks, Benny!" Dean called out with a wave as the other man walked away, a little more sway in his step than before.
After a pause, Dean looked at a well shamed Castiel, "Why didn't you just ask?"
"Not really my business. I don't have a right to your whole history." Cas shrugged.
"I've told you enough that at this point, you should just go ahead and ask instead of pouting like a teenage girl. It doesn't suit you."
"Fine," Castiel took a sip of his drink. "So why didn't the two of you work out?"
"Most of it was just personality. We weren't compatible as more than friends. Benny… he takes up a lot of personal space and there just wasn't enough room for both of us, I guess."
"But…"
"Fundamentally? Benny wasn't gay enough, and I was always a little too gay."
Castiel blew out a breath, thankful for the brain-rattling volume of the music. "How do you just say that? You just come out and say it, wherever you are. Doesn't it…"
"...scare me? Yeah, every fucking time. But I refuse to live like that. I've been through my coming out shit and at the end of it, I'm good with who I am."
"I like who you are too." Cas sent him a gentle smile.
"How'd you end things with Duma?" Dean blurted out.
Castiel's brain sloshed around in his head from the whiplash. "What? What does that have to do with."
Dean stared at him hard.
"Oh," Cas looked at the table and Dean finished his drink in one shot. "You don't think I really told her."
"Not the whole of it," Dean said, pain clenching down in his chest. He swore to himself he'd never be with someone who was in the closet, he promised he wouldn't do that to himself, but Cas had been through so much, it seemed wrong to push him.
"Actually, I did." Cas looked up at Dean, his mouth moving into an "o." "I told her she was exactly the kind of woman I'd be honored to be with, to build a life with, if being with a woman was an option for me. She didn't like that very much. I imagine Michael will be calling me tomorrow, but I pretended to be something I'm not once, and… people got hurt. I'll never do it again."
"Huh," Dean picked at the chili cheese fries and waved his fingers at Benny to order more whiskey. "I'm sorry, Cas, I didn't peg you as being so 'out and proud'."
Cas chuckled. "You did notice that I didn't pull away when you held my hand? I don't know that I'll ever be overt about it, but I think maybe that's me more than the sexual orientation. I'm not really comfortable with public displays of intimacy. What I'm not used to is being safe enough to be 'out.'"
Dean smiled at the air quotes.
Cas finished his drink and stuffed a mouthful of fries into his mouth before continuing. "You keep underestimating me: with Claire, with the church, with telling Duma the truth. Why do you keep looking for ways for me to fail?"
"Well, Fuck." Dean took the whiskey Benny was delivering, downed it in one shot and told his friend to just bring the bottle.
Castiel waited for Benny to walk away.
"That wasn't an answer."
"No, I just…" Dean ran a hand over his mouth and then scratched at his bearded cheek. "This is a pretty shitty date so far, isn't it?"
Cas tilted his head with a soft smile. "It's pretty par for the course. Anything else would be strange."
"You mean that every interaction with me is full of uncomfortable topics and accusations?"
Castiel just shrugged and stuffed another collection of fries in his mouth. The spicy chili fire in his mouth but offset the smokey whiskey perfectly. Cas took a generous sip and topped himself off with the bottle Benny brought them.
"Cas?" Dean narrowed his eyes, looking miserable.
"Yes, Dean?"
"Is this like foreplay to you or something? Being infuriating gets you all hot and bothered?"
Cas smiled, slow and smooth. "No, but it does seem to be having that effect on you. And it's a good look. Something I'll have to remember."
"For Christ's sake, Cas! What? I can't tell if we're flirting or fighting! Are you mad at me?
Castiel laughed and reached for Dean's hand. "No, I'm not mad. I wish you thought better of me, but you don't know me well enough, and I haven't given you much reason to do so. It will just take time. And we have some time, so I'm enjoying these fries and excellent whiskey. Maybe if you get me drunk enough, I'll even play a game of pool."
"Do you know how to play pool?" Dean's lips curled into a smile, relaxing into Cas's more laissez-faire approach to dating. He'd never met someone like this before. Usually, everyone was rushing, rushing into bed, rushing to get married, rushing to buy the house, have the kids, build a retirement portfolio. Cas just existed, and Dean fell into his blue eyes and let himself float in the now.
"No, it's the devil's game, didn't you know?" Cas winked at him, and Dean laughed, downing the last of the whiskey in his glass and standing up. "Come on. I'm gonna kick your ass." He wrapped his arm around him and planted a firm kiss against his cheek, making Cas turn all shades of pink and red Dean had never seen before.
"Oh, you're a blusher? Good to know." Dean winked and made sure to give Cas a good eyeful of his ass in these jeans as he walked away.