Do You Feel Like I Feel? How Fierce It Could Be.
Dean woke up groggy. Whiskey and mind-blowing sex had knocked him out the night before. Well, maybe not quite sex, but that was okay, he was more than satisfied. Besides, it was Cas.
Cas...
His heart thudded in his chest and his body warmed to think about how Cas had looked at him, eyes glazed over in pleasure, mouth slightly open as he panted. Dean had expected something altogether different, shyness due to Cas's inexperience, or more hesitation thanks to his past. But no, fuck when Cas let the gates open, he threw them wide and came barreling out, taking what he wanted. And what he'd wanted had been Dean. He couldn't think of another time when someone had surprised him and overwhelmed him and fucking consumed him with just a kiss before.
His cock stirred at the thought.
He rolled to his side, opening his eyes, and expecting to find a sleeping and disheveled Cas, but all he found was an empty bed and a pillow with a depression. He closed his eyes and rolled onto the other side of the bed, the other man's scent still lingering on the pillow.
He'd bailed. Of course, he'd bailed. Dean should have known. Stupid to think someone could change so completely so fast. How could he have believed Castiel had gone from Seminary student who didn't want to hold his hand during movie night to an out and proud gay man in just a few weeks.
Dean was good, but even he wasn't that good.
Dejected, he rolled around in bed for a few minutes before deciding he wasn't going to spend his day pouting. He had work to do and people who cared about him, even if Cas hadn't turned out to be one of them. Which sucked. He really thought… There was something about Cas that broke down his walls, made him want to believe in something.
He hopped out of bed, feeling cold despite the summer heat, and pulled on last night's underwear and jeans before pulling out a clean t-shirt. He stretched and stepped out of his room to find a bouncing and happy Garth.
Really need to talk this fuzzball out for a good long hike soon. Maybe today, since apparently, he wasn't going to be spending it with anyone else. Dean was letting himself indulge in some self-pity, he knew it, but he'd really hoped to wake up to that mop of black hair and confused smile. Imagining it made his chest ache. Fuck, it was just a date, just one date and a jerk off. Dean had had plenty of those, sometimes they led to a few more dates, sometimes not. Never anything serious. No reason this should be any difference.
Dean sighed, and ran his hand through his hair determined to occupy his time instead of wallowing in what-ifs. If Cas wasn't interested, there was nothing he could do about that. He wasn't about to start chasing after someone who didn't want to be caught. He had half a mind to call Charlie and see if she had any plans before he worked himself into a proper funk. He grabbed his phone and quickly flicked through his emails and texts as he stepped outside, letting Garth run off to do his business.
"Morning Sunshine!" Cas said from the strangest position he'd ever seen. He was on his yoga mat, legs thrown over his head so his knees were all the way to the ground. Hell, if he were so inclined Cas could probably suck himself off right there.
"What?" Dean stammered, looking behind him and then back at Cas.
Castiel flung his legs back over his head and smoothly pulled himself to standing. "Did you sleep well?"
Cas was all smiles, stepping toward him with a bare and sweaty chest and low slung yoga pants that made Dean's mouth water against his will. His strong build and cut muscles clear behind and between the scars. The v at the bottom of his stomach speckled with dark brown hair and promises from the night before.
He reached out for Dean's hand.
Dean shrunk back and Cas's face fell. "What's the matter?"
"I thought… I mean, you weren't… And I know it was probably a lot for you to process… so…"
"You thought I ran."
Dean ran a hand through his hair, shuffling his feet and refusing to look at Cas.
Castiel stepped closer and put his hand on the other man's arm, stroking the skin just under the sleeve cuff with his thumb. "I wake up earlier than you do every morning. How do you think the coffee gets made?"
"Yeah, yeah, I know but…"
"Did I do something wrong?" Cas tilted his head, genuine concern in his eyes. "Was I supposed to wait for you to get up, or wake you up? After last night, is it different?"
Dean chuckled at the worry and sincerity Cas gazed at him with. When Cas winced, he pulled him into a tight hug.
"I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing at me. Of course, you should get up whenever you want and do the same things you do every morning. It's your house too and it would be silly for you to just lay there waiting for me to wake up. I just… I let my fears get the better of me."
"Fears that I ran away," Cas smiled and gave Dean a quick kiss on the corner of his lips. "Worried that I'd changed my mind and decided to join the priesthood after all?"
"Something like that."
"I keep telling you, I'm not Catholic," he teased, trying to bring the smile back to Dean's face.
