A Feral Little Secret Scratching At You With Its Claws

When Cas pulled up in front of the cabin, Garth was out the front door barking before he even turned off the ignition. Dean stood in the doorway, a wary look on his face.

Cas wanted to freeze the moment. Stay in the before now a little longer. Before he has to face losing his purpose, losing Mary's House, the reality of leaving this new home he's made behind. Because once he tells Dean, then it will actually be real. Until then, he could pretend a little longer. But as he sat in the car and the seconds ticked by, Dean's frown deepened.

He squares his shoulders and takes a deep breath.

How much does he tell him? Sam knows everything now. It's almost August. He's running out of time.

When he opened the door, Garth stopped mid lunge, somehow remembering not to put his paws on people outside. The giant mutt wiggled around Castiel's legs and nuzzled his hip.

Castiel pet Garth with one hand while pulling his computer bag over his other shoulder. "All right, big guy. Let me get inside and change, and I promise to play."

"How about me?" Dean pushed off the doorframe. "Will you play with me too?"

Castiel saw the worry in Dean's strained smile. "Always," he walked closer and placed a simple kiss on Dean's stubbled cheek. "And I know I haven't been fair, texting you like that and then not calling or anything. It's been… a trying day. Can I fill you in over dinner? Pizza?"

Dean grunted and shuffled his feet before nodding.

Cas swept past him and went straight to his room. He slipped into a pair of cotton yoga pants and one of Dean's long sleeve shirts that had ended up in his laundry and sat on his bed with his head in his hands for five,

then four,

then three,

then two,

then one breath.

He stood and walked out to find Dean on the phone ordering food, so he laid on the living room floor, scratching a wiggling Garth's chest and belly.

"You big goof," he said, grabbing Garth's snoot and giving him a kiss. He scratched the side of his chest, making one of his dangerously large back paws twitch. Garth rolled toward him, booping Cas with his snoot in the arm and mouthing at the fabric of his shirt, so Castiel used both hands and gave him a nice sturdy ear rub.

Dean came and sat on the coffee table behind him and ruffled his hair in the same way he was doing to Garth.

"Hey, I'm people," Castiel laughed softly before sitting back between Dean's legs. He leaned against him and rested his head on Dean's thigh. Garth settled his own noggin on Castiel's leg to be absently scratched.

Dean ran his fingers through Cas's shaggy hair, wild and in need of a cut. "You gonna fill me in on the day, or just leave me to worry myself to death?"

Dean's words were meant as a joke, but his voice cracked softly, more forceful than any kind of humor would allow.

"Yes, of course, I'm sorry about that. It wasn't my intention to make you upset."

"I know, that's not important." Dean hedged.

"It is, though," Cas tilted his head up and looked into Dean's eyes, crinkled with worry. "The day was so horrible, Dean. Everything… It was all I could do to keep breathing and moving forward without falling apart completely, and if I heard your voice, I was afraid I was going to just start to cry and never stop.

The tears welled up then. Tears Castiel had managed to keep inside, even through the hours of grueling conversation with Sam, even talking to Michael. Now they rose, unbidden, and threatened to overtake him.

He sniffed and shook his head, wiping the heels of his hands against his eyes. If he didn't say what he needed to now, he might never get the words out.

"Michael fired me."

"I kind of guessed that much. How come?" Dean resumed stroking Cas's hair.

"Mary's House. The board approved the proposal, and the funding was secured, but at the last minute, Michael added a no LGTBQ residents permitted clause in the bylaws, and I got angry."

"That motherfucker! That's your fucking project and he's going to turn it into some Salvation Army No Trannys Allowed bullshit?" Dean yelled and stood up, practically knocking Castiel over. He paced the room, fisting his hands. "So that's why you needed Sam, there's got to be some way to sue that asshat."

Cas frowned and pulled his knees up to his chest, missing the closeness of Dean. "We're going to see. It's a religious institution, so there aren't as many protections for Queer people, but we might be able to apply some pressure and social embarrassment at least. Sam's got some good ideas and contacts. He was a tremendous help. Without him, I'd be completely hopeless."

"I'm glad," Dean ran a hand through his hair. "I just wish there was something I could do. I would have come and met you in town, you know?"

Castiel nodded but let the offer sit between them, ignored. "Well, Sam isn't charging me for working on this. Apparently, he sees helping me as some kind of pay it forward for everything you do for him." Cas raised an eyebrow.

Dean ran a hand through his hair. "Oh. yeah, well, you know, he's my kid brother, so taking care of him was my job."

"Dean, he showed me the restoration website and the furniture design."

Dean blushed and walked across the small living room to grab a beer for each of them.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I did," Dean shrugged and passed Castiel his beer. "I work on cars and I make furniture. I'm lucky. I get to do work I enjoy."

Instead of sitting with Cas, he flopped on the couch and waved the other man over to join him.

"It appears It's a little more involved than that. You never talk about what you're working on, I thought it was just work, but it seems like you're one of those rare souls who get to do what you love." Castiel moves to sit next to Dean and nuzzles into the arm offered.

"You never really asked." Dean shrugged again.

Cas sat up and turned his direction, "You know what, you're right. I'm sorry. Now that I'm unemployed, would you show me more about what you do? Maybe I could come to the garage with you one day."

"Uggh, I can't believe you're unemployed. What are you going to do? Just go back to school?"

It was Castiel's turn to shrug and move slightly away.

Dean sat infuriatingly patient and attentive, waiting for Castiel to speak.

"If I fail my internship, I'll have to leave seminary."

"What? That's insane. This isn't your fault."

Cas nodded. "Yeah, it's not a common situation, I have a lot of calls to make tomorrow and Sam has some ideas on how to pitch it to the administration to get partial credit or do a different internship, but…"

"What?"

"If I am allowed to start over, they could send me anywhere," Castiel looks down between them. "And if they don't, I'll have to go home."

Dean says nothing, but every muscle in his body tenses, and the air around him seems to vibrate, the atoms clashing together and heating up the space.

"No." He finally says.

Castiel sighs.

"I won't let you."

"You can't exactly stop me," Cas shifts back and looks at Dean. "You knew this was coming, eventually."

"We're supposed to have another month and a half for me to convince you to stay here."

"I have obligations I-"

"There's NOTHING that can be that important. NOTHING worth going back to that place for." Dean yells, and his warm eyes turned cold and cruel.

Castiel winced and pulled away.

Garth began barking and Dean stood to get the door for the pizza man. He paid, not even offering the man a smile or a thank you.

Castiel watched as he methodically got out plates.

"You can't go," Dean looked at Cas when he handed over the plate.

"Can we talk about this later?"

Dean set down his plate and shook his head. "No, you can't. I need you. You just stepped into my life; I'm not letting you go."

"That's not fair, Dean. You knew I was leaving. I've told you before anything started between us that I would have to go after the summer. I have obligations I need to return to. Just by staying away for the summer, it's the longest I've ever been gone."

"You can do whatever you need to from here. Zoom works great," Dean smiled sadly. "You can write, or work, or whatever, we'll figure it out."

"Dean…" Castiel said with exasperation, running a hand through his hair. "Can you please, for once, just do as I've asked? I don't want to talk about this anymore today. This has been a horrible day and the last thing I want to do is fight with you."

"Fine." Dean slapped two slices of pizza on his plate and settled down on his couch. He flipped on the television and pulled up Netflix so they could finish watching the last episode of The Repair Shop.

Castiel sighed and shook his head. Selfishly, this is not the evening he needed. This was not the calm respite his heart required. He'd hoped to find it in Dean, but as hard as this situation was on him, Dean didn't have the luxury of truly understanding why Cas made the decisions he did. But to tell him would be to put him in harm's way.

If Ishim found out where he was and came after him, if he ever found out his actual plans, it would all be over. And if Ishim found out he'd told anyone the whole story, he wasn't the only one who would bear the punishment. He had to live like it was the worst-case scenario. Because if he had to go back and live on the compound for the rest of his life, it would be easier to survive if he never allowed himself to believe it could be otherwise.

So he chewed his pizza, and he stole glances at Dean, and he let his feelings bifurcate. Part of him that would stay here forever and live this life of free will, and part of him that will return home when required and stay for as long as necessary without question.

After most of an episode and another helping of pizza, Dean put his plate down and turned to Castiel. "Look, I'm sorry." He ran his hand down his face before leaning against the back of the couch, the day's stubble giving him a slight shadow along his jaw. "I'm being unfair."