"I know, but Cas, you wouldn't be the first dude to freak out after he's with another guy. And after we kissed that first night, you didn't really manage to keep your cool, so it was a real worry." Dean ran his hands up and down Cas's bare arms. He loved that he was doing his morning workout without a shirt on now, that he felt safe and comfortable here.
"Someday, you have to stop underestimating me," Cas grinned and leaned into Dean's touch.
They stood there just basking in the moment until Dean's self-consciousness got the better of him. "Coffee?"
Inside, Cas pulled on a t-shirt, leaving his arms exposed, while Dean poured two mugs of black coffee. They sat outside on the porch swing, Dean throwing a ball for Garth, talking about nothing and everything for most of the morning.
"You in for movie night tonight?" Dean asked. "I mean if you don't have a date with your girlfriend." he laughed.
"You're gonna need to stop that," Cas growled.
"Not quite yet," Dean leaned in and pecked Cas on the lips.
"Mmhmmm." Cas rolled his eyes. "My sermon is next Sunday, I really need to commit to a topic and start writing."
"Alright, well you should work. I was thinking of taking Garth out for a good hike, let him run off some energy."
And as if summoned, Garth appeared, put muddy paws on Cas's lap, and leaned in for a slurpy french kiss.
"Oh my God, keep your tongue to yourself," Cas stood, knocking the giant dog off him. "I'm going to shower, I'll see you later." Cas leaned down and cupped Dean's cheek before giving him a deep kiss and heading inside.
Dean sat for a minute, wiggling a little due to the pressure in his pants. He looked at Garth whose tail was wagging. "You can't tell time, how about I give you a chew and we go hiking in a little while?"
Garth hopped to all four feet when he recognized the word chew.
Once he had the dog settled, Dean inched open the bathroom door, steam filled the room and the low monotonous hum that passed for Cas singing in the shower made him smile. He slipped inside and was about to start brushing his teeth when Cas stuck his head out from behind the curtain with shampoo in his hair, "Aloha Cowboy!"
Dean tumbled over, his back knocking into the wall. He laughed, "How the fuck do you know that?"
"I'm pop-culture savvy," Cas shrugged, staring at Dean before he disappeared behind the curtain to rinse the suds from his hair.
"You're taking some of the fun out of it." Dean called, turning on the water to brush his teeth and making Cas squeal at the change in temperature. "Aloha Cowboy," Dean chuckled under his breath.
"I have the phrase right, don't I?" Cas called. "By saying that I'm implying-"
"-Yeah, yeah, that you're the top."
"Ahh yes." Cas turned the water off and reached out for his towel.
Dean finished brushing his teeth and splashed some water over his face.
Cas opened the curtain and came out of the shower with just a towel wrapped around his waist, low and precarious. He stepped out and stood behind Dean, making eye contact in the mirror. He ran his hands over Dean's shoulders and down the strong muscles of his back. Feeling the athletic man tremble slightly at his touch.
Dean could practically hear the smug smirk on Cas's face. "We already established that last night, didn't we?" Dean said, leaning back as Cas wrapped his arms around him.
"Well, we alluded to it, but lots of people would make the assumption of things being the other way. You know, what with your height and the manly beard. And then there's me being a, let's call it, a late bloomer." Cas nibbled on Dean's neck. "You yourself made such an assumption."
"I'm sure you could grow in a very nice beard if you wanted to, but I think you just like to hear me say it." Dean stretched his neck, giving Cas more access.
"That's true. And?" Cas reached around Dean, palming his plumping cock and giving it a strong press of his hand.
"I… Fuck… I like this side of you Cas. All bossy and sure. I didn't expect it but… yeah..." He leaned his body back against Cas, letting his coiled strength hold him up. "...when we're ready, I want you inside me."
Castiel took a sharp breath and curled his fingers around the length stretching beneath Dean's jeans. Cas slowly rocked his own hips against Dean's warmth. He could imagine what it would feel like to change his angle, bend his knees a little, and slide up into the beautiful man, the thought of it threatening his hold on his sanity.
Cas guided their bodies sideways, never stopping his relentlessly restrained movements, and placed Dean's hand on the wall next to them, turning them until Cas was pressing Dean's front against the wall. He pressed harder against him. Never stopping the steady, torturous pace of his hand.