"Yes, you are." Castiel set his plate on the table.

"Can we at least talk about this?"

"Dean, I'm so talked out. I'm exhausted. All my plans are in the trash. My life is in the trash. I have no idea if by the end of the day tomorrow, I'll be packing my things to go home or settling into a new internship in God knows where, or staying here. I have no idea but I can't do anything about it now." Cas stood up and started pacing. "I can't do anything. I'm completely at the mercy of other people and the only person who I know is on my side is Sam. And I really thought you were too, but all you've done since I got home is interrogate me and try to get me to do what you want, just like everyone else."

Dean flinched. "You're right." He stood and placed his hands on Cas's biceps, "What do you need?"

And at that, the dam broke. All his fears, all his certainty that he would never be allowed to have this, broke through. He collapsed against Dean's strong arms as the other man ran a hand up and down his back, holding him tight as he sobbed against his shoulder.

When Cas's tears had run out, they sat together, snuggled tight, watching television and avoiding the difficult topic of their lives altogether. When Dean got up to use the bathroom, Castiel dared to check his phone.

Sam: When you have time to sit and think, check your email. I have the beginning of a plan and some things I need from you. All of it can wait until tomorrow. I just wanted you to know we've got this. Castiel: Thank you. I will check and call you in the morning. Cas went to set the phone back, but a reply came quickly from Sam. Sam: No problem. Try and get some sleep.

When Dean didn't return immediately, he checked to see if there were others, quickly responding.

Duma: I quit the Church Office today when I heard what happened. Call me when you can and let me know how I can help. This isn't okay. I know we're not close right now, but you're still my friend. Castiel: You didn't need to do that, Duma, but I am touched by your support. I'm blessed to call you my friend. You are and have always been important to me. Eileen: I just heard about what happened. You should know, I have access to C4. Don't ask me how. I'm also pretty skilled with a Machete. Let me take you to lunch tomorrow and we will begin planning our massacre. Castiel: I'm not sure you should put things like that in writing, but I appreciate the sentiment. I will text you tomorrow. I don't know about lunch, but we'll play it by ear if that's okay.

The list of texts went on, from his circle of Dean's friends to parishioners at the church to people in town he'd simply come to know while living here. And then he got to the last one.

Bobby: Son, we hope you'll still make it for dinner on Saturday night, but if you have other things you need to take care of, we understand. We are all in your corner. Don't let that boy of mine nag you too much. He gets a little OCD when he's upset, but it's only because he cares. Give a call if we can do anything. I already talked to Sam and got some feelers out for you. We love ya. Castiel: Thank you isn't a big enough word. I hope to be there on Saturday, but I appreciate your understanding.

Dean came back from the bathroom, his phone in his hands. "Did you check your texts? I think I have one from every single person I know." He looked up and saw the raw emotion in Cas's eyes and rushed to his side.

"Are you okay? What happened now?" Dean ran a hand over Cas's thigh, his touch firm and comforting.

"I've never known such kindness." He looked up at Dean and gestured with his phone.

Dean took his face between his hands. "You deserve every bit of it. All of it. You deserve everything,"

Dean kissed him with confident passion, pulling them closer and making no effort to reign in the emotion that passed between them. It was too soon, too fast for either of them to feel like this, but as their grips tightened and their lips danced, they both knew it was real.

Cas's lips pressed against Dean's soft kiss, drinking in the emotion freely offered. When he reached out with his tongue, Cas accepted it gratefully, returning it with everything he could. The taste of Dean in this beautiful cabin, in their little life, in the darkness, was too good to be true. It was the stuff of fairytales.

Before he could let his mind drift to darker thoughts, Dean pressed against him, pushing him gently back on the couch that was too small to hold two grown men. He settled easily between Castiel's legs and kissed him with one hand fisted in his hair and the other cradling his face. It was insistent, needy, and so gentle.

Castiel wrapped a leg over the other man, tilting his hips up so their groins came into contact, bringing a beautiful moan from Dean's lips.

"Cas, Cas," he whispered against Castiel's neck, placing gentle kisses along the muscle. Heat spreading from his lips through his entire body.

Castiel slipped his hands under Dean's shirt and arced his neck to give more access to his sensitive skin. His fingers roamed Dean's soft flesh, gripping tightly and then moving gently across ticklish ribs, exploring and experimenting with touch.

When Dean thrust down against Cas's erection, bringing one knee up higher to force Cas to lift his legs around Dean's waist, he swore and bit down on Cas's shoulder.

"This, off," Dean commanded, pulling up to his knees and yanking at the hem of Castiel's shirt. "Hey, that's mine!" He laughed for a moment, fondness twinkling in his eyes.

Castiel shrugged and sat up, pulling the shirt over his head only to find himself with two handfuls of Dean sitting in his lap. Dean straddled him and leaned in. They kissed, nipping on each other's lips. Cas sucked on Dean's tongue, pulling a sound so lewd from the other man he rocked his hips up, seeking friction.

"Fuck Cas," Dean moaned, pulling away long enough to give Castiel time to dip his tongue into the groove of his collarbone, licking and mouthing with gentle suction to Dean's shoulder.

Their hands didn't still for a moment, Cas holding Dean in a tight grip, keeping him in place so his hips could rock up against Dean's ass. Dean leaned back, trusting Castiel's strength to hold him up. He gripped Cas's shoulder, leaving his other hand still grasping and pulling at his hair.

Cas leaned forward, licking Dean's nipple into his mouth, the brownish-pink nub hardening as he suckled and licked. He teased, giving soft bites with his lips hiding his teeth, drawing out the sensation until Dean was writhing, bucking against Castiel's stomach.

"Cas, I, fuck, Cas," Dean panted before pulling him in for another kiss.

"Yes, Dean?" Castiel looked him deep in the eyes, blue falling into green.

"I think, less clothes. Okay?"

Castiel smirked, gripped Dean tightly, and stood up.

Dean absolutely did not squeal at the movement. And if anyone says he did, he'll kill them.

But he did cling to Cas, kissing his neck and cheek as he was carried into the bedroom and thrown down on the mattress like some kind of wanton lady of the night.

"Fuck," he breathed, eyes nearly black with need.

"Hmmmmm," Cas replied before pulling off his yoga pants and underwear. He crawled up over Dean, who was frozen, stunned still by the gorgeous man he still couldn't believe was his. Those green eyes stealing his breath. Cas undid his belt buckle and zipper before pulling Dean's remaining clothing down. He moved slowly, kissing each part of Dean's body he revealed as he went. His hipbone, the divet just below the waist, the tip of Dean's cock, his upper thigh, and then the other upper thigh... At the base of Dean's cock he wrapped his lips around it, sucking lightly, massaging the pulsing thickness with his tongue.

Castiel inhaled. He smelled so right. So Dean.

Dean gasped when Cas ran his tongue over his balls, sliding between them and then sucking one gently into his mouth, releasing it with a soft nip.

"Okay, that's enough," Dean sat up and practically knocked Cas over as he shoved his jeans the rest of the way off. "Get the fuck up here."

Castiel laughed, feeling free and light for the first time all day as Dean manhandled him onto the bed. They kissed and smiled and laughed and stroked and nibbled and licked for what felt like hours, just touching and enjoying each new sound the other made.

Castiel laid on top of Dean, his knees pushed forward so Dean's legs wrapped perfectly around his hips, like that's how they were meant to fit. He kissed the blissed man beneath him, his cock wedged between the bed and Dean's ass. He wiped the sweat from Dean's brow, placing kisses against his lips sweetly.

Dean pushed himself up against Castiels's stomach, his cock rubbing against Cas's skin. Could you feel serene and desperate at the same time? If it was possible, Castiel was there now. He was in a trancelike state of heavenly need that drove him insane and stilled his soul. As they moved, the head of Cas's cock brushed against Dean's puckered hole.

Dean moaned, pulling himself higher, angling his hips so Cas would press right against him with the next thrust. The slick of Castiel's precum let his cock rub against Dean, teasingly sweet and gentle against a body combusting with need.

He kissed Cas and placed a hand on his cheek. "Make love to me, Cas. Be with me."

Castiel stopped moving, his eyes wide as he looked down at the adoration in Dean's face. "We can't. There's too much we don't know. What if I have to leave? I don't think I could leave you after…" Panic flashed across Cas's face and Dean reached out for him.