"Put your other hand on the wall," he whispered between soft nips through Dean's shirt at shoulders and back. He slipped his free arm under Dean's shirt and around his chest, pulling him as close as he could get. He popped open the button on Dean's jeans and slipped inside, grabbing him through just his boxer briefs. He squeezed tighter and sped up, rocking his hips against the soft cotton of the towel precariously holding on to his ability to think. In a matter of seconds, Dean was pressed flush against the wall, face turned sideways, hands clawing for purchase as Cas fucked against him. There was something desperate about it this morning, something more Cas was trying to say, it came out in pants and kisses and scratch marks.
"Dean, I… You feel so good." Cas cried out, not stopping.
"It's fucking perfect but, can we, can we go to the bedroom?"
Cas groaned a thick low graveling sound on Dean's plea.
"Please Cas." Dean threw his head back against Castiel's shoulder. "Please."
Cas turned him around, grabbed Dean by the hips and pulled his full body against him before kissing Dean with all the frantic desire he'd built up.
"God, don't stop, I need you. Bedroom, please. Fuck." Dean babbled and begged as Cas gripped his hip with his fingers, digging in and fucking up against him until the friction overcame him and all that existed was Dean and their bodies sliding into ecstasy together.
"Less clothes," he said, pulling back and shoving Dean out of the bathroom.
Dean shrugged out of his shirt and pushed his jeans down over his hips, stumbling as he walked out of them, Cas close behind. Dean settled on the bed, rolling toward Cas just in time to see him let the towel around his waist finally fall to the ground.
"Fuck," Dean took in the handsome man before him and Cas shuffled shyly, his hands covering the worst of his burnmarks. "Ya know, most people cover their junk when they're self-conscious."
He slid to the edge of the bed to sit in front of Cas and reached forward. "Come here, let me see you," he whispered. His hands hung in the air while he waited, patient and understanding.
Castiel took a stuttered breath, his lungs overfilled with fear until he exhaled and shut his eyes. Nervous hands dropped to his sides as he took a breath and stepped into Dean's waiting embrace.
"You're beautiful," Dean said, placing a kiss on his hip and resting his cheek against his burnt flesh. He wrapped his hands around Cas's waist and they stood together in silence, breathing into the morning sunlight for a few moments.
When his heart calmed, Castiel ran his fingers through Dean's short hair, massaging his scalp, pulling lighty on the hair, before running soft fingers over his brow and cheekbones.
Dean leaned into the touch, kissing Cas's hip and then sucking gently on his finger when it came close enough to reach. He ran his hands up and down Castiel's thighs, fingers dancing across the scarred flesh, sensitive and bunched up with muscle and tissue.
Castiel let out a whine as Dean kissed the inside of his hip bone and into the soft curly hair protecting his cock. He kissed and suckled the soft skin below Cas's belly as his hands roamed the man's ass and the back of his thighs.
"Dean," Castiel breathed, needing more, desperate for something outside of his understanding.
Dean leaned back and looked up into Cas's navy eyes and winked, before placing a sweet kiss against the tip of Castiel's cock. He moaned, the sweat/saltiness of Cas's precum delicious. With a lick to the underside of Cas's head, he opened his mouth, and gave the tip a loving open mouth kiss.
Castiel moaned, eyes locked on Dean's lips moving around the head of his cock, wrapping him up in irresistible warmth.
"Dean…" he moaned again, gripping the man's shoulder, trying to hold still, to stay standing, to maintain any semblance of sanity.
Dean continued his decadent kiss, wrapping his tongue around Cas before pulling his cock deeper into his mouth, slowly, inch by inch, wetting him and laving at his tender flesh before sucking his way back to where he could give languished attention to his head. Dean's hands gripped Cas's ass, pulled him closer, encouraged Cas to let go, to enjoy, to relax into the movements his body longed to make.
"It's okay, Cas," Dean said, between sweet open mouthed kisses. "You aint gonna hurt me."
Cas clenched his eyes shut and shook his head, stuttering nonsense until Dean reached out to take his hand and tugged.
"Do you want me to stop?"
Glowing green eyes full of concern and lust looked up at Castiel. Lips plump and wet.
"I don't want you to stop. I want… I want so much… It feels selfish to be so greedy."
Dean smiled softly. "It's not greedy if I'm giving it to you, if I want you to have it." He placed another sweet kiss on Cas's hip and pulled his length deep into his mouth with a moan. With the hand still holding Castiel's he brought it to his head, letting Cas weave his fingers through his short sandy hair.
Dean dropped his hand to wrap around his own pulsing cock, stroking to the rhythm Cas set with the movement of his hips.