"Okay," Dean smiled, pushing the hair from Cas's forehead. "That's okay, I'm sorry. I told you I would wait, and I will. Until you're sure. Just know I want to be with you."

Cas crumbled against Dean, his body pushing him into the mattress with the weight of his regret. "I want to be with you, too," he whispered it like a prayer.

Dean kissed his temple and wrapped his arms around the man who had succumbed to his sadness on top of him. The bittersweet change from passion to loving support came naturally.

"Okay, Cas. You're good."

"I'm sorry, Dean," he lifted his head, blue eyes full of tears.

"Oh, I didn't mean to make you feel pressured…"

"You didn't." Castiel shook his head. "I'm sorry I ruined the night."

"You didn't," he kissed Cas's hair over and over, running his hands over his muscular back, feeling him sink into relaxation. He held on, stroking the other man's face and arms, murmuring his affection and desire between kisses, until Cas looked up at him and with a sigh.

"You are so sweet to me," he breathed, kissing Dean softly. He pressed warm lips to Dean's again and again before nibbling on his bottom lip. "So sweet."

Castiel tasted Dean's neck, sucking on the spicy-sweet taste of sweat and desire.

"Cas, you don't have to prove anything," Dean said, kissing Castiel's hair, his hands soft and gentle.

"I know that." Castiel pulled back and looked right into the green depths of Dean's eyes. Without another word, he kissed Dean again, slow and deep, wrapping both arms under and around the man below him. He rolled them to their sides, face to face. When Castiel dug his hands into Dean's hair, pulling slightly and tipping his head back so Cas could suck and bite on his neck, Dean pushed forward, his cock now pressing directly against Castiel's.

"It's dangerous," Dean moaned against Castiel's lips, "how much I feel for you, it's like working without a net."

Castiel silenced them both with a bruising kiss. Afraid of how close to the truth Dean's words landed and what would happen if he let his hold over himself go. How fast and hard would he fall, and without a net, what would he hit?

He ran his hand down Dean's shoulder, across Dean's collarbone, and let his fingers dive to Dean's nipple. He stroked and rubbed against the sensitive nub, giving it a pinch just to test.

Dean groaned into his mouth, his hips surging forward. He gripped Cas's back, digging blunt nails into his shoulder blades. He wrapped a thigh over Cas and rolled his hips so their cocks slid against each other. Soft skin over hard need sliding together, trapped between their bodies.

Castiel gripped Dean tight as they stroked and rubbed against each other, frantic to feel more. He kissed and bit whatever skin he could land on, grabbing Dean's ass to pull him even closer before rolling them over so he could press Dean into the bed, thrusting against his sweat-slicked skin.

"Fuck," Dean moaned, arcing up, exposing his neck for Cas to lick.

Unable to take anymore, Cas leaned back on his heels and took both his and Dean's cocks in his hand. He stroked them, hard and fast, barely able to hold them both at once but driven past the point of reason by his need.

Dean moaned and writhed beneath him, beautiful in his abandon. His eyes rolled up in his head as he reached forward, clutching Cas's arms. "God, Cas… Cas… Fuck… Castiel… Cas!"

Castiel squeezed them tighter, his hips stuttering as he dove over the edge, forgetting to check if there was a net to catch them. He watched as he came, coating Dean's chest in his cum.

The heat of Cas's release against his skin was enough to ignite Dean's orgasm immediately after. He opened his eyes and leaned up as he came. Mouth open, panting and staring into Cas's unfathomable blue eyes.

Castiel's strength gave out as he dropped his weight on top of Dean. "You are so beautiful when you come." Cas smiled, pressing kisses against Dean's hair and temple and face. "So beautiful when you give yourself to me." He rested his head down onto Dean's shoulder and sighed, bliss and tranquility flooding his veins.

Dean ran a hand through Cas's hair and down his shoulder. He hummed in contentment, holding back all the words trapped behind his lips. They laid together until sleep pulled at Dean's consciousness.

Pulling away with a sigh, Castiel grabbed a washcloth and cleaned them up, kissing Dean's lips, his collarbone, his ribs, his hipbone. They snuggled together in Dean's bed, wrapped up in his family quilt, whispering nonsense while trading sleepy kisses until they fell asleep.