Castiel let out a baritone, guttural moan, pulling on Dean's hair slightly as the man began to bob his head. Cas's cock slid along Dean's tongue, pulsing and throbbing with a need that built higher and higher until Castiel felt a new kind of flame break out along his flesh, one with no pain, no punishment, only the glory that could be described as heavenly fire.
When Cas came, he let out a bellow, a full-body stutter of release. The sound so free and unhinged Dean came right along with him, his hand tightly pumping his own cock.
Castiel kneeled and pressed his forehead against Dean and took a deep steadying breath. He closed his eyes and forced himself to maintain control. He loved how Dean lost control, that being with him like that sent the man into a mess of desire. He wanted to take Dean apart, leave him a puddle of spent desire, and put him back together again.
Heavy breathing filled the room as they stroked each other's faces and gave sloppy slow kisses. It was slow and tender, giving and receiving, full of all the passion and vulnerability they'd just shared.
"Aloha Cowboy," Cas chuckled against Dean's lips, sending him into a fit of laughter.
Castiel grabbed his towel and wiped the sweat from his body and then took his time to clean Dean. He guided Dean to lay down before toweling him off, making sure to touch every inch, every nook. All the while placing sweet kisses along Dean's body.
"I like taking care of you," he breathed against Dean's hip, placing a sweet kiss there before drying his thighs, moving his knee to open his legs so Cas could run the towel up his inner thighs.
Dean sighed. The sweetness of it. Cas on his knees on the bed next to him. It was strangely non-sexual, it wasn't wild and frenzied driving toward an ecstatic end. It was something he'd never experienced before. Something that felt like reverence and he wasn't sure how he deserved it but fuck if it didn't make him feel like being a better man, like being a man who deserved to be touched this way.
Dean pulled Cas down to him by the arms and kissed him sweetly. Tongues touching for just a moment, to relish the taste of the other man, but the rest a simple sweet caress of lips that went on forever.
"Dean," Cas mumbled.
"Yeah Cas,"
"I really do have to work."
"I know," Dean smiled into the kiss, pressing his lips firmer for just a moment.
In the background Garth barked.
"And I guess I should take the mutt for a hike," Dean chuckled.
They went to their respective rooms to dress, which suddenly felt ridiculous, Cas on one side of the hall and Dean on the other.
Castiel spent the day on his laptop, writing and researching. His mind returned over and over to Dean and the question of if this is what life could really be like. Even if he was wrong about everything, even if he was going to spend eternity in a pit of hellfire, it might be worth it to have a life with Dean.
He worked hard, pulling quotes from his well loved King James Bible. It wasn't Michael's preferred translation, he liked the Good News edition, but Castiel was partial to the more lyrical language of the older version. He found the reading he wanted to focus on and once he had his topic clear the words came easily and passionately. It would need editing and expanding, but yes, this would work well for his first sermon.
He lamented that he wouldn't be able to ask Duma's opinion, that his actions had caused him to lose a friend. He hoped someday, with enough time, he might be able to heal the hurt he'd caused her. He hoped maybe he'd be able to earn back her trust, but for now, he'd have to do this alone.
He missed his sister. Hannah would see through all his misworded phrases, and winding language. She would find the simple beauty underneath and help him uncover it, her gentle nature leading him to higher truths.
By the time he was done, Dean was clomping back into the house, calling for Cas to grab him some towels to wipe the mud off Garth.
"Why don't you just put him in the outside shower?"
"I would but we have to get going, and while you look great, I look like some kind of wild mountain man." Dean patiently toweled off each of Garth's feet while the hound looked at him as if he were committing a great offense. "And I think it's time to shave, this is really itchy now that it's hot out and if Garth and I are going to do any hunting we probably shouldn't have the same facial hair."
Cas smirked.
"What?" Dean released Garth's feet and shooed him into the house before starting to take off his mud soaked boots.
"Are you trying to see if I'll be upset if you shave?"
"No." Dean's ears pinked.
"Are you worried I won't like you anymore?"
"No, Cas, stop that."
"Stop what."
"That 'seeing inside what people are thinking' thing you do, cut it out. I was just, I don't know, warning you."
"So I don't run screaming from the sight of your baby face?" Castiel chuckled and took Dean's blushing cheek into his hand. "Dean, I like you, not just the way you look."
He turned away to clean up his day's work and didn't see the shock on Dean's face. No one had ever felt that way. It's a good thing you're pretty was practically a mantra in his personal life. His relationships almost never lasted because of assumptions people made about him based on how he looked. It was one of the reasons he grew the beard in the first place, and didn't date anymore. But something about Cas made him think he meant what he said.